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Featured Are you happy to be silent?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by SimonSays, Feb 23, 2021 at 10:01 AM.

  1. SimonSays

    SimonSays Reality is one thing I can’t afford to ignore

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    Sometimes I feel like I have to be silent. Sometimes I don't have a choice and find myself silent just because it's not comfortable. But when I feel okay with it, not thinking that something is wrong. If I become comfortable with it, and feel that my silence is acceptable and other people know I'm going to be that way, I become incredibly still and get to see them differently. I can see them in a way that if I were to reveal it they would not necessarily like it, or agree with it, or be happy that I'm seeing it. It's only for me. I can write about it afterwards. I can share it with other people, just not with them.

    So I was wondering if when you experience a mutism silence, is it a resistive, uncomfortable experience where you are self-conscious and awkward and don't fit, or are you comfortable that you are in that state? Are you accepting?

    I feel like I benefit from the silence.

    I've just been on a walking meditation in a smallish park with a nice circular route that I can do several times. I still wear earplugs even though I could take them out as there will be some natural sounds, but it was windy today and there is something about being extra silent that helps me stay in the silence.
     
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  2. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I always knew myself as a chatter box and so did others, however once, when I was on a particular drug and sat alone, as that was how I preferred to be, I realised I was meant to be a quiet thoughtful person. The masking and trauma in my life was the trap that lured me into being a chatterbox.

    In conflict, verbally, I often could not find the words and fell silent, freeze mode.

    It sounds like the calmness gives you insight into people when you are comfortable in company being silent.
    You are not obliged to reveal insights about people, it’s good you write about them.

    As Depeche mode says “Enjoy the silence” I wish I had understood what Dave Gahan was trying to tell me back then.
     
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  3. Sherlock77

    Sherlock77 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I can do both

    When I walk outside I never put in ear buds/ear phones... If it's urban setting it's generally fairly quiet in my city with some ambient noise... When I do go for a walk in the park, I'll look for quieter spots, our main river has lots of gravel bars along it, I love walking on the gravel bars as they are very peaceful and I enjoy walking along the river that close

    At home? Not sure why but I want sound, whether it's the radio or TV, maybe because I live on my own... But even the TV is partially background sound as I'm often working on something or a project...
     
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  4. SimonSays

    SimonSays Reality is one thing I can’t afford to ignore

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    I get it. When I used to watch TV, I would always mute it when the ads came on. Most people don't bother, and either watch them (which is what they want) or leave them as background while doing other things. In my experience most people don't like the silence (or can't be bothered to have to be aware when the show starts again).
    Sounds like somewhere I'd enjoy walking.
     
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  5. Bibliophile715

    Bibliophile715 Host - first system member - any pronouns

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    Sometimes I like being silent because it is necessary as there are some things I'm not comfortable with talking to my family about as they wouldn't understand them. I know as they've said in the past that they generally don't understand these things.

    I will have to be silent if I'm having any sort of worse anxiety or get upset because I literally can't talk when I get upset since it just comes out as muffled sounds. So I will be selectively mute sometimes, but never entirely mute without being able to talk as that has never really happened to me.

    Other times I absolutely hate being silent because it seems like the hardest thing I've ever done. I can feel like I really want to talk about something that they wouldn't understand but I'm not able to so I have to keep it in. Also the majority of the times when my family talks, it's about stuff that I don't really have an opinion on, so I will be selectively silent then while thinking about other things.

    So silence and me go both ways. Sometimes I benefit from silence; from the majority of times I do, but there will be a nagging couple of times where I will really want to talk but can't. There is also an unexpected benefit of being silent for longer-if I plan to say something I want, I can come up with multiple ways to say it instead of just one and then I'll be more likely to get my point across.

    I will also add in that, due to myself being an introvert, if there is a conversation going on, I won't want to talk unless it is something I want to talk about. I tend to be quiet most times as sometimes I may not talk for hours which has astounded other more social people. Talking out loud isn't a daily necessity for me. I do tend to be more social on some online platforms that I am active on because it gives me less social anxiety to post something on online forums than talking to someone face to face. In fact if I get to the point where I hear too much talking at once, I will personally seek out silence to recover from being over-stimulated by noise.
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2021 at 3:12 PM
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  6. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Sorry you feel you have to be silent because there are some things you are not comfortable talking to your family with as they would not understand.[/quote]
    In conflict I trip over my words and my mind goes blank so I think I understand.
    Maybe you can express these things in writing or art.
    Yes I agree waiting before blurting something out Is good. I Regret saying things you canAlways say something At a later time but once it is said in haste, it is said.
     
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  7. Bibliophile715

    Bibliophile715 Host - first system member - any pronouns

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    I have expressed some of it in art before, in fact that was one of the reasons why I started sketching again around five months ago. I am actually something called a fictionkin-there is plenty of things about this topic online on the internet if you want to research it as I don't really know how to explain that right now as it would be a whole other paragraph. There are other autistic fictionkins I have communicated with but all fictionkins aren't neurotypical. My family doesn't really understand this no matter how many times I've tried to tell them because it's hard for them to understand as it's something that's difficult to understand unless you've done lots of research about it or have gone through it yourself. So that's one of the reasons why I like being silent the most, as I can think about things without being judged for thinking about them.
     
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  8. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    It’s good you started sketching and I hope you continue to enjoy it.
    I will research fiction kin.
    Are you saying All fiction kins Are on the spectrum?
    Do your family understand autism?
    I had a brief look at fiction can and it sounds interesting I like spiritual stuff.
     
