Anatomy of a shutdown

[Full Steam]

I've started to examine how experiences affect me.

I've had problems with shutdown through sensory over load the last few weeks without giving myself enough recovery time, whichever dragged it out over nearly two weeks on and off.

The way I experience overload and shutdown is that I first feel a slight numbness. Its hard to say exactly where, but the feeling of numbness creeps into my existence at first at the peripheries. It's not yet starting to affect anything, and now is the time to stop what ever is causing the over load if I can.

The next thing I start to notice is a lack of spontaneous thought, and response to questions. I may get asked a question but my mind is blank. I often used to answer in a panic and talk nonsense in this stage, but now I try to talk as little as I can, and try to get out quickly. It's harder now to exit conversations, and I might stand their numb, and getting worse while people talk, wondering how to end this.

If it continues, I find my speech getting difficult. It's uncomfortable to speak, and I stumble over words. My vision is affected, and my experience closes in. It feels like my senses are retreating back to a safe and protected core, in a similar way to your blood retreats as you get cold.

I'm now getting quite clumsy, and may knock into wall corners and desks. My only desire now is retreat to solitude and quiet.

If I have to speak, and perform, I can often get my attention out again, but there is a cost. If I force myself, I can experience a stage which feels like the start of a migraine, but without the headache. It feels bad, and I feel strung out and a little agitated, whereas the shutdown itself does not feel bad if I can get solitude, its mostly just extremely inconvenient.

It takes time to recover, and when it's got bad, it's usually days or weeks before it completely recedes.

I also notice much more fragility of mood. Strops and depressions are just around the corner, and take me by surprise. I don't have the presence of mind to handle them well.

Factors that add to shutdown from overload.

Loud and sudden noises, especially shouting, screaming, clanking.
Constant noise.
360 degree movement like motorway traffic, large crowds.
Meetings and social events. The more people the faster the onset. Also meeting intensity affects it.
Stress.
Bitty tasks and interuptions when working.


Factors that help relieve shutdown.

Enjoyable, large and immersive tasks. Web design really helps me.
Long bath with music on headphones.
Music.
Being in nature.
Simple, non cluttered environment.
Peace and quiet.
Video games.
Anything that removes noise, and closes down the experience to a smaller point, like a video game does.

Can you relate to any of that?

 

[Mia]

It begins as a tingling in my fingers. Upon reading your synopsis began to put together the familiar symptoms.

Then it becomes difficult to speak, if I have to, my voice becomes hoarse, it takes a lot for me to speak at all at that point. It's as if I'm dredging the words up from somewhere other than the speech centers. Almost as if I have to spit the words out.

Then a kind of foggy closing down of thought, become confused, almost dazed and eventually groggy, much like I feel on abruptly waking from a sound sleep.

Then become quite hot, mainly my head and feet. So much so that I begin to perspire, only in the forehead area.

If it's caused by loud sound, than it's more piercing, and comes on quicker. If it's perfume or febreeze or even cologne it will come on more gradually. If it's noise that many people make, then it's delayed until I can get away from it.

Become incredibly fatigued though, and sleepy even. Curl into a fetal position if it's really bad. With a slight headache. It takes a quite good sleep of eight hours or more to feel coherent again. Then with some exercise, or a physical task of some sort I begin to feel better.

 

[Bolletje]

Most of the times, my shutdowns take the form of panic attacks. It starts with tingling in my hands and a dry mouth, then my head and palms become hot and sweaty.
I feel nauseous, get abdominal cramps and I feel like I can't inhale enough oxygen even though I'm taking deep breaths.

At this point I'm struggling to communicate. I feel lightheaded, am on the verge of tears, and just want to find a quiet place. If possible, I go home and straight to bed. If not, I usually have to find a bathroom to hide in because I know I will likely burst into tears. Sitting outside in the cold helps too.

These overloads happen mostly when I'm subjected to loud noise, crowds and high temperatures. Intense pressure (I.e. an oral exam with a relentless professor, or my boyfriend not being home way past his working hours) will do the trick as well.

