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Featured Autism: Cynicism

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Mister Anonymity, Jul 22, 2020.

  1. Mister Anonymity

    Mister Anonymity Active Member

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    Do autistic people grow more guarded and reticent with age? Is it because they realize that most neurotypicals or non-autistic people don't have their best interests at heart?

    I remember being told that autism is a disability only if autistic people are cut off from the resources that they so desperately need. In my line of experience, I've gained some insight and wisdom over the years. I've learned that most neurotypicals are intolerant of autistic people or if they aren't intolerant, they have very little knowledge about autism or they misunderstand the condition. In this confusion or lack of knowledge, bad circumstances can arise and lead to devastating consequences.

    Are autistic people somewhat guarded and reserved and very hesitant to reveal the better parts of themselves, the more interesting parts layered against each other, underneath the superficial layer of benign indifference?
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2020
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  2. oregano

    oregano Jefferson: T -60days

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    Yeah, by the time I was in my late 30s I realized that I would never succeed in the world no matter how hard I tried, and that people generally didn't want anything to do with me or even want me around, in person or online.

    During the era of web forums I wound up getting thrown off most of the ones I joined after a while, the others would tolerate me for just long enough to get me to say something that they could use to ban me. Eventually I mostly gave up on all socialization after the world got to the point where people were getting thrown in jail or even "swatted" and murdered by the cops over some minor comment online that somebody didn't like.

    And then it got to the point where cops just started killing many of the people they encountered because they assume that everybody's a criminal and that the cop's job is to find anything they can pin on them to justify throwing them in prison or simply just killing them so as to save society the trouble.

    Once I realized that I just started staying home most of the time, and started planning on living in the wild away from people, because I know most people would rather just see me dead so society doesn't have to deal with me.
     
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  3. BrokenBoy

    BrokenBoy 戯言使い(Nonsense User)

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    I guess I've grown more cynical but it's not cause of NT's.
     
  4. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member

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    Most people become predators around us - vulnerability brings it out in em, so one has to camouflage, go invisible.
     
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  5. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I know I am! I regard people as dangerous, generally speaking.
     
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  6. GrownupGirl

    GrownupGirl Tempermental Artist

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    The way the world is and the way *all* humans typically act, why shouldn't we be cynical? Since the pandemic we've been seeing more and more human behavior at its worst while our own lives have been turned upside down. Everyday routines we relied on so much have been interrupted, there's danger in every corner, we can't or it's harder to rely on online shopping, and the world doesn't give a rat's rear end about us, in fact it thinks we and disabled people in general are better off dead. Why we shouldn't be cynical when it's practically our only weapon against this god-forsaken world?
     
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  7. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Think the panademic has made everybody handicapped. So we're all sorta in the same sinking boat now. Because we are all affected. In fact maybe NT's are more affected then us. They rely more on social interaction where as l feel lucky that not being social is something l am no longer judged for.☺
     
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  8. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    In the past 6 monlths i have become more guarded and cynical, prior to this period i would 'blame' myself for individuals responds/reactions to me and lived a life anxiously and with hypersensitivity to judgement and criticism. I'm working to find the ability to filter constructive/ purposeful fead-back and people being horrid, controlling and taking advantage of myself due to my vulnerability. Many on this forum seemed to have 'wised up' on this much earlier in life, for me my low self esteem and lack of value (perception, and not true) coupled with a 'people pleaser' attitude and inability to regonise others way of being, kept me in a closed mind set and negative thinking pattern, accepting my own being and others intolerance is a continued journey for me, glad that here i can be myself.
     
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  9. Els

    Els Well-Known Member

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    I think becoming more guarded is a survival skill. I wouldn't give up on that, no matter how it would be judged. I used to let people do of me whatever they wanted. Not doing that anymore is, I think, becoming more responsible of myself. I learned I can't count on others to treat me well. That's just something people hide from each other, but I realize everyone around me knows that, no matter how friendly they seem. That's a kind of social rule that I find to be badly explained to kids, at least I didn't get the message earlier in life.

