Are you easily influenced by peer pressure?

[Progster]

I've always thought of myself as being a very independent minded person, with my own, critical mind, not easily influenced by other people. I've never really felt the need to do something, or have a certain opinion just because my peers do, and have never been able to relate to this kind of mentailty. For example, I've never understood the idea that people start smoking just because their friends are and they feel pressure to join in - I just don't feel this need to join in and to my mind, smoking smells, is addictive, expensive and can have unpleasant side effects, so it makes no sense to me to start smoking. Likewise, I would never like, or pretend to like a certain kind of music just because it was popular or my friends like it.

And yet, on this site and others, if I come across a post with a lot of karma given, a lot of 'winner' karma for example, I definitely feel a bit of pressure not to stand out from the crowd by giving a different kind of karma. Could this be the result of years of social conditioning, or not liking to stand out in a crowd or draw attention to myself? - Is peer pressure more to do with wanting to be like other people, or not wanting to stand out, draw attention to oneself as being different? I think that, in my case, it is the latter. Really it shouldn't matter about the karma - I mean, whetever you give it's all karma, positive feedback, so it isn't a big deal. And I certainly would never give karma that I don't feel or don't agree with. It could be that often, I can only give one karma at a time and I can't decide which one to give, and then the karma given by others will sway me one way or another. Also, giving karma is different to my example of smoking, because it is a positive thing, with only positive benefits. But it did make me want to analyze the topic a bit more, and I was wondering what other people's thoughts are on this topic. Do you feel this kind of pressure? Are you easily influenced by others, to what extend? Are you totally immune to peer pressure in any form? Are there some times where you definitely are, and other times where you definitely aren't?

 

[tree]

Do you feel this kind of pressure?
Sometimes, yes, when I see that a number of people have rated a post
in a certain way, or rated it at all, I look at the post,the types of rating,
and the people who have rated it, to see whether or not I agree.

Are you easily influenced by others, to what extend?
Not so much, I think.

Are you totally immune to peer pressure in any form?
No, I am not immune.

Are there some times where you definitely are, and other times where you definitely aren't?
I am not likely to feel impinged upon over issues regarding personal habits
such and eating, sleeping, clothing,political or religious beliefs.
If the situation involves transportation, I will make a point of making
it easier for the other person as far as schedule etc goes.

Is peer pressure more to do with wanting to be like other people, or not wanting to stand out, draw attention to oneself as being different?
I like the way you have formulated this question as an example of figure/ground.

At times I have replied to threads because it felt like if I didn't, then it would be
assumed that my position was the same as the predominant one, in cases where
it was not. I don't know how that works within other people.

 

[SchrodingersMeerkat]

No. But then I never had any "peers" to begin with.

 

[SchrodingersMeerkat]

I'm in the same boat as @SchrodingersMeerkat in that I never had any peers. I was never into group-think or herd mentality, so the peer crowd never had any influence over me. I have tried several times over the years to be influenced. When I was younger I attempted dress in the latest fashion trend, listen to the latest music trend, like the latest things.

In almost every case it resulted in bringing more ridicule because I was never part of group, crowd, clique. etc, etc. I have shared some common interests like motorsports, motorcycles, etc, but I was not influenced by those that enjoyed the same interests. I even tried to develop interests in certain things in order to try to fit in. It doesn't work that way. People need to accept an individual as they are without expecting them to change or become extensions of themselves.

Nowadays I am my own peer group. The young folk at work seem to admire my stubborn individuality. I look at them and think, "Sheesh, why not give it a try."

That reminds me of how my mom used to tell me that if I at least pretended to be interested in what the other kids were interested in, they'd show interest in my interests. NOPE! I pretended to be into that Goosebumps book series and no one even cared. Whenever my mom told me I should pretend to be interested in what other people were interested in, I told her how I actually tried that and it didn't work. Other kids just didn't like me.

 

[SchrodingersMeerkat]

That sounds just like what my mother said to me, and I'm 27 years older than you. They really need to update the parenting handbook if they're still using the same old lines that don't work.

I know right? When I told her how the other kids were bullying me, she said it was my fault because I had a "chip on my shoulder".

 

[Suzanne]

I always thought I was easy prey to peer preasure, because of a need to fit in, but actually, it was the complete opposite. I was surrounded by smokers and drinkers and casual drug takers, but when ever the dope came my way, I would decline and I tried my first cigarette when I was 22 and thought: what is the point of this? Coughing and spluttering and from that moment, I knew I would never be a smoker and that has stood still. I do not see the logic in smoking. I also do not drink and although I admit, I did drink a little at one stage, because it was the thing to do and because it gave me the confidence that I so sorely lacked, in fact, for a long time and at this point in time, I am proud to be a non drinker.

