Am I Going Through an Identity Crisis?

[Joshua the Writer]

I don't understand myself as well as I thought I did. I don't think I know myself as well as I thought I did. I thought I knew everything about myself and I thought I understood myself entirely, but, now I feel like that is not the case anymore. It might be related to being young, but, I am not sure. I can't figure myself out, and it hurts.

I don't know what my purpose in life is and what I am useful for. I am not sure of exactly who I am anymore. It's like I only know the basics right now.

I am unsure what I don't know or understand about myself. My parents are both NT, so I am pretty sure that they would be able to understand very well. It hurts that I can't explain it in a way that they'd understand. I hate not being able to tell them my feelings out loud even if they are only a few meters away and within earshot. I oftentimes have to tell them that stuff through Google Hangouts or with a hand-written note no matter what. They understand why I do that, so they're fine with it, but I just don't want to rely on that method anymore.

It's like there is something about me that I am missing. Something about me is going right over my head like a barely-missed sniper bullet. It makes me hate myself. I feel terrible about this situation.

Is there anybody here who can help me figure this out? Have any of you gone through this type of thing or something similar? This site has helped me a ton...

 

[BrokenBoy]

I don't understand myself as well as I thought I did. I don't think I know myself as well as I thought I did. I thought I knew everything about myself and I thought I understood myself entirely, but, now I feel like that is not the case anymore. It might be related to being young, but, I am not sure. I can't figure myself out, and it hurts.

I don't know what my purpose in life is and what I am useful for. I am not sure of exactly who I am anymore. It's like I only know the basics right now.

I am unsure what I don't know or understand about myself. My parents are both NT, so I am pretty sure that they would be able to understand very well. It hurts that I can't explain it in a way that they'd understand. I hate not being able to tell them my feelings out loud even if they are only a few meters away and within earshot. I oftentimes have to tell them that stuff through Google Hangouts or with a hand-written note no matter what. They understand why I do that, so they're fine with it, but I just don't want to rely on that method anymore.

It's like there is something about me that I am missing. Something about me is going right over my head like a barely-missed sniper bullet. It makes me hate myself. I feel terrible about this situation.

Is there anybody here who can help me figure this out? Have any of you gone through this type of thing or something similar? This site has helped me a ton...

I'm in the exact situation right now and I also don't know how to do. There are times where I just feel that I am like a blank slate.

People say "be yourself" but I have no idea what "myself is". There is no *real* me in a sense. There is an idea of an *real* me but it's only an idea. Nothing solid. Nothing real. Just an vague concept. I don't know much about myself or what I wanna do in this world. And I'm just going on autopilot because it's the easiest thing to do.

Are you feeling something similar?

 

[Joshua the Writer]

I'm in the exact situation right now and I also don't know how to do. There are times where I just feel that I am like a blank slate.

People say "be yourself" but I have no idea what "myself is". There is no *real* me in a sense. There is an idea of an *real* me but it's only an idea. Nothing solid. Nothing real. Just an vague concept. I don't know much about myself or what I wanna do in this world. And I'm just going on autopilot because it's the easiest thing to do.

Are you feeling something similar?

Yeah. I guess I am feeling like I'm just a blank slate. It's just that there isn't much of me to tell about. Maybe I might need to do some interesting/cool things in the future to fill in all that space.

I heard you can tell what kind of person somebody is by hearing about their actions alone, and not being told about any personality traits explicitly.

 

[BrokenBoy]

I heard you can tell what kind of person somebody is by hearing about their actions alone, and not being told about any personality traits explicitly.

I think this is correct as well.

I have defined my "personality" to others via my actions when I'm in the aforementioned "autopilot" mode, so perhaps there might be some truth to this. Either way you should do that cool stuff you mentioned earlier, it might help you define yourself. I wish you good luck.

 

[tree]

https://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html

Adolescence is typically a time of identity development.
It is not unusual at all to feel confused or a little lost during
this time.

 

[MeghanWithAnH]

I think it can be harder for people on the spectrum to find an identity because we don't fit very well with any of the standard identities that NTs expect to fit into. However, when we do find our identities they become more uniquely ours because we made them for ourselves. I had no idea who I was or what I wanted in my teens or most of my 20s. Now, at 29, I think I've finally started to figure it out. It takes a lot of trial and error, and a lot of time thinking about what matters to you and what you can do about it. There was also a lot of time spent being frustrated because I kept running into barriers that I thought I couldn't get around. But it's all worth it. The person I was at fifteen couldn't imagine doing the things that I can do at 29, and I expect to keep getting better as long as I keep trying things and learning from them. Learning from all of my experiences between then and now is showing me what I can do, what I care about, and who I am. I wish you luck as you start on the same journey.

