Asperger’s in a relationship

[Birmingham2022]

Hello all, I would like some advice about dealing with Asperger’s in a relationship, if possible?

 

[Hypnalis]

It's certainly ok to ask. There's a section "Love, Relationships, and Dating" for it.
Maybe you'll get good, relevant, actionable advice, maybe not

My personal observations:

NT's don't pay attention. Most want to pick and choose answers that suit their personal norms, which is a contradiction: they ask for non-NT insights, but then filter out all the insights because they're not NT-centric /lol.

It's possible NDs pay attention, but they rarely provide feedback. I suspect it's our version of the point above. If someone with experience tells an ND how to interact with an NT, this implies their being able to learn & understand the NT perspective on their particular problem ... but a lack of understanding is likely to be the root cause of the problem.

Of late I've switched to providing "scripts" for progressing questions that interest me, but as far as I can tell nobody has acted on any of them /lol.

 

[Orange Glasses]

Hello all, I would like some advice about dealing with Asperger’s in a relationship, if possible?

I’m not sure what you are asking. Are you NT or ND?

Is it your partner that has Asperger’s?

If you provide more information you may get more specific advice.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Hello all, I would like some advice about dealing with Asperger’s in a relationship, if possible?

That seems rather open-ended. Could you be more specific?

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I'm an Apie in a relationship with a NT for over 40 years. What are you looking for?

 

[autism-and-autotune]

Hello all, I would like some advice about dealing with Asperger’s in a relationship, if possible?

Hello there! I'll provide some insight, as I have Autism but my fiancee doesn't (they have ADHD, though).
A question, though: who, in your relationship, has autism?

We went the majority of our relationship without knowing of my autism. They knew, at the beginning, that I was 'quirky' based on my apparel, as well as my interests, and my general social awkwardness. times could be difficult, and either I'd shut down during conflict or have very opinions and beliefs and ways of thinking which weren't necessarily progressive (for example, I did not in any way believe in asexuality, the nonbinary, gender-fluid, etc. I've become much more understanding and open-minded since). There were times when we were close to breaking up due to me shutting down, such as over the summers when I'd be swamped with work and living with my dysfunctional family. It was...at times, as if they just didn't exist. Any distance for me is long-distance, especially when my mind is overloaded and I'm constantly over-worked and depressed.

I also caused a lot of issues due to having narcissistic fleas and being so used to never standing up for myself. This caused many communication issues. Similarly, because I'm not the best with empathy in general, there were times when I appeared cold, distant, emotionless, and generally not caring. I would shut down in conflict or unexpected situations, but why? Was it PTSD from my childhood, or something else?

I will close by saying that I am endlessly grateful for my fiancee for sticking with me through thick and thin. They understand me eons better than my own darn family cared to. It's hard having autism, and it's hard having it when you don't know that you have it...and it's also hard to live with and love someone who does things or reacts to certain things and neither of you know why. It'd be much worse if I was ignorant of myself and in denial of the things I do or have done. Self-reflection and self-knowledge are things which, neurodivergent or otherwise, I believe all may benefit from.

Sorry for the wall of text but I hope my words prove, in some way, helpful to you.

 

[Bert Lundblad]

jag har som aspie varit gift 2 ggr det var väl kombinationen att leva i sin egen bubbla och kommunikationsproblem som gjorde att det sprack , och att man antingen blir krävande eller avstängd, jag klarar inte av en komplicerad kommunikation som inte är rak, o helst bokstavlig, och tar ogärna ansvar för allt för komplicerade saker