Voltaic
Plaidhiker@youtube
I always have people telling me I am to blunt. They criticize me over it, but I do think it is something beneficial under the right circumstances. circumstances, that I do not always follow. I am going to express a stereotyped scenario, the scenario itself isn't the main focus. A guy and a girl are in a relationship. the guy does something the girl doesn't like, and instead of talking about it, she relegates the problem into her interactions with her boyfriend, and through sub-comunication in her speech, ie, alternative meanings other than what is expressed directly when talking. She never talks about what he did, instead she wants the guy to pick up on the social cues to realize he did something wrong, then make the connections to realize what he did wrong, then approach her on the problem, preferably apologizing. She is trying to solve the problem by not doing the hard thing, and directly talking about the problem, instead working with cues, and other non direct communication to express her dissatisfaction. The guy has the tricky part. First, he has to pick up on these cues, and realize she is angry, when not directly expressing anger. this is something that fly over a lot of peoples heads, not just aspies and other people on the spectrum. That is the first part, He has to then figure out what he did wrong. If he is lucky, then he can have an epiphany, and realize what he did wrong. Or, he could have no idea what made her angry, having to approach her realizing she is mad, but not knowing what about.
All this, or she tells him why he made her mad in the first place, bypassing this whole thing.
Of course, this is a hypothetical, but speaks an idea. People normally avoid talking directly about the big problems. If they still want to be somewhat expressive over it they express dissatisfaction through sub-communication, body language, and cues. if it comes to that, then they do want to be somewhat vocal about it, but they are unwilling to take the big step to approach the problem directly, possibly making it even worse as time goes on, with the sub-communicative expressions going unnoticed.
It is inefficient. Sub-Communication has it's time and place to be efficient, otherwise, I don't think it would have worked its way to such prevalence in our language. People rely on it to much, and use it for problems, and trying to express something where it makes the situation many times more complicated.
My own view on this whole thing is that because I am inherently bad at understanding sub-communication. I can't pick up on these signals and face the problem face to face. Also because of this, I can never tell if someone is telling the truth, if they mean what they are actually saying, or if it means something else. It gives me a lot of anxiety, so much in fact, that I would rather them hit me with the hard truth upfront. Tell me I'm being an jerk, tell me you are not happy with me, tell me the worst thing about how you view me upfront, so I don't have to guess, which often times tells me something worse.
I am likewise with others. When they are being a jerk, I tell them, when I am mad at them for something, I tell them. From there, we can actually work to solve the problem, instead of leaving it in the dark to fester into something worse. People don't like that about me sometimes, but it is efficient, and it works. You have to verbalize what you are mad about well enough to cover your full thoughts, and make it sounds reasonable. I am not bringing up these problems to criticize, but to fix them, and to move on. People take it as a personal attack. Maybe because they are not so used to someone being so direct. I have lost friends this way, for doing what I truly believe to be the best course of action. I look at it as them cloning to the belief such problems should be relegated to sub-communication and left there. To be honest, it makes me mad looking back. I took time to make what I had to say reasonable, and to be viewed as not a personal attack or criticism , but to fix the problem at hand to move on. To no avail.
I don't say that I am always blunt to be efficient, sometimes it just slips out, and is socially inappropriate for a good reason. Yes, even I of all people, make mistakes. These are just my thoughts on the matter, so I will end off with this.
Are you blunt? Is it intentional, or accidental? Have you lost friends because of this? really, this is just an open discussion on the subject matter.
All this, or she tells him why he made her mad in the first place, bypassing this whole thing.
Of course, this is a hypothetical, but speaks an idea. People normally avoid talking directly about the big problems. If they still want to be somewhat expressive over it they express dissatisfaction through sub-communication, body language, and cues. if it comes to that, then they do want to be somewhat vocal about it, but they are unwilling to take the big step to approach the problem directly, possibly making it even worse as time goes on, with the sub-communicative expressions going unnoticed.
It is inefficient. Sub-Communication has it's time and place to be efficient, otherwise, I don't think it would have worked its way to such prevalence in our language. People rely on it to much, and use it for problems, and trying to express something where it makes the situation many times more complicated.
My own view on this whole thing is that because I am inherently bad at understanding sub-communication. I can't pick up on these signals and face the problem face to face. Also because of this, I can never tell if someone is telling the truth, if they mean what they are actually saying, or if it means something else. It gives me a lot of anxiety, so much in fact, that I would rather them hit me with the hard truth upfront. Tell me I'm being an jerk, tell me you are not happy with me, tell me the worst thing about how you view me upfront, so I don't have to guess, which often times tells me something worse.
I am likewise with others. When they are being a jerk, I tell them, when I am mad at them for something, I tell them. From there, we can actually work to solve the problem, instead of leaving it in the dark to fester into something worse. People don't like that about me sometimes, but it is efficient, and it works. You have to verbalize what you are mad about well enough to cover your full thoughts, and make it sounds reasonable. I am not bringing up these problems to criticize, but to fix them, and to move on. People take it as a personal attack. Maybe because they are not so used to someone being so direct. I have lost friends this way, for doing what I truly believe to be the best course of action. I look at it as them cloning to the belief such problems should be relegated to sub-communication and left there. To be honest, it makes me mad looking back. I took time to make what I had to say reasonable, and to be viewed as not a personal attack or criticism , but to fix the problem at hand to move on. To no avail.
I don't say that I am always blunt to be efficient, sometimes it just slips out, and is socially inappropriate for a good reason. Yes, even I of all people, make mistakes. These are just my thoughts on the matter, so I will end off with this.
Are you blunt? Is it intentional, or accidental? Have you lost friends because of this? really, this is just an open discussion on the subject matter.
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