Are romantic relationships/sex not that big of a deal for NT's?

[mw2530]

I ask this because finding relationships or getting sex is much easier for NT's than an aspie. Not necessarily that they are easy all the time, but much more readily accessible for NT's. So do you think that fact makes these things not as big of a deal for NT's? Or does it make it a bigger deal for NT's since many aspies give up on hoping for a romantic relationship or having sex since it is so hard so they just accept a life without these things? What are everyone's thoughts. Both aspies and NT's are welcome to comment.

 

[GrownupGirl]

You should see how worked up people are about it on the Love and Dating forum on Wrong Planet... if you want to get seriously depressed or disgusted in the fastest way possible. It really should be called the Loathe and Hating forum. The majority of posters are male, and they seem to have a hostile view of females in general, autistic or otherwise. It's the primary reason I came to this site, even though I still go on WP.

 

[mw2530]

You should see how worked up people are about it on the Love and Dating forum on Wrong Planet... if you want to get seriously depressed or disgusted in the fastest way possible. It really should be called the Loathe and Hating forum. The majority of posters are male, and they seem to have a hostile view of females in general, autistic or otherwise. It's the primary reason I came to this site, even though I still go on WP.

No offense, but I'm not sure what your point is. I didn't bash women in any way in my post.

 

[Propianotuner]

You should see how worked up people are about it on the Love and Dating forum on Wrong Planet... if you want to get seriously depressed or disgusted in the fastest way possible. It really should be called the Loathe and Hating forum. The majority of posters are male, and they seem to have a hostile view of females in general, autistic or otherwise. It's the primary reason I came to this site, even though I still go on WP.

The content there can be childish, but given that it's not so hard to understand people being bitter. We all live in a harsh world that really could care less about us.

 

[SusanLR]

I always felt romantic relationships and sex were the ' Big deal ' for NTs.
It seems to be one of the most important things in life.
Look at what I call a Meet and Greet lounge/bar.
They come out in force, dressed in their finest come hither dress, sit around drinking, talking or just
waiting for someone else to come over with a BS line like "buy you a drink?", "what's a nice girl like you doing alone tonight?" etc etc.
And they just seem to know what to say and how to bait and catch naturally.

I never participated in that type of activity. Wouldn't know how or even want to, but, I've known
plenty of NTs who talk about it like wow, last night I really scored.

If they are not into that scene, then there's the looking for love types.
Love, sex, marriage seem to be very important to most NTs.
It is to some Aspies too. But, doesn't seem like it is as important a role to most as the NTs.
Just what I have observed from being on this planet for quite a long time.

 

[Isadoorian]

You should see how worked up people are about it on the Love and Dating forum on Wrong Planet... if you want to get seriously depressed or disgusted in the fastest way possible. It really should be called the Loathe and Hating forum. The majority of posters are male, and they seem to have a hostile view of females in general, autistic or otherwise. It's the primary reason I came to this site, even though I still go on WP.

Exact reason why I came here as well; plus there's no complaining about being single and/or ugly

 

[Bolletje]

Relationships and sex are a huge deal to a great many people, both on the spectrum and off.

 

[Mary Terry]

IMHO, NT people who hang out in bars trying to snag a date or hook-up are immature and desperate. Maybe people on the spectrum who hang out in bars are the same. As far as bragging rights are concerned, isn't it usually males who talk about their experiences and encounters rather than females?

 

[paloftoon]

mw2530, I feel that people on here are missing a bunch of people in the equation. Yes, there are a lot of people who take relationships seriously. There are also many who don't, or it's complicated. The ones who don't go for hookups basically. The complicated are the open relationships, or single people who will try to be friends with the people they engage with. This is regardless of whether the people are NT or not.

 

[Smiley]

I ask this because finding relationships or getting sex is much easier for NT's than an aspie. Not necessarily that they are easy all the time, but much more readily accessible for NT's. So do you think that fact makes these things not as big of a deal for NT's? Or does it make it a bigger deal for NT's since many aspies give up on hoping for a romantic relationship or having sex since it is so hard so they just accept a life without these things? What are everyone's thoughts. Both aspies and NT's are welcome to comment.

Well.....

If you've met one NT, you've met one NT.

Some people take relationships very seriously, others are quite casual about them, and others avoid them for a variety of reasons, and people's attitudes may change throughout their lives. You really can't generalize.

Do you have a more specific question or observation?

 

[Aeolienne]

I've had so many NTs say to me "You're too young to worry about having a boyfriend", "Relationships are no big deal", "They'll come along when you least expect it", "Just join a club" and so forth, which suggests that NTs don't take relationships seriously. Except that most of the NTs who've said this to me are in relationships. Go figure. As mentioned elsewhere (here and here), it's quite striking how no-one on The Undateables gets fed that kind of patter. But then if they believed all that it would undermine the show's very existence - duh!

