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Any guys have trouble finishing during intimacy?

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by tapian, Aug 1, 2013.

  1. tapian

    tapian ROSEMORAN

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    My boyfriend seems to have trouble climaxing during sex, any thoughts?
     
  2. Aalo

    Aalo Hypostasis

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    My first guess would be that you haven't been together or engaging an intimate actions for very long. I'm sorry to ask, but could you tell more about the problem, how and when does it occur, has this been for long? Does he seem to otherwise enjoy himself etc.
     
  3. tapian

    tapian ROSEMORAN

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    We have been together for almost three years and its been an ongoing issue. Not that he doesnt ever finish but he just takes a while and it is very frustrating for me because i feel like Im not doing something right or he has low drive or maybe he just isnt attracted enough to me. Feels like its a chore for him to finish. He enjoys it overall but that part is so frustrating.
     
  4. King_Oni

    King_Oni Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Maybe... you are climaxing too early? Compared to him.

    Does he feel that it's wrong from his side? Does he feel it takes too long as well? And if so, does he have any ideas himself what the issues might be?

    I've encountered a variety of women in the past and the time for them to climax varied greatly. And while talking to them about it they told me that they had partners that differed greatly as well in terms of climaxing. I've heard stories about people having to go at it from anything from 2 minutes up to 30+ minutes, just to climax.

    If it feels like a chore that's bad though... it should be fun, not a job of sorts to get someone to climax.

    I don't know if you asked him this, but does he, if he masturbates (assuming he does that sometimes) take equally long? If that's the case, I guess you can rule out that you're part of the problem, since it just takes him longer to climax. If not, then you might want to look into technique.

    Just my 2 cents
     
  5. tapian

    tapian ROSEMORAN

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    Thanks for the feedback thats a good idea kingoni I havent thought to ask him.
     
  6. agent_cooper

    agent_cooper Well-Known Member

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    Does he take any meds? SSRI's are notorious for having that side effect (Zoloft, in particular, seems to be the worst). I could rarely finish when I was on Zoloft.
     
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  7. robertwnielsen

    robertwnielsen Well-Known Member

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    I second agent_cooper's comment. Sertraline (the generic form of Zoloft) is terrible for that side effect. :)
     
  8. Zane1817

    Zane1817 Active Member

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    It may simply be a nervousness factor
     
  9. tapian

    tapian ROSEMORAN

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    He was on Zoloft and suboxone for a couple years but he has been off those for over a year. So it should be well out of his system by now. I am getting tired of being intimate because that part is really exasperating.
     
  10. WeirdoGuy

    WeirdoGuy Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I used to suffer from the same condition. It is known as delayed ejaculation or retarded ejaculation. There are a few possible issues. One could be low testosterone. Leave that one as the last resource, as bringing it up and asking him to get tested for it could lead to a further dissatisfaction in the bedroom. He would likely shut down and not want to have sex period if he thought that you felt he needed a doctor.

    But two other things that have worked. One: sex is a different feeling than masturbation, and the friction is not the same. If he is willing to forego masturbation, and you are willing to have sex with him a lot, that allows him to feel the friction of sex more.

    Two: his thoughts. He has to think of things that turn him on. Perhaps put pornography on (of his choosing) and let him know that whatever types of fantasies he has and wants to watch is ok. There are a lot of fetishes, and even if they are ones that would never be acted upon, the fantasy is still a turn on. So you would have to not judge him, regardless of what type of porn that might be. Getting him to think of fantasies and things that turn him on helps a lot.

    If you could use the two together, it should work. Ask him if he would be ok not masturbating, but having a lot of sex. Also see if he would be ok with pornography while having sex, with no judgment. If you do both of these things, you should see a change within two to three weeks.

    If this fails, then testing for low testosterone is the last option. Also, if he wants to stop having sex, DO NOT FORCE HIM to keep going until he finishes.
     
  11. Dorkasour

    Dorkasour Active Member

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    I am asexual and have problems with things like this. Maybe be intimate less frequently so it builds it? If I am intimate like that too often it's really hard to climax. Does he masturbate before? That might be it too.