Am I A Bully???

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

All I ask for is a day without torture for once, but it's like that's too much to ask. Often I'm upset at my brother for having the TV or his tablet up too loud or making high noises. I tell him to turn it down, and I get mad when he refuses cause he knows the noise hurts my ears. Then he either gives the most offensive excuse, saying "it's not that loud", and when I get mad, my mother would often get mad at me and claim I'm messing with him. When I take my earbud to try to talk to her, the noises torture me. It's harder when she tries to talk to me with the torture machine (washer) going or when it's already noisy where I am. This is all the time. And every time I so much as tell him to turn something down, so I can talk to my mother or someone, she gets onto me and tell me about him being comfortable in his own home when I'm having to wear my earbuds 24/7 just to not be tortured at a constant rate. She thinks I'm picking on him when I'm not. All I ask for is sometime without being tortured by noises. Of course, I'm gonna get mad when he hurts my ears. But.. my feelings don't matter. In her eyes, I'm probably just a worthless bully cursed with oversensitive hearing and forced to get mad at people for "doing nothing wrong". The thing is, before I got sensitive hearing, my mother and stepfather used to get on me about my TV being too loud, yet it's wrong when I tell my brother to turn his TV down??? Maybe I should just go deaf. There's always conflict with my family cause I'm always being tortured by the noises, and it's not like that matters to anyone... Maybe I'll be less of a "bully" when I'm deaf or dead. Whichever's better..

 

[the_tortoise]

It is not bullying to simply ask people to turn it down when you have sound sensitivity.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

It is not bullying to simply ask people to turn it down when you have sound sensitivity.

Most of the time, I get mad at him cause he knows. Then when he gets an attitude or if he still hurts my ears with the noise after I tell him to stop multiple times, sometimes I'd give him a punch in the shoulder (not hard enough to injure. It's mostly like guys punching each other in the shoulder casually. Sibling thing.) or threaten to call Mom and tell her. But whenever I get mad and tell him to turn his stuff down when I'm trying to talk to her, she acts like I'm bullying him. She even points out that the Feral Heart music was louder, but I told her the noise of the guy on TV my brother was watching actually BOOMED with base compared to the feral heart music. She thinks I'm messing with him when all I want is for him to not have his stuff up too loud or at least go in another room, so he won't have to turn it down.. She's always defending him like I'm some bully. But I'm not trying to bully him. I just want to not suffer every time I take one earbud out.. Maybe I'm just gonna always be viewed as a bad person..

 

[Sarah S]

I belive there is some cind of missunderstanding between youre family members and most defently misscomincation between you all. as well as Inability for youre family to understand what problems you actually have

I also belive due to youre problems of severe sound intake problem makes you react badly on what might otherwizse be normal for people not having this problems.

Somehow you should try to talk /write this all down to youre mother as you really need to get help one way or another my friend.

 

[Aspychata]

Guess l can come from a different insight here. My brother was never wrong, anything he did was never called on by my mom. So he basically walked around scott free with a get out of jail pass no matter what he did. If you can kind of see things in that light? Maybe your mom isn't going to discipline him and you just need to work within those confines. Can you just go to your room and close your door? The other is go to the library at your school. That was always a super quiet place for me. Another idea,can you find a empty classroom to sit in for 1 hour a day?

 

[the_tortoise]

Sometimes families just suck. They live in denial about the reality of your disability and treat you like garbage for things that you cannot help. When this happens it is not your fault and you are not a bad person.

 

[some/aspies/need/hugs/13]

I know this sounds extreme but have you considered electronic earplugs... They cost a good bit but they allow you to hear normal conversation while you can filter out everything else. Also if the issue is mainly with bass sounds like it seems then you could find earplugs designed for that tonal range.

 

[GadAbout]

Part of the problem here is your emotional style. You magnify conflicts. Any time you find yourself using not one, but three, question marks, edit that to a single question mark, and life should proceed more smoothly. Same goes for exclamation points.

There is some sibling rivalry stuff going on here, which is very normal among young siblings (elementary school age) but should have died down a bit by now.

Your thread title asked if you are a bully. One clue that you might be is when you admit punching your brother, but diminish this by saying it wasn't that hard. Isn't that kind of an individual judgment? Household noise bothers you but "it isn't that loud"; you punch your brother but say "it wasn't that hard."

