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Any tips on connecting or feeling OK?

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by selectivedetective, Mar 1, 2019.

  1. selectivedetective

    selectivedetective New Member

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    I have been feeling very low and isolated recently. It was worse this week as my children were ill, so I hardly left the house. I've realised I have to push a bit to make opportunities to speak to people. But I'm in the usual trapped situation that seems common on here - I crave connection, and yet I also love to be left alone and have lots of time for defusing.

    My immediate plan -something within my reach and free/cheap, is to go to the early morning Saturday 5K run more often. I used to go about once a month. I would take my children with me, and the older ones would watch the youngest while I ran, and then we'd have breakfast in the café together and perhaps stay out in the park walking, cycling etc later. I used to feel a bit bad about taking them out so that I could run, but altogether it works out as a fairly nice family day. Sometimes my eldest would run too.

    Tomorrow, because my children are getting over illness still, I'm going to go off on my own to the run, and leave them here together. I realise I'm actually very scared though. I will feel much more exposed without my children there. When I'm with them I focus on them and don't need to wonder whether to approach people, or whether they will approach me. I occasionally talk to people and in another post I mentioned a man I sometimes talk to.

    Something I'm confused about is that a few years ago I thought I was managing my quietness. If I didnt' want to talk it was OK and I could stay silent if I liked. This was a nice contrast to when I was much younger and used to drink a lot of alcohol to be sociable in situations. I felt confident that I would want to talk to the right people and would find likeminded individuals.

    But I feel quite sad that I haven't, and suddenly I feel very alone and isolated. My silence is a problem. It stops me connecting. It leaves me feeling unwanted, out of things, with no support, very few people to turn to. I really want to change this.

    I think the solution is practical things that I can turn up at. Just getting out, turning up, perhaps without too much expectation that I will talk to people. I am going to try a different run some weeks too, wehre there will be a different set of people.

    Any thoughts, ideas, experiences appreciated too.
     
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  2. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    It will probably do you a power of good to get out and run the 5k.
    Exercise, fresh air, natural daylight and the sound of other adults.

    Silence is no bad thing.
    You can smile at and acknowledge others using body language if that’s what you prefer.

    It isn’t compulsory to be super confident.
    Chatty and bubbly and knowing exactly what to say.

    Getting yourself out and to the start line takes confidence.
    You probably have more than you give yourself credit for :)
     
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  3. selectivedetective

    selectivedetective New Member

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    Thank you for this reply Gracey and sorry I didn't come back earlier.

    It did do me a power of good, and I need to keep remembering that taking on running was always a step forward in my life.

    Anyway, I went along, and I did manage to strike up conversation with one person afterwards, before rushing back home to my children.

    I think at the moment, running and then just turning up at things, as many things as I can, is the only thing to keep me going. I do get low and isolated, but memories of some of these events, and looking forward to others, help me get through.