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Atypical

rainman8128

rainman8128

Active Member
Hey guys. Recently I watched the show Atypical, about Sam, who has Aspergers as well, trying to get a girlfriend. There is one scene where the popular kids are hanging out and Sam notices that the popular girl kissed 2 different boys on consecutive days. He then says a lot of things I would have said if I were him, yet my interest is trains, not animals, and he keeps talking about animals. Because we think differently, I am worried a situation like that will happen to me, preventing me from getting a girlfriend or even just a friend in general, regardless of gender. I am a freshman in high school, and I still have 1273 days left of it, which if you don't feel like doing math is 3 years, 5 months, and 26 days. I really don't want to end up like Sam did. What should I do if a situation like this occurs. I want the advice before this happens, just so I can prepare. Thank you.
 
It is surely going to be slightly different to you than it was to me seeing the difference in gender, however high shool was not as much of a bad time for me as I expected. I even got a friend that I still keep in touch with. What I can advise you from my experience is this: if what you say may be seen as hurtful or deprecating, do not say it. People don't really want to hear the truth that is harsh or hurtful. Also, do not correct your peers or you'll be seen as an arrogant know-it-all. It also is an unwritten social rule to never correct your elders unless it's necessary(and no, your hurt conscience is not a reason). Apologies if this answer sounds harsh but it will be a difficult and confusing time for you... though it doesn't mean that you have to go through it alone. Just write here whenever you need. If you're not allergic :p to books, I think I know one that has some hidden social rules writtwn mostly for teenage aspies/auities. I will check it's title later, can't remember now.
 
onlything said:
It is surely going to be slightly different to you than it was to me seeing the difference in gender, however high shool was not as much of a bad time for me as I expected. I even got a friend that I still keep in touch with. What I can advise you from my experience is this: if what you say may be seen as hurtful or deprecating, do not say it. People don't really want to hear the truth that is harsh or hurtful. Also, do not correct your peers or you'll be seen as an arrogant know-it-all. It also is an unwritten social rule to never correct your elders unless it's necessary(and no, your hurt conscience is not a reason). Apologies if this answer sounds harsh but it will be a difficult and confusing time for you... though it doesn't mean that you have to go through it alone. Just write here whenever you need. If you're not allergic :p to books, I think I know one that has some hidden social rules writtwn mostly for teenage aspies/auities. I will check it's title later, can't remember now.
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Ok but how am I gonna find a friend or girlfriend? People have told me in the past to find common interests, but I don’t know even ONE person who likes trains to the extent I do. On Thursday, I rode the Long Island Rail Road into the city, but I was the only kid in my train car, so I went to the next car and STILL no kids. Finally I found kids in the last train car but they were talking, and rule #52 states that you shouldn’t interrupt a conversation. So I just waited, but we got to Penn Station and they were STILL talking. Turns out I have nobody to relate to so far....
 
rainman8128 said:
Ok but how am I gonna find a friend or girlfriend? People have told me in the past to find common interests, but I don’t know even ONE person who likes trains to the extent I do. On Thursday, I rode the Long Island Rail Road into the city, but I was the only kid in my train car, so I went to the next car and STILL no kids. Finally I found kids in the last train car but they were talking, and rule #52 states that you shouldn’t interrupt a conversation. So I just waited, but we got to Penn Station and they were STILL talking. Turns out I have nobody to relate to so far....
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I was going downtown and they were going uptown so we split up (on the subway that is, the downtown 2 train was my train, the uptown 1 train was theirs)
 
I have learned over time to just interrupt people. It is hard, and I feel rude doing it, but I have watched others and they just jump right into the middle of group conversations. In that situations I would have just walked right up them and said "Hi! Just curious if you are going downtown as well, looking for advice on a restaurant." Even if you weren't, that is a start to a conversation.

Secondly, to find interest doesn't mean they have to be interested in your interests.. Learn theirs, become curious and ask questions. When you figure it out, go home and do some research and YOU get interested. Go back to them and say "hey, I went home and ran across an article about (insert). Did you know that (blah blah blah) is part of that?"

