Anger Issues & Shame: It Happened Again

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

It happened again.. My anger issues got the best of me, and I ended up hitting my phone because I can't pass the level on this stupid game. The blinds are torn from the loud noises outside torturing me every time I take my earbuds out or watch a video. Then my mother came in yelling at me and asking what was wrong with me. But because of the meltdown, I ended up being unable to get my mouth to move and explain myself, so I had to type... again. So then she threatened to take my phone away if I keep hitting it, but without my phone, my ear buds wouldn't be able to work, and I'd be tortured by noises again. Then I'd be wanting to commit suicide again because I can't go back to a life of agony. Then she told me that if the game is bothering me that bad that I should delete it or just get off of it for now. So I deleted it. I texted her that yelling isn't helping, and she said she had a right to yell. She told me that at my next therapy appointment, I need to tell my therapist about what happened tonight and probably be put on medication. I don't know, maybe I just shouldn't live anymore. If I'm that much of a menace, I shouldn't have been born. I wish I was strong enough to actually go through with my thoughts. Maybe then, my mother would have one less burden on her shoulders. I hate myself. I'm a monster.

 

[Suzanne]

You are not a monster! You are overwhelmed and frightened and I have been there so often that I empathise with you.

My husband is pretty much the same as your mum. That they have the right to shout. Which is funny, because when we are shouting with anger and frustration, we are the ones who are to be controlled, but it is perfectly normal for nts to shout, because they do not have any "issues"!

It is hard, when we feel useless to want to stay alive and my only salvation when I felt like this, was sleep, but sadly, would wake up and feel the emotions again.

What I do when I am frustrated with my devices, is I walk away, because I recognise that anger is detrimental to my health.

I suffer a bit from unwanted sounds and it feels like a hammer drill in my head.

I have often sent my husband an email, because of being unable to speak and he also said that it is not good enough and that I should learn to speak when needed, but I ignore that and still send emails if I need to explain something, but unable to by voice.

When I was your age, I did not even know I had aspergers and I was a newly married woman and so, spent much of my time alone in the dark, rocking back and forth. Hubby was working. There were no emails or texting then ( 1990's). So, I truly value what today offers.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

You are not a monster! You are overwhelmed and frightened and I have been there so often that I empathise with you.

My husband is pretty much the same as your mum. That they have the right to shout. Which is funny, because when we are shouting with anger and frustration, we are the ones who are to be controlled, but it is perfectly normal for nts to shout, because they do not have any "issues"!

It is hard, when we feel useless to want to stay alive and my only salvation when I felt like this, was sleep, but sadly, would wake up and feel the emotions again.

What I do when I am frustrated with my devices, is I walk away, because I recognise that anger is detrimental to my health.

I suffer a bit from unwanted sounds and it feels like a hammer drill in my head.

I have often sent my husband an email, because of being unable to speak and he also said that it is not good enough and that I should learn to speak when needed, but I ignore that and still send emails if I need to explain something, but unable to by voice.

When I was your age, I did not even know I had aspergers and I was a newly married woman and so, spent much of my time alone in the dark, rocking back and forth. Hubby was working. There were no emails or texting then ( 1990's). So, I truly value what today offers.

Thanks. For years I've felt like this monster and a burden to my mother because I'm 21 and don't have a job. I have to drive my friend to work in the loud car on Fridays in which my ear buds just barely block out, I clean my room and the guinea pig cage on Thursdays which takes hours, put up the dishes on Tuesdays and Sundays, do my online vet tech program lessons on Mondays which also takes hours causing me to be hangry when I finish, and Saturdays as well as Wednesdays are the only two days where I don't have to clean, drive, or do schoolwork. She claims I don't help and should get a job, but I can't handle the stress of adding a job to that. I already have anger issues with games and sensory input. But I get guilt trips all the time about how she's struggling and works two jobs to support us. She holds my friend's staying with us over my head as another mouth to feed.. I feel so guilty.

 

[Streetwise]

Thanks. For years I've felt like this monster and a burden to my mother because I'm 21 and don't have a job. I have to drive my friend to work in the loud car on Fridays in which my ear buds just barely block out, I clean my room and the guinea pig cage on Thursdays which takes hours, put up the dishes on Tuesdays and Sundays, do my online vet tech program lessons on Mondays which also takes hours causing me to be hangry when I finish, and Saturdays as well as Wednesdays are the only two days where I don't have to clean, drive, or do schoolwork. She claims I don't help and should get a job, but I can't handle the stress of adding a job to that. I already have anger issues with games and sensory input. But I get guilt trips all the time about how she's struggling and works two jobs to support us. She holds my friend's staying with us over my head as another mouth to feed.. I feel so guilty.

I had anger issues, but I was quiet, I internalised it, then it got to a point about 10 years ago ,when I was walking up the street and I had the feeling, literally that the anger was making me very very very ill ,I've never had that feeling before or since! but I never forgot it ,now I'm at the stage ,where I can't just rely on logic.

now it's very evident that I have emotions and!!!!!! logic and I can't block one out to the advantage of the other ,it's very painful, but you have to go with it, it's unbearable if you don't.

