ArticleS on Friendship and Aspieness?

[Strong Sad]

Hi,

I’m looking to find an article that really addresses the social/emotional challenges of being in a relationship/friendship with an aspie. I have had a relationship disintegrate for some time now, and I think it is large part because of the challenges that exist in an nt/aspie relationship. For a little context, the nt does not “know me” as an aspie; I have only recently diagnosed, and things are so far gone that they are reluctant to speak with me. I would just like to find a simple, effective resource that might help her to understand what may have been happening (it’s pretty classic, I think - I constantly feel anxious/apologetic/insecure/self-loathing/confused; she feels gaslit, angry, resentful, exhausted). Any links would be appreciated!

 

[ghostie]

I wish you the best.

From my experience, once things are so far gone that someone is reluctant to speak to you, it's probably time to move on. Perhaps my experience is limited because I've only had a few relationships, but what I've found about NTs is that once they've made up their mind about you, that's usually it. They don't seem to want to think about the reasons why someone is like they are and would rather just write them out of mind.

Again, I wish you the best and hope it works out, but there's plenty of people out there so it's probably better to just read articles like you've mentioned, but instead of sending them to someone who already doesn't want to talk to you, just read them for ways to act a little differently next time.

 

[Pats]

It's good that you've actually addressed what the other person is feeling. It shows an attempt to understand and you can work on those things. There are lots of conversations on here about relationships and @tree could probably point you right to them.
What I mentioned gives you an advantage. I've had friendships dissolve and have never known why or what happened.

 

[Thinx]

Yes it's tricky because if she's already feeling overwhelmed and that it's always all about you, she may not have the personal resources or patience to read an article that tells her more about how you function. I think this will be the person who supported you through your difficult and distressing time as your partner went through cancer treatment?

If you have any resources to do this, can you ask her how she is doing, spend some time listening to her feelings and how she is, and then, without trying to solve any of it for her, say you are sorry she is so down and depleted, and how utterly grateful you are to her for her help?

If you aren't able to do this at this time, I think that's very understandable due to your own challenging situation, but it's probably what she needs and will hopefully find for herself.

 

[Strong Sad]

Yes it's tricky because if she's already feeling overwhelmed and that it's always all about you, she may not have the personal resources or patience to read an article that tells her more about how you function. I think this will be the person who supported you through your difficult and distressing time as your partner went through cancer treatment?

If you have any resources to do this, can you ask her how she is doing, spend some time listening to her feelings and how she is, and then, without trying to solve any of it for her, say you are sorry she is so down and depleted, and how utterly grateful you are to her for her help?

If you aren't able to do this at this time, I think that's very understandable due to your own challenging situation, but it's probably what she needs and will hopefully find for herself.

thanks, thinx. This is the perfect response! It is exactly what I need to learn to do. Thanks for remembering my situation and offering such thoughtful advice. I really appreciate it.