Autistic genius with dark streak--HELP!!

[Cami_Love]

Recently a 12-year-old autistic boy has come into my care (without divulging too much detail I shall simply say that his parents weren't doing the job), and he has presented me with some very unexpected challenges. Let me first tell you a little about him to give you an idea about the sort of mind and character I am dealing with.

While disabled in speech (his talking sounds rather strange and doesn't really make much sense), it is clear beyond any shadow of a doubt through his visual artistic expressions that he understands what is going on around him with an aesthetic, poetic, and even symbolic sort of perception that is utterly brilliant and impossible to compare to anything I have ever seen elsewhere. When he is happy, he displays a sort of tenderness and affection that reveals a depth of sentience beyond any child I have ever seen, and at these times he uses his artistic genius to create works around the house that would blow anybody's mind. (For example: To tell me he loved me once, he arranged three colored lights I had in my bathroom in such a way that red heart-shapes were created flawlessly in the middlemost facets of the crystal ornaments I had hanging around my mirror, the surrounding facets filled with light of green and blue.)

Recently, however, he has been showing me his dark side and dealing with this has been quite troubling. Just as his expressions of affection will stun me with the inherent display of creativity, awareness, and emotion, his negative expressions will stun me with how utterly sick, twisted, and disturbing they can become. (For example, in anger toward me once he created a series of images which depicted me happily holding an infant [he knows I want a baby of my own], after which he broke the infant's neck and forced me to cannibalize it.)

At first I decided to show him through direct displays of emotion (the hateful use of his art made me cry on a few occasions) that his behavior was hurtful to me and made me sad. There were times when this technique was effective and he showed me his regret immediately afterward with remorseful and sweet displays of physical affection (softly holding my hands while rubbing them in a circular motion with his thumbs and kissing me gently on the cheek), but to my great sadness and dismay, there seems to be a part of him which became fascinated by this power to wreak havoc on my emotions and the disgusting, hateful creative expressions have slowly grown to be the main usage of his artistic brilliance.

His greatest enjoyments come from two things: Experiencing with me the sort of affection I described earlier such as holding hands, and his art. Ergo, in an attempt to bring and end to the negative use of his gift, I not long ago began letting him know that he wouldn't be allowed to experience the happiness he desires when he comes to me for affection if he continued to express his creativity in ways which are purposefully designed to hurt and disturb me. (And before you tell me that I should deny him access to art supplies first, let it be known that all such measures would only be a joke--like a true genius he can and does make art out of ANYTHING!!) I will try to describe in breif the saddening and unnerving results of this action.

*Emotional control seems to have become a power game for him. He will act sweetly when he wants affection, then do a complete 180 and revert to the negative creations soon after, seeming elated by my hurt/disturbed reactions.

*I have unfortunately realized, upon closer inspection of some of his seemingly loving recent creations, that hidden within them are images which suggest threats toward me as well as personal mockery. (He once crumpled a sheet of aluminum foil so that in my room's main lighting it reflected an image of him giving me a jewel, but later I found that my room's secondary lighting revealed a very clear depiction of him injuring me.)

*At times, he does make art for me which appear to be honest expressions of love (which I believe and reward with lavish amounts of affection and praise), but then he will destroy them and replace them with sick and hateful expressions soon after.

*Sometimes, when coming to me for affection, he will push me to give him the kisses and hand rubs he loves to receive, but coldly refuses to give any back. (When this happens, I generally stop and let him know that his behavior is unkind and not how one should behave toward someone they care about. I also let him know that it is not the way to get what he wants from me.) On a few occasions this has resulted in retaliation through both his art and tantrums.

*He has recently developed a strange and unfortunate tendency to latch onto my left foot (Why?? Beats the hell outta me!) and pull on the tendon until it hurts when he is upset. When he does this, I let him know that hurting me physically won't help anything or get him what he wants, then I will move away... But more often than not he will try to follow me and do it again.