 

[RiverSong]

I've started to examine how experiences affect me.

I've had problems with shutdown through sensory over load the last few weeks without giving myself enough recovery time, whichever dragged it out over nearly two weeks on and off.

The way I experience overload and shutdown is that I first feel a slight numbness. Its hard to say exactly where, but the feeling of numbness creeps into my existence at first at the peripheries. It's not yet starting to affect anything, and now is the time to stop what ever is causing the over load if I can.

The next thing I start to notice is a lack of spontaneous thought, and response to questions. I may get asked a question but my mind is blank. I often used to answer in a panic and talk nonsense in this stage, but now I try to talk as little as I can, and try to get out quickly. It's harder now to exit conversations, and I might stand their numb, and getting worse while people talk, wondering how to end this.

If it continues, I find my speech getting difficult. It's uncomfortable to speak, and I stumble over words. My vision is affected, and my experience closes in. It feels like my senses are retreating back to a safe and protected core, in a similar way to your blood retreats as you get cold.

I'm now getting quite clumsy, and may knock into wall corners and desks. My only desire now is retreat to solitude and quiet.

If I have to speak, and perform, I can often get my attention out again, but there is a cost. If I force myself, I can experience a stage which feels like the start of a migraine, but without the headache. It feels bad, and I feel strung out and a little agitated, whereas the shutdown itself does not feel bad if I can get solitude, its mostly just extremely inconvenient.

It takes time to recover, and when it's got bad, it's usually days or weeks before it completely recedes.

I also notice much more fragility of mood. Strops and depressions are just around the corner, and take me by surprise. I don't have the presence of mind to handle them well.

Factors that add to shutdown from overload.

Loud and sudden noises, especially shouting, screaming, clanking.
Constant noise.
360 degree movement like motorway traffic, large crowds.
Meetings and social events. The more people the faster the onset. Also meeting intensity affects it.
Stress.
Bitty tasks and interuptions when working.


Factors that help relieve shutdown.

Enjoyable, large and immersive tasks. Web design really helps me.
Long bath with music on headphones.
Music.
Being in nature.
Simple, non cluttered environment.
Peace and quiet.
Video games.
Anything that removes noise, and closes down the experience to a smaller point, like a video game does.

Can you relate to any of that?

Thanks for sharing this! I'm still learning about meltdowns and shutdowns and trying to understand my own experiences. Your post brought up a lot that I hadn't considered before. I don't have meltdowns very often. In fact, they are kind of rare for me. But I do shutdown so often now that it happens pretty much weekly.

Before I started looking into Aspergers, I just thought this was something everyone did. Like, didn't everyone experience times when they felt numb and had to be alone? Ya, of course, now I'm figuring out that no one I know does this. I didn't start realizing something was probably wrong until my boyfriend pointed out that I don't talk when I'm upset or sad, and it takes me several days before I start talking again and acting like myself.

The only signs I've noticed so far, it's been happening a lot today actually, is I'll start feeling distant or detached from myself and everything else. I'll start blankly staring off into space, my mind goes blank, and this is usually a sign that I'm starting to retreat inward. I don't really feel much else at this point. I just become numb to everything.

I have noticed that if I'm around people when this happens, I won't/can't talk and I lose interest in people and whatever activities are going on. Some years ago, I thought I was just depressed during these times and that was causing my detachment and disinterest. But now I realize I do this whenever I'm angry, stressed, sad, or overwhelmed. It usually takes me a few days to come out of it.

I honestly have no idea what exactly causes my shutdowns. I mean, when I'm stressed or feeling crappy then they do come on more often and last longer. But then there's other times when they just seem to happen out of the blue, like today. I would like to know what the exact causes could be so I could try some active prevention, if that's possible.

I think like you mentioned, social events, stress, and interruptions would probably be some big ones for me too. I try my best to avoid social gatherings for the most part but sometimes it can't be helped. Stress and interruptions are kind of out of my control right now though.