 

[Suzanne]

Thanks. For years I've felt like this monster and a burden to my mother because I'm 21 and don't have a job. I have to drive my friend to work in the loud car on Fridays in which my ear buds just barely block out, I clean my room and the guinea pig cage on Thursdays which takes hours, put up the dishes on Tuesdays and Sundays, do my online vet tech program lessons on Mondays which also takes hours causing me to be hangry when I finish, and Saturdays as well as Wednesdays are the only two days where I don't have to clean, drive, or do schoolwork. She claims I don't help and should get a job, but I can't handle the stress of adding a job to that. I already have anger issues with games and sensory input. But I get guilt trips all the time about how she's struggling and works two jobs to support us. She holds my friend's staying with us over my head as another mouth to feed.. I feel so guilty.

There is one huge positive, even if it does not appear so, but you can drive. I do not have a licence and therefore, do feel handicapped.

My husband has said often that if only I would put my mind to it, I could learn the highway code in French ( that is where I live, but not French). He seems to have closed ears, when I say that I am unable to do that, because it is like multitasking and I cannot multitask.

If your mother is aware that you have aspergers, then she is either subconsciously using it against you, or deliberately. What I do when my husband has wound me up so much, that I could actually murder him, is I ask him very quietly, to please leave me alone for a while and go into another room and that helps me to calm down. Of course, there are many times, he has followed me and lecturing me and I am afraid I have blocked my ears and have to raise my voice and ask him to PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.

It is a wide concept that unless you are earning money, you are not working.

Why is your friend staying?

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

There is one huge positive, even if it does not appear so, but you can drive. I do not have a licence and therefore, do feel handicapped.

My husband has said often that if only I would put my mind to it, I could learn the highway code in French ( that is where I live, but not French). He seems to have closed ears, when I say that I am unable to do that, because it is like multitasking and I cannot multitask.

If your mother is aware that you have aspergers, then she is either subconsciously using it against you, or deliberately. What I do when my husband has wound me up so much, that I could actually murder him, is I ask him very quietly, to please leave me alone for a while and go into another room and that helps me to calm down. Of course, there are many times, he has followed me and lecturing me and I am afraid I have blocked my ears and have to raise my voice and ask him to PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.

It is a wide concept that unless you are earning money, you are not working.

Why is your friend staying?

I can't ask my mother to do that, or dhr will take it as disrespect. I was diagnosed with autism, not aspergers. It's no longer a term where I am. My friend is staying because her verbally abusive sister kicked her out. She is working like my mother is, but she claims she's not having help.

 

[Au Naturel]

It sounds like your mother doesn't have a clue what high functioning autism means. I would suggest your therapist explain it to her as many times as needed.

Asperger's syndrome is now considered autism spectrum disorder level one. (ASD-1) Nobody asked my opinion if they should change the name.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

It sounds like your mother doesn't have a clue what high functioning autism means. I would suggest your therapist explain it to her as many times as needed.

Asperger's syndrome is now considered autism spectrum disorder level one. (ASD-1) Nobody asked my opinion if they should change the name.

I'm glad I was diagnosed with autism. It says mild to moderate autism, but the reason I'm glad it is autism is because I don't behave normally, compared to most people. When I'm out in public, it's like wearing a mask as long as I have my earbuds with music to protect me from the noises. That is what keeps me from screaming, running out the store, and grasping my ears with tears in my eyes whenever I go to the store to pick up something. My earbuds protected me from the noise when we went to the casino for my 21st birthday, and I tried a different alcoholic beverage. It tasted like straight up sanitizer with a tiny hint of fruit.

 

[Suzanne]

I can't ask my mother to do that, or dhr will take it as disrespect. I was diagnosed with autism, not aspergers. It's no longer a term where I am. My friend is staying because her verbally abusive sister kicked her out. She is working like my mother is, but she claims she's not having help.

So was I, because the expert told me that aspergers is not on the radar, so I have been diagnosed with high functioning autism grade 2, but he sort of whispered, but you have aspergers, not autism and I am thinking: do you think me stupid? Of course I know that lol

What I have learned to do with my husband ( I know the dynamics are different) is keep quiet when he is being unreasonable.

Are you cooking for your friend?

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

So was I, because the expert told me that aspergers is not on the radar, so I have been diagnosed with high functioning autism grade 2, but he sort of whispered, but you have aspergers, not autism and I am thinking: do you think me stupid? Of course I know that lol

What I have learned to do with my husband ( I know the dynamics are different) is keep quiet when he is being unreasonable.

Are you cooking for your friend?

We have plenty of microwavable dinners and canned foods. We feed ourselves with those while my mother occasionally cooks for all of us cause I only eat fish as my meat source.

 

[Streetwise]

It sounds like your mother doesn't have a clue what high functioning autism means. I would suggest your therapist explain it to her as many times as needed.

Asperger's syndrome is now considered autism spectrum disorder level one. (ASD-1) Nobody asked my opinion if they should change the name.

In the UK a therapist told me the name was changed because people had the idea that everybody with that name was a genius (grasped the name savant and lazily used it for their own selfish needs)and had no problems, some therapists in the UK still use it but mostly it's autism spectrum disorder.

