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Advice of how to find my autistic relative

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Ephraim Becker, Feb 19, 2021.

  1. Ephraim Becker

    Ephraim Becker Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I matched with a third cousin on my DNA test on ancestry and asked him if he has any relatives that have autism and he told me that his grandchildren are on the spectrum. I then asked about information about them and that I want to get to know them and he told me that he can't share that information. Is there any way that I can hire someone to get to find out information about my autistic relatives and contact information?
     
  2. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝️ V.I.P Member

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    You can ask your parent on that side of the family who their relatives are.
     
  3. Ephraim Becker

    Ephraim Becker Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    No one knows my third cousins.
     
  4. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Depends on what kind of information you're looking for. Hiring an expensive private investigator to dig up information on close or distant relatives is one thing.

    However expecting them to uncover and elaborate on confidential medical records is quite another given our HIPAA laws regarding privacy. Even in the event people have direct access to such medical records as a part of their own employment. Keep in mind that not everyone is "up and front" about their autism. In essence what you are asking may be skirting along the edge of the law depending on various circumstances.

    "Snooping on healthcare records of family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and celebrities is one of the most common HIPAA violations committed by employees. When discovered, these violations usually result in termination of employment but could also result in criminal charges for the employee concerned."

    The Most Common HIPAA Violations You Should Be Aware Of
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2021
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  5. Ephraim Becker

    Ephraim Becker Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Do you think a private investigator could help me?
     
  6. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    It's entirely possible, as long as they clearly point out what is not ethical or legal for them to consider. But we're talking about what usually amounts to very expensive services rendered.

    What a Private Investigator Cannot Do

    I have a first and third cousin who I suspect are both autistic. But if I contacted them only to point that out, I suspect neither of them would ever want to speak to me again. :oops:
     
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  7. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    To the original poster, I read the above post and it resonated with what I was thinking when I read your post. I don’t know your country’s law, I was thinking the relative/parents of/ or the autistic relatives themselves, for their own personal reasons, may not want you to know, or anyone for that matter, that they are on the spectrum.
     
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  8. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Exactly. What is being proposed amounts to going down a slippery slope, legally and ethically. Where the best of intentions may be of no consequence to other parties being investigated.

    Yet I suspect the most prohibitive aspect of it all will probably be the co$t of such an investigation, even if done in accordance with all laws and ethics.
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2021
  9. MyLifeAsAnAspie

    MyLifeAsAnAspie Well-Known Member

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    I thought there were websites like ancestry.com that helped with finding relatives? I am usually surprised how much I can investigate people with google search and freely available information. If you find them nothing says you have to disclose that you know they are ASD. You could just say you are interested in meeting your extended family. You probably shouldn't do that under any circumstance, since the grandfather refused to identify them. But you could disclose yourself to them if you meet them. If you disclose to them to soon and without meeting them that might clue them in to what you know though.
     
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  10. WildCat

    WildCat V.I.P Member

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    If he said he can't share that information, then he can't share that information. Your best bet is to stop prying and respect his wishes and boundaries.
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2021
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  11. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I'd leave it Ephraim, relatives don't want us mixing. I have an autistic nephew and his parents resent me, because apparently it's all my fault, even tho my dad was autistic (my brother's dad too), apparently it's my fault. I never see him, not that I live nearby.
     
  12. Wolfgangus Faldestolius

    Wolfgangus Faldestolius Little notes from an armchair

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    Ephraim, your contact on that occasion wants i his family to be known for themselves not any peculiarities, AND ii to be known to who he & they want to be known by, and nobody else. Ephraim you do not own those people!

    And you have to respect the whole person - the maths student not the NASA or non NASA obsessive. And the whole subject of all ways of doing programming and not only one way.

    A person you should leave be in their own space. Programming and other study subjects you have to embrace, the whole thing.
     
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  13. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

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    I suggest you respect their privacy.
     
  14. Magna

    Magna Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Entirely reasonable that he feels he's protecting his grandchildren. Could this be a theory of mind issue? I recommend looking at the issue from his perspective: He's never met you before. Even if you are related, it's easy these days with the internet, ancestry sites, etc for someone to pose as someone they are not. So to him, you're a complete stranger contacting him "out of the blue" asking about how to contact his grandchildren who have disabilities. I would actually find it odd if he had given you their information.

    I believe you have the best of intentions in every way, but he doesn't know that and the world is absolutely rife with dishonest people who ruin it for the rest of us.
     
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  15. Ephraim Becker

    Ephraim Becker Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    He just responded to me that his autistic grandchildren are minors so it’s end of story and no private investigator needed. They don’t meet my criteria for friends because they’re not 20-24 years old.
     
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