What I've tried doing more in the last few months is distracting myself when I am under too much. Like, I'll try watching something funny on TV, watch a movie, anime, try gaming, or listening to music. That seems to help sometimes.

I'm certainly going to keep a closer eye on myself to see if I can catch anymore shutdown signals or what might be the cause.

 

[Josh B]

So much of the same, and very frequently.

For a while now I have been getting more and more sensitive to more and more things. This is before I knew I had Autism (assuming I do), and it's only recently that I got some help with it .. so if you want that skip right on through to the end.

I remember the first time it happened I was working as a cashier and was the only person in the store. It started getting very crowded very fast (being asked a lot of questions and being forced to engage). It was just a huge sensory overload (I think my biggest trigger is hearing two or more people talking at once).
It's almost as if I begin to have a mini seizure.

The first shutdown I actually assumed or thought I had somehow accidentally ingested some kind of hallucinogenic drug (or was slipped something by a customer). The disorientation, and inability to communicate or even move my arms and legs/ stand just intensified to the point that all I could do was run from it. That's exactly what I did too. I said Im sorry I cannot serve you right now I feel like I am going to collapse.. Then went outside. Leaving 10 or more people free to do whatever (sitting waiting for me to ring them out etc.). I never went back in and had to call my employer to get someone else in there.

It was extremely embarrassing, and equally terrifying. I even had to call my parents to come pick me up because the feeling was persistent, and disorienting enough that I didn't feel safe driving.

The feeling didn't subside until a few hours at home, in a quiet space, with no distractions or stimulation.

Well years after that. the occurrence of these attacks, frequency, and potency increased.
I finally got the right psychiatrist, and the right diagnosis, and medication that really helps me without making me feel different (klonopin, propanolol, and gabapentin) in their lowest doses.

I was on these medications for a while, and realize now that I can control the panic attacks by taking a 1/4 of a kolonopin before going anywhere that I know is going to have triggers for me. Or when I start feeling the panic coming on.

 

[Chance]

The anatomy of a shut down... Ug
Mine is a lot like some of those listed here.

This usually happens when I cant get out of some big event, or some event that I am mostly forced to attend. I have never been able to function in crowded, or unfamiliar situations. I can handle it a little more now then when I was younger, but its still a very real problem.

There is a hot feeling that usually rushes over me, and an inner shakiness is usually the first warning sign.
At this point I am already starting to find my way out, because it all happens really fast and its intense.

I already have hypersensitive hearing, and now my ears start roaring.
At times I just feel dizzy or unsteady, I get clumsier than normal.
The Tourettes usually kicks in and words get stuck. Its not really a stutter, its a pause with like half a word and I cant get the rest out... It sucks and I get really aggravated at myself mostly.

Often people think I am directing my frustration at them, but I'm not, or I am trying very hard not too.
I have been told I look lost or angry and they think I am mad at them.
I lose concentration on whatever is being discussed, everything just gets foggy and I can hear my own pulse beating like a bass drum by now and then it gets really hard to breathe. By now its just survival mode, I don't pay attention to much of my surroundings.

Now 2 things are happening at the same time...A shut down and a panic attack usually.
At this point I am asking to be excused, or just leaving because I usually start feeling sick at my stomach and Im embarrassed, while all hell is breaking loose at the same time.

I have to go off by myself and I absolutely hate it when people cant just leave me alone. They think I want them around when I don't. They think they can help when they cant. The very worst thing someone can do at this point is touch me, I just want people to totally leave me alone and sometimes they just won't.

I'm a truly sweet guy, I always have been, but this is the only time I can be a pretty bad jerk and it shocks people. They have no idea at all the stuff that is going on inside my body, and no idea how crushed it makes me feel.