 

[Streetwise]

I'm glad I was diagnosed with autism. It says mild to moderate autism, but the reason I'm glad it is autism is because I don't behave normally, compared to most people. When I'm out in public, it's like wearing a mask as long as I have my earbuds with music to protect me from the noises. That is what keeps me from screaming, running out the store, and grasping my ears with tears in my eyes whenever I go to the store to pick up something. My earbuds protected me from the noise when we went to the casino for my 21st birthday, and I tried a different alcoholic beverage. It tasted like straight up sanitizer with a tiny hint of fruit.

Could you afford to have your chemical levels checked by a doctor? part of hearing sensitivity can be a lack of minerals, vitamin b or magnesium, but you need to have them checked as magnesium can cause digestive upset if you take the wrong amount.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

Could you afford to have your chemical levels checked by a doctor? part of hearing sensitivity can be a lack of minerals, vitamin b or magnesium, but you need to have them checked as magnesium can cause digestive upset if you take the wrong amount.

I can't.

 

[Streetwise]

I can't.

Do you ever get a high-pitched whining in your ears or strange noises that is a sign of magnesium deficiency or tinnitus ,tinnitus is a constant ringing, do you get enough vitamin b you get it from grains (wheat (whole wheat is the best), rice, oats,some is present in animal flesh, also try taking tryptophan foods (dates,chocolate(take limited amounts of that as it has magnesium in and causes digestive upset, peanut butter, animal flesh, milk, this one will not be relevant to you but human breast milk, green beans,tofu,nuts,poppy seeds , other seeds.

 

[menander]

Life is filled with so many inescapable torments. A long time ago, I narrowed down those things that were optional and excluded them. I know this means there are pleasures in those things they are missing, but my sensory issues and navigational issues are as such that I felt it best to cut out the pleasure to avoid the pain. I don't regret my decision.

 

[All-Rounder]

In the UK a therapist told me the name was changed because people had the idea that everybody with that name was a genius (grasped the name savant and lazily used it for their own selfish needs)and had no problems, some therapists in the UK still use it but mostly it's autism spectrum disorder.

I read another of the reasons why it was changed was because they would not allow aspies to make use of driving spots designed for autism and different autism designed public aids.

 

[Au Naturel]

I understand the WHO still uses the Asperger's diagnosis.

The American DSM-IV is where they changed it to try to recognize it as a spectrum of traits of varying intensity but similar nature. That has been accepted by most professionals. I still like the term Asperger's and it is still in general use. I can call myself an Aspie. It rolls off the tongue much easier than saying "autism spectrum disorder level 1." And when most NT people hear "autism" everything else goes blank and they think of "Rain Man" or the kid in special ed they knew who kept banging his head on the wall.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

Do you ever get a high-pitched whining in your ears or strange noises that is a sign of magnesium deficiency or tinnitus ,tinnitus is a constant ringing, do you get enough vitamin b you get it from grains (wheat (whole wheat is the best), rice, oats,some is present in animal flesh, also try taking tryptophan foods (dates,chocolate(take limited amounts of that as it has magnesium in and causes digestive upset, peanut butter, animal flesh, milk, this one will not be relevant to you but human breast milk, green beans,tofu,nuts,poppy seeds , other seeds.

Yes, I have tinnitus which can affect you if you're constantly exposed to loud noises, and because I'm on the spectrum, every noise is a lot louder to me.

 

[Au Naturel]

Tinnitus can be caused by a host of things. Loud noise exposure is one. So is age-related hearing loss. There are infections that can damage the middle and inner ear. It can also be a problem with the nerves that carry sound to the brain or even an issue with the brain creating a signal in the absence of an external sound. The act of yawning can make it increase.

It can be caused by head and neck trauma, TMJ, nasal congestion, damaged eardrums, certain "ototoxic" medications, and concussive brain damage. Or it can simply be how you are put together and perfectly natural for you. No treatment for it except to treat any underlying condition that might be causing it. Avoiding perfectly quiet environments can make it easier to tolerate. My wife keeps fans running in the bedroom because of it.

Mine seems to come and go, getting worse when I'm under stress.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

Tinnitus can be caused by a host of things. Loud noise exposure is one. So is age-related hearing loss. There are infections that can damage the middle and inner ear. It can also be a problem with the nerves that carry sound to the brain or even an issue with the brain creating a signal in the absence of an external sound. The act of yawning can make it increase.

It can be caused by head and neck trauma, TMJ, nasal congestion, damaged eardrums, certain "ototoxic" medications, and concussive brain damage. Or it can simply be how you are put together and perfectly natural for you. No treatment for it except to treat any underlying condition that might be causing it. Avoiding perfectly quiet environments can make it easier to tolerate. My wife keeps fans running in the bedroom because of it.

Mine seems to come and go, getting worse when I'm under stress.

Mine comes and goes, but it could be caused by childhood ear infections, loud noise exposure from sensory issues, TMJ, nasal congestion from hypertrophy and stress cause i have those things. I also have excessive yawning issues.