To my own heartbreak and misery, I am now finding that the boy I once wished to spend all my time with and constantly give all my love to has begun to make me feel escapist desires, as well as some undeniable (and regrettable) amount of resent. Two days ago I let him know that his actions have not only hurt me deeply, but that the cycle of negativity has also proven to have become a constant. I told him I need to spend some time seperate from him in order to decide what I should do, and he became so upset at this that he screamed horribly which is not normal for him. The feeling of this scream seemed to be both of anger and heartbroken pain.

While away from him, the only idea I have been able to come up with is to focus on providing him with the happiness he desires through physical affection (so long as he behaves lovingly in return) and ignoring his art until it seems that it has returned to the non-threatening, non-mocking, fascinating beauty which was once the main form of its appearance. This solution, however, troubles me for two reasons: 1- I do not wish to appear hardened against his creativity, and 2- What next if this action only inspires him to create a power-game more insideous and complex?? He has easily proven an intelligence capable of this and my purpose is to get back to love, not create a criminal genius...

I have also thought that it might be good to again start creating art of my own to show my love for him, which I once did regularly but... Well, I admit that stream of inspiration has ebbed a bit recently in the wake of all that has occurred.

So now, my question is: ANY FREAKIN' SUGGESTIONS??! WHAT IN THE HECK SHOULD I DO???

And what about that weird foot thing??

This kid means the world to me and all I want is to return to the beautiful and special relationship we once had... Well, which I feel we still have but has somehow gotten all rancid and moldy over the last few months. It is with great regret that I realize it is partially due to my own inexperience that things have gotten this out of hand. If I can only get things back to the way they once were (or possibly even better?) I would surely consider it one of the greater successes of my existence. Seriously!!

To answer a few questions you might have in mind from the above story/info before offering a response:

*I have no children of my own or other parenting experience. (So please be kind; honest-to-God I am doing my best!)

*He shows no readily-detected signs of abuse but I guess I'm not really sure.

*The time I generally spend with him is most of the day, every day.

*Our communication is good for the most part; yes there occur misunderstandings (occasionally severe ones) but generally we understand each other.

Thank you for reading this novel and I shall indescribably, ETERNALLY appreciate all the help I can get!!

-Cami

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Oh, Cami. I am so very sorry.

I don't have any expertise in this at all. I do want you to know tears stand in my eyes. If a listening ear can help, I'll offer mine.

 

[Judge]

I have no idea what your role/relationship with this boy actually is. I can only say, that if I had such a charge under the circumstances you've carefully outlined, I'd be inclined to accept that I was over my head in such a matter.

Sorry to say that this does appear rather ominous to say the least. I can understand your concern. I'd be thinking about a need to relinquish whatever responsibilities you have for this boy to a medical professional post haste.

 

[RebelSaintofNOLA]

Have you considered introducing the boy to religion? Parables may be an artistic medium for which the boy may be able to bring a balance between his good and evil intentions. Love can save anyone. He apparently cannot distinguish the line between the two. His inner rage, possibly due to things before your influence, is subjectifying itself in his actions. He does not understand the profound effects of his behaviour. He is testing whether or not you truly believe in him by scaring you. He sees it as a simple test of your commitment but does not realize the underlying detrimental effects involved. Children are innocent and the ones who display these attributes tend to be the most abused. You have a chance to save him from a life of horrible acts against humanity. It is important that he gets professional assistance in dealing with his anger. He is far too intellectual to chalk it up to coincidence. There is no such thing as bad children, only abandoned ones. It is not a time to give up. Now is the time to step up as a mentor and guardian to guide him on a path of forgiveness and self development. With a brilliant mind, there is a chance to become either good or bad depending on the influences in place early on. You may be faced with the challenge of developing the next Einstein or Domer. It is vitally important that you give this child the support and therapy needed in order to prevent a negative outcome in the future. Brilliance knows no boundary and loves to test either end of the spectrum. Love will save and the lack there of will send him spiraling into the depths of evil. Be strong for him and guide him to righteousness.

