Anyone else feel like they're in a vicious cycle socially?

[megacomic]

My family complains because I isolate myself and I don't socialize enough so I go out try to make friends and then I get ostracized by family and otherwise for being odd. Then I isolate myself again because being treated like human garbage can get old pretty fast.Next thing you know everyone is once again complaining about how I'm not open enough and the cycle continues.I just wish there was someone on my side for once. I don't want to hate people. I want to have friends and fall in love and have someone fall in love with me. I even want children and a wife someday. Someone , a friend to accept me and understand that I'm not a bad, sinister freak or weirdo. That I'm more than just ...this.

 

[the_tortoise]

I think all of us who are different from the norm, we just need to find other people like us -- or to find people who are broad-minded and accepting.

Everybody fits somewhere, the hard part (the sometimes impossible part) is locating the people and places you can fit with.

 

[megacomic]

I think all of us who are different from the norm, we just need to find other people like us -- or to find people who are broad-minded and accepting.

Everybody fits somewhere, the hard part (the sometimes impossible part) is locating the people and places you can fit with.

Well maybe I'm just on the wrong planet. Sometimes it feels that way. Like I'm an alien mimicking human behavior but never quite getting it right.

 

[the_tortoise]

Well maybe I'm just on the wrong planet. Sometimes it feels that way. Like I'm an alien mimicking human behavior but never quite getting it right.

I think there are worlds within the world....that maybe doesn't make sense (like I'm not expressing what I mean very well), but I've found there are a lot of different social groups and social contexts within social groups (chaotic, multi-level mass of 3-D venn diagrams in conceptualizing it in the abstract in my head) and they all seem to have different behavior, different expectations, different ways of communicating. It makes life hard for me (which social things apply at which times, with which people? and that's just considering the social things I actually know), but it also forms the basis of my belief that everyone belongs somewhere.

Not everyone will/would ostracize or criticize you for being odd or different than they are (some people would reach out to you because you are different/odd and they can relate to being different/odd, or are just curious about all the ways to be in this world and appreciate all different kinds of people and perspectives). If you are lucky maybe you will find some other(s) who share so much of your particular kind(s) of different that you make perfect sense to each other a lot of the time.

You are not wrong or bad or a sinister freak or anything like that, just because you are not like your family or the people you have tried to befriend so far. Don't let the ways they have hurt you and made you feel like you don't belong destroy your hope for finding love and acceptance in the world.

 

[Progster]

I do understand what you mean - I think that it's not good that your familiy pusts pressure on you because friendships shouldn't be forced. It's artificial and you are more likely to find the wrong kind of friend - you need to find the right kind of friend who can accept you for who you are, a genuine friendship.

 

[Suzanne]

YES! For years this has been happening to me and currently, because at long last, in effect, I am taking a stand, it has got worse, but this thursday, I have my first psychiatric appointment and hope that I can be officialised with some issues that, cause me untold misery. NT's love officalised things and so, it seems that if I can get that, people will take me a bit more seriously.

Even been called, antisocial, but one lady who is an nt ( suspect really she might not be) disputed that and so, I looked it up and nope, not antisocial. I am just FED UP of feeling like a second class citizen from being told that it is all in my head to taking the plunge and thinking it may be, to only find that, I am still largely ignored and how that makes me feel and thus, no more!

My husband is both my biggest advocate ( of late) and my nemisis. He is the one who constantly tells me that I am doing myself no favours by being isolated and yet, he hears LESS complaints from me, than when I have to be around people.

He also says I am an unsympathetic person, because I cannot give sympathy in some cases. Yet, I am the one who gets in touch if I know someone is unhappy or unwell!

I thrive on kindness and goodness, but that gets lost, because of the rubbish that comes my way, that causes intense anger issues.

 

[WereBear]

My school life was chaotic because I went to so many different schools, but it taught me something important: I can say it is the environment.

It can be Ask Culture vs Guess Culture:

In Ask culture, people grow up believing they can ask for anything – a favour, a pay rise– fully realising the answer may be no. In Guess culture, by contrast, you avoid "putting a request into words" unless you're pretty sure the answer will be yes… A key skill is putting out delicate feelers.​

It can be the culture's tolerance of individualism. My high school had a jock crowd where everyone had great pressure to be alike, and an art crowd where ideas and eccentricity were celebrated.

Don't try to be friendly with random people, or with cultures you know you can't fit into. Find a group who is already interested in what you are interested in. If your family doesn't favor your way of being friendly, quit trying to socialize like them, and find a group who does fit you. Then your family will feel less obligated to "make you fit in" because at least you fit in somewhere.

