Advice on sharing space... Boyfriend visiting in a week!

[NicolePfisher]

Hi,

So I've been with my boyfriend seven(?) months now. In January, I had to move out of state. We text and call each other multiple times a day; we miss each other, but we make it work. In a week he will be visiting me out here for several days and, while I am really excited, I'm worried whether I'll be able to adjust to the whole sharing space thing. Does anyone have any advice or reassurance they can give me?

Some relevant information: This is my first relationship. I am an asexual aspie woman. My boyfriend is a wonderful and understanding person. We have slept in the same bed before several times, but it was always at his house. We got along really well and I was extremely happy. He of course, will be coming to mine now: a small house my brother and I are renting together. The house I lived in before I shared with 8 other people.

I don't have any experience sharing space with another person like this (a bed, bathroom, etc). I am really excited to have him over and love him so much. I'm just worried that I might get grumpy after the first few days. I have no experience resolving shared-space issues with a partner.

Thanks!

 

[Major Tom]

I'm not sure what to say, other than maybe 10 months of my life I'd have to share my space. I can't say I can offer any advice, but I will wish you good luck! Hopefully it's a wonderful visit.

 

[Varzar]

If he's wonderful and understanding.. Just keep communicating..
I assume he knows you're asexual aspie?
I would, in advance, discuss potential anxieties you might have and promise each other to discuss things if and when they come up, instead of dwelling on things and getting grumpy and then fighting, or not having a good time with each other..
Living with someone else is always a learning process for both people..
When you date, you're learning everything you like about the other person. When you live together, you find out everything that drives you nuts about the other person..

 

[Thinx]

Yes it's quite likely you may each feel some worries about sharing space and that you may have to negotiate. Hard to know what areas will cause friction until you try it, so as @Varzar says, good to flag it up between you as a new thing that may require negotiation.

Everyone is different about what they need or expect, my friend and I are in different time dimensions mostly, my time goes a lot slower! This means I can get far less done and I like to take ages over lots of things, there is literally less time in a day for me. But despite this we cope fine, I think key to this is acceptance of difference. And holding on to your own comfort zone and idea of how you like things to be, whilst being prepared to compromise as you learn more about each other.

 

[SusanLR]

I certainly can not help with this one. It has always been a big problem for me to be comfortable
sharing my space.
Relatives or friends that came from some distant places to visit, I couldn't wait until they left.
Even when I had a boyfriend that lived across the street, it took about 10 years to be comfortable with
him just showing up at the door and expect to come into the house.

Only my parents was I comfortable living in the same house with.
Now that I have to live with someone else, even though I have two rooms and bath that I rent for myself,
I still have encounters with them through the day. Share the same kitchen and watch TV in the same
room at night.

I know I'll never know the feeling of home again. Home is not a house or building you stay in.
Home is a feeling and I can't feel at home with anyone, nor can I stand living alone.