I'm okay if I can just get home, or go someplace just by myself. The after effects are like the LIFE essence has been sucked out of me. I need a day of just quietness by myself and I am usually okay for a while.
These things are horribly upsetting and they suck. I am so thankful that I don't have them as much as I used to have them... So thankful.

I just want to overcome this part of my life totally. This is the very worst part of ASD for me and when I was young it was seen as me having fits, or being unthinkably stubborn, so I got into a whole lot of trouble all while this was happening inside me.

It messed me up pretty bad, and I closed up and went mostly silent for a long time. It was my only defense and my silence eventually let people understand there was something really going on... And beating the crap out of me wasn't the answer. So instead of getting me the proper help my mom took off (as in never came back) and my dad just kind of juggled me around with family members and friends of his.

For a long time there was very little stability in my life and that was some very rough times, but it all worked out. I'm still here and in one piece.

For those people who think ASD is some choice, or some excuse, to not have to follow the rules of "normal" life... They have no idea of the inner turmoil, the outer confusion, and the self hatred that can result from this. Pile on a lot of bullying and abuse and its not an easy life at any level.

Yet this is me, its who I was born to be, and everyday I am given the chance to overcome just a little more of it and be grateful for what I have become so far.

If it has taught me anything... Its to be thankful for any progress, and thankful regardless. I am reminded a thousand times a day that LIFE IS A GIFT, don't bash it too bad, or it bashes me back.

 

[2205]

I have just recently started to analyze those difficult situations in my life as shutdowns/meltdowns, as I just recently thought of the possible diagnosis of asd.

recently, these usually happen where there are a lot of emotional stress(emotional overload), always related to other people somehow and often at events I'm forced to go.

At first I feel normal amount of particular emotion related to the situation, like anxiety, fear or sadness. For example in occasions like performing in front people, job interview, group therapy, new situations etc. okay, that's normal, I guess every shy/introverted person has experienced that.

Then as the time goes on, I start experiencing this weird feeling that people expect more of me than I am, or doubting whether I'm doing the right thing at the moment... for example, I think that maybe I should initiate more conversations, or to smile more, or am I dressing appropriate... I become tense, start noticing lots of details about the surroundings - especially about people and their behavior - as looking for any danger, although I rationally know there is no danger. I try to calm myself down with that thought and move forward. By then most of the details I've noticed about what people say or how they act, make very little sense to me. It's as I hear them talking and see them acting but don't really understand why they do that, or how they do that so effortlessly.

The more I sense this gap between me and other people, the more I feel away, alienated and trapped in the situation and also in my own body which I can't control the way I wanted to (being as relaxed and easy with conversations as I wanted to). Now is probably the last moment to either escape the situation or turn on the "superman mode", as I call it, to save myself.

1) If "superman" mode is turned on, it means I'm consciously pretending to be someone else (a "superman") by copying stereotypical behavior and speech that is expected from me at that time, in order to perform the task I need to and handle the stress. It's like being detached from my body and feelings, but still somehow functioning. I've learned to see myself and feel my body from distance.. like when I notice tension, I can consciously relax the muscles. I can also smile and "act normal" by forcing my body to behave in certain ways that I logically know is considered normal. But for that I need to be able to detach myself from my body.

In that scenario, just after the stressful situation I feel hyper. I feel as I've just saved the world, literally - like a superman. but then as soon as I get into solitude, I "come back" into my body and I feel extremely exhausted. I feel physically exhausted as I've just moved the mountains. I feel emotionally drained and empty and then comes the sadness. I usually start crying for no particular reason. and then usually by next day it's over. the scars remain though...

2) In case I'm not able to become a superman nor escape the situation physically, I tend to go more inwards and instead of detaching myself from my body, I detach myself from surroundings, like becoming an observer and I start experiencing everything more intense (probably in order to watch, learn and adjust to the situation). Physically I'm just tensing up more and more, as I feel so away and different from everyone else. As I'm trying to copy others by observation and figure out how to respond, what to say, when to say, where to stand etc, I also experience all the sounds, lights, smells and movement around me very intense and it starts to heavily disturb the brain process, so I lose my concentration all the time and feel like being controlled by the slightest changes in the environment.

