Annoyed with talking about special interest with NT's

[mw2530]

Do any of you get annoyed or tired of talking about your special interest with NTs? I do. My special interest is running and over time it has become well known in the office I work at that I am pretty successful in this interest of mine. So now many people will bring it up and talk to me about it. While I do enjoy the recognition and the fact that people are trying to talk with me, it is difficult to talk to NT's about b/c my expectations, knowledge, ability, and goals are vastly different than others who also have a interest in the sport. And I dislike being congratulated when I actually had a terrible race. Also, I do think when people ask me about it, it annoys some others because they are tired of hearing about it. To a certain extent, I don't fault them for that. I only really enjoy talking about the interest with others if they also take it fairly seriously.

 

[Gracey]

You can't predict what others are thinking so you'll never really know if those other people are tired of hearing you talk about running.

Even if they were tired of hearing about it, it's their choice not to listen to an answer directed at someone else. Non of their business (kindly meant)
Don't let your guessing anothers opinion stop you from discussing your running with interested colleagues who actually ask you the questions.

 

[Lady Penelope]

I read a quote this morning;

"I stopped explaining myself to people when i realised they will only understand up to their level of consciousness"

Take the interest from them with a positive slant but don't give it too much weight or feel the need to speak earnestly about your interest if you feel they will not appreciate your nuance and depth of thought.

General question meets general answer.
Suss out who cares before wasting valuable energy.

 

[Streetwise]

I remember my mam some people want to talk about themselves ,they are more responsive if you ask about them, ive robotically learned to do.that .
you see the face!when they are really bored, so i barely talk to anyone.
i try to remember what we talked about the last time, everybody sees what i do and im aware they are not interested

 

[The Midge]

Do any of you get annoyed or tired of talking about your special interest with NTs? I do. My special interest is running and over time it has become well known in the office I work at that I am pretty successful in this interest of mine. So now many people will bring it up and talk to me about it. While I do enjoy the recognition and the fact that people are trying to talk with me, it is difficult to talk to NT's about b/c my expectations, knowledge, ability, and goals are vastly different than others who also have a interest in the sport. And I dislike being congratulated when I actually had a terrible race. Also, I do think when people ask me about it, it annoys some others because they are tired of hearing about it. To a certain extent, I don't fault them for that. I only really enjoy talking about the interest with others if they also take it fairly seriously.

It probably just an NT small talk thing. Why not have a few simple scripts ready and treat it the same as when they say 'how are you'?

 

[onlything]

Through years I've learnt that most people ask questions about my interests just because it's 'expected' or they're being 'polite'. All in all, they don't care about the answer much and will forget what you said after a few hours at most, just like they don't care about hearing an answer to the 'How are you?' question. However, I still often have to cut myself in the middle sentence with '...And, yeah, that's just it' because I stop talking with them and start either thinking aloud or talking at them.

So, I keep the border up - no more than two or three short sentences on one topic. Most times even less.

 

[Suzanne]

Not at all, when the nt is happy to talk with me and I never assume to know more than them. I do gather a lot of information on the subject in hand, but only too happy when an nt is willing to talk.

I have learned to have a conversation, because I see the absolute value in it, when two minds are working together.

What I detest is when the person you are talking to, really is not that interested and even tells you that they have not got the time to listen.

One of the best things an nt said to me was this: it is true that you can go on, but I don't mind, because what you talk a lot about, is actually very interesting.

My special interests are veried; but my problem area is using a word too often and it even becomes distasteful to me; oh here I go again kind of.

 

[Bella Pines]

Completely agree. I like talking about my special interests because I want to examine them further, study them, consider new ideas. But I find most NTs are incapable of depth. It's like talking to a stuffed bear.

I'm interested in neuroscience, I like talking to people about the vagus nerve and why it evolved fight, flight and freeze, what could freeze possibly have evolved for? Playing dead? But if I talk about this with NTs they would say something like "yeah I read an article about neuroscience in the metro". Great. Did they understand it? No. Did the daily paper go into any kind of depth? No. I look blank for a while before wanting to yell "STOP TALKING AT ME".

 

[Gracey]

What did it (freeze) evolve for?

I've seen it in rabbits and hedgehogs whilst driving at night.
I'm not sure if it's the same thing but I've seen it in two dogs the fraction of a second before they start to fight (proper 'to the death' intention)

And have felt it's effects during terror (beyond fear)

I'm certainly curious. Is there a newbie level answer you could point me in the right direction of @Bella Pines please?

 

[NShoreEndo]

I'm interested in neuroscience, I like talking to people about the vagus nerve and why it evolved fight, flight and freeze, what could freeze possibly have evolved for? Playing dead? But if I talk about this with NTs they would say something like "yeah I read an article about neuroscience in the metro". Great. Did they understand it? No. Did the daily paper go into any kind of depth? No. I look blank for a while before wanting to yell "STOP TALKING AT ME".

Bella - as far as cranial nerves go, I give the vagus nerve a 10.

 

[Streetwise]

What did it (freeze) evolve for?

I've seen it in rabbits and hedgehogs whilst driving at night.
I'm not sure if it's the same thing but I've seen it in two dogs the fraction of a second before they start to fight (proper 'to the death' intention)

And have felt it's effects during terror (beyond fear)

I'm certainly curious. Is there a newbie level answer you could point me in the right direction of @Bella Pines please?

from what happens to me I just can't think of what else to do, I froze when a car came very very close to me, think I

have that Robert mentality

 

[Streetwise]

What did it (freeze) evolve for?

