Advice about my friend

[Parsnip]

Hi,

I am hoping people can help, apologies in advance for the very long post!

I work with a guy who comes in to work a couple of times per month, a few months ago he told me he has autism, which makes no difference to me what so ever everybody is individual and the world would be boring if we were all the same!

We have been friends for about 9 months and I do really like him and would like to spend time out of work together. Lots of people at work keep saying we have a connection, we have the same sense of humour and even when he isn’t at work we message at night maybe 4 times a week mostly at night (50/50 of who starts messages off) which can last for several hours sometimes the messages end as one of us doesn’t message back and other times they end as one of us goes to bed. People say he acts differently around me and we do act the fool at work and we have nicknames for each other, have private jokes, he always shows me videos and pictures of his family which is great, if he is out and sees something funny he will take a picture and send it to me and he always teases me. He told me he only speaks to a handful of people in total and I’m the only one from work.

I asked him once if he wanted to grab some food one evening and catch up but he said he was working and my heart sank but nothing changed between us and it wasn’t weird. I want to ask him again if he wants to hang out but I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable or change us. People both at work and outside have said for me to just ask him.

He honestly is really funny, kind, really good looking (out of my league), I do have confidence issues of my own (I’m overweight and not confident at all). Either way if there is nothing romantic I have a friend!

Has anybody got advice as I don’t know if he likes me and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable?

 

[Fino]

I can only think of two options:

1. Ask him.
2. Don't.

Asking involves the risk that it won't go the way you want it to and not asking continues everything as it is.

So do you want to go for it and ask, or are you happy going on in the same manner?

I feel like I'm just pointing out the obvious and just explaining how dating works, but I don't see what else there is that could be said. Maybe other people here will!

But the way I'm reading it, autism has nothing to do with it and you're just trying to decide if you should ask a friend out, which is a problem that must be happening to thousands of people in the world at this very moment.

 

[Parsnip]

In addition to Fino's words of wisdom, and, as the result of personal experience/ knowledge of interpersonal/ social preferences of autistic people, I might suggest, either waiting a bit to ask him, again, or, waiting for him to ask you to get together, simply, to avoid causing him to feel overwhelmed or pressured, which can be a common trait in autistic people. I hope all goes well, and your friendship continues to flourish!

Thank you for your advice, you’ve captured what I was trying to ask in all of my waffle!

 

[Parsnip]

In addition to Fino's words of wisdom, and, as the result of personal experience/ knowledge of interpersonal/ social preferences of autistic people, I might suggest, either waiting a bit to ask him, again, or, waiting for him to ask you to get together, simply, to avoid causing him to feel overwhelmed or pressured, which can be a common trait in autistic people. I hope all goes well, and your friendship continues to flourish!

Thank you for your reply, I probably didn’t actually say what I wanted in my long post but you have given me things to think about

 

[BraidedPony]

you could tell him like him and would like to go out together sometime, whenever he wants too. but if he doesnt want to that would be fine with you also.

 

[Bolletje]

The duck says words of wisdom once more!

 

[Fino]

The duck says words of wisdom once more!

Quack!

 

[Tom]

I think you shot your bolt so to speak, already. When you asked him out and he didn't take you up on it. He knows you are interested. Ball is in his court. If he doesn't ask you out I'd say you just have a friendship.

 

[Fino]

I don't think asking him to have a bite to eat is "asking him out" considering that you're friends. I think it would have to be clearer than that, such as a bit about how you want to be more than friends and would like to go on a date.

 

[Thinx]

Could you get a plane to write it in the sky with the exhaust they emit?

 

[Fino]

Could you get a plane to write it in the sky with the exhaust they emit?

I feel like you're implying something but I can't figure it out and have spent enough time trying that now I really want to know. I want to say it's a joke about planes, but that seems out of place. Are messages written in the sky by planes usually done so by their exhaust or do they bring something else up there for that?

*ding ding ding* time for me to sleep

 

[Thinx]

I feel like you're implying something but I can't figure it out and have spent enough time trying that now I really want to know. I want to say it's a joke about planes, but that seems out of place. Are messages written in the sky by planes usually done so by their exhaust or do they bring something else up there for that?

*ding ding ding* time for me to sleep

Yes I have seen this done in a film, a light plane writes messages in the sky with colored exhaust or maybe with coloured emission of something else? Not sure. It seems romantic. I think in the film it was either, I love you or Will you marry me? Both a bit full on as yet maybe for the OP, I should have added, or some other romantic gesture.