Anxiety and obsessive behaviours increasing recently, not sure why

[Astroganga]

For those who don't know, I am 34 and currently going through the assessment process for Asperger's. Over the years I have learned to keep a lid on everything and come across as pretty normal but in the past year or so it has all been unravelling big time. But I still didn't have problems with anxiety and sensory overload, as bad as I used to, until the past few weeks when it just seems to be ramped up to 100. I have to wear sunglasses outside as it is too bright, even if it is overcast, or dusk. Strong smells make me feel sick, or like I am going to cry, if they remind me of bad memories. For example I was in a clothes store yesterday, in the small quiet local shopping centre but the clothes smelt of fabric warehouses and clothing factories in Manchester and it just triggered so many bad memories for me.

I just feel anxious and shaky at first it was just outside but now it is at home as well. I am getting more obsessed with colour matching my outfits than ever, and am feeling super depressed that I cannot get a ladies' t-shirt in my size that is in a very specific shade of turquoise as it just doesn't seem to be in fashion at the moment. I have to take photos every day or I just feel like I have wasted the day. I also have to walk to and from home a specific way, not the same ay each time but there are a few routes and I have to alternate them in a certain sequence.

It is like I am regressing back to how I was many years ago, maybe my mind thinks it is now 'allowed' to do so now my suspected Asperger's has been acknowledged as being a legitimate thing? I don't know. I have tried meds for anxiety in the past, specific anti anxiety meds, tranquilisers, beta blockers, and citalopram which treats anxiety as well as depression, none of them have really helped to lessen the obsessive behaviour and thoughts, just made me feel slightly calmer and in the case of citalopram and tranquilisers made me have to sleep 18 hours a day. Just wondered if anyone else has gone through this and what helped?

 

[Vinca]

When there is an aspect of my life that is negative for me and that I don't have as much control over as I'd like, I often find obsessive behaviours becoming more frequent and intense. Is there anything in your like this happening in your life?

Or sometimes when there is a lot that is unpredictable, the predictability of something like the route to walk between places, can help balance out the unpredictability.

I am getting more obsessed with colour matching my outfits than ever, and am feeling super depressed that I cannot get a ladies' t-shirt in my size that is in a very specific shade of turquoise as it just doesn't seem to be in fashion at the moment.

I often experience something similar when the weather starts to warm up. At the moment it's trying to find tops that are 100% cotton, are warm coloured and aren't going to gape if I lean forwards (it's surprisingly difficult to find). It's like some sort of quest and I can't feel settled and at ease until I have completed it. But if I do complete it, I feel as though I have accomplished something. Maybe that has something to do with not feeling as though I am doing anything worthwhile/of value or that is satisfying.

 

[Judge]

For me it's an exhausting sense of never being quite satisfied with much of anything. That there's always more to be done...even when it involves what would otherwise be considered something completely mundane.

But then I've always associated this more with my OCD than my autism. Sometimes the whole concept of comorbidity can be terribly confusing. Not really knowing where autism or social anxiety stops and OCD begins.

 

[Mia]

Have been through periods in my life, where I was peculiarly anxious. Finding the right colour clothing that fits perfectly, is made of breathable natural fabric, isn't low cut, and is perfectly matched and comfortable has been a life's pursuit. Although the emphasis is not on as perfectly matched as it used to be.

Taking the same route when out for a walk, makes me feel good, even happy, as if everything is all right with my world. Have discovered over time that a 'new' thing of one sort or another brings me out of a certain thinking pattern. Usually it's exercise of one sort or another, something I do normally, but in a different way. So I'll do some weights, or cycling, or speed walk, or try a different type of yoga. I'll even close my eyes and draw, and then try and make sense of what I've drawn.

At times I'll completely switch from the food I normally eat, to completely asian or only rice and vegetables and maybe a little fish. I'll get mad because I can't find a certain type of bread, and make my own for awhile, or I'll make jelly or jam from fresh produce, or tofu, or red bean cakes. It all seems to switch my brain to another mode, one in which I worry less, catastrophize hardly at all and begin again my search for the meaning of life. BTW it's not 42

 

[Astroganga]

Vinca there are a few things in my life that I feel are out of my control and I feel very powerless, I won't delve into them here, but yes there are several things.

None of these behaviours, obsessions and anxieties are new when I think about it, I have had them all before-including the photography one, in the late 90s/early 00s when domestic digital cameras were very new and most average joe people did not have them. I had an APS camera (with drop in 35mm film that could take several sizes and aspect ratios of picture, as well as red eye reduction and other swanky features). Looking back I remember I went through a phase of having to obsessively take pictures of the local area or have friends take pictures of me. In those days the stores would take 48 hours to develop them, so it was an agonising wait to see if they had turned out as desired.

The colour matching obsession as well, again not new, a few years ago I bought some dress fabric and I could not find anything, in London, or online that would go. I eventually found something in a foreign country, in the last shop tried of forty shops.

Sunglasses, I went to Africa many years ago and the sun was so bright for me that I had to keep sunglasses on most of the time, from this, an old man with dementia took that I was American (I'm not) and launched into a prolonged and amusing rant about 'Americans coming over here....' etc, which had my hosts in stitches.

But it is like all these 'quirks' are coming together at once. I have heard the assessment process can be quite 'triggering', and it does seem to be the case with me .

 

[Astroganga]

Amusingly I saw a top in the perfect shade of turquoise yesterday, but when I saw the style of it, it was like something Terese from Aussie soap neighbours would wear. Just, no. Ironically I would have worn it at the age of twelve or thirteen as I used to dress like a 45-year-old then, one of the things I was bullied about. Looking back though some of the stuff I wore then would be very trendy now, jeggings, oversized men's tshirts, brogue lace up flats, and aztec print neck scarves. Ah well, the search continues.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

My goodness, I can relate heavily to you.

Try wearing sunglasses all the time except for when you're in in dark areas. You may want to also purchase some type of ear protection. I am not sure about the smells, though. Especially the memory-triggering.

I'm not sure about the obsessions, either.