I've seen it in rabbits and hedgehogs whilst driving at night.
I'm not sure if it's the same thing but I've seen it in two dogs the fraction of a second before they start to fight (proper 'to the death' intention)

And have felt it's effects during terror (beyond fear)

I'm certainly curious. Is there a newbie level answer you could point me in the right direction of @Bella Pines please?

correction part two rabbit mentality, I think because of having permanent anxiety attack I live like the wild animal

 

[Streetwise]

correction part two rabbit mentality, I think because of having permanent anxiety attack I live like the wild animal

vehicles make a terrifying sound as do electrical tools like a big animal growling that's what I hear

 

[Gracey]

vehicles make a terrifying sound as do electrical tools like a big animal growling that's what I hear

I can do something like a freeze if the noise is a shock and I can't immediately identify it. I appear to lower myself too. Not 'hit the deck' - not lately anyway- but my knees automatically bend as if trying to reduce my height?

This all happens in a fraction of a second.

 

[Streetwise]

I can do something like a freeze if the noise is a shock and I can't immediately identify it. I appear to lower myself too. Not 'hit the deck' - not lately anyway- but my knees automatically bend as if trying to reduce my height?

This all happens in a fraction of a second.

I just freeze for a second stand completely still it's partly because I just don't really have any road sense ,think it's like the bird trying to protect its young pretending to be dead same as wild animals believing if I don't move you can't see me

 

[Bella Pines]

@mw2530. This is why! This is exactly why I get annoyed with talking about special interest with NT's! The comments above are engaging, curious, showing comprehension, further investigating the topic. If I raised a special interest topic like this with NTs (which I have), they respond with "oh that's interesting" or "yes I saw a spider in my bedroom and wanted to run". No. No no no, I want to yell at them, THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU, think about what I've said! Give me something to think about, be interesting! So as a consequence I never talk about anything much with NTs.

However, in the aspie world, people ask interesting questions. I get the impression that aspies are alive, interesting and 'get it'.

What did it (freeze) evolve for?

One theory is that playing dead would fool a predator into letting you go. This sounds plausible but slightly flawed, in that if I was the predator and my prey froze, I would simply go ahead and chow down. And of course, this won't be of much use to the hedgehog...

The idea behind fight, flight, freeze (polyvagal theory) is that in the face of an immediate threat, the amygdala sends a signal to the vagus nerve and signals PANIC, fight or flight. But if neither is possible (say prolonged abuse), the older branch of the vagus nerve is triggered and a freeze response cascades through the nervous system (involuntary). Then, if the danger passes, the body comes back up, through fight or flight to normal. One observation in psychology is that when people have shutdown or withdrawn, they need to come out of it through fight or flight and so anger and fear signifies progress.

Polyvagal Theory, Fight, Freeze or Engage
PORGES' Poly-Vagal Theory: relaxing our face, chest & belly indicate safety, emotional vulnerability & connection | Presence Academy
How to Live on Earth When You Were Raised in Hell - Heal Write Now for Trauma Survivors & Adults Abused as Children

The vagus nerve has two branches – dorsal and ventral. The dorsal branch is older branch and in case of fear or danger immobilizes a person (freeze) i.e. faint or act dead. Ventral branch is recent in evolutionary history as is found in mammals. The function of ventral branch is to put a brake on fight and flight response and make person feel calm and safe and indulge in social communication.

@mw2530, so have you ever talked to anyone about a special interest and actually had a decent response? Is it the science that fascinates you or the progress and improvement?

 

[Ylva]

NTs use my interests as a small talk topic.

It's annoying because it makes it uninteresting. I don't want to dicuss which character is hotter or which Hogwarts House everyone in the vicinity would be in. I want to discuss the theory that Luna is her generation's Snape or whether and in what way Hermione's intelligence resembles real intelligence.

I don't care if you're "into" Twilight, I just want to understand the Mormon angle.

And I don't want to hear for the 1000th time that Mandarin is spoken by 1,2 billion people; I'd rather talk about cool uses for the "mountain" character. ("Volcano", for instance.)

 

[Sherlock77]

I would consider myself a semi-pro photographer with decent knowledge, and I know exactly what you're talking about... I'm amazed at which photos people seem to love, and then overlook my most technical and what I consider to my best photos...

Also when people ask me about my hobby, I've learned to assess true interest, and I find very few people have that, I think I generally back off gradually in the conversation when I sense that and simply move onto other things...

Failure? I know what you mean, because you have a much higher standard, I think just "nod" your head a little in those cases and learn not to take it personally...

 

[OkRad]

It probably just an NT small talk thing. Why not have a few simple scripts ready and treat it the same as when they say 'how are you'?

"It probably just an NT small talk thing" THIS IS GREAT. I will remember this. I have a tendency to really roll with it if someone asks me about say, The Punic Wars. Oh yeah.............that glazed look. I am really good at seeing when to stop but i keep forgetting...."It probably just an NT small talk thing"!!!!!

 

[OkRad]

Completely agree. I like talking about my special interests because I want to examine them further, study them, consider new ideas. But I find most NTs are incapable of depth. It's like talking to a stuffed bear.

I'm interested in neuroscience, I like talking to people about the vagus nerve and why it evolved fight, flight and freeze, what could freeze possibly have evolved for? Playing dead? But if I talk about this with NTs they would say something like "yeah I read an article about neuroscience in the metro". Great. Did they understand it? No. Did the daily paper go into any kind of depth? No. I look blank for a while before wanting to yell "STOP TALKING AT ME".

I would LOVE if you started to talk to me about the Vagus nerve. It is so interesting. I would listen and want to know more.

The shame is that Aspies and Auts are so used to having to can it, that even when we are near each other, we miss out on some DANG GOOD conversation because we are afraid we are approaching NTs again.

Also, we are afraid, persiod. If i made a friend, I would then have to wonder how to shift my rigid routine and eat in front of them or go to a movie when I hate noise or what if I offend them, having to leave RIGHT at a crertain time, etc etc etc etc.

But would still love to hear about the vaso vagal!!!