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Anxie dating an Aspie: New here!

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by peachykeen, Apr 25, 2018.

  1. peachykeen

    peachykeen New Member

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    Hi all!
    I’ve been reading different threads on here for a while and they’re all very informative, with some excellent member contribution.
    I decided to join so that I can hopefully equip myself with a better understanding of my Aspie boyfriend- (a friendship/relationship that took 3 years to cultivate :D)
    As for me, I’m somewhere on the spectrum myself; I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder which spills out into some OCD, depression, social anxiety, self esteem struggles etc. I guess I can’t call myself the NT half of the relationship!
    It would be cool to connect with everyone, especially anyone with experience of anxiety. It can be a lonely world sometimes!
    Looking forward to chatting :)
     
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  2. Nitro

    Nitro Admin/Immoral Turpitude Staff Member Admin V.I.P Member

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    Hi peachykeen :)


    welcome.png
     
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  3. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    [​IMG]
     
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  4. peachykeen

    peachykeen New Member

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  5. peachykeen

    peachykeen New Member

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    Hello there :D
     
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  6. Bolletje

    Bolletje Potato chip wizard V.I.P Member

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    Welcome! I think we can agree, none of us are normal here ^_^
     
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  7. peachykeen

    peachykeen New Member

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    Best way to be right? :D
     
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  8. Bolletje

    Bolletje Potato chip wizard V.I.P Member

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    True dat ;)
     
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  9. Nason

    Nason May the forest be with you.

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    Hey hey Peachykeen,

    I have knowledge for you. I will need some more specific questions regarding anxiety to further help. :)
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2018
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  10. peachykeen

    peachykeen New Member

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    Hey @Nason :)
    Do you suffer from anxiety/panic attacks yourself?
     
  11. Nason

    Nason May the forest be with you.

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    Indeed.
     
  12. peachykeen

    peachykeen New Member

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    I have recently been given Beta blockers by my psychiatrist because the anxiety was so high and frequent it was affecting my physical health. The medication has helped, but I worry that I’ll be on them for life and will never truly be able to handle situations without their assistance. Personally, I didn’t find that counselling/CBT/hypnotherapy/meditation really helped me. I came to understand why I am anxious, where it comes from and that it is normal, but this business of ‘watching my thoughts’ really was just useless. My mind is incredibly powerful, if only I could direct its power to make me a millionaire that would be great :D
    What are your experiences with anxiety?
     
  13. Otenba

    Otenba Maverick

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    Welcome to the forum, peachykeen :)
     
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  14. Nason

    Nason May the forest be with you.

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    Interesting. Thank you for sharing. My anxiety is historical/life long. I am 75% certain that it is ASD related. The number one thing that helps me regulate myself is through the fine arts. I am a professional fine artist with my own studio practice. The act of art making is extremely powerful, and promotes healthy cognition. If art making is not your thing, maybe you can find some other creative and or design related hobby (job?).

    CBD oil can help me too. But not everyone is comfortable with that option (and in many places it is not legal; it is where i am from).
     
  15. Nason

    Nason May the forest be with you.

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    I want to add that I am not sure that "panic attack" is the correct term with relations to myself. But rather, the implosion of a dying star.
     
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  16. Sozdatelniza

    Sozdatelniza I spy with my little eye

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    Hi peachykeen. Sure you can feel comfortable here. I think you can get some moral support here.

    I wonder if you could tell a little more how you and your aspie interact with each other.
     
  17. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Hello Peachykeen welcome. I am glad you are finding useful and interesting threads here I find that too. I hope you find ideas that work for your anxiety, and useful ideas to help understand your boyf. Aspies vary a lot though, as you know I expect. Extensive therapy worked quite well for my anxiety and I mean extensive but these days I m not very anxious, just ND and socially challenged. But there's upsides and I wouldn't want to be other than who I am on the whole. Hope you enjoy it here!

    :dolphin::palmtree::spoutingwhale::cactus: :dolphin::palmtree::spoutingwhale::cactus: :dolphin::palmtree::spoutingwhale::cactus: :dolphin::palmtree::spoutingwhale::cactus:
     
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  18. peachykeen

    peachykeen New Member

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    Interesting that you find health in the arts. I feel like many anxies are creative in some way, both because it helps create balance and because they are very good at it! I tried CBD oil, man it tastes bad!!! Is it painting you do? Or some kind of drawing?
    I enjoy dance, music (listening not playing, have to write the letters on piano keys because I can’t read music :D) and have recently decided to try and take the plunge and make vlogs about my experiences with anxiety. Particularly the interplay between anxiety and relationships. I haven’t published any of them yet, because I’m a bit nervous about showing my face to the world! :)
     
  19. peachykeen

    peachykeen New Member

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    Hello :) I have felt very supported already, so thank you all for that.
    A little about my aspie and I...

    He works a very high pressure job, that involves working all kinds of shifts around the clock. There are certain shift patterns (coupled with the nature of the work) that drain him, and during those he can completely withdraw from contact with me. We met 3 years ago and the first few times this happened (before I knew he was aspie) I took it badly and assumed he wasn’t interested. Only with experience and patience I have learnt to just busy myself and sit tight, low and behold he ‘resurfaces’ as if there was never any silence at all and we reconnect!
    When we are together, he does enjoy talking at length about his special interests and I am very fond of listening to him speak so passionately. I have learnt that he cannot tell when I am tired (yawns don’t register :D), so he can be chatting away until the early hours while I start to fade. I have learnt that just simply saying ‘I am tired, it’s bedtime’ is all he needs to understand.
    In terms of intimacy, my aspie took a long long time (on an NT time scale ;)) to get to that stage with me. Again, I previously took this as rejection or disinterest, but ultimately my patience has paid off. He will stay over with me and although he has some sleep disorders, we are always getting better at co-sleeping.
    I have also learnt that his very short replies in text messages are just part of his character. At the beginning I thought it was disinterest, as NTs send one word answers when they don’t want to continue the conversation - confusing right?! Instead I focus on the consistencies, of which there can be many with aspies. He might send one word answers that trigger my ‘he isn’t interested’ thoughts, but by the same token he will try his best to contact me everyday, even if it is only to say those few words. It means more to me that he does that. It would not be this way with an NT.
    He is honest and very loyal. I describe him as ‘clueless’ sometimes when it comes to relationships, not as a negative, but meaning that there is no harm in him. Unlike many NT men in my experience, he doesn’t have an agenda. He’s almost a little naive and innocent. Once he told me I was his girlfriend (a huge surprise to me!), it was set in stone for him. Through every periodic withdrawal, and with every one word text, to him I am still his. He has always been consistent, it was actually me that had to change my understanding.
    Like a few other posts I have seen here, I did walk away a few times before finding out that he’s an aspie. And he never reached out to me, which further upset me! :) but all it ever took was for me to talk to him, to put aside NT rules of ‘who should text first’, and he would be more than happy to respond and say that he was upset that I had walked away.
    He has always felt inadequate and too flawed for what I would need or want. But he has taught me that the ‘norm’ isn’t what I want. I enjoy throwing away the usual and tiring rules of dating in favour of this man that strips it right back to ‘mean what you say and say what you mean’.
    Sorry for the long post...I don’t even talk this much in person :D
     
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  20. Mr Allen

    Mr Allen Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Define "normal"?! Contrary to the opinion of Daily Fail readers and generally uneducated morons, Autistic people are just as "normal" as NTs IMO.