 

[VJCJ0628]

I always felt romantic relationships and sex were the ' Big deal ' for NTs.
It seems to be one of the most important things in life.
Look at what I call a Meet and Greet lounge/bar.
They come out in force, dressed in their finest come hither dress, sit around drinking, talking or just
waiting for someone else to come over with a BS line like "buy you a drink?", "what's a nice girl like you doing alone tonight?" etc etc.
And they just seem to know what to say and how to bait and catch naturally.

I never participated in that type of activity. Wouldn't know how or even want to, but, I've known
plenty of NTs who talk about it like wow, last night I really scored.

If they are not into that scene, then there's the looking for love types.
Love, sex, marriage seem to be very important to most NTs.
It is to some Aspies too. But, doesn't seem like it is as important a role to most as the NTs.
Just what I have observed from being on this planet for quite a long time.

I got the feeling OP didn't exactly mean that Yes NT's are very interested in romantic relationships and sex a nd it is very important to them

However, the dif is they can approach there love interest more naturally, they can take rejection and move on to the next without it being a big deal, It does not crush them so easily or break there confidence the same way

 

[AloneNotLonely]

The issue is a bit too complicated for a simplified answer. The one thing that is rather simple is that the mind values scarcity, so those that have an easier time getting sex and getting into relationships will value them less. Naturally they all value "True Love" as it's something either none of them experienced, or something they discarded before discovering it's rarity. Some become jaded, others keep living in a fantasy world where the flawless person that will accept all of their flaws is right around the corner. The whole situation is really too varied to sum up. Fascinating stuff for sure, though.

It's a bit of a catch 22 too...
Being in a relationship makes you all too aware of the negatives of being in one... while not being in a relationship is a sure fire way to regret not having any of it's advantages.

They are a big deal... but then again they are not. They are a big deal if it's with the right person, but when you find out that 99.9% of people are not the right person... and that a good deal of them will make you want to run away in sheer terror... then it's not a big deal.

And for some reason... negative people being on a site called "Wrongplanet"... somehow doesn't surprise me at all.

I've had so many NTs say to me "You're too young to worry about having a boyfriend", "Relationships are no big deal", "They'll come along when you least expect it", "Just join a club" and so forth, which suggests that NTs don't take relationships seriously. Except that most of the NTs who've said this to me are in relationships. Go figure. As mentioned elsewhere (here and here), it's quite striking how no-one on The Undateables gets fed that kind of patter. But then if they believed all that it would undermine the show's very existence - duh!

Actually that shows they don't want to hurt your feelings. Wouldn't it be worse if they were like "Ooooh my gooood Matthew is so awesome! You should find a boyfriend, look at how happy we are!"?
Whereas on The Undateables, it would be quite silly to tell people what they should or shouldn't want. It's a dating show, people that are on the show want to date. It's like a perfect match.

 

[OlLiE]

i think they are just less self aware and don't experience the negativity of rejection as deeply as some do, it's often a game of statistics, if you ask around enough you are bound to meet someone, if you don't care about being rejected, i guess it's just tedious, but not painful

 

[Tom]

Actually they are.

 

[SunnyDay16]

I think it's natural human desire to want a relationship and sex with somebody you're into. However, I do feel too many people place an exorbitant amount of value on that and thus neglect other areas of their life. Even though I do wish I was in a relationship ATM, I try my best to not let it affect my life to the point where I feel down all the time about it. It's kind of why I try to avoid dating forums (Wrong Planet especially) because there's so many negative and depressing posts. You can just feel the bitterness and negativity from watching it.

 

[SunnyDay16]

You should see how worked up people are about it on the Love and Dating forum on Wrong Planet... if you want to get seriously depressed or disgusted in the fastest way possible. It really should be called the Loathe and Hating forum. The majority of posters are male, and they seem to have a hostile view of females in general, autistic or otherwise. It's the primary reason I came to this site, even though I still go on WP.

It's definitely full of Nice Guys and Nice Girls. You know, the ones who complain about being single because they are "nice" and those who reject them are shallow jerks.

 

[jovanovic]

its big deal for me and i feel sad that i will never have sex, never kiss and never be in a relationship.

 

[SunnyDay16]

No offense, but I'm not sure what your point is. I didn't bash women in any way in my post.

I don't think she was referring to you.

 

[SunnyDay16]

IMHO, NT people who hang out in bars trying to snag a date or hook-up are immature and desperate. Maybe people on the spectrum who hang out in bars are the same. As far as bragging rights are concerned, isn't it usually males who talk about their experiences and encounters rather than females?

I don't really agree. I don't see how it could be "immature" or "desperate" to seek people for a date or a hook-up in a bar. There's places to not do it, sure, but at least you're putting yourself out there and socializing.