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Adulting...

ConqueringZero44

Keep Going and Be Strong
Hey, i haven't posted in awhile.. My birthday wasn't long ago, and as the day of my birthday passed. It's only just hit me, how cruel the world is. I have "Friends" but half of my text messages are just either seen or ignored. And i need to mentally learn that this is normal. I just can't deal with this non-sense. I'm too honest and too good-natured to just ignore someone. It's really just flatout evil, like i see it as just.. Well, unnecessary and because i'm so introverted with life. It just causes me to get depressed, and i bloody know the person on the other end isn't busy. They're just being a prick.

Doesn't anyone else want to talk about this issue?.. And maybe help me find a better way of dealing with this problem? Cause it is unsettling... I hate it. I really do. :disrelieved::disrelieved:
 
I think this can really hit hard, if we've experienced significant rejection, alienation, persecution at some point, throughout our lives. The only thing I have found to be effective is accepting that the person isn't interested in having contact, at least not at the present time, and, respectively, seizing attempts at interacting with said person/ people, unless, or until they reach out at some point, or, disengaging, permanently, depending on the circumstances. Put your energy into something that brings you joy. Someone who appreciates you, who you know wouldn't shun you/cause you to feel shunned.

edit: We can be triggered by various behaviors, as the result of past experiences. Whether the behaviors of others are acceptable, unintended to make us feel a certain way, or not - they can still be of difficultly to process, or even set us back in some way, if sensitive to them. You are entitled to your feelings, and to have certain expectations. You are not being demanding, by making certain choices for yourself, or wanting to be treated in certain ways, and, it is imperative that we take care of our mental well-being, as we see fit. If we have been given the silent treatment, or had the rug pulled out from under us, after having thought we had our footing/knew where we stood in a relationship/friendship, in the past - not being acknowledged, can trigger or produce fear and uncertainty within us. Of course, it isn't other's responsibility to take care of our feelings, or our mental well-being, but that doesn't negate that our reactions to certain behaviors can effect us in profound ways. I just wanted to mention this, as it appears that not everyone is aware of this concept, which in essence, can make it seem that being sensitive to certain behaviors, or having certain needs could be unrealistic.
 
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I think this can really hit hard, if we've experienced significant rejection, alienation, persecution at some point, or, throughout our lives. The only thing I have found to be effective is accepting that the person isn't interested in having contact, at least not at the present time, and, respectively, seizing all attempts at interacting with said person/ people, unless, or until they reach out at some point, or, disengaging, permanently. Put your energy into something that brings you joy. Something or someone of value. Someone who appreciates you, and who you know would never shun you.

That's beautiful and exactly right, very very true. I just really wish, it wasn't like this.
Thank you for your kind advice. That made my day.
 
Personally, I'd start texting things like, "HELLOOOOOO" or "ARE YOU THERE" or "OH WOW YOU DIED DARN IT" or "HELP I HAVE A GIANT HOTDOG AND CANT FINISH IT MYSELF".

But that would only be if, for some reason, I still wanted them in my life. I'm not sure if that's even possible for me. If someone didn't answer and I tried at least once more, being open to the possibility they forgot or something weird happened, I would just think, "Oh okay, I see. That person is dead to me now."

And then I would intensely hate them for a short period, at which point a funeral would occur in my head, I'd forget them entirely, and if I were to ever see them again I would be absolutely :eek::eek::eek:!!!

I know it's easier said than done, but forget them and find real friends! You're probably awesome and deserve actual friends!

And try not to take their "rejection" personally. Everyone is attempting to form their lives into a specific image in their minds, conscious or not, and the fact that you're not in some dood's image isn't a reflection of you, it's on them.

Good luck! :)

Your username is awesome! :cool:
 
Hey, i haven't posted in awhile.. My birthday wasn't long ago, and as the day of my birthday passed. It's only just hit me, how cruel the world is. I have "Friends" but half of my text messages are just either seen or ignored. And i need to mentally learn that this is normal. I just can't deal with this non-sense. I'm too honest and too good-natured to just ignore someone. It's really just flatout evil, like i see it as just.. Well, unnecessary and because i'm so introverted with life. It just causes me to get depressed, and i bloody know the person on the other end isn't busy. They're just being a prick.

Doesn't anyone else want to talk about this issue?.. And maybe help me find a better way of dealing with this problem? Cause it is unsettling... I hate it. I really do. :disrelieved::disrelieved:
I hear ya and feel ya. This has happened to me a lot. I sent one of my only IRL friends a Happy Valentine's text today(technically yesterday) as I type this as a joke. We are both hetero single males. I thought it was funny. That's My sense of humor. I got no response. He could have sent me an LOL. Nope. Nada. What's even more painful is when I text my own brother, and I get.... Nothing. People are A holes, even family. My personal plan is to become a bad a$$ and grow a thicker skin. Easier said than done but I feel necessary, especially for folks like us. Yes it hurts like hell every time. Let's arm ourselves.
 
