As an adult female on the spectrum

[Astrid-X]

Hi everyone and thank you for the warm welcome I have received here.

It only been made clear to me at that I am on the spectrum recently. I have known for a couple of months now so I am still in shock/processing it all. Also I am experiencing a severe burnout.

Basicly my experience for now is that I feel abandoned by those close and far to me. I have always been the "mother" and "therapist" to all my friends, always supportive, nurturing, understanding, forgiving. But I have never felt like the world treated me the same way back. I suspect that many that are close to me are perhaps on the spectrum themselves or have related emotional/social issues. I notice that they don't have luck forming long term or close friendships or relationships themselves and I believe I experience the same issue. My experience is that I am never met with empathy or compassion. If I call my best friend and say I am depressed, she takes several days to reach out to me, only to open up the conversation by talking about herself first.

Few months back, I fell hard romantically for a friend of mine who I felt really saw me and understood me for me intially. He also mentioned that he was on the spectrum, although he wasn't offically diagnosed. He basicly was very up and down with his feelings towards me, had separation anxiety whenever we were apart. We were intimate for the first time, only for him to end it the day after because he had lost romantic feelings for me. Then he said we could be friends if I ever wanted to "step by and talk like we used to as friends". Which made me feel terrible and taken for granted. I felt like I didn't matter at all. He did explain that whenever we were physically together, he felt happy and safe. But when we were apart he was filled with doubts and insecurity about himself and I.

Few months later I finally expressed that i felt like i really didn't matter at all to him based on his action. He was confused, apologized for not meaning to hurt me but still didn't understand my perspective. What really mattered to me the most was the friendship and connection we had. I am still traumatized by the experience.

This has been pretty much my experience with other people. Which makes me feel like no one cares about my well being. I desperately want to break the pattern and form long term healthy and close relationships where I feel like other people care about my needs as well. How can I do that? Knowing that I am on the spectrum now, I realize that I don't fit in well with the neutrypicals way of communicatng either because I am straight forward, honest and not good with hints or emotional language. Masking only makes me burn out.

 

[Sarah S]

First warm welcome to the site. im happy you so far have been greeted as warmly as i was when i first came in here

Im sorry that you had these troubles when you expressed how you felt from what i can understand its him that are insecure of all this and sadly not ready for this relationship, so DONT blame youre self-dear.

Most of on us in the spectrum doesn't fit in or understand etc... the non-spectrums so again although it's sad don't blame youre self-Astrid.

last don't ever stop being you trying to mask or fake it (been there done that) won't work and it will just make things more difficult later on. Just be YOU and then let them decide if they can accept you as you are & if they can't or don't wont to its better to let them go.

 

[Wulven]

Maybe you read more into the friendship then there was. Also you seem to want someone who reciprocate your feelings back. He may have been unable to do so.
Just my thoughts.

 

[Astrid-X]

First warm welcome to the site. im happy you so far have been greeted as warmly as i was when i first came in here

Im sorry that you had these troubles when you expressed how you felt from what i can understand its him that are insecure of all this and sadly not ready for this relationship, so DONT blame youre self-dear.

Most of on us in the spectrum doesn't fit in or understand etc... the non-spectrums so again although it's sad don't blame youre self-Astrid.

last don't ever stop being you trying to mask or fake it (been there done that) won't work and it will just make things more difficult later on. Just be YOU and then let them decide if they can accept you as you are & if they can't or don't wont to its better to let them go.

Thank you for your compassion and understanding. I guess lately I am afraid of being myself because I am afraid I will say something wrong/get rejected by people around me. Only realized that I was on the spectrum recently, so I am afraid to be around friends and family or meeting new people.

 

[Sarah S]

Thank you for your compassion and understanding.

I guess lately I am afraid of being myself because I am afraid I will say something wrong/get rejected by people around me. Only realized that I was on the spectrum recently, so I am afraid to be around friends and family or meeting new people.

Youre very welcome.

I understand but let me add that nothing about you have changed dear, Youre exactly the same person you were before, with or without a possible upcoming ASD diagnose.

I completely understand Astrid but as i said just try to relax and be the same that you have always been dear. As for saying or doing something stupid and so on that's something we all be afraid of & speaking for myself i do it all the time & im used to having to explain and or clarify myself all the time both online as well as reel life and or phone. being afraid to be around youre friends and family just because of you may say or do something wrong is not the right way to go here Astrid. the more you are around them the more youre self-confidents will improve trust me on this (to me it sounds like youre self-confidence is too low, i should know as i have also had this problem belive it or not up to my mid 20 ´s ) will you do or say wrong things? Most likely but that's a part of being human dear.

Regardless of whatever possible diagnose or diagnosis you may get Astrid youre still exactly the same as you have been from youre birth and up to now, nothing has change. The only difference if you get this or other diagnosis is now you will have an answer for why you have the problems in life & for the medical faculty, they will also now hopefully be able to help find a way to learn how to adapt and cope with youre possible new diagnos and or diagnoses.

 

[Astrid-X]

Youre very welcome.

I understand but let me add that nothing about you have changed dear, Youre exactly the same person you were before, with or without a possible upcoming ASD diagnose.

I completely understand Astrid but as i said just try to relax and be the same that you have always been dear. As for saying or doing something stupid and so on that's something we all be afraid of & speaking for myself i do it all the time & im used to having to explain and or clarify myself all the time both online as well as reel life and or phone. being afraid to be around youre friends and family just because of you may say or do something wrong is not the right way to go here Astrid. the more you are around them the more youre self-confidents will improve trust me on this (to me it sounds like youre self-confidence is too low, i should know as i have also had this problem belive it or not up to my mid 20 ´s ) will you do or say wrong things? Most likely but that's a part of being human dear.

Regardless of whatever possible diagnose or diagnosis you may get Astrid youre still exactly the same as you have been from youre birth and up to now, nothing has change. The only difference if you get this or other diagnosis is now you will have an answer for why you have the problems in life & for the medical faculty, they will also now hopefully be able to help find a way to learn how to adapt and cope with youre possible new diagnos and or diagnoses.

Such a warm and lovely response. Thank you

 

[Aspychata]

This reminds me of what l came thru too. I decided to step back because l fell too hard too and the harder l fell, the more l fought to push him away. If they aren't feeling it, you need to exit left. You can't force someone to care for you nor do they need to care about you. Maybe you have discovered the type of person you really like. Then you need to give him space. Or you need to exit the relationship. Relationships are very complex and always evolving. We as people change and evolve.