 

[epath13]

Recently a 12-year-old autistic boy has come into my care (without divulging too much detail I shall simply say that his parents weren't doing the job), and he has presented me with some very unexpected challenges. Let me first tell you a little about him to give you an idea about the sort of mind and character I am dealing with.

While disabled in speech (his talking sounds rather strange and doesn't really make much sense), it is clear beyond any shadow of a doubt through his visual artistic expressions that he understands what is going on around him with an aesthetic, poetic, and even symbolic sort of perception that is utterly brilliant and impossible to compare to anything I have ever seen elsewhere. When he is happy, he displays a sort of tenderness and affection that reveals a depth of sentience beyond any child I have ever seen, and at these times he uses his artistic genius to create works around the house that would blow anybody's mind. (For example: To tell me he loved me once, he arranged three colored lights I had in my bathroom in such a way that red heart-shapes were created flawlessly in the middlemost facets of the crystal ornaments I had hanging around my mirror, the surrounding facets filled with light of green and blue.)

Recently, however, he has been showing me his dark side and dealing with this has been quite troubling. Just as his expressions of affection will stun me with the inherent display of creativity, awareness, and emotion, his negative expressions will stun me with how utterly sick, twisted, and disturbing they can become. (For example, in anger toward me once he created a series of images which depicted me happily holding an infant [he knows I want a baby of my own], after which he broke the infant's neck and forced me to cannibalize it.)

At first I decided to show him through direct displays of emotion (the hateful use of his art made me cry on a few occasions) that his behavior was hurtful to me and made me sad. There were times when this technique was effective and he showed me his regret immediately afterward with remorseful and sweet displays of physical affection (softly holding my hands while rubbing them in a circular motion with his thumbs and kissing me gently on the cheek), but to my great sadness and dismay, there seems to be a part of him which became fascinated by this power to wreak havoc on my emotions and the disgusting, hateful creative expressions have slowly grown to be the main usage of his artistic brilliance.

His greatest enjoyments come from two things: Experiencing with me the sort of affection I described earlier such as holding hands, and his art. Ergo, in an attempt to bring and end to the negative use of his gift, I not long ago began letting him know that he wouldn't be allowed to experience the happiness he desires when he comes to me for affection if he continued to express his creativity in ways which are purposefully designed to hurt and disturb me. (And before you tell me that I should deny him access to art supplies first, let it be known that all such measures would only be a joke--like a true genius he can and does make art out of ANYTHING!!) I will try to describe in breif the saddening and unnerving results of this action.

*Emotional control seems to have become a power game for him. He will act sweetly when he wants affection, then do a complete 180 and revert to the negative creations soon after, seeming elated by my hurt/disturbed reactions.

*I have unfortunately realized, upon closer inspection of some of his seemingly loving recent creations, that hidden within them are images which suggest threats toward me as well as personal mockery. (He once crumpled a sheet of aluminum foil so that in my room's main lighting it reflected an image of him giving me a jewel, but later I found that my room's secondary lighting revealed a very clear depiction of him injuring me.)

*At times, he does make art for me which appear to be honest expressions of love (which I believe and reward with lavish amounts of affection and praise), but then he will destroy them and replace them with sick and hateful expressions soon after.

*Sometimes, when coming to me for affection, he will push me to give him the kisses and hand rubs he loves to receive, but coldly refuses to give any back. (When this happens, I generally stop and let him know that his behavior is unkind and not how one should behave toward someone they care about. I also let him know that it is not the way to get what he wants from me.) On a few occasions this has resulted in retaliation through both his art and tantrums.

*He has recently developed a strange and unfortunate tendency to latch onto my left foot (Why?? Beats the hell outta me!) and pull on the tendon until it hurts when he is upset. When he does this, I let him know that hurting me physically won't help anything or get him what he wants, then I will move away... But more often than not he will try to follow me and do it again.