    "Types of events that can lead to PTSD include:


    • serious accidents
    • physical or sexual assault
    • abuse, including childhood or domestic abuse
    • exposure to traumatic events at work, including remote exposure
    • serious health problems, such as being admitted to intensive care
    • childbirth experiences, such as losing a baby
    • war and conflict
    • torture" (Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) - Causes )

    In the most common ones, just see how many are linked to humans. Almost all of them indirectly, and most of them directly. Of course humans are dangerous, that's a well hidden part of society they're not proud of and hide well. No matter who you talk to, they're never bad and never do bad stuffs to others. They all point at other people. As a kid, I used to believe that nobody was bad, because I never met someone who told me they were ;)
    Experiencing other humans was a disappointment. Now I rely on my own judgement and observations only, because I can't rely on their words. People aren't trustable and reliable, and it can happen at any level. From a memory they think they have but they don't have to hardcore manipulation to hardcore physical violence. I'm far from perfect and did some stuffs I'm not that proud of, but I don't care admitting it, talking about it, and thinking about what could've been more clever to do. Most people won't do that. I don't think it's becoming cynical to guard yourself better. I think it's part of becoming more responsible for yourself. It implies that you stop bounding with others, indeed. But I won't bound with people who are superficially friendly but aren't caring nor bounding with me.
    I used to build my relationships on "treat others as you'd want to be treated", now it changed to "treat them at their own level". Treat me well and with consideration, I will invest myself back. Treat me badly, you won't get what you want. Now I don't set the rules, they do. So far, it has proved it was useful. People were anyway complaining when doing my best, now I don't do my best and treat them at their level. I guess they still complain, but I'm less exhausted and feel better. Otherwise, tons of people relate to others by putting a lot of weight on them. I noticed I do that as well at some levels, so I'm trying to stop.
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2020
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  10. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I've always been quite cynical, even more so as I've got older. I've always had a critical mind, and am less likely to take things at face value.
     
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  11. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I wouldn't say I am cynical, to me that means expecting the worst from people, however I absolutely have had to realise that there are people behaving disgustingly towards others around, and a whole lot of people who don't want to see it or know about it enable the continuance of this.

    Look at the Epstein situation, or any celeb perpetrator such as Jimmy Saville, people who do abuse of children and young people in plain sight, look at groups who trade on providing women and girls to others for sex, for money, all these things are happening and are tolerated by the I don't wanna know majority, and enjoyed by the very rich elite who have lost their moral values.

    It's important to wise up, and do whatever we can to raise awareness in others, and to stay safe ourselves.
     
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  12. Alexej

    Alexej Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I resonated with those words. I think I have become more guarded with age, ie less willing to share the more vulnerable parts of myself.
     
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  13. Raggamuffin

    Raggamuffin Well-Known Member

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    I've found I have become more open as I started to explore and understand my depression and anxiety. Of course - it's different for everyone on the spectrum - the needs and wants of each person is individual. Whilst I assume it makes things easier, if not somewhat comforting to think there's typical behaviours in all of us - I'm sure we're all a lot more complex than blanket statements.

    When I started therapy and joined an anxiety forum I found that sharing my thoughts and experiences helped me gain new perspectives and feel a sense of relief. So I gradually began doing the same around friends. When I finally decided to pursue sobriety, I found out about the spectrum and ADHD - and even more sense was made about who I am as a person. However, sharing in person does feel a lot more awkward, often when I want to say things - I don't. Or if I do, it takes a painful amount of waiting before I finally start talking.

    I've gradually become more open, understanding and happier in myself. Of course, it's not all roses - I still have a large part of every year plagued with depression, low mood and other issues. I know that progress is being made, although I understand that shut downs and selective mutism etc can have a comforting way about it. Often I hear conversations and I can't relate to them - I'd rather not participate or be a part of any of it: so I sit in silence, often throughout the day.
    What's perculiar about this workplace is that I'm not close to anyone any more. The only person I could relate to has gone, and so I'm feeling quite lonely at work. As such, I am more guarded - because I don't fraternise with people, and outside of helping people when needed and being polite when I have to talk - I tend to remain mute all day.
    I find most of my frustrations are due to where I work - being stuck in office jobs. Being surrounded by people I can't relate to, and who fail to inspire me. So I keep pushing and focusing on making something of my art, and going against parental and teacher advice that I'd never make anything of myself if I were to be an artist.

