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Asperger's & crying.

G

Greezus

Well-Known Member
This is not gonna be a light thread, so if you prefer the lighter, more carefree side of life, I would quite advise you to refrain from reading any further.

I have Asperger's, and it can be a blessing and a curse. I'm sure that you can relate with what I mean by that statement. My problem is that I've come to the conclusion that, as a guy with Aspie's, I have an exceedingly difficult time crying. I naturally cry perhaps ≈5 times per year. Perhaps you can relate/have this problem, yourself.

For those of you who do have the fortune to be able to easily cry at appropriate times, as you could guess, this can get incredibly grating, getting me to an emotional point where I want to cry even more, but it simply won't come out. One time, I had a huge recreational OD that completely screwed me inwards, so to speak; the ill effects were noticeable for approximately 5 months, and even a year later, I still get very mild side-effects. Do you know how many times I cried throughout this endeavor?

Two.

I'm sorry for ranting, but right now, I'm really, really, exceedingly aggravated and stressed out, and I really, REALLY want to cry. I got called to Jury Duty at 8:15AM [I usually go to sleep at around 4AM,] leaving me on no sleep for the second time this week. My jury duty consisted primarily of sitting in a small, cramped room with, like, 17 other people for nearly 8 hours, a person coming in approximately every half hour to call a singular person from the room. 8 HOURS OF THIS LATER, I, along with the remaining two individuals in the room, were told that we were excused, and free to go. I didn't even get interviewed, or anything.

So now, I'm sitting in my room, working on a list of things that I consider to be 'Good behaviors,' 'Bad behaviors,' and what I can systematically do to increase my good behaviors and decrease my bad ones.

...WOW. Maybe I should just cool the **** down.

But I really don't want to. As you can tell, right now, I'm really IRRITABLE. I'm irritable, pissed off, and am in utter self-implosion mode as a result of waiting for 8 goddamn hours in a small, unventilated room on no sleep.

I know that a classic sort of motif / phrase / thing they say is "There'll be good days, there'll be bad days, and you just gotta move on," but I had a really, really ****ing bad day, and I just want to CRY. Right NOW. And I can't. I can feel my aggravation being expressed through my progressively more and more intense keystrokes as I type this, but I just can't reach an explosion. I want to reach that explosion. I WANT TO CRY.

Can someone please help me, or talk to me about this? Tell me how they get themselves to cry? I've looked this **** up on google and ehow and none of it works.

:aargh: GOD!!!!!! :aargh:
 
I often want/need to cry and cannot.
I don't know how to fix this. I used to be a crybaby.

Listen to the saddest music you possibly can.
 
Maybe that is an Aspie thing? Never thought of it that way. The last time I cried was over a year ago when my father died. I understand what you mean about needing to reach the explosion. It almost parallels how I feel about fist fighting. I cant get all pissed off and heated and then have someone push me into a corner and have me NOT fight. I need to feel the adrenaline of the physical conflict to properly cool back down. When you talked about your OD it might be different. Tears of pain and tears of emotion are much different.
 
I love this place as I so frequently find myself identifying with the behaviors of others and that makes me feel better because I thought that these things were just something I did.
In this case, thank you, I thought that this was just me being an emotional vacuum; I mean, I didn’t even cry when my nana died, I just went and checked to see if she was dead and then I was like oh well.

See, people assume we are non-emotional automatons with cold blood but we are actually extraordinarily passionate people, just with no focus. I also get tremendously frustrated when I am in a situation where I need to cry, I want to cry, it’s expected or desired in the situation but, I just wont. And the thing is that my previous emotion evaporates to be replaced by illogical fury at the inability to express the intended waterworks, then I get angry at myself for being angry for no reason and this makes me angry!

I have found over the course of the years that I am can be set off by a few inordinately random things and tears will well up for what appears to be no reason, at these times I try to be alone and tell myself that it is okay, but secretly in the back of my brain I think that a man who cries is ugly and I don’t need to be any uglier so, I usually only get out a few tears.
The oddest thing that has made me cry would have to have been the episode of “The Simpson’s” (No#219 - Make Room for Lisa) where Homer agrees to try the sensory deprivation tank and Lisa finally understands what a great dad he really is.
Another thing that has worked for me in the past is regret, going over things I can’t possibly change that I know I could have done better… Weird I know?

