[This was posted recently on Facebook by a Scottish Autism group]
If you or a loved one has gone through an autism assessment in the last few decades, you may have come across the dreaded ‘triad of impairments’. This is from a very deficit-based assessment model, thankfully not used anymore, and asserts autistic people are impaired in three areas: communication, social interaction and rigidity of thinking (the exact wording used varies depending on where you look).
Based on that it looks like us autistic folk are pretty awful at communicating, right?
You can probably already guess it’s not as simple as that.
In more recent years we have seen more research done into this area by people like Damian Milton (who is, himself, autistic) and what has been found is that autistic people communicate differently but no ‘worse’ than non-autistic people. However, it is the case that – just as autistic people can struggle to understand and communicate well with non-autistic people – non-autistic people struggle to understand and communicate with us.
So, it is not the case that non-autistic people are brilliant at communicating and autistic people are terrible. What’s actually going on is we have totally different communication styles and there is often a two-way break-down when we try. If you have a group of only autistic people, however, you do not get this same break-down in communication because we share the same communication style, which proves it is not that we are ‘lacking’ – simply different.
You might be wondering in what way our communication differs. Obviously, everyone is an individual and no two people (whether autistic or not) are the same but the following does generally outline the differences.
1. Clear use of language. Autistic people tend to be clearer and less ambiguous in our language. This doesn’t mean autistic people are unable to understand or use metaphors or sarcasm (though, some might) but that we don’t tend to hide information ‘between the lines’ when we speak. We say what we mean and mean what we say. This can mean we sometimes miss the hidden implication in what other people are saying but also that non-autistic people misinterpret us because they are looking for a hidden layer that often isn’t there when we speak.
2. Social housekeeping. When non-autistic people meet up or first start a conversation there tends to be an introductory section to the conversation that involves asking the other person how they are, checking up on certain things that have happened in their life (e.g. how their job interview went or how their house renovation is going) and asking after spouses and children etc. At One Stop Shop Aberdeen we have taken to calling this ‘social housekeeping’ and it’s something many autistic people just don’t do, at least not to the same extent as non-autistic people. That’s not to say we don’t care – we often care very deeply about our friends and family members – but we tend to assume that anything important will come up in conversation naturally rather than us needing to check-box the information at the beginning of each interaction. Plus, we often really want to get to the ‘point’ of the conversation, which brings us to ‘info-dumping’…
3. Info-dumping. You are probably already aware that autistic people tend to have ‘special interests’ (or SpIns). We like talking about our SpIns. We like talking about our SpIns a LOT. It’s not – as it may appear – because we don’t have any interest in the other person or their likes. In fact, it’s often a bonding experience for us because we want to share the feeling we get when we become immersed in a fascinating SpIn. It can also be an anxiety thing because sometimes I don’t know what to say and when I reach into my mind for a conversation topic, SpIns tend to be easily accessible. Sometimes, rather than being a SpIn or a bonding exercise, we info-dump because Autistic people tend to like to feel that we are in possession of all the relevant facts surrounding something and we feel uneasy if we might be in possession of incorrect information. As such, we assume other people also want to have these facts (if you have seen the brilliant Hannah Gadsby’s Douglas this will probably feel familiar) and we’re more than happy to provide said facts if they are ones we already possess.
4. Sharing stories and interrupting to empathise. Autistic people tend to interrupt more than non-autistic people. This looks rude to non-autistic people. It looks like we think what we have to say is more important than anything else. In reality, we often interrupt in an attempt to show we’re listening and empathising and have something relevant to add. Sometimes we interrupt literally to finish the other person’s sentence and it really is to show we’re in-sync and keeping up with what they’re saying. Often the stories we use to empathise look like ‘one-upmanship’ to non-autistic people but we are genuinely trying to find something in common with the person speaking – a way of showing we understand what they’re going through. What can appear incredibly rude or self-centred to non-autistic people is often an autistic person’s way of showing solidarity.
