• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Echolalia

Thank you for all the replies. Firstly just to clear things up, I’m ‘NT’ and he is not. I suspected he was in the spectrum several months into our relationship. I told him my suspicions and fast forward 1 year and he’s slowly started talking about it more... accepting it perhaps.

I haven’t painted a very good picture of him. He’s actually very sweet and loving. The reason I posted the original message was to ask if repeating kinda rude things could be some kind of uncontrolled reflex, because sometimes it really feels that way. He’ll say something rude, I’ll look at him and he’ll look almost ashamed it came out of his mouth.

It’s true it would be a comfort to know he wants to be with me, as in be his girlfriend. But then I can see how badly he reacts to words of affection, the idea of having a gf and i just know I shouldn’t push it. He has lots of space from me, and although the ‘balance’ may be slightly tipped to me loving him more than he does me- it’s also not completely one sided.
 
Brit said:
he reason I posted the original message was to ask if repeating kinda rude things could be some kind of uncontrolled reflex, because sometimes it really feels that way. He’ll say something rude, I’ll look at him and he’ll look almost ashamed it came out of his mouth.
Click to expand...

The answer very likely could be yes to this.

We may not always see the other side of things - how people are affected by our words.

We can be stuck in a defensive,reactive mode.
Our sense of selves can develop in unusual ways.
 
You're not dumb. He just sees you as easily exploitable, but you're not preventing him in any way from exploiting you.

I have 3 pieces of advice for you:
  1. Seek professional help and ask for advice from friends and family members.
  2. If the abuse becomes physical or even sexual, get the police involved. There is also nothing wrong with the police busting down your door as long as it means getting away from a toxic relationship.
  3. RUN! This is obvious. Run away from the relationship the best you can. It's not worth it to stay with this dude. These mind games are often a clear indication of emotionally abusive relationships. Get as far away from him as possible. If you stay with him, he'll only do more damage. And get a restraining order while you're at it. If you can afford a good attorney, you can get a restraining order against him really easily.
There is no point in continuing the relationship. Hurry before he becomes more abusive.
 
Brit said:
This may be a silly post but I was just looking for some advice from you guys.

I have been seeing an incredible guy for over 18 months. He doesn't want a girlfriend so we don't venture into that conversation anymore. It was a fairly turbulent start as I misunderstood his behaviour as 'gaming' (curt blunt messages, no phone calls, no relationship recognition etc.) I've come to terms with all that because I feel his love very strongly without all that.

What I find very difficult now is that he is says very upsetting things to me. Almost Tourettes territory I feel. The c word, dumb b* etc. In fact when I looked especially hurt one day, that's precisely the link he made. He is incredibly funny so much of what he says does make me laugh, but then it gets to a point where its far too much and a little relentless.

As im writing this I feel that perhaps ive led him to believe that all those comments are ok because by and large they make me laugh. I mean I never laugh at the really awful stuff, I just generally pull a very surprised/not impressed looking face. He sometimes explains in a half joking way that he says those things in order to create a balance. Im not sure what that really means.

Im not very good at explaining how I feel myself, but last time he was being pretty offensive and I sort of started crying a little bit, he looked very hurt by my behaviour and made some comment about me trying to manipulate him with my tears. That wasn't my intention at all, in fact I didn't want him to see me crying at all because I know it stresses him.

How do I fix this spiral? I love him, and suspect the change has to again come from me. Is there any advice you guys could give me? Do you think it is related to AS, or perhaps not even?
Click to expand...
I would be careful it sounds like a psychopath is grooming you. I just got done with a 15-year friendship with a psychopath and it started the same way. there was never any violence or anything like that just financial exploitation mines games verbal abuse and lots of yelling and yelling causes me to go into a shutdown.
 
Brit said:
I haven’t painted a very good picture of him.
Click to expand...
no, you really didn't, as what you described is an emotionally abusing relationship coupled with gaslighting. are you now saying that what you described isn't true?

Brit said:
He’s actually very sweet and loving.
Click to expand...
your reaction to this makes it even more scary.

being on the spectrum is no excuse for poor treatment of others. either you put in the work to improve your communication and interpersonal skills or you stay away from people. some people are flat out not ready for social interaction yet alone romantic relationships.
 
Last edited:
Stardust Parade said:
Sorry I didn't sugar coat my honest answer to the question asked.
Click to expand...

The not-coolness isn't from not "sugar coating" it's from not trying to understand where the OP is coming from and then making a judgment that you're unqualified to make and then posting that judgment without any explanation in a way that it could only make the OP feel bad when she is clearly already feeling bad.