Of course this may not work for you and so I won’t suggest anything more but, there is something I can tell you that will help if you believe it; only you can give you permission to be man enough to be emotional!
 
I am more likely to feel pissed off and panicky than actually cry.

Although, I very often feel close to crying when I'm extremely anxious or stressed out. It's really rare that I cry, actually, and it's usually very brief and really childlike. It' probably not even a "proper cry". I've never had the cry where "you're crying yourself to sleep" or bawling for hours. I can't recall that happening to me. I probably don't cry at the "proper" moments, either, usually if I'm crying it's 98% of the time because I'm scared about something...or feel panicked, almost like a mini anxiety attack, not because I'm sad.

Sad to me seems to translate differently, which can often make me appear extremely cold or callous. Then again, I remember not feeling sadness in a lot of moments where I knew I should have.

I know they're all there, I think maybe they just don't come out right or something.
 
If crying doesn't work for you, try getting your emotions out in another way. Journal, or talk with someone, or write a poem. Crying is a useful way of getting your emotions out, but it's not the only way. Find a way that works for you :)
 
I usually fly into a blazing rage or simply get pissed off before crying, if at all. If I do cry it's usually for the wrong reasons or completely unexpected and, sort of like Kasmanaft mentioned, kinda immature. Chalk it up to emotional age I suppose :)
 
I thought I didn't cry because I was so tough. I could feel it coming on but I was so manly that I would suck back the tear. More of the ways I was lying to myself I assume. Now when I talk about things with my wife I can let out a good cry. If you start you may not be able to stop but it feels good in a weird kind of way.
 
Personally I can make myself cry at anytime, but there is no emotion to it. I act a lot so I learned how to cry on cue.

However one way to try and cry would be this. Think back to the last time you cried and then whatever made you cry think about it non stop like its happening all over again.

Ok I must admit I have not cried about anything sad in so long untill last week. A episode of naruto came out as it does every week and I got to see narutos mom and dad, their love for him was awesome, they gave him a lot.
 
I have rarely been able to cry as an adult, even when I wanted to and believed it would make me feel better. But when I realized I have AS, a tidal wave of long-forgotten memories came washing over me and I cried off and on for two days. I couldn't help it. It was all of the bottled up pain that I had been trying to forget all these years, I guess. But since then I have been quite calm. It felt good to get it out.
 
KinksFan said:
I'm the opposite of everybody else in this thread. I'm very sensitive and I cry very easily.
Click to expand...

You're not alone I cry very easily too. I am very sensitive to things, especially on the tone that is used with me. I try not to as much now...I have to be careful with my good eyes retina now. But I still cry a lot especially when I get upset or frustrated.
 
I have to say that I am the opposite. I am a sensitive type, perhaps due to severe childhood bullying as described here. I'm not a crybaby but I do tend to take insults in particular to heart. I try not to though.

HelloDizzy said:
Listen to the saddest music you possibly can.
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That doesn't have much affect on me anymore as I listen to a lot of depressing music. I guess I have gotten used to it and thus don't cry at it.
 
The issue is i don't get sad when people deem it appropriate- largely because i see nothing bad about death. People see me as immoral but i correct them and them i am just amoral in some respects, but this often makes them more angry. For example, i didn't get upset about 9/11 or 7/7 and i stupidly made a joke at school about it the day after which got me suspended. I just didn't realise it was wrong. FYI- i do think they were terrible events i just don't get bothered by them.
 
tridianprime said:
The issue is i don't get sad when people deem it appropriate- largely because i see nothing bad about death. People see me as immoral but i correct them and them i am just amoral in some respects, but this often makes them more angry. For example, i didn't get upset about 9/11 or 7/7 and i stupidly made a joke at school about it the day after which got me suspended. I just didn't realise it was wrong. FYI- i do think they were terrible events i just don't get bothered by them.
Click to expand...
Me and my siblings were joking the day of 9/11...although I think the reason was that was our way of dealing with it.

I also don't get bothered by most events that I know were terrible.

The action of murdering someone is wrong, but I don't see death itself as something bad. (As a Catholic, I believe in life after death. No controversy please, this isn't the thread for it.) Although it is sad if it was someone you knew, sad in the same way a goodbye is sad.
 
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