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Another bad day

T

Tanyax

Well-Known Member
I’m so sorry to keep coming on here with all my bad days and struggles but today has been another bad one and I am struggling again. Everyone seemed to be In horrible moods, not just with me but each other for once but it really brought me down. I can’t cope with the fighting and nastiness and aggression. If I could talk to anyone to vent and feel better, I would, but all of them are part of it and none of them would be willing to pick me up today so I need you guys. I just want picking up after today, to feel a little better.

It’s off the topic but also totally relevant. I was looking for something else and I found a note I’d written to myself quite a few months ago and it reflected very well how I’m feeling right now. If you don’t mind, I’d like to share it with you. I’m hesitant and embarrassed because I don’t do things like this but maybe it might help you understand me better and maybe I might feel better. So here it is.

‘I have so much love to give and so much love that I need. For me, love is everything. When that love doesn’t flow or isn’t there or even worse, is replaced by cruelty and hate and ambiguity and animosity or even ignoration, toxic relationships are unbearable to me. It destroys me. It breaks my heart. I desperately need to love and be loved. I can’t find a way to do this right now and it is literally killing me.’

This is what I found I’d written and it describes my day/night perfectly. I can’t share that with anyone right now, or I choose not to because it’s just not going to go well so I’m sharing it here. I apologise because I’m always doom and gloom but I could do with an understanding ear. Again. Thank you
 
Maybe there's something in the air - mine was a day of probably making enemies over my rants and just getting tired of things. My son asked if I wanted to go to lunch with him and I said, sure, probably a good day to be away from the computer because I had already made a couple rants. lol So we're driving down the road and there's a firetruck with lights flashing but he notices the car in the yard. Turns around saying they look stuck, goes back and yes. The young girl driving the car was trying to get out of the way of the firetruck and got stuck. There was a small fire at that house, but quickly put out and the firemen were waiting there for the electric company to show up to check wiring and stuff. The firemen just leaning against the truck and the young girl was calling and trying to find someone to help her. My son asked the firemen to move their truck at least 3 feet so he could get her car out and they said no. No - really? She thought she was helping them by getting out of the way and they won't even move three feet to help her? I'm just really down on people in general today. I'm just glad my son is ready to help anyone.
Anyhow - I've been in a mood today, too. Hope yours gets better.
 
Pats said:
Maybe there's something in the air - mine was a day of probably making enemies over my rants and just getting tired of things. My son asked if I wanted to go to lunch with him and I said, sure, probably a good day to be away from the computer because I had already made a couple rants. lol So we're driving down the road and there's a firetruck with lights flashing but he notices the car in the yard. Turns around saying they look stuck, goes back and yes. The young girl driving the car was trying to get out of the way of the firetruck and got stuck. There was a small fire at that house, but quickly put out and the firemen were waiting there for the electric company to show up to check wiring and stuff. The firemen just leaning against the truck and the young girl was calling and trying to find someone to help her. My son asked the firemen to move their truck at least 3 feet so he could get her car out and they said no. No - really? She thought she was helping them by getting out of the way and they won't even move three feet to help her? I'm just really down on people in general today. I'm just glad my son is ready to help anyone.
Anyhow - I've been in a mood today, too. Hope yours gets better.
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Thanks pats. I just hope tomorrow is better. It’s my daughters birthday on Friday so I really need to lift myself out of it! I’ve just been longing to be alone for hours and now I can be finally. It’s very unhealthy. I’m hoping that given some time that I can come around. I just don’t want anyone near me right now x
 
Toxic family atmosphere was one of the reasons I left home as soon as I could(and the city, and the country), so I can sympathise. Hopefully it'll be better tomorrow. Take care of yourself, there's not fault of yours in it. Try not to let them get to you so much and don't worry about writing too much. This is what this place is for - so that we could connect despite distance and support each other.
 
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