Does texting "Happy Valentine's day" mean something?? Some dood texted me that, too! I responded with a gif that said something like "Love is gross" :rolleyes:
 
Personally, I'd start texting things like, "HELLOOOOOO" or "ARE YOU THERE" or "OH WOW YOU DIED DARN IT" or "HELP I HAVE A GIANT HOTDOG AND CANT FINISH IT MYSELF".

But that would only be if, for some reason, I still wanted them in my life. I'm not sure if that's even possible for me. If someone didn't answer and I tried at least once more, being open to the possibility they forgot or something weird happened, I would just think, "Oh okay, I see. That person is dead to me now."

And then I would intensely hate them for a short period, at which point a funeral would occur in my head, I'd forget them entirely, and if I were to ever see them again I would be absolutely :eek::eek::eek:!!!

I know it's easier said than done, but forget them and find real friends! You're probably awesome and deserve actual friends!

And try not to take their "rejection" personally. Everyone is attempting to form their lives into a specific image in their minds, conscious or not, and the fact that you're not in some dood's image isn't a reflection of you, it's on them.

Good luck! :)

Your username is awesome! :cool:

Haha, thanks. And yeah, exactly just got to keep swimmin' and keep moving on forward.

I hear ya and feel ya. This has happened to me a lot. I sent one of my only IRL friends a Happy Valentine's text today(technically yesterday) as I type this as a joke. We are both hetero single males. I thought it was funny. That's My sense of humor. I got no response. He could have sent me an LOL. Nope. Nada. What's even more painful is when I text my own brother, and I get.... Nothing. People are A holes, even family. My personal plan is to become a bad a$$ and grow a thicker skin. Easier said than done but I feel necessary, especially for folks like us. Yes it hurts like hell every time. Let's arm ourselves.

Exactly man, thicker skin, toughen up. Keep going i say. :D
 
Does texting "Happy Valentine's day" mean something?? Some dood texted me that, too! I responded with a gif that said something like "Love is gross" :rolleyes:
In my case it was a joke, at least I thought it funny. Neither one of us has a "Valentine" Probably one of those "inappropriate" Aspie moments on my part. It may have made him uncomfortable. Hence my weirdo sense of humor. By the way, your reply "love is gross" is frigging hilarious to me. So, Happy Valentine's Day! Lol I forgot where this came from, then rembered (I think) being ignored hurts. Depressing as all hell. I think comedy helps. Happy (belated) Valentine's Day to all the other loners out there like me. That's meant as a joke and not. Chest bumps all around! I'm out
 
l had a stalker for four years, so l kinda like being ignored, if you don't have time to text, maybe you are having a great time. The other side of the coin, (which we rarely think about), is that life is harder now. People have to adjust to needing to move, bad jobs, bad bosses, family issues, medical issues, partner issues, financial issues, challenges in general which sap people's energies, and they can't get to us the way we would like, and we take it personally.
 
So obviously this won't be true in everyone's case but I personally can experience rather crippling anxiety regarding social contact (it's usually better as text but sometimes still hard).

I may have someone I am trying to become friends with and they text me. I sometimes can respond right away. But sometimes I agonize over what to say or I don't feel mentally prepared or whatever and then sometimes I have to stop and do my best not to obsess over what I should say exactly and then sometimes I forget once I've stopped obsessing and then it's been a week since I replied and I'm now not sure if it's been too long and if I should just not respond because clearly I'll be hated or if I should just respond and say nothing or ....X,Y,Z scenario and then another week goes by...

The worst is when this is in real life and I'm good friends with you but I wasn't expecting to see you so I wasn't mentally prepared so I run to hide. I've literally ran away from people I considered good friends before. Not my proudest moments.

Doesn't happen every time but enough that it's been a thing I'm trying to change.
 
If it's a good friend, then they shouldn't judge you, or you can just say hey, it took me awhile to respond, what's up, how is it going?
 
Yeah that's true. With my good friends, it only really happens in person if I'm not prepared (they dont live in the same suburb as i live in so this doesnt happen often) but for texting its more when first getting to know someone/ early stages.
 
Just dive in, some people truly won't care that you took a week to get back, if they do care, they are sensitive like you, or to needy and clingy.
 
my latest mantra is - it's not the outcome, it's the journey. Just step back, relax, do things in your time, not anybody else's time. Do what you want in the timeframe you want, it's your life.
 
True. I'm trying to be more gentle and forgiving to myself and not worry about others perceptions but just allow all aspects of me to be. (But it's hard sometimes!)
 