I think where I fell down with my peers, is agreeing just because I did not wish to be controversial and I guess because I had no idea how to hold my own.

Now, it is the opposite and I am very independant in my thoughts.

 

[Progster]

Just to clarify, when I say 'peers', I mean the people you are or were at school/college/at work with - people who aren't necessarily your friends but you are forced to be with and interact with, who might put pressure on you to conform to their way of thinking. I was never part or a clique or social circle of friends either, I was a loner. But I was treated differently because I didn't conform to their way of thinking (I didn't see the necessity and wasn't interested) and because I wasn't like them.

 

[tree]

Just to clarify, when I say 'peers', I mean the people you are or were at school/college/at work with - people who aren't necessarily your friends but you are forced to be with and interact with, who might put pressure on you to conform to their way of thinking.

Yes, that's the sense of the word I was responding to,
peers as being individuals of similar age or grouping, like
at school or work. Not pals/friends/family.

Like for a trial, where you are judged by your peers.
That doesn't mean a batch of your friends & relatives
are gathered for the occasion.

 

[Chance]

Peer pressure to follow other people... Never have worried about that much. I carve my own path and stumble all over the place sometimes in doing so. BUT sure, I do desire to fit in with the human race at some relevant level also.

As for "Karma" on here... I don't even pay attention to it... Never to sound rude about the numbers part... Here is why...

I want to always give "karma" (If I agree with what someone who has took the time to write out something from their heart). Plus it tells me I read it later on!!!

I know I struggle to allow some of my stuff out, but also know it helps me to let it out, so I want to let others KNOW that helped me also. I love giving them karma... It makes me feel good.

I don't care about who has more karma, or no karma... We are all just trying to become better at who we are or we wouldn't be here... This is the kindest place I have ever found... So even though I do love numbers... In this case they mean nothing because we are not numbers here, we are mostly very real people who struggle to fit into a life where we don't add up in the first place...

I don't care about my "karma numbers" BUT it makes me so happy when I know someone understood me (so yes I love it when I get Karma)... I'm struggling very hard to explain how I feel about this (and its not negative)... I just cant get it worded the way I want, but I hope you all understand what I am trying to say, and its not against our Karma or the numbers in any way...
: )

 

[OkRad]

I am , but not in the traditional sense. It's more like people being around makes me act differently. I don't mind doing my interests around them, but they make me nervous, so nervous that it may exacerbate my oddities instead of nip them. I can't explain it. NTs make me pee my pants ( not literally). They make me all shaky and nervous so I just kinda implode.

 

[Judge]

Interesting question.

I'd say so, but only at one point in my life based on a single premise. A time and place where I thought my peers accepted me for who I was, and treated me well. Where I was most apt to just go along with the group, for whatever reasoning. Even if I and when chose not to do this or that, there didn't seem any real pressure as such.

-In college.

Was it worth it? I think so. Though before and after college I never again encountered the same social dynamics where I was unconditionally treated with kindness. Ultimately it was a limited experience for me. The only time in my life I really felt like part of a group. Alas it proved to be quite fleeting.

 

[Progster]

I am , but not in the traditional sense. It's more like people being around makes me act differently. I don't mind doing my interests around them, but they make me nervous, so nervous that it may exacerbate my oddities instead of nip them. I can't explain it. NTs make me pee my pants ( not literally). They make me all shaky and nervous so I just kinda implode.

I know what you mean, I get jittery around people, especially poeple I don't know. Sometimes I find myself shaking after I talk to them.

I don't care about who has more karma, or no karma... We are all just trying to become better at who we are or we wouldn't be here... This is the kindest place I have ever found... So even though I do love numbers... In this case they mean nothing because we are not numbers here, we are mostly very real people who struggle to fit into a life where we don't add up in the first place...

I don't care about my "karma numbers" BUT it makes me so happy when I know someone understood me (so yes I love it when I get Karma)... I'm struggling very hard to explain how I feel about this (and its not negative)... I just cant get it worded the way I want, but I hope you all understand what I am trying to say, and its not against our Karma or the numbers in any way...

I agree, the karma is good. I've seen forums with 'dislike' or 'downvote' buttons, and I don't like that. Receiving karma is important, it gives us confidence and self-esteem. It was just an example really, karma numbers aren't important and it's not a competition to see who has the most karma - that's not what I was saying.

