AlyssasDad
Active Member
Hello Everyone,
I'm a father to a 21-year-old autistic daughter whom I love but we are having issues with her in regards to men she's meeting online and then immediately falling in love with.
First, some background. My daughter has been chasing after boys since she was 14 and her maturity level is still that of a 12 or 13 year old and she still has many temper tantrums when things don't go her way. Further, she still has the small build/weight of a 12 or 13 year old and often is still given the kids menu when we go out to eat.
Over the past year, she has been getting involved online with different older autistic guys (up to about five years older) and has exposed herself online to them as she thinks that what they want and she wants to keep each guy as a boyfriend. Each time she claims that they are in love and will get married and have kids.
The current online boyfriend is causing us more concern as he is 29 years old and non-autistic and is 480 pounds. He claims that he did not know my daughter was autistic but met her through a mutual autistic friend and has been a member of a Facebook Messenger autistic group chat that my daughter is a member. I believe he's lying about that but just wants a girlfriend and my daughter has him calling her "wifey".
Anyway, as is true with my daughter, she claims to love this guy just one day after talking with him and then two days later saying they are going to get married, move into an apartment together, and have kids. She can't wait to have her first kiss she keeps saying.
This current online boyfriend lives three hours away by train and my daughter has been begging him to come up and visit her and we are concerned that if he does, she will sneak out and head off to a hotel with him as I believe this guy would love the opportunity if it presents itself Although he is on disability (due to weight and related issues) and doesn't work, it seems he has enough money to do what he wants as he inherited money from a relative.
I've talked to this guy and it seems to me that his weight issues have made it difficult to meet women and so, of course, he's enamored of my daughter showing interest in him. It does though concern me that a 29-year-old non-autistic guy would want to have a relationship with a young woman that acts/thinks like a 12 or 13 year old. We worked out an agreement that he is not to come visit her until next year (after weight loss surgery he is going to have) and that if he did and they ran off together, that would be kidnapping in my book as I'm her legal guardian and he cannot run off with her. I am hoping that my daughter will, in the interim, find another guy.
My concern overall is that my daughter wants to have a boyfriend simply to have her first kiss and, of course, sex, and she is nowhere mentally mature for it as well as to be a wife and mother. I'm not sure she ever will be either. She though thinks she is.
It's difficult as I want my daughter to be happy but it seems the guys that she's hooking up with online are guys that aren't the best for her (in my opinion, I know).
I'd cut off her internet but because of COVID, the internet has been the main way to socialize for her with a lot of her friends as she recently finished high school and doesn't go there anymore.
So, I guess I'm hoping that some people out there have some experience with a situation like this and can give some suggestions or thoughts.
Thank you.
I'm a father to a 21-year-old autistic daughter whom I love but we are having issues with her in regards to men she's meeting online and then immediately falling in love with.
First, some background. My daughter has been chasing after boys since she was 14 and her maturity level is still that of a 12 or 13 year old and she still has many temper tantrums when things don't go her way. Further, she still has the small build/weight of a 12 or 13 year old and often is still given the kids menu when we go out to eat.
Over the past year, she has been getting involved online with different older autistic guys (up to about five years older) and has exposed herself online to them as she thinks that what they want and she wants to keep each guy as a boyfriend. Each time she claims that they are in love and will get married and have kids.
The current online boyfriend is causing us more concern as he is 29 years old and non-autistic and is 480 pounds. He claims that he did not know my daughter was autistic but met her through a mutual autistic friend and has been a member of a Facebook Messenger autistic group chat that my daughter is a member. I believe he's lying about that but just wants a girlfriend and my daughter has him calling her "wifey".
Anyway, as is true with my daughter, she claims to love this guy just one day after talking with him and then two days later saying they are going to get married, move into an apartment together, and have kids. She can't wait to have her first kiss she keeps saying.
This current online boyfriend lives three hours away by train and my daughter has been begging him to come up and visit her and we are concerned that if he does, she will sneak out and head off to a hotel with him as I believe this guy would love the opportunity if it presents itself Although he is on disability (due to weight and related issues) and doesn't work, it seems he has enough money to do what he wants as he inherited money from a relative.
I've talked to this guy and it seems to me that his weight issues have made it difficult to meet women and so, of course, he's enamored of my daughter showing interest in him. It does though concern me that a 29-year-old non-autistic guy would want to have a relationship with a young woman that acts/thinks like a 12 or 13 year old. We worked out an agreement that he is not to come visit her until next year (after weight loss surgery he is going to have) and that if he did and they ran off together, that would be kidnapping in my book as I'm her legal guardian and he cannot run off with her. I am hoping that my daughter will, in the interim, find another guy.
My concern overall is that my daughter wants to have a boyfriend simply to have her first kiss and, of course, sex, and she is nowhere mentally mature for it as well as to be a wife and mother. I'm not sure she ever will be either. She though thinks she is.
It's difficult as I want my daughter to be happy but it seems the guys that she's hooking up with online are guys that aren't the best for her (in my opinion, I know).
I'd cut off her internet but because of COVID, the internet has been the main way to socialize for her with a lot of her friends as she recently finished high school and doesn't go there anymore.
So, I guess I'm hoping that some people out there have some experience with a situation like this and can give some suggestions or thoughts.
Thank you.