Eventually my brain gets overloaded and everything just gets too much, which results in a situation where I lose control over my actions what I know that should be done at the moment. I feel my body tensing up from head to toes, including my throat which makes it extremely hard to even answer simple yes and no questions, let alone some "normal" chit-chat that, at the same time, I see going on all around me.

By then all I can think about is getting away from people, wanting to hide, escape. Sometimes, in order to gain some control, I start hurting myself by pinching or other not visible ways. This helps me to get my attention away from the sensory input from surroundings and makes me feel that I have control over my body. All this time I feel like crying and if I manage to hold back the tears while in the stressful situation, then right after that I go into some private place (home usually) and start uncontrollably sobbing in fetal position. This might last many hours and I get flashbacks from the conversations I was in, every little thing I made or said, every little comment someone made etc... I feel as I've just expelled from the society. I feel I will never fit in and at that moment I hate every single person, including myself. Usually I feel tired, sad and lonely for the next few days.

 

[Puppywings49]

I can relate to a lot of what you said.

Usually what triggers shutdowns for me are a lot of sensory activity or situations I can't control. For example, I went to DC with a large group, and experienced three shutdowns during the week-long trip.
I get overwhelmed with all the people or new things, and then my emotions drift away, and I get kind of sleepy and my thoughts disconnect from my body, and if people try to talk to me they'll get a minimal, automatic, or nonsensical answer because I can no longer form words and force my mouth to say them. I sit perfectly still, which is highly unusual for me, and stare at a fixed spot. If I have to move, it's done on autopilot, with no real thought behind it. My perception of everything is numbed. I only process sights in my direct line of vision, and I hear things but can't seem to care or really even remember.

If I try to pull myself out of it, I end up exhausted and shaking and overwhelmed, and I usually just fall back into it.

 

[CMZ]

Yes, much of what has been mentioned here by the original poster and then by subsequent commenters is very familiar. Also, finding this thread kept me from starting a similar one. What is problematic for me (among many things) is that shutdown is almost always coming on and I can do a decent job of staving it off but sometimes there is just so much overall buildup that even my best efforts aren't enough. Sometimes it comes on while I am at work and cannot get away. The problem is that my wife thinks if I just meditate and relax enough that everything will be fine but quite often circumstances do not allow me to get meditation/relaxation/alone time/whatever-you-want-to-call-it. Does anyone else deal with this?

 

[Full Steam]

Yes, much of what has been mentioned here by the original poster and then by subsequent commenters is very familiar. Also, finding this thread kept me from starting a similar one. What is problematic for me (among many things) is that shutdown is almost always coming on and I can do a decent job of staving it off but sometimes there is just so much overall buildup that even my best efforts aren't enough. Sometimes it comes on while I am at work and cannot get away. The problem is that my wife thinks if I just meditate and relax enough that everything will be fine but quite often circumstances do not allow me to get meditation/relaxation/alone time/whatever-you-want-to-call-it. Does anyone else deal with this?

Yes, I've always had regular shutdown.

They can be very inconvenient.

I've been messing about with my diet and I think that diet has some effect on shutdown and meltdowns for me.

I think I'm seeing glutamate as being important.

My guess is that form me at least, if I have too much glutamate and get overloaded Im likely to meltdown, if glutamate is low I'm likely to shutdown.

If it's just balanced right I don't get overloaded easily.

More guess work, is that overload causes fast burn of glutamate. If glutamate is abundant, a cascade of excitotoxicitity cause meltdown.
If it's too low, the brain is depleted and shutdown occurs.

I balance it with bone broths and nuts vs NMDA receptor antagonist, mainly liquorice tea and jiaogulan tea, which have been life changing. I drink liquorice root and jiaogulan all day, ever day.

 

[CMZ]

I've started to examine how experiences affect me.

