Ann example

[Aspergers_Aspie]

Sometimes I avoid social situations in case I seem 'odd' or I accidently offend or accidently put someone else in a difficult situation, an example is this evening I was talking to someone I know in a bar, I said I'm surprised not more bars have temperature checks potentially not thinking,the bar man could have heard this I hope I didn't say the wrong thing

 

[Statest16]

Just tip the bartender well! He won't care what you say.

 

[Aspergers_Aspie]

It is a valid point, I have tried maybe 8 pubs in Edinburgh maybe half I found do temperature checks

 

[Fino]

Everybody is obsessed with themselves. People aren't so worried about you.

 

[Aspergers_Aspie]

Maybe an autism thing, but I find it hard to focus on a single voice in a bar, I misheard someone she said her name is Leslie I heard Liz, she asked bet you forgot my name if the bar wasn't busy I would have heard correctly, she doesn't realise

 

[Aspergers_Aspie]

I dwell on things and overthink over analysise

 

[Kalinychta]

@Fino nailed it. No one cares. While you’re sitting there stewing in anxiety and self-criticism, everyone else has moved on after about 1-5 seconds, if they even flagged your comment/behavior as odd or rude in the first place, which judging by your examples, they probably didn’t. You’re the one hyper-focusing on yourself; no one else is, believe me. They’re all thinking about themselves. Seriously, I embarass myself on a daily basis. Like today I went to World Market to buy Delirium Tremens and realized that I was wearing my shirt inside out. After precisely four seconds of feeling horrified about buying beer with my shirt on wrong, I started laughing and then just forgot all about it (until now). The people who saw me probably raised their eyebrows for about 10 seconds and then moved on with their lives. Whenever you feel embarrassed or think you said the wrong thing, just remember: nobody cares. You’re not going to die. Just laugh it off and move on. Stop torturing yourself.

 

[Progster]

Given these current times, I don't think your comment was particularly rude or strange, I don't see how that could have been the 'wrong thing.' It was a general comment, not anything personal against the barnan, one of the numerous similar comments that I'm sure he overhears on a daily basis, something that he will forget after 2 seconds. As others have pointed out, no one cares, everone is too busy thinking about themselves. So no point in worrying about it.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Everybody is obsessed with themselves. People aren't so worried about you.

Truest thing ever said. No one cares about your opinions and social gaffes even a fraction as much as you do, there too busy worrying about their own. That barman probably didn't even register your existence beyond giving you a drink and taking your money.

I dwell on things and overthink over analysise

That is the sort of thing a therapist can help you overcome.

 

[Aspergers_Aspie]

@Fino nailed it. No one cares. While you’re sitting there stewing in anxiety and self-
criticism, everyone else has moved on after about 1-5 seconds, if they even flagged your comment/behavior
as odd or rude in the first place,
which judging by your examples, they probably didn’t. You’re the one hyper-focusing on yourself; no one
else is, believe me. They’re all
thinking about themselves. Seriously, I embarass myself on a daily basis. Like today I went to World Market to
buy Delirium Tremens and realized
that I was wearing my shirt inside out. After precisely four seconds of feeling horrified about buying beer
with my shirt on wrong, I started
laughing and then just forgot all about it (until now). The people who saw me probably raised their
eyebrows for about 10 seconds and
then moved on with their lives. Whenever you feel embarrassed or think you said the wrong thing, just
remember: nobody cares. You’re not
going to die. Just laugh it off and move on. Stop torturing yourself.

Okay thanks I will try

 

[Ezra]

Oh so that was you eh? I was in that bar at the time, overheard your comment and I still haven't gotten over it.

 

[menander]

Everybody is obsessed with themselves. People aren't so worried about you.

I used to believe this. But when you are Aspie, goodness, people are so interested in you that they can't stop asking questions and will always snoop or worse, bully. People are so curious about autism or even someone they THINK may be autistic........

That said, I do think, however,that bartenders have heard it all . That probably had no effect he is probably not even the owner. He may even agree.

Where are you ? Bars are open in COVID?

 

[WildCat]

Unless you're making a habit of drawing attention to yourself on purpose or by accident and frequently, nobody cares if you said the "wrong" thing. They may for a moment depending on what and/or how, but that's it. If you're in a pub/bar with enough in your tank, what you said usually becomes moot (the bartenders deal with that pretty often) so there's that as well. That's the good news.

This is coming from someone who did a lot of anxiety fueled overthinking at one point (which is the bad news), but after that slowly discovered revelation a good chunk of my anxiety in public spaces vanished.

 

[Aspychata]

You belong to us here- the overthinker club. Sometimes stimming helps you circumvent endless thinking loops.

At some point you just get tired of over- thinking. But this takes about 45 years to come about. Are you at the five year mark????