I'm pretty sure this answer is not what you wanted to hear, and I can live with that.

 

[Sarah S]

Part of the problem here is your emotional style. You magnify conflicts. Any time you find yourself using not one, but three, question marks, edit that to a single question mark, and life should proceed more smoothly. Same goes for exclamation points.

There is some sibling rivalry stuff going on here, which is very normal among young siblings (elementary school age) but should have died down a bit by now.

Your thread title asked if you are a bully. One clue that you might be is when you admit punching your brother, but diminish this by saying it wasn't that hard. Isn't that kind of an individual judgment? Household noise bothers you but "it isn't that loud"; you punch your brother but say "it wasn't that hard."

I'm pretty sure this answer is not what you wanted to hear, and I can live with that.

Actually a bully is someone that delibretly whant to force pain and sufering on others ( a person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable. seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce (someone perceived as vulnerable). and she dont even come close to that deskription.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

Guess l can come from a different insight here. My brother was never wrong, anything he did was never called on by my mom. So he basically walked around scott free with a get out of jail pass no matter what he did. If you can kind of see things in that light? Maybe your mom isn't going to discipline him and you just need to work within those confines. Can you just go to your room and close your door? The other is go to the library at your school. That was always a super quiet place for me. Another idea,can you find a empty classroom to sit in for 1 hour a day?

She tells me that I should go to another room to talk to her if I needed to, so I won't have to worry about it. I can agree to that. The problem is that she views me as nothing more than a bully to him.. It's always me doing something to him while he's sitting around, hurting my ears with his noise, and then giving an attitude.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

I know this sounds extreme but have you considered electronic earplugs... They cost a good bit but they allow you to hear normal conversation while you can filter out everything else. Also if the issue is mainly with bass sounds like it seems then you could find earplugs designed for that tonal range.

The earplugs are not the problem. The ones I have work fine. The problem is that when I try to talk to my mother and take them out, the booming base sound from the TV tortures me.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

Part of the problem here is your emotional style. You magnify conflicts. Any time you find yourself using not one, but three, question marks, edit that to a single question mark, and life should proceed more smoothly. Same goes for exclamation points.

There is some sibling rivalry stuff going on here, which is very normal among young siblings (elementary school age) but should have died down a bit by now.

Your thread title asked if you are a bully. One clue that you might be is when you admit punching your brother, but diminish this by saying it wasn't that hard. Isn't that kind of an individual judgment? Household noise bothers you but "it isn't that loud"; you punch your brother but say "it wasn't that hard."

I'm pretty sure this answer is not what you wanted to hear, and I can live with that.

I only pop him on the shoulder when he hurts my ears AND gets an attitude about itit and constantly hurts my ears after I tell him to stop. Oh, so apparently, in your eyes maybe I am just some worthless bully making a big deal out of nothing. Maybe I should just go deaf. That'll make everything better for everyone. Maybe I was stupid not to jab that pencil into my ear when I was 14 and first got this problem. No one knows the fact that people tried to pick on me for my hearing, or that my brother hurts my ears and says "it's not that loud" when it's putting me in agony??? Thats the reason I would pop him! That's extremely offensive. But no, no. Maybe I should just suffer. I'm stupid for defending.

 

[Sarah S]

I only pop him on the shoulder when he hurts my ears AND gets an attitude about itit and constantly hurts my ears after I tell him to stop. Oh, so apparently, in your eyes maybe I am just some worthless bully making a big deal out of nothing. Maybe I should just go deaf. That'll make everything better for everyone. Maybe I was stupid not to jab that pencil into my ear when I was 14 and first got this problem. No one knows the fact that people tried to pick on me for my hearing, or that my brother hurts my ears and says "it's not that loud" when it's putting me in agony??? Thats the reason I would pop him! That's extremely offensive. But no, no. Maybe I should just suffer. I'm stupid for defending.

With all due respect. Lets make this Crystal clear for anyone shall we ?

I have been bullied /frozend out /viewed and treated and regarded as an idiot for most of my life from pre kindergarten from pretty mush everyone expept my mom as im shore many others of us in here has as well. BUT to even hint of AuBurney Tuckerson being a bully based on what she have said in this matter is not even remotly close to the reality and has no bearings of fact in it.

 

[leehart]

It's tricky as families are either good with empathy or not and there doesn't seem to be much here either way.