I've had problems with shutdown through sensory over load the last few weeks without giving myself enough recovery time, whichever dragged it out over nearly two weeks on and off.

The way I experience overload and shutdown is that I first feel a slight numbness. Its hard to say exactly where, but the feeling of numbness creeps into my existence at first at the peripheries. It's not yet starting to affect anything, and now is the time to stop what ever is causing the over load if I can.

The next thing I start to notice is a lack of spontaneous thought, and response to questions. I may get asked a question but my mind is blank. I often used to answer in a panic and talk nonsense in this stage, but now I try to talk as little as I can, and try to get out quickly. It's harder now to exit conversations, and I might stand their numb, and getting worse while people talk, wondering how to end this.

If it continues, I find my speech getting difficult. It's uncomfortable to speak, and I stumble over words. My vision is affected, and my experience closes in. It feels like my senses are retreating back to a safe and protected core, in a similar way to your blood retreats as you get cold.

I'm now getting quite clumsy, and may knock into wall corners and desks. My only desire now is retreat to solitude and quiet.

If I have to speak, and perform, I can often get my attention out again, but there is a cost. If I force myself, I can experience a stage which feels like the start of a migraine, but without the headache. It feels bad, and I feel strung out and a little agitated, whereas the shutdown itself does not feel bad if I can get solitude, its mostly just extremely inconvenient.

It takes time to recover, and when it's got bad, it's usually days or weeks before it completely recedes.

I also notice much more fragility of mood. Strops and depressions are just around the corner, and take me by surprise. I don't have the presence of mind to handle them well.

Factors that add to shutdown from overload.

Loud and sudden noises, especially shouting, screaming, clanking.
Constant noise.
360 degree movement like motorway traffic, large crowds.
Meetings and social events. The more people the faster the onset. Also meeting intensity affects it.
Stress.
Bitty tasks and interuptions when working.


Factors that help relieve shutdown.

Enjoyable, large and immersive tasks. Web design really helps me.
Long bath with music on headphones.
Music.
Being in nature.
Simple, non cluttered environment.
Peace and quiet.
Video games.
Anything that removes noise, and closes down the experience to a smaller point, like a video game does.

Can you relate to any of that?

Sometimes I'm 95% of the way to a shutdown and sometimes I feel like I'm hovering at 25% or 50% of the way there for days. Not enough to really shut down, but enough to still be on the debilitating side. Does that sound familiar?

 

[web]

The first sign for me is a vague, pervasive confusion. It's difficult to understand and what might normally require a just bit of figuring out becomes more strongly confusing. There's a subtle rise of warmth, a sort of quivery feeling, heightening of sensations. Depending on my state, there's two major pathways

1) I'll try to understand and if I can, along with some sort of stimming (and deep breathing) I can flow into a better space that I can usually maintain for awhile. If I can't I tend to get frustrated or anxious, and there's a bigger heat rush. If I can do something physical at this point, like go for a brief run, do some jumps & shaking, or shadow-fighting, I can get it out, but that's often not acceptable. There's potential for an outburst or meltdown here; intense emotional phenomena take me by surprise and I just react.

Pushing through it:
If I start to notice early enough I can compensate by being 'hyper', a smaller physicality like bouncing my legs or wiggling, and my attention will dart from place to place in order to focus. I don't know why it helps. I tend to talk 'too loud', and it's easier to slur words together and be too fast with speech. Everything tends to be brighter, but if I can get engaged in something it can be fun. I relied on it a lot as a kid.

If I try to start this too late, it's more like what others described.

I can experience a stage which feels like the start of a migraine, but without the headache. It feels bad, and I feel strung out and a little agitated, whereas the shutdown itself does not feel bad if I can get solitude

I feel emotionally drained and empty and then comes the sadness.

For me I sometimes do get a headache, things can seem to spin a bit, I'll feel detached but at the same time usually be having painful synaesthesia, and if I do it too long I can end up feeling like the world is sort of ghostly & insubstantial, and I either end up crying or eventually zone out into numbness unless I have a chance to recalibrate.