And don't hate yourself. No one knows who they are at your age. The people who think they do only think that because someone else told them who they should be and they are still naive enough to believe it. Others are just pretending because they think they're supposed to have it figured out and are afraid to admit that they don't. Realizing that you don't have everything figured out is one of the first big steps towards adulthood. You don't have to figure it all out right now. Just try things and learn things and be open to where life might take you. Who you are will show up along the way.

 

[Gracey]

I like the link @tree posted above, according to Erickson I’m bang on schedule for my age

I used to let my own children know that this was the time for experimenting and experiencing different things.
(Within the law ... they knew right from wrong and the consequences if they ever brought the police to my door !)

I likened it to trying on different jackets (identities) to see which fit best.

You don’t have to fill your immediate future with cool stuff just to win the approval of peers,
(Although that may seem like the most important thing right now)

You fill your immediate future with the stuff that you personally would like to try or experience.
Any interests you’d like to explore further?
Something you’re curious about?

If you’re naturally quiet, then it’s fine to be naturally quiet.
Don’t try to bend yourself all out of shape in an effort to be something that doesn’t come naturally,

It isn’t compulsory, but if you could try a different way to communicate how you’re feeling to one or both your parents ?

Even if it’s just something like,
“I’m feeling a bit lost, teenage stuff,
but I’m going to try ...insert idea here... to see how I feel about it”
I’m sure they’ll listen or trust you to figure it out your way.

If you’re ever worried about needing more professional help, or think you’d benefit from the guidance,
let your parents, a tutor, a mentor know. They may be able to set something up for you.

 

[Fino]

You're both a heck of a lot farther along than I was when I was fifteen! Good job!

 

[china autie]

I think you are both pretty awesome.

 

[Graphin]

Woohooo memories!

 

[Jenisautistic]

im still trying to figure out who i am what i what and what i want to do as well.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

https://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html

Adolescence is typically a time of identity development.
It is not unusual at all to feel confused or a little lost during
this time.

Thanks for your advice and the link, tree. It is helpful.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

You're both a heck of a lot farther along than I was when I was fifteen! Good job!

I think you are both pretty awesome.

Thank you. I appreciate the encouragement.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

What you are experiencing sounds perfectly normal for your age. Most people's teenaged years consist of one identity crisis after another, and plenty of people carry on wondering who they are and what their purpose in life is well into adulthood too. If you discussed with your parents I am pretty sure they would have no problem understanding what you are feeling, as I am sure they have felt exactly the same at some point in their lives.

Another common thing for teenagers to experience is the sense that no one else, especially adults, could possibly understand what they are going through. It might help to remember that it is highly unlikely that anything you experience has not been experienced by billions of people before you, including your parents.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

I like the link @tree posted above, according to Erickson I’m bang on schedule for my age

The link helped me. I thanked her a few minutes before replying to you.

I used to let my own children know that this was the time for experimenting and experiencing different things.
(Within the law ... they knew right from wrong and the consequences if they ever brought the police to my door !)

I actually agree with how you did that. When I have kids, I'd do the same for them. You had the right idea.

I likened it to trying on different jackets (identities) to see which fit best.

You don’t have to fill your immediate future with cool stuff just to win the approval of peers,
(Although that may seem like the most important thing right now)

Actually, what I want to do in the future is cool stuff, along with whatever makes me happy.

You fill your immediate future with the stuff that you personally would like to try or experience.
Any interests you’d like to explore further?
Something you’re curious about?

I want to try and save up for a custom PC build and build it myself.

If you’re naturally quiet, then it’s fine to be naturally quiet.
Don’t try to bend yourself all out of shape in an effort to be something that doesn’t come naturally,

I'm introverted by nature.

It isn’t compulsory, but if you could try a different way to communicate how you’re feeling to one or both your parents ?

I have both my parents as Google Hangouts contacts. I both have their separate contacts, as well as I group chat I started between me and my parents.

Even if it’s just something like,
“I’m feeling a bit lost, teenage stuff,
but I’m going to try ...insert idea here... to see how I feel about it”
I’m sure they’ll listen or trust you to figure it out your way.

Thank you. I am sure they will, too. I am pretty sure they'll try to understand.

If you’re ever worried about needing more professional help, or think you’d benefit from the guidance,
let your parents, a tutor, a mentor know. They may be able to set something up for you.

Okay. Got it. I'll try to do that if it comes to it. Thank you!

 

[Joshua the Writer]

What you are experiencing sounds perfectly normal for your age. Most people's teenaged years consist of one identity crisis after another, and plenty of people carry on wondering who they are and what their purpose in life is well into adulthood too. If you discussed with your parents I am pretty sure they would have no problem understanding what you are feeling, as I am sure they have felt exactly the same at some point in their lives.

Another common thing for teenagers to experience is the sense that no one else, especially adults, could possibly understand what they are going through. It might help to remember that it is highly unlikely that anything you experience has not been experienced by billions of people before you, including your parents.

Thank you for your kinds words, Nothing. I appreciate it.