Hi peachykeen. Sure you can feel comfortable here. I think you can get some moral support here.
I wonder if you could tell a little more how you and your aspie interact with each other.
Hello
I have felt very supported already, so thank you all for that.
A little about my aspie and I...
He works a very high pressure job, that involves working all kinds of shifts around the clock. There are certain shift patterns (coupled with the nature of the work) that drain him, and during those he can completely withdraw from contact with me. We met 3 years ago and the first few times this happened (before I knew he was aspie) I took it badly and assumed he wasn’t interested. Only with experience and patience I have learnt to just busy myself and sit tight, low and behold he ‘resurfaces’ as if there was never any silence at all and we reconnect!
When we are together, he does enjoy talking at length about his special interests and I am very fond of listening to him speak so passionately. I have learnt that he cannot tell when I am tired (yawns don’t register
), so he can be chatting away until the early hours while I start to fade. I have learnt that just simply saying ‘I am tired, it’s bedtime’ is all he needs to understand.
In terms of intimacy, my aspie took a long long time (on an NT time scale
) to get to that stage with me. Again, I previously took this as rejection or disinterest, but ultimately my patience has paid off. He will stay over with me and although he has some sleep disorders, we are always getting better at co-sleeping.
I have also learnt that his very short replies in text messages are just part of his character. At the beginning I thought it was disinterest, as NTs send one word answers when they don’t want to continue the conversation - confusing right?! Instead I focus on the consistencies, of which there can be many with aspies. He might send one word answers that trigger my ‘he isn’t interested’ thoughts, but by the same token he will try his best to contact me everyday, even if it is only to say those few words. It means more to me that he does that. It would not be this way with an NT.
He is honest and very loyal. I describe him as ‘clueless’ sometimes when it comes to relationships, not as a negative, but meaning that there is no harm in him. Unlike many NT men in my experience, he doesn’t have an agenda. He’s almost a little naive and innocent. Once he told me I was his girlfriend (a huge surprise to me!), it was set in stone for him. Through every periodic withdrawal, and with every one word text, to him I am still his. He has always been consistent, it was actually me that had to change my understanding.
Like a few other posts I have seen here, I did walk away a few times before finding out that he’s an aspie. And he never reached out to me, which further upset me!
but all it ever took was for me to talk to him, to put aside NT rules of ‘who should text first’, and he would be more than happy to respond and say that he was upset that I had walked away.
He has always felt inadequate and too flawed for what I would need or want. But he has taught me that the ‘norm’ isn’t what I want. I enjoy throwing away the usual and tiring rules of dating in favour of this man that strips it right back to ‘mean what you say and say what you mean’.
Sorry for the long post...I don’t even talk this much in person