 

[Bella Pines]

Hey here's some terrible advice, lie to them, tell your family that you socialize all the time and all is well, smile and wave. They will never understand, we all understand but they think differently. If you really want to make them happy then simply tell them what they want to hear.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Hey here's some terrible advice, lie to them, tell your family that you socialize all the time and all is well, smile and wave. They will never understand, we all understand but they think differently. If you really want to make them happy then simply tell them what they want to hear.

Yes. Act in accord with the myth the family has created for you.
Then everything can be seen to be well.

 

[OkRad]

Not anymore. I became a hermit and that stopped that!!!

 

[Iamnotarabot]

This cycle is pretty much how im living since i left hightschool , that is 7 years xD
So you are not alone on this at all xD

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

Find your beehive:

 

[Marcus]

Isolation is the only thing that has kept me alive for this long, if I had to be in the mix of people constantly, my mind and body wouldn't be able to process anymore.

 

[megacomic]

Not anymore. I became a hermit and that stopped that!!!

I would like to do that but unfortunately I can be susceptible to loneliness from time to time.

 

[OkRad]

I would like to do that but unfortunately I can be susceptible to loneliness from time to time.

Trust me, I am, too. But it is far less traumatic than getitng involved with people.

 

[Riley]

Mine's more a cycle of abuse.

My brother does like me to some extent and has done nice things for me, but a majority of the time, he can get somewhat abusive. From calling me the R word to hitting me. As well as telling me things like I'm a mistake and such.

Unfortunately, seeing as my Dad was pretty much out of my life till later, I imprinted off this behavior. Repeating it onto my 9-year old niece. Who herself isn't in the most stable home. I've even threatened to murder her on several occasions, including over a game of Mortal Kombat 9.

 

[Blue]

I am lonely and isolated too. My mom's supportive at least. I dislike being around most people, not because I dislike them but because I don't fit in.

 

[MysticEmber]

I try and try and constantly get disappointed... people tend to expect too much... i'm very simple... all I need is someone around talking about whatever while I paint or doodle, But not many people are OK with that. It's difficult to find others like myself as well. I tried to join an aspie group out in the community but some of the members were too intense for me..

 

[Kathos]

Hi Megacomic, every time you isolate yourself you are giving yourself healing and rest. It's tough to be an aspie in this world and I'm so sad to hear that your family cannot see that. Maybe you should stand up to them and tell them to stop complaining, it doesn't help you feel any better. Is there some way you can let them know that instead of pushing you to do the one thing that is so painfully unnatural for an aspie, you need encouragement and a safe place to land when the world knocks you down?
You are so much more than even you can imagine and you can have a wife, friends and kids, but you will have to be out in the world to get it. Read a book about social skills or watch videos on youtube. It may never feel perfectly natural for you, maybe even counter intuitive, but if you can apply some of those skills you'll see the world shift.

 

[keebles]

I felt exactly the same way at your age, but there came a time when I had to put my foot down and say enough was enough for my own sanity (something I just recently did, BTW, at 47). The older I get, the harder it is for me to be around people at all. But, when I look back on it now, I'm not sure it's what I wanted, but more what society expected of me and therefore what I thought I was supposed to want.

I still struggle with it now sometimes, but again, I think it's because I see my sister in her "perfect" life with her "perfect" husband and "perfect" job and "perfect" home and I'm "perfectly" jealous of all of it because part of me wants that too. I am quite aware NOTHING about her life is perfect. She's one of the most miserable people I've ever met and I'm, for the most part, relatively happy, so I guess that says a lot about greener grass and all that. Logically, she has a very social job, which I couldn't do. I couldn't spend 24/7 with another human being, let alone share (like I'd share anything) his hobbies, friends, tastes, etc. And I couldn't live in a house that big because it's a) too big, b) too dirty (because she's too lazy to clean it and her housekeeper is crap), c) too big, d) not to my taste, and did I mention too big? A short visit to their house clears any notions I might have right out of my head for quite a while.

After having said all that though, if there is a man out there who can leave my stuff alone, sit and binge watch the same show with me 10 times in a row, not talk to me while I'm trying to cross stitch, listen to me talk incessantly about all things Disney when I get on a roll (and take me to Disney World whenever I want to go although they have to let me do all the planning), not make me take out the trash or gas up my car or do sports stuff, not ask me to hang out with his friends or his family or go to functions like Thanksgiving and Christmas...I'm not against dating!