advice for getting child to clean room

[jrodskreet]

My son 8 has Asperger's. I'm looking for some advice on how to get him to clean his room on his own. As of right now he is only able to clean it with me sitting on the bed and pointing to each item and directing him where to put it. Otherwise he will just sit and look at it, probably trying to figure out how to do it. I understand he is probably overwhelmed, but I'm open to any tips or tricks to getting him to doing it solo.

 

[Pats]

I'm sure he is overwhelmed. You're very patient for sitting and directing his steps.
I couldn't get any of mine (NT or aspie) kids to clean their rooms. When my oldest was younger I gave him 2 hours to clean his room and told him anything left on the floor was going to the dumpster. Big mistake - he helped me carry stuff to the dumpster. Never used that threat again.

 

[tree]

Picture labels?

Image of sock on the sock drawer, t-shirt outline....
Pictures of toys where they are supposed to go.
Outline of shoes in the area where they belong when
they're not on his feet.

Whatever makes it easy to know where things go.

 

[Isadoorian]

Reward him. For each, say, 5 to 10 things he puts away or however many you think would be a decent amount, you'll give him something in return, such as a cookie or change for candy from the store or what have you.

A cleaning chart of some sort might help as well, with visuals if he's unable to read big sentence structures and the like yet.

 

[jrodskreet]

I'm sure he is overwhelmed. You're very patient for sitting and directing his steps.
I couldn't get any of mine (NT or aspie) kids to clean their rooms. When my oldest was younger I gave him 2 hours to clean his room and told him anything left on the floor was going to the dumpster. Big mistake - he helped me carry stuff to the dumpster. Never used that threat again.

We've tried similar strategies and with similar results. I have tried the last few times with giving him the entire Saturday and at the end of the day nothing is touched and he is mentally exhausted

 

[Progster]

Since it's his room, why don't you let him organise it how he would like to have it (within reason), rather than telling him where to put things? Get him to design a plan for his room. Let him have some say in this.

 

[TheFreeCat]

I am glad you said how he just stares. I was the same. Am the same. I get all confused by things that people just do.

What helped me was when my mom got that. She would come in with a very cheerful face and make it like a game we would do together. She'd pick up something and literally hand it to me with the kindest smile.

It brings me to tears even to think about it.

"I bet I can get that sock in there before you can!"

I swear, she made it fun!

She had a sock or a shirt , she'd put one away, I would dash for the other.

Sure it was not perfect. Things hanging out everywhere.

And variations on that theme. I can't think of every variation of the game. Something we just did together. Once, we brought in snacks and worked a bit and then, on the floor, had a picnic intermission!! Kinds don't forget things like that. And we got it done!!!

Don't threaten. It won't help. He will reap the threat and feel very bad, knowing he can't do it yet. Be creative with love as the Driver.

If you engage with him, he will grow to like it, associate it with special time spent with you.

The point is, once I got older, I associated cleaning my room with my dear mom playing a game with me, never telling me, "Do this....you have to do this.....blah blah, responsibility, when you get older, blah blah, you MUST learn to grow up, blah blah....."

It still matters to me.

Make it fun. Make it a time you connect with him. Turn it into a bonding experience, something he will love, something that will remind him of YOU AND HIM TOGETHER when he is older.

Then he will love it.

 

[Graphin]

Since it's his room, why don't you let him organise it how he would like to have it (within reason), rather than telling him where to put things? Get him to design a plan for his room. Let him have some say in this.

I never was taught how to clean, I was taught to put stuff in places how my parents wanted it which IMO often was actually even more of a mess

 

[Butterfly88]

There was a time when I wouldn't get dressed so my mom made it into a contest to see who could get dressed the fastest. Maybe you could do the same, have him clean his room and you either clean your room or something else in the house.

 

[Progster]

I never was taught how to clean, I was taught to put stuff in places how my parents wanted it which IMO often was actually even more of a mess

I was told to tidy up my things, I did so according to my logic, then my parents came along and told me that I hadn't tidied it properly, and it was just confusing/frustrating.