The biggest thing I struggle with is getting to know others, versus focusing on myself. Become curious and open to them first. don't talk about yourself. People LOVE talking about themselves, so start there
 
Wait... there are rules???

But back to Rainman, if you want to hang with NTs you have to learn how to speak their language and to a large extent dress and act like them. The trick at your age, for an aspie, is blending in. Its ok to be an Aspie, but you have to show you can learn their ways. You are the minority in an overwhelmingly NT world. Its the same for any outsider in a situation, such as moving to a different country with different language and culture. And whatever you do, do not feel sorry for yourself. Be proud of what you are and believe in yourself.
 
My main advice for you would be to not worry about it too much in advance. Time spent worrying is time spent wasted, and it will be confusing and awkward regardless of how mentally prepared you are.

Of course, that's not really what you want to hear. But it's the truth in my version of the world. Hormones will eff you up. You'll fumble your words, you'll blush, you'll gush sweat in places you didn't even know had sweat glands. Just let it be a comfort that it happens to all of us. Boy or girl. NT or ND.
 
rainman8128 said:
Ok but how am I gonna find a friend or girlfriend? People have told me in the past to find common interests, but I don’t know even ONE person who likes trains to the extent I do. On Thursday, I rode the Long Island Rail Road into the city, but I was the only kid in my train car, so I went to the next car and STILL no kids. Finally I found kids in the last train car but they were talking, and rule #52 states that you shouldn’t interrupt a conversation. So I just waited, but we got to Penn Station and they were STILL talking. Turns out I have nobody to relate to so far....
Click to expand...

This may not be what you want to hear but no NT will ever have passions to a similar extent as you. Having friends is not only about sharing passion, interest maybe but not passions. My NT friend does not share my passion about architecture but we still get on well and have been for the last few years. It's similarities that connect people. Similar view of the world, ideals, dreams. It's also an exchange, at times a kind of symbiosis. You have to be ready to be there for them, to be interested not only in your shared interests or their lack but also in your friend, in his life and things that make them tick. Of course, you can't start stalking them or ask hundred questions per minute but the little interest in their activities is necessary. Empathy towards them, understanding or at least trying to understand their problems and struggles. Investing time. In exchange you should be given back the same.

It will come, don't worry too much about it. It's complicated, yes, but it will happen sooner or later.
 
P.S. In the general population Trains will not cut it as a conversation topic. Its ok by yourself or if you run into another train enthusiast. It can be ok to mention in passing. But don't do the monologue, the long one sided conversation that will just loose and eventually repell them. It helps to try and stay at least somewhat current on popular NT subjects. You might even purposely pick a new special interest that is common with NTs like Music, Sports, Social Issues, etc. It's fake in some ways but just equipping yourself with options really and may prevent your feeling isolated at times.
 
If you want friends specifically interested in trains, you need to go places where that popular - A hobby store with train sets, or something.. There is the Meet Up app that you could browse through and see if any meet-ups are centered around your interests
 
tree said:
Notice that you are not @rainman8128.

The Rules of which I am aware are:
"51. No matter what it is, it is somebody's fetish. No exceptions.
52. It is delicious cake. You must eat it."
Rules of the Internet - rulesoftheinternet.com

So, I will wait for @rainman8128 to return, and possibly
divulge the source of his Rule #52.
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Rule 52 is don’t interrupt a conversation when people are talking. It is the fifty-second thing I’ve remember leanring. Note that I am a savant, and hyperthimesic as well, so I can do this. I never heard of rules of the internet until now.
 
Tom said:
P.S. In the general population Trains will not cut it as a conversation topic. Its ok by yourself or if you run into another train enthusiast. It can be ok to mention in passing. But don't do the monologue, the long one sided conversation that will just loose and eventually repell them. It helps to try and stay at least somewhat current on popular NT subjects. You might even purposely pick a new special interest that is common with NTs like Music, Sports, Social Issues, etc. It's fake in some ways but just equipping yourself with options really and may prevent your feeling isolated at times.
Click to expand...
Does that explain why I’ve never personally met another train enthusiast?
 
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