To my own heartbreak and misery, I am now finding that the boy I once wished to spend all my time with and constantly give all my love to has begun to make me feel escapist desires, as well as some undeniable (and regrettable) amount of resent. Two days ago I let him know that his actions have not only hurt me deeply, but that the cycle of negativity has also proven to have become a constant. I told him I need to spend some time seperate from him in order to decide what I should do, and he became so upset at this that he screamed horribly which is not normal for him. The feeling of this scream seemed to be both of anger and heartbroken pain.

While away from him, the only idea I have been able to come up with is to focus on providing him with the happiness he desires through physical affection (so long as he behaves lovingly in return) and ignoring his art until it seems that it has returned to the non-threatening, non-mocking, fascinating beauty which was once the main form of its appearance. This solution, however, troubles me for two reasons: 1- I do not wish to appear hardened against his creativity, and 2- What next if this action only inspires him to create a power-game more insideous and complex?? He has easily proven an intelligence capable of this and my purpose is to get back to love, not create a criminal genius...

I have also thought that it might be good to again start creating art of my own to show my love for him, which I once did regularly but... Well, I admit that stream of inspiration has ebbed a bit recently in the wake of all that has occurred.

So now, my question is: ANY FREAKIN' SUGGESTIONS??! WHAT IN THE HECK SHOULD I DO???

And what about that weird foot thing??

This kid means the world to me and all I want is to return to the beautiful and special relationship we once had... Well, which I feel we still have but has somehow gotten all rancid and moldy over the last few months. It is with great regret that I realize it is partially due to my own inexperience that things have gotten this out of hand. If I can only get things back to the way they once were (or possibly even better?) I would surely consider it one of the greater successes of my existence. Seriously!!

To answer a few questions you might have in mind from the above story/info before offering a response:

*I have no children of my own or other parenting experience. (So please be kind; honest-to-God I am doing my best!)

*He shows no readily-detected signs of abuse but I guess I'm not really sure.

*The time I generally spend with him is most of the day, every day.

*Our communication is good for the most part; yes there occur misunderstandings (occasionally severe ones) but generally we understand each other.

Thank you for reading this novel and I shall indescribably, ETERNALLY appreciate all the help I can get!!

-Cami

Does he communicate and if so, how? What kind of therapy does he have? Do you have any Autism/ disability organizations/ centers in the area?

It's hard for me personally to have a clear picture because of lack of information.

So far what I see (judging by what you said) it may be hard for him to navigate and express (and possibly fully understand) his personal emotions and needs.

Solution will depend on the cause.
Are you a foster parent? In any case, if you are, he needs to understand that even though you might want to be his friend but, at this age, you are also an authority. You are not here to have fun with a friend, you are here to support a child and make sure he grows up into a capable adult. He needs to learn what the rules of your relationship are and to respect them. But it will be hard and potentially traumatizing process for him until there's clear communication (as clear as posdible) present. It's important nor only for him to understand what you say, but also to be able express himself.
I don't know at what communication level he is, but I can tell you that it could be a lot of work and you shouldn't be doing this without help. You absolutely must find a professional (or a group) who specializes in Autism to help you. I'm not saying you can't do it without help, I'm saying that at this point, you shouldn't.
And I want to emphasize: he probably does not look at the situation and at his behaviour the way you do, so I'm hoping you can try really hard not to take it too personally and not to let any actions affect you negatively.

 

[KinksFan]

I wish there was some way that I could help you, but I have a feeling that we live far away from each other.

 

[Tia Maria]

Cami, without knowing what your exact role is in this boy's life, & also not knowing whether or not he has other adult caretakers or family members in his life etc ... it is hard to know what your actual rights & responsibilities are with this boy.

But he is very troubled. He should NOT be left alone in the company of any other children or animals. And he does need professional help, as Judge wrote above, post haste. He is already 12 years old. Without serious intervention his mental & emotional disturbances will only become more hazardous as he gets older & becomes bigger & stronger. In a few years he'll face puberty & that will bring a whole new set of challenges & tends to be an especially difficult period for autistic kids.