It will get easier, you are on a new path, and soon it will feel comfortable, and you will feel confident. We all have the same insecurities, some of us just choose to move forward and not look back
 
We all fall down, learn, and move on in life. If you made a social mistake, the social police do not show up and write tickets, lol
 
So obviously this won't be true in everyone's case but I personally can experience rather crippling anxiety regarding social contact (it's usually better as text but sometimes still hard).

I may have someone I am trying to become friends with and they text me. I sometimes can respond right away. But sometimes I agonize over what to say or I don't feel mentally prepared or whatever and then sometimes I have to stop and do my best not to obsess over what I should say exactly and then sometimes I forget once I've stopped obsessing and then it's been a week since I replied and I'm now not sure if it's been too long and if I should just not respond because clearly I'll be hated or if I should just respond and say nothing or ....X,Y,Z scenario and then another week goes by...

The worst is when this is in real life and I'm good friends with you but I wasn't expecting to see you so I wasn't mentally prepared so I run to hide. I've literally ran away from people I considered good friends before. Not my proudest moments.

Doesn't happen every time but enough that it's been a thing I'm trying to change.


Aye, this sort of thing is worth keeping in mind.

My response to the OP though, aside from that bit, is that not everyone uses their bloody phones the same way.

Like me for instance. I have a phone, an iOS whatever. But unlike my entire family, I dont care about it too much... I never call anyone and mostly only use it as a magical talking map and/or flashlight. If someone sends me a text, I may or may not respond. Sometimes it may take a few days for me to respond, even if I saw the text shortly after it arrived. Other times I may not respond whatsoever.

But this has nothing to do with a lack of respect for people. When I dont respond, there's probably a reason for it. For instance, I'm about as social as an agitated porcupine, so I dont talk to people much anyway, and even in-person, I'm often silent. Also, I often dont HAVE a response. Just because someone says something to me doesnt mean that I actually have an interest in what's being said. If it's a topic I'm interested in, or somehow consider particularly important, I might respond. If it is neither of those things, I'll read it, sure, but why say anything back when I just dont have anything to say?

Other times I'll intend to respond, but wont do so right away. Like yesterday, I got a text from someone I know. But I saw it happen while I was out driving around. I'm not going to sit and type at the godforsaken phone in some blasted parking lot and I sure as heck aint going to touch it WHILE driving. Some number of hours later I gave a response. Right before bed, I think.

But I'm also spacey. Sometimes I intend to respond... but dont do so, because I wont remember to.

Still other times, I simply dont want to. If I'm not feeling up to being "social" or whatever, nothing is going to make me talk to anyone. Period. Unless the situation is freaking *dire*, anyone attempting to message me when I'm in that state of mind will be completely ignored.

....Also I lose the phone alot. Not uncommon for it to spend a week or so under the car seat or something. I'm not going to respond to a text two weeks after the fact. That's just silly.


My point here is: There's ALOT of reasons why someone might not respond to a text. You have no way of knowing what the reason is unless they directly tell you. And some people may just not use their phone much, or not even like the thing (I know I dont). I know society says that everyone glues the blasted things to their faces, but not everyone actually uses them like that.

If you REALLY want to get ahold of someone that badly, texting probably isnt the way to go about it. Most people will have some other dramatically more reliable way of getting ahold of them. Not to mention that texting inherantly sort of says "this message I'm sending you isnt actually that important, that's why I'm sending it like this instead of calling you or talking in person". Alot of people dont really take texting all that seriously.
 
Firstly, I'm not very sociable and I'm not interested in birthdays, etc - I say happy birthday to close friends and family, but that's about it. As to whether people say happy birthday to me or not, I really don't care... in fact, I'd rather they didn't, especially on the social media, as mostly they just do the happy birthday thing because they have seen a notification that it's my birthday, they write the happy birthday and then spend the rest of the year ignoring me, so the happy birthday rings shallow and insincere to me. Then I feel obliged to respond, and I'd rather not, not when I know it isn't genuine. I just wish they wouldn't bother. Forced, fake social interaction. On this site, I've hidden my birthday, because I don't want this kind of interaction.

Secondly, people in general really, really suck at written communication. There seems to be this totally different 'etiquette' where it's ok to ignore people, not respond, be indifferent to messages and emails. I'm trying to run a business where I organise language lessons, (I use email because the students are in different countries and it's not practical to use the phone, and I hate the phone anyway) and constantly come against the problem of people not responding to urgent and time sensitive emails, often leaving me in a difficult situation and not able to organise my timetable... constant frustration... though this is different, because it is business rather than social communication, and people really should respond.
 
l had a stalker for four years, so l kinda like being ignored, if you don't have time to text, maybe you are having a great time. The other side of the coin, (which we rarely think about), is that life is harder now. People have to adjust to needing to move, bad jobs, bad bosses, family issues, medical issues, partner issues, financial issues, challenges in general which sap people's energies, and they can't get to us the way we would like, and we take it personally.

Exactly, and i need to learn not to take it to heart. Need to try and combat it.
 

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