Your brother will seek to get a reaction from you, sadly rightly or wrongly that's what brothers do and I found (speaking as a brother!) That dynamic doesn't change until one moves out I found ( I did). The greater thing I think and could be wrong is somehow establishing communication with your mum so she better understands the challenge this sound is causing. I don't know if writing a letter or that might help? That way you have time to construct your thoughts? It sounds like a lot of the communication is happening with hightened emotion which isn't always ideal.

Apologies if unhelpful.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

It's tricky as families are either good with empathy or not and there doesn't seem to be much here either way.

Your brother will seek to get a reaction from you, sadly rightly or wrongly that's what brothers do and I found (speaking as a brother!) That dynamic doesn't change until one moves out I found ( I did). The greater thing I think and could be wrong is somehow establishing communication with your mum so she better understands the challenge this sound is causing. I don't know if writing a letter or that might help? That way you have time to construct your thoughts? It sounds like a lot of the communication is happening with hightened emotion which isn't always ideal.

Apologies if unhelpful.

Thanks. I can never get my words out the right way when speaking to her, but when I type it, it's easier.

 

[Judge]

You are not a bully. Though anyone who must constantly deal with agonizing sensitivities is put into a very difficult predicament where seldom anyone around them can relate.

It's one of those conditions where we're apt to feel very, very alone at times. Where no one seems to understand or care. Often members of our own family. Something I had to deal with regarding an intense aversion to cigarette smoke. Making me feel at times as if I was at war with the whole world.

 

[paloftoon]

Are there places you can walk or go to when the noise is loud?

Also, you shouldn't make any physical motions when there is negative conflict like this. It's not appropriate in this context, and if you are okay doing it, then maybe you are being a bit of a bully without realizing it. You should be able to at least walk outside or somewhere where the noise isn't a bother. Maybe consider moving out if you can.

Is scheduling when your brother can use the TV an option? Are there rooms you can be in when the noise is too loud? Find a way to keep yourself distracted so that you aren't being harmed by the noises nor unnecessarily bothering others around you. Focus on finding ways to independently do this and this will help you with this situation a lot.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

Are there places you can walk or go to when the noise is loud?

Also, you shouldn't make any physical motions when there is negative conflict like this. It's not appropriate in this context, and if you are okay doing it, then maybe you are being a bit of a bully without realizing it. You should be able to at least walk outside or somewhere where the noise isn't a bother. Maybe consider moving out if you can.

Is scheduling when your brother can use the TV an option? Are there rooms you can be in when the noise is too loud? Find a way to keep yourself distracted so that you aren't being harmed by the noises nor unnecessarily bothering others around you. Focus on finding ways to independently do this and this will help you with this situation a lot.

Hurting someone's ears IS physical. Bullies used to get close to my ears and make high noises just to see me in pain. Besides, he often starts play fights which I play with him, too (even though he gets down on the ground and let's you "whoop" him in pillow fights, and I have to tell that boy to get up and fight back cause people in the real world will hurt him for real). So we get physical in the family if we're playing. But that's the thing. He's hurting my ears when he's making all those high noises or playing them on that booming TV, and when I tell him to stop, but he keeps on doing it or gets an attitude, then I pop him on the arm or something like that. He doesn't cry but he looks at me like I'm doing something when he's hurting my ears, and we've had talks before. Sometimes, I'd talk to him and tell him thatthat. Let him know how it makes me feel. I don't like having to pop him sometimes, but he and my kotjer don't understand that I'm reacting out of pain, and I tell him multiple times to stop, but he turns around and keeps doing it.

Also, no, scheduling his TV time isn't an option. We don't do that in this family. We all watch TV and use electronics whenever we please unless someone gets in trouble and gets them taken away as punishment.

Thirdly, There's no room that's quiet. We're living in a duplex.