 

[Gritches]

I approach it as a matter of personal benefit. I know it's not the individualistic thing to do, but going along with the group is often just easier if your goal is to fit in. Yes, you can still fit in by just being yourself and making your own decisions independent from the group, but for trivial things that don't really matter that much you'll survive a lot longer mentally by just agreeing to see the movie that everyone else wants to see, or doing whatever other trivial activity the group wants to do. You'll also be a lot more popular and less of a "broken leg", if you get what I mean by that.

This is for trivial matters only, however. It kind of reminds me of the episode of the Big Bang Theory where Sheldon decided to make all his trivial, everyday decisions by rolling dice.

When it comes to things that actually matter, I always consider whether or not going with the group would benefit me or not; things like the decision to start smoking, or drinking - things of that caliber (those lines are already crossed for me, but that's just a fo' instance). On that note, giving in to peer pressure is what got me started with smoking/drinking/drugs. Those were not good life choices. So I approach peer pressure situations with my own personal benefit in mind nowadays. Putting #1 first is beneficial in many ways and many different situations.

 

[clg114]

I have never felt much peer pressure because I was a loner and had no desire to be like anyone else. My interests are just different than everyone else's and it did not bother me to be alone. The only friends that I have ever had were associated with some kind of activity, like golf, motorcycles, snowmobiles, trucks or firearms. I just never wanted anything just because someone had it, thus no peer pressure. I like just being me.

As for karma on this site is concerned, I like to give karma to posts that I like or agree with. I also like the choices we have. I also think that it is a good thing that we do not have bad karma. That would cause bad feelings and nobody wants that.

 

[Ambi]

I don't succumb much to peer pressure, in the sense that I do something in order to look cool or accepted. However, I can be gullible or naive and go along when I shouldn't, or go along with something either because I just don't care or because I just want to get someone to stop nagging me. Or because I convince myself that maybe ther *is* something I might get out of it, so curiosity.

 

[Mr Allen]

I used to be.

For instance about 15 years ago I bought Phantasy Star Online on the Sega Dream Cast because some guy I used to chat with on MSN pestered me into getting it by saying it was the best thing ever.

So I bought it for £49, played it constantly for a week, and ended up thinking, "I paid £50 for this? What the hell?!" and I've hated turn based combat games ever since.

 

[Chris Russell]

Very interesting question, and reading the other answers in the thread, it seems the majority of us do not feel the pressure of peer groups. I have worked in UK secondary schools (High schools) for nearly ten years, and see the incredible effects of peer pressure (especially through social media) every day. But this is a social construct, and perhaps this is why it only seems to affect Aspies tangentially... I never understood the importance of social hierarchies and rituals at school, and may have followed along sporadically 'to fit in' but I can't have been very convincing and probably gave up quickly. I think to be as affected by peer pressure as most NT people are, you have to be more socially invested. Although I felt isolated and desperately sad at school, having witnessed what some kids suffer due to peer pressure, I sometimes feel like I dodged a bullet.

 

[Chris Russell]

I have just demonstrated how terrible I am at exactly what I had meant to write about... I meant to include something in my last post about awarding karma to posts. I was horrified to realise that I almost never do this. My motivation to reciprocate in conversation is woeful, and I have to school myself carefully - to an almost ridiculous degree. (Stop talking now. Let them speak. Ask a question. Listen to the answer. Consider the answer and respond accordingly... etc.) Without this internal dialogue I would blab on unabated until the other person walked away. I realise I need something online to do the same job! It would not occur to me to give karma to a post unless I found it utterly fascinating, (this is genuinely what it takes to break through my narrow focus) which is, of course, completely unrealistic. Many posters deserve recognition for the quality of their responses or observations; the honesty or the helpfulness of their writing. It is my poor empathy quotient that I think is to blame (I am an extreme systemiser on the Cambridge Scale) - these things simply don't occur to me. I would love to know, however, where the ability to be utterly mortified with oneself, on realising the omission, comes from....

 

[Siobhan]

I feel a lot of peer pressure from my many attempts to be normal, and will do a lot to just stay under the radar. When I don't want to do something in a group, I usually have to say why and I end up saying the wrong thing a lot of the time and offending people. Most of the time it's not worth the fight to me.

 

[Celestiune]

Peer Pressure is common in teenagers and young adults so I've always passed it off as being young and not being autistic. But tbh, not really.