On top of his frightening tendencies, he sounds like he also has attachment/abandonment issues, which is heartbreaking & not at all surprising, but will not be helped by going through a revolving door of paid caretakers who will each leave him one day.

I feel for you & this poor little boy.

Please do what you can to ensure that he receives professional help as soon as possible.

As to Epath13's inquiry about his ability to communicate, I was wondering the same thing. Since he is so artistically talented, he may have good hand dexterity. Is he able to write? If not, here are some other tools autistic kids with poor hand coordination use to communicate in lieu of writing.

Letterboards and Other Products from Aut 2 Communicate

Assistive Express chat app (for iPad)

 

[113]

his negative expressions will stun me with how utterly sick, twisted, and disturbing they can become

If it were me, I would consult with professional help (psychologist).

 

[fuzz]

Like many on the spectrum he may have not be able to intuitively learn how to communicate in the way that you are trying to with him. If that is the case, he is likely to find it very upsetting and frustrating.

I will give you some advice, based solely on my opinion, in good faith and soley with the intention of trying to help you both. I am conscious it may not come over well, as I am often blunt, but it is as good as I can do:

I am concerned you may be making it harder for communication at those difficult times by doing the same thing but increasing th intensity of it. I can understand why you would do this, as you would think he just wasn't paying enough attention to your side of things, but it may be that he simply cannot grasp communication expressed that particular way. Increasing the intensity of it only makes it more confusing for him.

I would echo that he should urgently see someone with psychological training in Autism.

While that is primary to helping the situation, you could in addition look at changing the way you attempt to communicate to see if it is more affective. Are you are to take him to somewhere free of distractions: bright lights, noises, smells.

At his best, how well can he communicate verbally?

 

[Suzanne]

First of all, you are amazing and there is nothing I am reading that suggests you should be doing it another way. Clearly you little son has experienced bad parenting. Perhaps due to ignorance, who knows, but he is battling right now between loving you and recognising good in you, but is confused because it also frightens him and he is reacting.

To my mind, you are being the best psychologist there is, because despite your floundering, you are achieving little successes. He will learn that to be destructive is bad. Much like a dog really, in that they learn by sense that when they are bad, they do not get patted and treated.

The fact you love him will help you to rise above any achievements than any so called professional. However if you feel that you need help, then do try to find an aspie psychologist.

 

[royinpink]

His inner rage, possibly due to things before your influence, is subjectifying itself in his actions. He does not understand the profound effects of his behaviour. He is testing whether or not you truly believe in him by scaring you. He sees it as a simple test of your commitment but does not realize the underlying detrimental effects involved.

I agree with this. It's a common behavior in foster kids, for instance, to act out (because they don't trust you) in order to 'prove' that you don't really love them / they are unloveable. The most important thing you can do is be stable and not take it personally.

This is a short film (artistic, not documentary) about an NT kid in foster care, but it must be even more difficult for him when he can't communicate and has intense emotions. Warning: very sad.

ETA: I am not a parent or a professional, myself, and I agree with others who suggest you find one (a professional, I mean ). It is hard to interpret your particular situation beyond this. Kids with autism tend to have intense emotions and it's easy for typical people to misinterpret. I hope I'm not doing so even in this post...

 

[Suzanne]

Oh and as for the holding on to your leg. Actually many children who are not autistic do the same thing. He is frightened of losing you, perhaps and so, he grass hold of your leg, so you won't leave him.

It could be for a sinister, but I rather stay with the other

 

[royinpink]

Btw, I think you're doing a wonderful job recognizing his power trip for what it is and trying not to give him the 'reward'. When you said that, it reminded me of Tony Attwood's description of 'emotional blackmail' in ASD kids... it's a little different because he's talking about aspies throwing tantrums to get their way. I'm not sure if it applies. But I guess it's possible that since he can't threaten you with words, he does so with images to get what he wants. Maybe think through what triggers his behavior to see the pattern?