If I don't try to act, I can totally freeze, sometimes going through a rapid version of pathway #2 (if I'm standing I've collapsed at times), like there's so much build up it's paralyzing and I'm not able to do anything.

2) If my energy is low already, I just skip the first pathway and tend to get super still, usually have a fixated gaze, sounds distort ~ random things are loud, sometimes I don't even hear the person next to me talking, words themselves can become nonsensical even if I hear them. It's hard to find any words, and if I do I'll be very quiet because my own voice is so big & loud in my head. Sometimes my ears roar, sometimes I get dizzy, sometimes space can seem to stretch & move, not always. I just want to curl up & be still, hide away from it all. If I don't, I end up crying or compulsively rocking or just frozen.

Not enough to really shut down, but enough to still be on the debilitating side.

I've definitely felt this, I call it mild overwhelm. Usually it comes in phases, and for a few weeks happens almost all of the time when I can't control my environment (mostly for sound); major overwhelm & shutdown is much easier to reach at that point. You also mentioned meditation/relaxation not always helping; for me sometimes what I need is big physical movement.


I relate to everything mentioned that adds to shutdown. The things that help relieve overwhelm I relate to for milder cases. I also like free-form dancing, meditation, walking, and writing.

Relieving shutdown once it’s extreme is best for me with:
quiet or a single, low, resonant sound
wrapping up in soft blankets
cuddling with someone I trust or a pet

 

[TheFreeCat]

Extreme adrenaline. I live in an unsafe place, so it happens a lot. And when it does, it's bad.

It's immediate fight or flight and will remain at that constant level till I leave. It means there are no thoughts except of being trapped and not knowing why. Know there is no solution because you cannot make any plans beyond.....GET OUT NOW.

Recovery is rare because the triggers are daily.

If I leave, maybe in about 5 hours I can return to a sense of calm, but when I come back, it starts again.

It is a constant state of extreme chaos that it is not possible to leave.

I am not alone. People who live in war zones, those who are homeless and unsafe under a violently noisy bridge, people in an inner city with no safe passage, people stuck in noisy and unsafe nursing homes, or those living with abusers know what I am talking about.

 

[Full Steam]

Extreme adrenaline. I live in an unsafe place, so it happens a lot. And when it does, it's bad.

It's immediate fight or flight and will remain at that constant level till I leave. It means there are no thoughts except of being trapped and not knowing why. Know there is no solution because you cannot make any plans beyond.....GET OUT NOW.

Recovery is rare because the triggers are daily.

If I leave, maybe in about 5 hours I can return to a sense of calm, but when I come back, it starts again.

It is a constant state of extreme chaos that it is not possible to leave.

I am not alone. People who live in war zones, those who are homeless and unsafe under a violently noisy bridge, people in an inner city with no safe passage, people stuck in noisy and unsafe nursing homes, or those living with abusers know what I am talking about.

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through.

I hope you're situation improves and that you manage to keep some meaning to life through the chaos.

 

[Debrah]

I've started to examine how experiences affect me.......Factors that help relieve shutdown.

Enjoyable, large and immersive tasks. Web design really helps me.
Long bath with music on headphones.
Music.
Being in nature.
Simple, non cluttered environment.
Peace and quiet.
Video games.
Anything that removes noise, and closes down the experience to a smaller point, like a video game does.

Can you relate to any of that?

I can relate to so much of that! Although social stress (going to a meet & greet for example) is only going to flatten me out for the rest of the day. After a sleep, I'm kind of back to normal.

It sucks too doesn't it, trying to figure out excuses and ways to avoid being involved in those kinds of stressors. And too often it's impossible because you can't keep saying no. At least that's my experience.

 

[Debrah]

Extreme adrenaline. I live in an unsafe place, so it happens a lot. And when it does, it's bad.

