An academic delurks

[interaural]

Hi,

I've been lurking for a while, enjoyed reading many threads. Finally prompted to join by wanting to contribute to the thread on good sounds

I was diagnosed with "an autism spectrum condition" by an NHS (UK) psychologist six months ago, after a few years of growing suspicions, rather high AQ scores, etc. I'm in my early 50s, so this was a late diagnosis. I find I'm pretty comfortable in myself with being autistic, though I haven't told many people.

I'm a university professor. I guess I've been lucky that my lifelong interest, sound, can be parlayed as a research topic. I'm not really out at work, though, and I'm currently debating with myself about whether to declare myself autistic. Of course, like any university, I can see several colleagues who could probably be categorised as somewhere on the spectrum. We have increasing numbers of diagnosed autistic students claiming reasonable accommodations but I think we professors are perhaps scared of the stigma were we to come out of the woodwork.

I'm married to a (very) NT woman and have three kids. I guess most of my autistic difficulties are experienced in my marriage.

Nice to meet you.

- interaural

 

[tree]

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Welcome to the club.

The only group where not belonging is a criterion for membership.

 

[Nitro]

 

[Catana]

Welcome.

I keep wondering, since it comes up quite often, why so many people feel they might or should "come out" to others. Unless you have problems that can't be explained any other way, and letting people know about your autism might actually be helpful, why bother? Why give up part of your private life, especially when the majority either just don't care or will use it against you? I'm using "you" in the general sense here, not you in particular. Your post just served as the straw that "broke the camel's back" for me. I've been thinking about it fairly seriously lately.

I realize some will say that "coming out" is a way of educating the public about autism and showing that you can lead a normal life -- family, work, etc. -- even if you're on the spectrum. I have my doubts about how effective that really is, but the topic of coming out certainly needs more in-depth discussion than it usually gets.

 

[Mia]

Welcome O lurker, to the autism forums. Nice to meet you @interaural

 

[LucyPurrs]

Welcome O lurker, to the autism forums. Nice to meet you @interaural

Oh do I love Animusic! Thanks Mia!

And Interaural, welcome to this forum, a great place to be and a very accepting and friendly community.

 

[Bolletje]

Welcome, welcome!

 

[clg114]

Welcome to Aspies Central! I was also diagnosed late in life. I welcomed the diagnosis because it answered a lot of questions that I had about myself. However, I do not tell many people about it. You would be surprised what some people think when you tell them. So, for me, it is a need to know basis only.

 

[Echo]

Nice to meet you, interaural! I'm also new here, recently wrapping my head around this new identity, and about your age as well. I'm guessing no one would have called us autistic thirty years ago.
I'd love to hear more about your sound research.

 

[Thinx]

Yes welcome. I ve worked in higher education and yes I think it's a haven for asps. We are often thinkers and theorists. I hope you enjoy it here, people are kind and helpful and informative.

 

[Streetwise]

 

[Juliettaa]

Hello interaural.

Like you, I'm new to posting on the forum (I lurked for ages). I'm also in the UK and recently diagnosed late (in my 50's).

Welcome to the forum

 

[interaural]

Welcome.

I keep wondering, since it comes up quite often, why so many people feel they might or should "come out" to others. Unless you have problems that can't be explained any other way, and letting people know about your autism might actually be helpful, why bother? Why give up part of your private life, especially when the majority either just don't care or will use it against you? I'm using "you" in the general sense here, not you in particular. Your post just served as the straw that "broke the camel's back" for me. I've been thinking about it fairly seriously lately.

I realize some will say that "coming out" is a way of educating the public about autism and showing that you can lead a normal life -- family, work, etc. -- even if you're on the spectrum. I have my doubts about how effective that really is, but the topic of coming out certainly needs more in-depth discussion than it usually gets.

Thanks for the question. I agree this needs thinking about, though for me this is still not really settled in my mind.

I had originally assumed I wouldn't be telling anyone apart from my immediate family. At work I probably would be at risk from stigma and hidden agendas. (Though if people just express that with body language I'd probably not notice ...) On the other hand, I think I've almost certainly been discriminated against already for being socially awkward (etc.) anyway, so things might not change much.

One reason why I might need to go public is a likely move to a new building. At the moment I have my own small office. The new building will put 150 academic staff in one large open-plan office. Of course, this will reduce productivity for most but I think it'd be really impossible for me to think in a place like that. So I might self-declare and then ask to retain an individual office as my reasonable adjustment. My university likes to make a bit of a song and dance about being supportive of diversity so I think HR would play along.

The second reason is the somewhat embarrassing one you mention about being a role model. Universities have increasing numbers of autistic students who might benefit from seeing that it's possible to be reasonably senior in a career while being autistic. And I'd also quite like to engage a bit with the serried ranks of neurotypical autism researchers who get to position themselves as the normal humans experimenting on autistics.

There's perhaps also something seductive about presenting an authentic, whole identity to the world. I have gay family members and I understand why they want to do this. This feels a bit awkward, too, though, since in every other respect of my identity, I'd be regarded as privileged. Lots of people seem to be turned off by identity politics these days.

 

[interaural]

Yes welcome. I ve worked in higher education and yes I think it's a haven for asps. We are often thinkers and theorists. I hope you enjoy it here, people are kind and helpful and informative.

Yes, I think Asperger actually hypothesised that a university might be a good environment for the people he was identifying. I think of a university as a pleasingly complicated system. If you can do original research then I've found a tolerant department will put up with a wide range of eccentric behaviour.

 

[interaural]

Thanks so much tree, Fridgemagnetman, Nitro, Catana, Mia, LucyPurrs, Bolletje, clg114, Echo, Thinx, Streetwise and Juliettaa.

I feel a bit overwhelmed. (I really am an inveterate lurker.)

 

[WereBear]

I realize some will say that "coming out" is a way of educating the public about autism and showing that you can lead a normal life -- family, work, etc. -- even if you're on the spectrum. I have my doubts about how effective that really is, but the topic of coming out certainly needs more in-depth discussion than it usually gets.

There's perhaps also something seductive about presenting an authentic, whole identity to the world. I have gay family members and I understand why they want to do this.

Asked and answered. I was diagnosed in midlife, too.

 

[WereBear]

On the topic of coming out, I am also torn. This is particularly pertinent since I am promoting a new book.

Do I keep quiet?

OR

Leverage the ”Temple Grandin of Cats” angle?

My worry is that people will love my Cat System... until they find out Rain Woman did it, and then they will think it is weird.

Such a dilemma.

 

[Thinx]

Yes it's tricky the coming out thing. As has been said here by me and others, it's hard to come out as asp because people don't know what that means and do go for that Rainman stereotype or worse. This is called an autism spectrum disorder and we are saying we are disordered therefore. Ya thanx for that. Where is the different but positive story of neurodiverse psychology? Hey Interaural if yr a psych prof can you get started on it! I think awareness needs more raising plus the story needs to be written. I was open about high autistic traits in my current work I am not diagnosed and don't feel I need to be. My openness led to puzzlement I d say, and attempts to accommodate that were mainly asking what it meant. Still could have been worse, but I wasn't understood. We all did the Myers Briggs and I think people were comforted to see I was on that, not personality unclassified heh heh heh. I'm INTP. Me and Einstein. Oops and a few others

Yes let's educate people about this, I think it's the best way forward. And we are the people who know the story because we are living it.

Hope u get a private office, I use a room that is semi mine , by day but in use evenings. And sometimes mix in a shared office.

 

[Crossbreed]

@interaural , hello & welcome.
Is "delurking" the internet equivalent of "decloaking?"