The only thing I can do is keep my earbuds in 24/7 or only take one bud out in another room when I'm talking to my mother. I just hate the fact that my family views me as a bully when my brother's hurting my ears, and I'm only reacting out of pain when I tell him to stop, and he keeps on doing it. It's especially offensive because people would try to get close to my ears and make high noises just to hurt me. Then people would claim "It's not that loud", and I'm like "IT IS THAT LOUD" because the noise is putting me in agony every time. Just like today. I was tortured all day by noises up until right now. Right now is the only moment of the day, besides taking a nap earlier, where I'm not being tortured by noises, but I can't even relax when napping cause I itch like crazy. The only time of peace I get where I'm awake and able to switch my ear buds from music to watching a video is when I'm home alone. That's only when they go around to my aunt's house. Now I can watch a video when I'm in my room by myself while everyone else is in the front or other rooms, nobody's rumbling outside, and the torture machines (washer and lawn mower) aren't going. Just as long as my brother isn't making high noises or having his TV blasting. Other than that, I'd be jumped by every possible noise if I took them out. And there's nowhere I can go. It's too noisy everywhere.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

You are not a bully. Though anyone who must constantly deal with agonizing sensitivities is put into a very difficult predicament where seldom anyone around them can relate.

It's one of those conditions where we're apt to feel very, very alone at times. Where no one seems to understand or care. Often members of our own family. Something I had to deal with regarding an intense aversion to cigarette smoke. Making me feel at times as if I was at war with the whole world.

I often feel like I'm alone in this world.. That everyone's against me. That I was only born to just suffer. And its worse when my mother sees my brother as a victim with me as a bully. At that point, I just wish I've never been born to begin with. But it's not like she'd care if I told her that. She'd just go on about how I'm "making him feel" when he gets spoiled by her. He gets a dlap on the wrist for crap I've gotten in trouble for at the same age. That's another reason why I can't stand kids. They hurt your ears and get an attitude every time you tell them something. They're evil, and if you have a kid sibling, your mother will love them more than you. Sure she shows me some love from time to time, but I hardly feel it when she sees me as a bully.

 

[paloftoon]

Hurting someone's ears IS physical. Bullies used to get close to my ears and make high noises just to see me in pain. Besides, he often starts play fights which I play with him, too (even though he gets down on the ground and let's you "whoop" him in pillow fights, and I have to tell that boy to get up and fight back cause people in the real world will hurt him for real). So we get physical in the family if we're playing. But that's the thing. He's hurting my ears when he's making all those high noises or playing them on that booming TV, and when I tell him to stop, but he keeps on doing it or gets an attitude, then I pop him on the arm or something like that. He doesn't cry but he looks at me like I'm doing something when he's hurting my ears, and we've had talks before. Sometimes, I'd talk to him and tell him thatthat. Let him know how it makes me feel. I don't like having to pop him sometimes, but he and my kotjer don't understand that I'm reacting out of pain, and I tell him multiple times to stop, but he turns around and keeps doing it.

Also, no, scheduling his TV time isn't an option. We don't do that in this family. We all watch TV and use electronics whenever we please unless someone gets in trouble and gets them taken away as punishment.

Thirdly, There's no room that's quiet. We're living in a duplex.

The only thing I can do is keep my earbuds in 24/7 or only take one bud out in another room when I'm talking to my mother. I just hate the fact that my family views me as a bully when my brother's hurting my ears, and I'm only reacting out of pain when I tell him to stop, and he keeps on doing it. It's especially offensive because people would try to get close to my ears and make high noises just to hurt me. Then people would claim "It's not that loud", and I'm like "IT IS THAT LOUD" because the noise is putting me in agony every time. Just like today. I was tortured all day by noises up until right now. Right now is the only moment of the day, besides taking a nap earlier, where I'm not being tortured by noises, but I can't even relax when napping cause I itch like crazy. The only time of peace I get where I'm awake and able to switch my ear buds from music to watching a video is when I'm home alone. That's only when they go around to my aunt's house. Now I can watch a video when I'm in my room by myself while everyone else is in the front or other rooms, nobody's rumbling outside, and the torture machines (washer and lawn mower) aren't going. Just as long as my brother isn't making high noises or having his TV blasting. Other than that, I'd be jumped by every possible noise if I took them out. And there's nowhere I can go. It's too noisy everywhere.

Touching someone back physically is a step up from loud noise. It makes sense that the loud noise affects you physically, but he isn't doing something physical to you. Ear buds is definitely a good solution since it sounds like that works. It sounds like he's doing this to you intentionally?

If that's so, yell at him and turn the device down or off and keep standing your ground without being the first one to touch him physically. If it's not being done intentionally, then you need to find other ways to manage the situation that do not involve any direct physical touches at all. One thing you can do is walk outside the house completely and continue to do this as much as you can.

There is housing for people on the spectrum and it can be hard to get, but it's worth looking into. Work on making yourself independent from your family. The sooner, the better.