If you or a loved one has gone through an autism assessment in the last few decades, you may have come across the dreaded ‘triad of impairments’. This is from a very deficit-based assessment model, thankfully not used anymore, and asserts autistic people are impaired in three areas: communication, social interaction and rigidity of thinking (the exact wording used varies depending on where you look).
Based on that it looks like us autistic folk are pretty awful at communicating, right?
You can probably already guess it’s not as simple as that.
In more recent years we have seen more research done into this area by people like Damian Milton (who is, himself, autistic) and what has been found is that autistic people communicate differently but no ‘worse’ than non-autistic people. However, it is the case that – just as autistic people can struggle to understand and communicate well with non-autistic people – non-autistic people struggle to understand and communicate with us.
So, it is not the case that non-autistic people are brilliant at communicating and autistic people are terrible. What’s actually going on is we have totally different communication styles and there is often a two-way break-down when we try. If you have a group of only autistic people, however, you do not get this same break-down in communication because we share the same communication style, which proves it is not that we are ‘lacking’ – simply different.
You might be wondering in what way our communication differs. Obviously, everyone is an individual and no two people (whether autistic or not) are the same but the following does generally outline the differences.
1. Clear use of language. Autistic people tend to be clearer and less ambiguous in our language. This doesn’t mean autistic people are unable to understand or use metaphors or sarcasm (though, some might) but that we don’t tend to hide information ‘between the lines’ when we speak. We say what we mean and mean what we say. This can mean we sometimes miss the hidden implication in what other people are saying but also that non-autistic people misinterpret us because they are looking for a hidden layer that often isn’t there when we speak.
2. Social housekeeping. When non-autistic people meet up or first start a conversation there tends to be an introductory section to the conversation that involves asking the other person how they are, checking up on certain things that have happened in their life (e.g. how their job interview went or how their house renovation is going) and asking after spouses and children etc. At One Stop Shop Aberdeen we have taken to calling this ‘social housekeeping’ and it’s something many autistic people just don’t do, at least not to the same extent as non-autistic people. That’s not to say we don’t care – we often care very deeply about our friends and family members – but we tend to assume that anything important will come up in conversation naturally rather than us needing to check-box the information at the beginning of each interaction. Plus, we often really want to get to the ‘point’ of the conversation, which brings us to ‘info-dumping’…
3. Info-dumping. You are probably already aware that autistic people tend to have ‘special interests’ (or SpIns). We like talking about our SpIns. We like talking about our SpIns a LOT. It’s not – as it may appear – because we don’t have any interest in the other person or their likes. In fact, it’s often a bonding experience for us because we want to share the feeling we get when we become immersed in a fascinating SpIn. It can also be an anxiety thing because sometimes I don’t know what to say and when I reach into my mind for a conversation topic, SpIns tend to be easily accessible. Sometimes, rather than being a SpIn or a bonding exercise, we info-dump because Autistic people tend to like to feel that we are in possession of all the relevant facts surrounding something and we feel uneasy if we might be in possession of incorrect information. As such, we assume other people also want to have these facts (if you have seen the brilliant Hannah Gadsby’s Douglas this will probably feel familiar) and we’re more than happy to provide said facts if they are ones we already possess.
4. Sharing stories and interrupting to empathise. Autistic people tend to interrupt more than non-autistic people. This looks rude to non-autistic people. It looks like we think what we have to say is more important than anything else. In reality, we often interrupt in an attempt to show we’re listening and empathising and have something relevant to add. Sometimes we interrupt literally to finish the other person’s sentence and it really is to show we’re in-sync and keeping up with what they’re saying. Often the stories we use to empathise look like ‘one-upmanship’ to non-autistic people but we are genuinely trying to find something in common with the person speaking – a way of showing we understand what they’re going through. What can appear incredibly rude or self-centred to non-autistic people is often an autistic person’s way of showing solidarity.