It's immediate fight or flight and will remain at that constant level till I leave. It means there are no thoughts except of being trapped and not knowing why. Know there is no solution because you cannot make any plans beyond.....GET OUT NOW.

Recovery is rare because the triggers are daily.

If I leave, maybe in about 5 hours I can return to a sense of calm, but when I come back, it starts again.

It is a constant state of extreme chaos that it is not possible to leave.

I am not alone. People who live in war zones, those who are homeless and unsafe under a violently noisy bridge, people in an inner city with no safe passage, people stuck in noisy and unsafe nursing homes, or those living with abusers know what I am talking about.

I'm so sorry for you that it's like that in your life! I think of the people who are stuck in those places, a lot. I can't imagine how you cope! You poor dear!

Thinking about you folks always makes me feel guilty about my whining. Really does.

I hope that you'll be safe wherever you are.

 

[Optimus]

Hey Full Steam,

I can relate right down the line.

For me, when I am at work, it is terrible when there are people near me having a loud conversation when they are talking over one another. It is made even worse when my manager, who sits next to me, asks me a question. My concentration is completely shot. Add to that hyena-like cackling behind me from yet another conversation.

Weirdly if I can see where the cackling is coming from (i.e. I can spot the source) it helps. However, the best thing for me to do is put my headphones on (crank up the technical death metal (irony!!!) ) and electronic message my manager, explaining that we either have to communicate my electronic message or walk away to somewhere quieter...

 

[sybok]

I like this discussion. It is great be able hear how others experience and process similar situations.

Yesterday was my twin 17 year old daughters birthdays. The three of us live alone. Well their mum and sister and her family came over for afternoon tea.

I hate these times, not because I hate my extended family. I hate what happens in my head and body.

I cannot hear individual speakers after a while. My daughter was sitting next to me and speaking to me, but I couldn't hear her. Everything starts to blend into each other. Everyone kind of become one beast, humming and buzzing and beeping and just make noise. It's all just noise. I have really focus to hear an individual. It's so much work to just sit there and not scream for everyone to shut up.

I will bare it as long as I can and then starting walking around. Perspiration on my forehead, anxiety spiking.

Yes, to clumsy. I get very clumsy. Clumsy with objects and corners. Clumsy with thoughts, going to do something and not knowing why.

Then off to my room or the toilet. Head in hands, eyes closed, soothing rubbing of my cranium.

But it does not really end until some hours of alone time.

Is it any wonder I don't like visitors. Even those I love? Things moved, channels changed, no where to hide and the noise, the noise, the damn noise of humans being 'normal'.

 

[sybok]

The only signs I've noticed so far, it's been happening a lot today actually, is I'll start feeling distant or detached from myself and everything else. I'll start blankly staring off into space, my mind goes blank, and this is usually a sign that I'm starting to retreat inward. I don't really feel much else at this point. I just become numb to everything.

It is a great topic. I have read quite a bit on these forums about this feeling of numbness and the inward retreat. I have tried to think if I experience it. The problem is, people ask, what traits do you have. And, well, I don't know. It's all vague responses from me and them going, well that's normal. But it clearly is NOT normal. I hate those comments.

But yes, numbness. I kind of cold shut off emotionality. Staring off into space, yes. Not much in the way of thought going on, yes. Big breaths in, yes. Not knowing what to do, or what I was doing, yes.

And very slow, quiet, alone, process of returning to a balanced state.

I cannot see how CBT would help that, other than help to recognise it is happening, and to place my own wellbeing first, and regardless of the thoughts of others, walking away, before something I'll regret, and they may also regret, happens.

 

[sybok]

mini seizure

Mini seizure. Yes. It is like a physical event. Like things are literally shutting down, and yet the environment keeps screaming at you, relentless, unforgiving, unknowing. Fight and flight starts filling you with survival energy. Energy has to go somewhere, but without a functioning brain, it tends to EXPLODE. Explosions are indiscriminate, and hurt the innocent and the guilty alike.