I can't find the video I originally watched with this description, but here is a transcript of another interview. See if it sounds familiar to you I guess:

"Now a tantrum is a natural process, and because the kid’s got ASD doesn’t mean to say he’s not a kid. And that’s just trying it on. How do you know the difference? It’s the eyes. Is it panic or is there a twinkle in the eye that I’m trying it on? If it’s absolute panic, then you have that approach. If it’s a tantrum, that’s a response to frustration and they may be trying it on as emotional blackmail to see if I can get away with it. And of course when you give them what they want, it ends quickly. You know well actually that wasn’t an ASD, you were just trying me on. And so, if you’re not careful, the person with ASD can use their intense emotions, which occur naturally, as a way of manipulating people. As a control mechanism. It’s what I call being a domestic terrorist. So that person knows if I threaten a wobbly, if I threaten to break things, etcetera, I can get what I want. Right that’s it, I don’t want to go to school, I’m going to threaten to break something if I have to go to school. And so you’ve got to be careful that those intense emotions don’t, as a subsequent consequence, are used to manipulate you. And as parents it can be very easy to surrender to that, and as a teacher, for peace and quiet and the sake of the other twenty-five, thirty kids, is to give in. And what I’m asking there is to be assertive and calm, and which part of no don’t you understand. And going through in a calm, assertive way. This is non-negotiable and you’ll have to do it, it won’t kill you, it’s okay."

 

[AsheSkyler]

Whee, preteens!

I think he needs a better outlet for his frustration and anger so he won't be so direct with it, something to balance out and level his emotions so they aren't coming through so extreme. Probably some physical activity that's more abstract, like hiking or jogging. Something where he is moving and isn't direct like creating dark imagery to vent steam. Making that kind of stuff helps it get trapped in your head and cycle over and over, if not compound on each other.

Just my wondering. Grain of salt advice, as always.

 

[Tom]

I agree with much of what has been said already and so won't repeat it. These are just some random observations.

He is jealous of a future competitor of your affection.

You probably should not be so affectionate at this point. I think you may have inadvertently crossed some boundries. If you had had more experience you might have used a more safe approach which is to start off strict and then relax rules as they prove their ability and willingness to live by the rules. However, what is done is done and you can now adopt a more strict approach. If he acts well a good consequence happens, if he acts badly a bad consequence happens - without fail. At 12 it may not be too late, but there is no time to lose.

As said above you need professional and continual guidance with this immediately. Autistic children can have special education at school but also can qualify for special aides and educators that come into the home, at no cost to you. It is done thru the state and will need involvement by a pyschiatrist and other school officials. I would start by contacting his school and explaining these problems to them and seeking their assistance. There are multiple agencies involved and it can be very confusing at first, so just assume its going to be a big headache and begin.

Ultimately however it will be up to the child on how things go. Some can turn it around, some can or will not. Just do the best you can and remember that it will be his choices that determine his future. At any point that you no longer feel safe, he needs to be relocated to a different guardian or placed in a long term children's hospital or home.

 

[watersprite]

I am sorry this is very difficult. Being inexperienced with children and then suddenly having a 12 year old is a daunting challenge. Some, a few, of the issues are intersected with general parenting issues. But this is intricately complicated by his autism and his age.
Here are some ideas, not in any particular order.
Dedicate a wall to his art, the art on paper or other media that can be hung.
Leave it alone. Do not use the art as a punishment or a reward. Let it be exclusively expression and stop the emotional reactions. If you have to cry then do not show him this power he has over you, at least for a while. It is giving him too much of a 'tool' and that is not healthy.
Some sort of activity or sport in a safe environment where you are not alone with him.
It would be helpful I think if you reduce the amount physical affection. Not all at once. Very gradually. Is there another person who could provide some of his personal interaction, playing, hugs etc.

 

[wyverary]

First of all, I applaud you for your detail, eloquence, and desire to seek help. You've given us a great account and understanding of your plight.