 

[stans]

My son 8 has Asperger's. I'm looking for some advice on how to get him to clean his room on his own. As of right now he is only able to clean it with me sitting on the bed and pointing to each item and directing him where to put it. Otherwise he will just sit and look at it, probably trying to figure out how to do it. I understand he is probably overwhelmed, but I'm open to any tips or tricks to getting him to doing it solo.

 

[DesertRose]

From my experience with myself, and my informally diagnosed aspie son, and another im sure was, you'll probably have to help him along each time, do it with him. Myself, self diagnosed, if I just have someone in the same room it helps. I get extremely overwhelmed at it. None of us 3 are organized. Another child can't stand it if one thing is out of place. They can't stand to visit much. :/

 

[stans]

You are doing just the right thing. Those of us who are on spectrum need good habits which are reinforced by regular repetition. You may be instilling things which will become part of his routine. Be sure to smile and praise him as he does his work. Be patient.

 

[Mattymatt]

My son 8 has Asperger's. I'm looking for some advice on how to get him to clean his room on his own. As of right now he is only able to clean it with me sitting on the bed and pointing to each item and directing him where to put it. Otherwise he will just sit and look at it, probably trying to figure out how to do it. I understand he is probably overwhelmed, but I'm open to any tips or tricks to getting him to doing it solo.

The challenge of this is in showing him the value of being organized. Rather than trying to force him to do it on his own, make it an activity that you initially do together. While you're doing it instill the value of organization, cleanliness, and orderliness. It's hard to live in disorganization - trust me, I know this first hand. It caused me significant troubles in life that I am just now starting to recover from.

 

[Misery]

As someone who was that sort of child, and to a degree still is, I'm going to do the whole "devil's advocate" thing here because it's what I seem to do.

Something that I think is important to keep in mind with stuff like this: Some things, for some of us, simply cannot be changed no matter how much time and effort you put into it. Some things simply go against the way we think... as if it's foreign to our minds and cannot be quite understood.

In my case, being neat and orderly is that thing. I'm 37 (I live with my father & stepmother though) and my room always looks like a mess. Doesnt take long to get it into that state... heck, if I'm in like a hotel room by myself for a trip, it'll look like a tornado went through after about 2 days.

The idea of organizing literally never occurs to me. Hell, the very idea is foreign almost. I look around and think... "but I dont CARE if that object is over there VS over here. It still functions the same, so why waste the time?" That sort of thinking. Now, I *am* a stickler for being sanitized... like handwashing and stuff, and if I were to have a spill on my desk here or something, I'll clean that up. But objects simply being in odd places, or even in a big heap? I'll never deal with that on my own. It never comes to mind. Even after many, many years of parents trying to teach me otherwise.

But here's the really odd thing: I actually tend to feel MORE disorganized when someone comes in and tries to "fix" the mess. Like, my father will come in here and reorganize the hell out of everything every couple of days or so (despite me repeatedly telling him not to). When he does this, suddenly, I wont be able to find things. What looks like a mess to him makes sense to me. So when he cleans it up, I lose track of certain things and get frustrated. Which is another thing I think alot of people dont really grasp. When someone approaches certain things with a very different way of thinking (as many of us here do), the end results can look very strange to others... but that doesnt mean it doesnt serve a function (even if that function is a little screwy).

Even right now, I look behind me, and there's this big pile of seemingly random junk on my bed. All sorts of things in it... some books, a few puzzles, a box of pencils, nail clippers, an entire keyboard.... lots of stuff. The pile gets transferred from the bed to this chair when it's time to sleep, and then back to the bed after I get up. Sounds ridiculous, yeah? But it makes sense to me (though it'd be nigh-impossible to actually EXPLAIN it to anyone). Anything placed in that heap of gizmos is in there for a reason, even if the reason only makes sense to me. The moment someone tries to "organize" it is the moment when things go wrong. I will always end up just rebuilding the pile later.


Overall, what I'm saying is, some things really just cant be changed in our minds. But also, it's important to make sure that you're not trying to put someone into a box they simply dont fit in... it causes nothing but frustration (and possibly meltdowns). Lots of anger and fighting can result from that (been there, done that). Not that this is necessarily what you're doing, I'm just saying it's worth keeping in mind if things just dont seem to be working. Good luck in whatever you decide to do with the situation though.