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  9. Bibliophile715

    Bibliophile715 Host - first system member - any pronouns

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    Not all fictionkins are on the spectrum. Some of them are, some of them aren't, some of them only find out they have autistic or asperger-like tendencies after they realize they are fictionkin.
    My family understands autism some. Not fully, but as much as it is possible for them to understand as my parents have undiagnosed neurotypical behaviors themselves. Good luck researching fictionkin, though. There are many different types of fictionkins and not everyone experiences it the same way as some are psychological or spiritual. Sketching is something extremely therapeutic for me, I'd have to be taking more anxiety medicine if I wasn't able to sketch actually.
     
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  10. Wolfsage

    Wolfsage In training to be Wolf King.

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    Yep. Silence preferred. Part of my ninja training. Useful skill.
     
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  11. Soleil

    Soleil Well-Known Member

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    Communication can be hard for me. Sometimes it's difficult to organize my thoughts into coherent sentences. Sometimes it's hard to find an opening, especially in groups, or people are talking about something I'm not familiar with. And most of the time, communication, especially verbally, just takes a lot of energy.

    While I'm perfectly happy being quiet most of the time, I don't particularly like that some people have gotten the impression that I'm cold, robotic, and uncaring.
    And sometimes I really do want to say something, but I can't get my thoughts together, or I don't have the energy, and it's frustrating being unable to communicate when I want to.

    I do usually have some sound going on around me, like the TV, or I'll listen to music. I really prefer having music playing when I'm doing something. But sometimes I also really enjoy silence. And I definitely enjoy quiet areas.
     
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  12. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Silence is under-rated. It's beautiful ability to completely drown out everything around you. Because l had to deal with something continually done to me, l seek out silence, l also seek out being alone to enjoy silence. This is my personal freedom. However, l am doing better with noise. l have no TV. And l love it.
     
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  13. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    It only happens when I'm upset, but it hasn't really happened at all since I stopped dating. :D
     
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  14. Major Tom

    Major Tom Searching for ground control... V.I.P Member

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    I'm a very still and quiet person. I get very overwhelmed with noisy, crowded places and often don't know what to say or how to interject. I prefer the silence, but most of all I prefer the sounds of nature unadulterated by the sounds of civilization.
     
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  15. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member

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    Nothing is ever really silent.
    In the quietist of places we can still hear our own bodies functioning if we're listening.
    (not just the rumbling stomach, creaky joints or clicking ligaments either :) )

    Generally, I can do both. Noise & silence.

    I don't get overwhelming urges to fill a gap in space and time with spoken words.
    I can get overwhelming urges to stay quiet and just listen.

    I do notice gaps in conversation when with another and am comfortable enough just to sit and let that gap be.

    I feel differently about the written word.
    If someone emails me, I reply.
    I can get really enthusiastic over that (now) rare handwritten letter being posted through my letterbox and make my reply a priority :)
     
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  16. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    It can be both with me.
    Sometimes I want to share some information on a subject of interest, but, I only have one person to
    really just talk with and I can tell he isn't interested in what I want to share.
    If I get one sentence out, I'm lucky. He interrupts and starts talking about something he is interested in.
    And I'm usually not interested in the things he's interested in.
    Very incompatible on common interests.

    Sometimes I just feel comfortable not talking and if someone is around they will ask if I'm OK
    or am I glum. No, I'm comfortable is all.

    I don't like the noise of a lot of people talking at once, like in a restaurant, for example.
    That can lead to sensory overload and create that spacey feeling. Have to get away from it when that
    happens.

    At home, I like somekind of background sound. Calm music usually.
    TV as a background noise, for some reason, I don't like. Don't watch a lot of TV anyway.
    Outdoors in nature I prefer the natural sound around me.
    So it depends on the situation and place.
     
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  17. Alexej

    Alexej Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I try to spend 30 minutes in silence daily as part of my prayer practice.

    I am of the ilk that subscribes to the phrase, "It is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt".
     
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  18. SimonSays

    SimonSays Reality is one thing I can’t afford to ignore

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    Today I did a bit over 6 laps of walking meditation. 4 laps for the body, walking at a good pace, eyes looking down about 6 feet ahead. Then slowed it right down, slower and slower, and over the course of a lap, right down to 1 step a second. I can go slower, and when it’s warmer and I can sit for a bit here and there, I can get down to 1 step every 2 seconds. The slowest I've been would be around 1 every 4 seconds, but I'm not ready for that yet. Not still enough for that. But with practice, by the time the weather is a bit nicer, I will get there. Only during a normal working weekday. Other times there are too many people. That is NT time as far as I am concerned.

    Even having reached 1 step/second today felt good, so when I finally make my way home, I am still moving slowly and as I get to the shops, all the people going about their business, it is so much easier to navigate them. I have more time to notice where they are, adjust my path accordingly. Notice that one shop had Kiwi’s on sale; 10 for £1. I slowly fill a bag, holding the silence, pay for it without needing to speak, and when I get back, settle down, relax, and start writing the ideas I've had and exploring the way they feel.
     
  19. Magna

    Magna Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    For many years I attended a silent retreat annually. It ran from Thursday afternoon to Sunday evening. It was put on at a retreat house and had private grounds, walking trails, etc and was located on the shore of a lake. It's a men only retreat.

    I found being silent for that length of time to be very easy. Effortless, really. Many of the other retreatants find it very difficult not to talk for even that length of time.
     
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  20. SimonSays

    SimonSays Reality is one thing I can’t afford to ignore

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    I like the sound of that.

    Really? I am surprised they struggled over just a few days.

    I've done 10 days silent retreat. If it were to go on much longer I might never want to talk again. To be around a community of brothers being silent, that would be something I had hoped I would try before the pandemic closed the door to that option.
     
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