That said, I am afraid that the help you probably need is beyond that which most of us here on the forums can provide. You will need to seek out somebody with expertise, experience, who can help you figure this out, understand the reasons for this child's emotions and behaviors. Maybe others can suggest good avenues for finding the aid you clearly need in dealing with and ultimately helping this child.

best
wyv

 

[Tia Maria]

Like many on the spectrum he may have not be able to intuitively learn how to communicate in the way that you are trying to with him. If that is the case, he is likely to find it very upsetting and frustrating.

I will give you some advice, based solely on my opinion, in good faith and soley with the intention of trying to help you both. I am conscious it may not come over well, as I am often blunt, but it is as good as I can do:

I am concerned you may be making it harder for communication at those difficult times by doing the same thing but increasing th intensity of it. I can understand why you would do this, as you would think he just wasn't paying enough attention to your side of things, but it may be that he simply cannot grasp communication expressed that particular way. Increasing the intensity of it only makes it more confusing for him.

I would echo that he should urgently see someone with psychological training in Autism.

While that is primary to helping the situation, you could in addition look at changing the way you attempt to communicate to see if it is more affective. Are you are to take him to somewhere free of distractions: bright lights, noises, smells.

At his best, how well can he communicate verbally?

I agree with Fuzz but was hesitant to share - that the way you (Cami) & this little boy are interacting, although meant with nothing but love & good intentions on your part, seem to be encouraging unhealthy & dysfunctional interaction.

This boy is still in his formative stages & is already troubled. He really needs professional psyche help as soon as possible ... not only for assistance for his special needs based on his being on the autistic spectrum, but also for his emotions of anger (& violence) he obviously feels inside as illustrated through his art; & the personality traits like manipulation that you are already sensing.

Fuzz, Cami wrote that his verbal skills are poor. If they are this poor at age 12, he would most likely find it easier to communicate - at least at this point - via letter boards (pointing) &/or typing, either independently or with assistance. He can always work on verbal communication at any point in the future if he has more potential in that area, but it is possible that physical speech may not sync with his physical abilities. Being able to communicate through written or typed words would allow him to communicate his thoughts which I agree he needs the ability to do.

 

[Cami_Love]

Hello again, everyone. A ponderous "thank you" to everyone who has posted a response (to which I regrettably must reply at a later time since reading all of them has consumed all the computer-time I have at the moment), and for all the good insight and support. There are a few things said which I feel shall be of immediate benefit.

Just to add a little isight as to our relationship for any further posters before I get on to the other things I have on my agenda tonight, here's the lowdown:

I met this child after inviting the new neighbors over for dinner once. He was acting out and his parents were ignoring him. When I inquired to them (with obvious disturbance and concern) "Doesn't he need some kind of help?" The only response I got was "Oh, don't let him scare you." When mom and dad went out back for a smoke and it was just me and the kid at the table, I just tried talking to him softly to calm him down and (hopefully) make him feel like somebody cared. (Maybe this was crossing a line, but I kind of got the feeling throughout the night by the sort of interaction I saw between him and his parents that they kind of don't really care about him.)

His turn from a noise-making tantrum-thrower to my quiet, sad-eyed little friend was immediate. Within moments of listening to me talk to him he got up out of the chair to come sit next to me, and just laid his head on my lap.

Since that time, he has been coming to visit me as my friend more and more frequently until it got to the point where I pretty much became his mom. If I knew this was going to happen, I would have acted differently from the start but it just kind of developed over time without any forewarnings, disclosure documents, waivers, etc.

Sadly that is all I have time for now but I will get back to you all with more soonish.

Again, many thanks!!

 

[Tia Maria]

Cami, It's very sad, & he certainly needs caring & competent adults in his life. How wonderful of you to notice & care.

If you don't mind my asking (it's relevant as to what you may or may not be in a position to do), are you married or single, & living alone or not?

Does he attend school?