    I understand the need to be guarded and I do the same around most people. Very few people see the real me, and even then they only see portions. I'm actually most open and honest in online conversations on instant messages, forums or in therapy sessions. In most other circumstances I stick with the mask - shy, polite and helpful.

    People have often said I seem very laid back - it's nice to think the mask is that convincing. In reality, under the surface I'm very emotionally volatile; both in positive and negative ways.

    Ed
     
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  14. menander

    menander Well-Known Member

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    NTs get cynical as they age, too. Aging can make people cynical. Others feel good at the end. That , I think, has nothing to do with autism.

    When autistics are young, then I think we are more cynical. We see stuff early and have to fake it and be what we don't want to be and know it won't end well, but we have to.

    So I think our cynicism is markedly higher when young and then, as we all age, NTs get a dose of Reality, too, and man----can they be bitter and cynical, too.

    All that said, it seems the #1 cause of death fo Auties is suicide, but it seem to be in the 50's , not 80s'.......
     
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  15. HidinginPlainSight

    HidinginPlainSight Well-Known Member

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    I've been called a cynic before, but I don't think they're using the word correctly. I am a skeptic. I think clear critical thought requires skepticism and this is one of the foundations of science. I think people often confuse this with cynicism.
     
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  16. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    Absolutely. Simple point. How many autistic people have a wonderful opinion of their own species?

    Uh- huh. :oops:
     
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  17. Alexej

    Alexej Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    In my work I used to say that scepticism was fine but cynicism was not so good.
    Scepticism is open to the change, cynicism has usually made up its mind against it
     
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  18. 100skerls

    100skerls Just another skerl V.I.P Member

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    I used to be very optimistic about people/ assume the best in them and it’s still kind of a knee jerk thing for me to assume people are harmless. I haven’t changed that opinion because I’m not sure I can as the person I am now. I do try to be guarded though. I definitely avoid interactions with people beyond anything like short chats at a super market or with neighbors. I can sometimes be much more outgoing but it usually gets me into bad Or uncomfortable situations Because I can’t see where something is going because I don’t understand social nuances. I also have people in my family and in my boyfriends family who just don’t like me so I avoid them like the plague because it’s painful. They probably don’t like me because those people know me a bit better than most people. I think for a lot of people there is a threshold between not knowing me and knowing me Really well where people are likely to not like me so I just kinda try to control who ends up in that threshold - they have to vetted a bit. My stepdad and my boyfriend’s brother are both super close minded staunch conservatives. Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with that but those types of people tend to like me less the more they get to know me because there’s so much they don’t understand and they don’t tend to like messing with stuff they don’t understand. So really I assume people are good and don’t realize their effects on others but I only let people get to know me if they are open minded enough to accept me. Logically I know people are more complicated and have nasty habits of hurting others intentionally. It’s hard for me to really grasp that and apply it to the way I view people I don’t know. Because I don’t understand wanting to hurt others I assume it’s rare. I’m fortunate enough that no one has ever been so terribly vicious to me that the only possible reasoning could be that they just wanted to hurt me. Even if they did Though I’d probably assume it was because they were mentally ill and that was the reason for their actions.
     
  19. 100skerls

    100skerls Just another skerl V.I.P Member

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    Most people eat meat which supports an industry ridden with massive amounts of brutality but most people don’t do it because they just really hated that one cow or that one chicken. Humans are complicated.
     
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  20. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I've been an observer of people most of my life. I've studied them, puzzled out their interactions, read about them, attempted to understand them for a long time.
    Having said that, there are some individuals I've known whom I will never understand.

    Have studied science and, and am interested in psychology, sociology, philosophy. My curiosity and desire to understand the world and the human beings in it has made me a life-long learner. So I'm no cynic of the human condition. I do question and think and consider and trust some people. Many people are good. And some are partially good, and some are not.

    I've not met or known many awful people. Have encountered personally, three or four in my entire sixty years of life. Am I more reserved? Perhaps, age does come with it's own set of learned experiences both good and bad.
     
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