Aspergers and anger

[AndreS96]

I was diagnosed with Aspergers at age 5. Since I can remember I've had extreme anger issues, triggered by minor things that really shouldn't matter at all. Since that age I've gotten better but will still get disproportionately angry about things. I feel it's causing self esteem problems because when I'm verbally abusive, particularly toward people close to me, it causes me to see myself as a piece of crap. Have any of you struggled with anger in this way, and if so what has helped you with it?

 

[Rasendra]

Is this anger issues or getting overwhelmed into meltdowns?

 

[AndreS96]

I'm not sure I understand the difference

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

A hamster wheel of self hate.

Keep an anger diary. Analyse the occasions that have happened
How your emotions built.
When you read it back, you'll be more separate from those emotions.
Learn when it happens and practice in secret to have a different reaction in future.

Mindfulness may help.

It's finding a trick to distract you from your normal reaction.
Plan a different reaction ahead of time.
Forgive yourself when you fall then try again.
Forgiving yourself makes it easier to succeed.
It's a new habit, you have to apply it, takes a lot of effort. Marathon type effort.

Also if it's meltdown it's learning to leave early if possible.
Read a lot, keep learning and trying different things till something works for you,

Just a few thoughts

 

[Rasendra]

Do you mean that you do not know what meltdowns are then? They don't present the same in everyone but it would be necessary to know whether it is an anger problem or meltdowns in order to do anything about it. Also it seems unusual to develop an anger problem at 5 years old without trauma but I am not an expert on psychology so I can't really give an opinion there beyond my experience working with kids.

 

[SusanLR]

The one thing that changed my actions was necessity.

Yet another reason I miss my parents.
They knew me and my outbursts and I didn't have to
feel badly about it with them.

Now that I live with someone else I know I must control
my words or desire to do something destructive when my anger flares because he has a terrible problem with anger and we have had some really bad interactions.
I know he could get angry and send me packing, so I try to keep those feelings inside so he won't see. And I know that isn't good for me, but, due to life situations, I can't just trash the house and run away as I feel like doing.
I need money to do that.

 

[Fitzo]

I can relate to what you're saying. I could never understand why I used to get so furious if someone dropped in unannounced or even worse made a time then turned up half an hour early. There are other things that trigger a disproportionate amount of anger as well. I never new I had AS until very recently and that explained a whole lot of things I had no answer to.
It doesn't make the reaction go away though. The only thing I can suggest is if you can work out what your triggers are and just explain to people that you have difficulty in that situation. Would they mind doing whatever it is in a way that causes less stress for you. For example I have asked people to just give me a call before coming or give me a call when they're leaving so I know what time they will be here.
There will always be times when your anger will take you by surprise but if you learn from them it will make it easier in future. Hope that helps a little.

 

[Nitro]

 

[Suzanne]

And I can also relate, sadly. But for me, I think it has to do with things from the past that I will never receive a redress from, but saying that, probably a combination of that and being an aspie. I have never attacked anyone or thrown anything, but have slammed a door, to the extent it shuddered.

For me, it is hatred of the anger, that helps me to not have deep regrets and I understand SusanLR very much. I have a very volitle husband and he does not have aspergers!

What I must do is to train myself to not bring notice to things or mention something, despite the logic of it, because that is when all "hell breaks loose" and I do not have the mental capacity to actually deal with this for much longer.

Anything that goes wrong that I cannot fix, can get me going. Anything out of place that is not my doing, can get me going. Even if someone was to use a wrong cloth, to do the washing up for me, I can feel myself burning with anger. If I go to do something and my husband has blocked the way, I feel like committing murder.

So, yes, a very real issue.

 

[xudo]

Welcome

I can relate too, although I find I can cover the anger a lot better as an adult compared to when I was a teenager.

 

[watersprite]

Welcome.

I understand about the anger control problem, yes. I am still learning which situations/interactions are guaranteed to send me into anger-monster-zone.

My suggestion is simply to know what you must avoid.

For all the rest, (the stuff that irks you but doesn't send you over the edge): get lots of exercise, avoid sugar & corn syrup based "food", stay hydrated, get enouh sleep, and enjoy your special interest.

 

[Judge]

Sadly the most effective aspect of my own anger control is having lived with someone (my father) with anger management issues compounded by heart disease.

To learn just how physiologically toxic anger truly is, and to work to subdue such anger in my own interest.

My Dad failed to do so, and passed away at the age of 56. Both my brother and myself have outlasted him so far, keenly aware of how things like anger and lifestyle can shorten your life.

 

[Gracey]

I think I was brought up whereby crying was unacceptable but anger was perfectly fine. Normal. A way to express oneself.

If someone tried to bully me or my brothers at junior school I would be praised for lashing out in anger to protect me/them by my family?
I probably was that 'psycho-sister' you hear about in families.
That was all 40-odd years ago when the phrase "Hit 'em back" was considered a form of conflict resolution.
Even the teachers in school assaulted children with the cane and slippers back then.
I've had to duck many a time to avoid a chalk board duster hurled at me by a teacher.
This was all seemingly acceptable back in the day.

By my own reckoning and for me personally I think there's a difference between what happens when I feel completely overwrought and pushed passed any coping techniques I've learned to date. (Melt down?)

And watching someone get bullied, humiliated, picked on.

One is implode the other explode.