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Always with more questions...this one's about shame


Peace and passion for ALL
Hi all, I haven't been on here for a while but I've been meaning to check back in.
So, has anyone had a excruciatingly shameful event happen, that has affected your life for years, that YOU yourself caused, and you are pretty darn sure that it was your autism that caused it? I've tried counselling, self-compassionate mindfulness, etc. Is this question too deep? (LOL)


Well-Known Member

Till this date I still feel fat shamed

Till this date I still worry about not being able to relax

It’s tough to explain


Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I lost the best relationship I ever had based on my own autistic traits and behaviors. What was truly tragic wasn't exclusively my autism, but rather the fact that neither myself or my NT girlfriends were aware of it. It would be many years later when I was able to see what went wrong, with the possible exception of one relationship which was doomed from the start.

Though I have no idea whether being self-aware at the time might have allowed me to mitigate my behavior and need for solitude I could never explain or understand.

I just wish I could stop ruminating over something that happened so long ago that I cannot possibly resolve.
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Fishing is probably the answer
I've been thinking about how to word it. It was going to be my first post on here. Shame has always been my biggest issue. Well mostly it's been autism, but for the first 36 years of my life I just thought I was broken and full of shame for doing all sorts of stuff "wrong," usually without even knowing it. Discovering that I was autistic has helped tremendously. It has explained so much of my life.
But sometimes I still feel shame just for being me. Usually now I can cope with it. I get embarrassed and feel shame for short times after something embarrassing in public or when it interferes with one of my three real relationships. But when I'm run down, stressed or depressed I still relive the same shameful experiences from highschool and early adulthood.

I've tried all the usual things as well. And some can help tamp it down but I haven't found an real solutions.

Kisa the tea

Local Rabbit
V.I.P Member
Absolutely. In addition I have things short term that do this as well and make me feel similarly. It makes me wish I could stop making mistakes.


Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Yeah. Terrible test scores. No matter how hard I studied or tried. I wouldn’t remember any of it and failed. Not once but, several times. Usually in math. I have no confidence in my abilities to learn or handle new situations due to it.

Nervous Rex

High-functioning autistic
V.I.P Member
Yes, lots... which is why my diagnosis helped me to be kinder to myself.
This. 100% this.

I have too many awkward memories to count - all related to me oversharing, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, misunderstanding situations, etc. If I never understood the situation, these would just be "confusing situations". But understanding will dawn on me days, weeks, months, or years later and suddenly a confusing memory becomes an awkward or embarrassing one.

The best I can do is say, "I didn't understand that then. I understand now, so I can do better in the future." To turn it into a positive thought, I can focus on being grateful for what I have learned.

So many awkward memories come from judging a past event by present knowledge. We have to be kinder to our past selves.


Active Member
Definitely. If I believed in curses, I would believe that I am cursed to second guess myself forever. Ironically, I will still actually second guess myself a lot, anyway.


Active Member
Plenty of times. I still get to physically cringe at things from years back, from simple errors like singing the wrong lyrics as I tried to fit in to getting myself fired by attempting to play office politics. urghh.


Having zero social skills, my biggest shame is in trying to fit in when i clearly didn't.
Shame that i brought on myself usually happened around girls that tried talking to me. i always put my foot in my mouth, over talked, and alienated them in a short amount of time.
The rest of the shame i dealt with my entire life was at the cruel remarks of others toward my awkwardness, being the brunt of their jokes i did not understand, and being a complete outcast because i wasn't "cool."

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