I'm 28 I've never had a girlfriend or been in a relationship and based on my experiences women only seem to be interested in and too only notice confident, outgoing and socially accepted males. I'm a quiet, polite and socially awkward person myself but I use to naively think that because I was a friendly albeit overpolite person I would eventually attract the interest of a female now I realize how wrong I was. If there is one thing I know about females (the only thing in fact) is that men being confident is important to them and from my observations throughout my life it doesn't necessarily matter to some women if the man they like is a good person or not so long as he has confidence. I've seen a lot of arrogant and unlikeable men in relationships with women because they have confidence and I've never seen a genuinely nice male like myself who has no social skills ever be successful with women.
I think its wrong that women place so much importance on men being confident when I know for a fact that a woman having confidence is not necessarily important to me. It certainly isn't to important to me but I've noticed that even women who lack confidence are attracted to the confident guys in fact I would say women without confidence are even more attracted to confident males!
I've discovered through years of real life experience, experimentation, and research that it's true that nice guys finish last and that you must become the bad boy that women want in order to increase (or have) success with dating. This is unfortunate for those of us on the spectrum since we're built to be a certain way, and the way we were made tends to cause us to NATURALLY do all the wrong things to attract females.
I'm not going to get into the psychology of why women love bad boys or how you can change to become the type of guy who women want because tha will take way too much time to type out here and I'm not planning on spending a few days or weeks doing this. However, I will briefly say that ever since I've changed from being the quiet, shy, socially anxious ad awkward nice guy to the more charismatic, fun, adventurous talkative affectionate guy who does certain things like initiate physical contact within the first 30 seconds to 3 minutes of meeting a girl, my success rate with females have SKY-ROCKETED, BIG TIME. I still have the problem with still being too nice sometimes, but I'm still working on changing that.
A lot of people disagree with the fact that sometimes you must change in order to get what you want in life. But I'm a big believer in doing what has been proven to work in order to get desired results rather than continuing to do what hasn't been working all my life. The biggest disagreement I have with others on the spectrum is in regard to the phrase "just be yourself." Truth is most people are where they are in life as a result of "just being themselves," and if just being yourself really worked, then you would've never been put into a situation where you had to be told that in the first place. If "just being yourself" means "being the type of guy who isn't good with women," the why in the world would you want to "just be yourself?" I'm no sure about others, but I surely don't want to be anything that only pushes me back from my goals of success. So, what I do instead is quit listening to people who say just be myself and take time to learn new tips and techniques. Then I take what I've learned and make it a natural part of my personality, and once I do that, THEN I start being my BETTER self.
You will hear a lot of people disagree with the fact that women love bad boys and a lot of people telling you to be nice and tell her how you feel, etc. etc. etc. The faster you learn that none of these things really work in the real world, the faster you will begin to see more success. It's sort of like how everybody complains about radio stations playing the same songs over and over and claiming that they are different and love variety. But guess which stations always get the highest ratings.... Don't listen to what people say. Pay attention to what's happening in reality. Think about all your REAL life experiences. Is there a contradiction to what people claim they want in the dating world and what actually happens?
Anyway, bottom line is once I started learning from and only listening to professional dating gurus and began to change and start doing what works to get results instead of continuing to do what hasn't been working all along, I've had a lot more females in my life. Not only that, I started making more friends in general. It even got to the point where I am actually getting dj gigs and participating in other events all because of the people I've managed to attract being there to help me get into those things. On top of that, I'm working and going to school again. It was only a year and a half ago that I could only dream of being the type of person I am today.
I think AS - NT love is possible. However, it will be extremely difficult to find that woman who can accept you for who you are, especially if you're displaying a lot of autistic / aspie traits. It will even be harder if you don't know how to attract women in the first place or if you're being fooled by people who tell you "just be yourself and someday it will just (magically) happen." The real world just does not work that way. I used to live in a dream world where I thought i'd be this sweet, nice, romantic, guy who happens to run into that sweet innocent girl and I buy her flowers, write her a few poems and start telling her how much I love her and she says I love you too and we hold each other in each other's arms and create a real life romantic fantasy. But then I woke up and realized
THAT'S JUST NOT THE WAY IT IS.
But you can create something somewhat close to that - IF you just happen to meet that extremely rare girl who is attracted to nice guy behavior. In 32 years, I think I've only met ONE girl like that, and I've met hundreds of women.
Good luck.