Honesty by itself is not justification for saying something. You have to ask yourself if you're actually helping any one out by posting your opinion or if you are just going to cause harm. I don't think you could have helped anyone with that post.
 
Something has got to wake her up from her lustful obsession. He's probably good looking and great at sex, so everything he does is amazing. "Oh he called me stupid! He's so funny!". Oh please. Making a post like this on a forum is asking for less diplomatic answers.

Avoiding the issue just makes it even more likely to keep her in her standard hamster-loop. "He's actually not that bad! He's really sweet and loving!". She's dumb. Dumb for not immediately understanding what the deal was when he said he "Doesn't want her as a GF" and even dumber for making up even more excuses to stick around when the abuse started.

Dumb people do what feels good in the moment, smart people do what is best for the long-term.

And don't tell me I don't know what I am talking about, because I was in the exact same situation. It's never one dimensional, there's always positive sides involved such as amazing tits, great sex and sudden Jekyll and Hyde moments where they are the most loving people you could imagine or the devil himself, but only the dumb will stick around for even sporadic abuse.
 
its really not like that. i was merely asking whether there's a link between Tourettes and ASD
 
This is abuse. He's training you to feel so bad about yourself that you'll think he's the only fish in the sea, when in reality, he's either (as they said on South Park) "a giant d..che or a t.rd sandwich".

As they used to say on The Ricki Lake Show: "Kick him to the curb!"
 
Brit said:
Thank you for all the replies. Firstly just to clear things up, I’m ‘NT’ and he is not. I suspected he was in the spectrum several months into our relationship. I told him my suspicions and fast forward 1 year and he’s slowly started talking about it more... accepting it perhaps.

I haven’t painted a very good picture of him. He’s actually very sweet and loving. The reason I posted the original message was to ask if repeating kinda rude things could be some kind of uncontrolled reflex, because sometimes it really feels that way. He’ll say something rude, I’ll look at him and he’ll look almost ashamed it came out of his mouth.

It’s true it would be a comfort to know he wants to be with me, as in be his girlfriend. But then I can see how badly he reacts to words of affection, the idea of having a gf and i just know I shouldn’t push it. He has lots of space from me, and although the ‘balance’ may be slightly tipped to me loving him more than he does me- it’s also not completely one sided.
Click to expand...

Most women in DV shelters would say that their boyfriends are sweet and loving, kind, funny, etc. Sociopaths are. They are jolly and sweet and BAD NEWS.
 
He's the kind of aspie who cannot talk about anything emotional at all. Just silence, blank face. The rude words are really no reflection of how he is. Its a kind of funny act I feel. He is kind and sensitive.
 
Tom said:
Maybe I missed something but putting the behavior aside for a moment, is this guy on the spectrum? Or are you asking if he might be? Or are you on the spectrum?



Sith philosophy?

View attachment 54455
Click to expand...

By "creating a balance" be is hurting you to re-establish a position of power in the relationship. it is just flat out abusive. Be will keep doing what he can stay in charge of the relationship and have control over your self-perception. Even if it is related to AS, it is still abuse.

Brit said:
This may be a silly post but I was just looking for some advice from you guys.

I have been seeing an incredible guy for over 18 months. He doesn't want a girlfriend so we don't venture into that conversation anymore. It was a fairly turbulent start as I misunderstood his behaviour as 'gaming' (curt blunt messages, no phone calls, no relationship recognition etc.) I've come to terms with all that because I feel his love very strongly without all that.

What I find very difficult now is that he is says very upsetting things to me. Almost Tourettes territory I feel. The c word, dumb b* etc. In fact when I looked especially hurt one day, that's precisely the link he made. He is incredibly funny so much of what he says does make me laugh, but then it gets to a point where its far too much and a little relentless.

As im writing this I feel that perhaps ive led him to believe that all those comments are ok because by and large they make me laugh. I mean I never laugh at the really awful stuff, I just generally pull a very surprised/not impressed looking face. He sometimes explains in a half joking way that he says those things in order to create a balance. Im not sure what that really means.

Im not very good at explaining how I feel myself, but last time he was being pretty offensive and I sort of started crying a little bit, he looked very hurt by my behaviour and made some comment about me trying to manipulate him with my tears. That wasn't my intention at all, in fact I didn't want him to see me crying at all because I know it stresses him.

How do I fix this spiral? I love him, and suspect the change has to again come from me. Is there any advice you guys could give me? Do you think it is related to AS, or perhaps not even?
Click to expand...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom