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Autistic focus

Outdated

Active Member
Many years ago when I was living with a girlfriend, I started and finished work much earlier than her each day so it just made sense that I always cooked.

One afternoon I put on a nice beef stew and I figured I had at least an hour to spare before having to do anything else so I sat in the lounge with a book and a glass of red wine.

It only seemed like a few minutes and the book got snatched out of my hands. I looked up at a very angry girlfriend, she said "You haven't heard a single word I said!"

In pure innocence I said "No, I didn't even know you were home yet.".

She hurled the book across the room and screamed "You weren't answering me!".

Such is life. :)
 

Aspychata

Serenity waves, beachy vibes
V.I.P Member
That was great you made dinner for her. I love cooking for two. Cooking for one means horrible choices. Dinner last nite was two pretzel bars and l dipped them in honey mustard. The foodies here would curse me.
 

Outdated

Active Member
I always liked cooking and I learnt from a very early age. It's definitely easier to cook for two than one, but these days I seem to eat as much as two and it's not helping my waistline at all. The cooking's usually pretty good though.
 

Neonatal RRT

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
It only seemed like a few minutes and the book got snatched out of my hands. I looked up at a very angry girlfriend, she said "You haven't heard a single word I said!"

In pure innocence I said "No, I didn't even know you were home yet.".

She hurled the book across the room and screamed "You weren't answering me!".

Such is life. :)
I don't know if I should generalize or not, but myself and a fair amount of other married men go through the same thing. Basically, the women in our lives NOT capturing our attention before starting a conversation. My wife knows better after 36+ years,...but sure enough, at least once a week she is in another room talking. Then later, she will ask me a question about it and I am like, seriously,...I didn't hear a single word you said,...just "white noise" in the background. OR,...she will insist we talked about it,...and I'm like,...no,...zero recollection. I told you about it! We had plans! You do realize there are walls and rooms in this house,...right? Was I anywhere within eye shot,...or were you just hoping I heard you from 3 rooms away?

I've had that situation too, where you just nod your head and say something just to get her to stop talking,...:)...you know, so you can concentrate on whatever you're doing. However, not realizing she thinks you're actually engaged in the conversation,...when in fact, you might not even recognize that it was her that you were talking to. Could have been a stranger,...who knows,...as long as they shut up and let you focus again.

If I am reading, watching the TV, on the computer, in the middle of a task,...you have to interrupt me, look me in the eye, make sure I am paying attention,...then talk. Otherwise,...you're just noise in the room. :)
 
Last edited:

Outdated

Active Member
Very strange, I just looked back and my original post has been altered. By a moderator perhaps? If so I wish they could keep the original context - I was answering her.

I didn't know she was even home but apparently I was answering.
 

Thinx

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Is there a reason you are remembering this now? I suppose it must be frustrating for a person if they thought you were hearing them. Did she know you are autistic? Did you? Sounds like you split up?
 

Outdated

Active Member
Hi Thinx,

The only reason I wrote it is because I thought it was an amusing story, entertaining. It was more than 30 years ago and not something I think about often.

I'm more disturbed by the fact that a moderator edited my post without bothering to at least have the common courtesy to tell me so. Especially when that edit reversed the ending of my story.
 

Shamar

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Many years ago when I was living with a girlfriend, I started and finished work much earlier than her each day so it just made sense that I always cooked.

One afternoon I put on a nice beef stew and I figured I had at least an hour to spare before having to do anything else so I sat in the lounge with a book and a glass of red wine.

It only seemed like a few minutes and the book got snatched out of my hands. I looked up at a very angry girlfriend, she said "You haven't heard a single word I said!"

In pure innocence I said "No, I didn't even know you were home yet.".

She hurled the book across the room and screamed "You weren't answering me!".

Such is life. :)
Whenever an Analog magazine arrived my wife would say I've lost him for the day." She would not let me renew the subscription.
 

Fino

Alex
V.I.P Member
It always kind of freaks me out, too, when my posts are edited, but your edit sounds odd. Usually the edits are small and related in some way to profanity, in my experience.
 

Maggiepie

New Member
I can see both sides. It can incredibly invalidating and hurtful to not feel heard. But it's someone who also hyper focuses sometimes we can't help not hearing, and being interrupted from what we're focusing on is incredibly annoying.
I don't think there's anything funny about making someone feel small invisible and not value.
I realize OP isn't asking for advice but I can't help throwing out some ideas for anyone in a similar position
If you get interrupted try setting a boundary/ compromise. Say something like " I'm focusing right now, can we talk at X time?"
If your trying to get the attention of someone hyper focused. Get eye contact and ask a question that requires more than a yes or no answer. Instead of demanding full attention in that moment, ask when a good time to talk would be.
 

Outdated

Active Member
@Maggiepie I have always tended to hyper focus on things. As a tradesman it was a part of what made me valuable, I always had my mind on what I was doing. It has helped me in many other areas of life too.

My original post, to me, is a funny story that I tell quite a few people. The fact that I could answer her subconsciously without even knowing she was home was a bit of an eye opener for me. She said it took her a little while to realise that my answers weren't making a lot of sense.
 

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