Oh, welcome to the forums, by the way.

 

[the_tortoise]

Picture labels?

Image of sock on the sock drawer, t-shirt outline....
Pictures of toys where they are supposed to go.
Outline of shoes in the area where they belong when
they're not on his feet.

Whatever makes it easy to know where things go.

You could also do a pictorial checklist/schedule/sequence of cleaning tasks for him to do each time he cleans his room.

You could stick it on the wall his room somewhere, perhaps. You could do laminated pictures so he could cross them off with washable/erasable markers and then erase the marks when he was done. Or use magnets or velcro to stick the pictures up and take them down from a magnet/velcro board as he completes them, or have two colums and shift them from a "needs doing" to a "finished" column.

 

[UberScout]

My son 8 has Asperger's. I'm looking for some advice on how to get him to clean his room on his own. As of right now he is only able to clean it with me sitting on the bed and pointing to each item and directing him where to put it. Otherwise he will just sit and look at it, probably trying to figure out how to do it. I understand he is probably overwhelmed, but I'm open to any tips or tricks to getting him to doing it solo.

1. A simple game known as "Lights On, Lights Off". Cover the windows, if there are any, and turn off the light. Have him randomly reach for something lying in disarray, it doesn't matter what it is, and guess where its container goes (a toy chest, or wherever it normally goes). Then, turn the light back on, and see if he got it right. Or, do the same, but instead of guessing where it goes, guess what was put away. That way, not only does he learn to be tidy, he also learns how to organize what goes where.

2. If he has a favorite song, challenge him to clean his room before the song ends. Easy mode, multiple songs of his favorite in a playlist. Hard mode, only one song.

3. If you have more serious discipline methods (not that that's a bad thing), here is something my uncle used to do; for every hour his room is not clean, that's twenty minutes taken off his video game/computer time (if he uses a game or computer), or whatever he spends free time on, and the time taken away has to be made up for in chores, or school work. Might not be the most agreeable, but it's just an idea.

 

[rollerskate]

My son 8 has Asperger's. I'm looking for some advice on how to get him to clean his room on his own. As of right now he is only able to clean it with me sitting on the bed and pointing to each item and directing him where to put it. Otherwise he will just sit and look at it, probably trying to figure out how to do it. I understand he is probably overwhelmed, but I'm open to any tips or tricks to getting him to doing it solo.

Make it FUN for him, like a game. Does he like music? Turn on some music and get him to sing and dance with you while you both pick up. Does he like solving puzzles? Get him to play pirates and pretend his toy box is his treasure chest, and he has to find the treasure to put in there. Does he like putting his things in small boxes? Get him a bunch of boxes of different sizes, medium to small, and let him organize them the way he wants to organize them, as long as his things are put away. Reward him for his efforts, too. He just needs it to be more interesting. And it's also a great way to promote bonding between you.

 

[BraidedPony]

What works for me is to clean by categories. I start with throwing away all trash, because that is easy and I can see immediate results. Then pick up dirty clothes. Then maybe pick up electronics...
Then go back to pick up trash as junk is uncovered.
At least if he starts with trash and dirty clothes, that is most important just in case he doesn’t finish the room.

 

[Gracey]

Is a messy personal space causing him stress?
Or causing you stress?


I’ve used the picture idea before now to good effect.

The words used matter too.

“Go and tidy your room”

One of my own stuffed the clutter under the bed.
‘Room’ tidy, job done

“Tidy” is too broad, not specific enough.

Something like “put your shoes away in your cupboard please”

Ta dah ! - oh look, there’s a cupboard with a picture (out line drawing) of shoes. This must be where mum wants me to put them away.

If you’re going to use a colourful, detailed picture of a pair of shoes and your son is very literal,
A photograph of his actual shoes might be best.

- lest he leave his own shoes outside of the cupboard and searches the whole house for the shoes that match the picture exactly in order to put them away and keep you happy