Acceptance and advocasy.

[Suzanne]

Saw my psychiatrist yesterday and feel very thankful to my husband and teaches me, that when one does not have a "voice" and others "step in" and be that voice, acceptance comes along.

I feel let down by me, the fact that my voice is nothing; that I cannot make much of an impact; that my words are worthy of checking because of weakness of merit.

Anyway, my husband yesterday explained to my therapist that I experienced two meltdowns, with the idea of going to work, even for half a day! That my anxiety was so high, I could not cope and that I am unable to work and be a housewife. He explained that one day away from the house, causes several days of virtual panic. I guess, with my husband being my advocate, despite how I presented myself, the therapist made no arguments and phoned someone regarding financal support and then said that the form which needed to be filled in, had actually already been done! He said that it is quite obvious that I am unable to function in the work force.

I like to dress nice, basically and this has often gone against me, because I do not come across as someone who has mental health issues.

It will take a good 5 months of paper work, but it looks like that they will accept that I need help and what this will do, is put me in the French system. I will be paying tax and will get a pension. As here in France, a woman is seen as an individual and thus, if I am not working ie earning, than I cannot benefit from help in my older years.

I feel both relieved and very sad.

Therapist is also trying to get me to take meds and I am refusing. I have stopped taking venflaxine, due to the lowering of my platelets. He said that I can try another and mentioned prozac, which shows that if I did not take some kind of personal control, I would be in trouble.

 

[BlueSky Aozora]

Having two (or maybe more) kinds of opposite feelings at once... So complex. It's like feeling grateful but sad at the same time.. You saying your voice is nothing, that is so sad.. You know that's not true... Do you feel that your psychiatrist wont listen to you the same as he/she listened to your husband? If I'm not mistaken, are you in a foreign land? Anyway, it must be so hard for you to go through all these Please don't be so hard on yourself..

I also have complex feelings regarding meds, since the withdrawal symptoms is not that easy to overcome, and some have the suicidal side effect. Also because of my personal bias that actually doctors/researchers don't actually know exactly the answer/cure. We just try what we feel 'might help'. And since psychiatrist can only give us meds as the solution since its their field/bias. But I think many people are actually ok with meds, or need it because their situation is too bad. I think it's ok for short-term. Not sure about your situation though..

I don't know what to say actually... I hope you feel better after some rest.. The future may seem bleak in our eyes, but actually it maybe not..

 

[Tom]

Yes, that also works well for me. If I go alone I forget or am reluctant to ask about things, questions, etc. She can also validate things. My wife comes to all my medical appointments. I think some doctors also take you more seriously, when you are both there.

Thank you for the information on connection of Venflaxine to low platelets. I have consistantly low numbers and easy bruising, which is most likely mainly due to another issue, but the Venflaxine I take may not be helping also. I will talk with my Doctor about changing meds. I am thinking on trying Cymbalta.

 

[GadAbout]

Suzanne, how fortunate that you have a caring life partner who can advocate for you. My husband and I do this for each other. So very many people with autism do not have that, so this is a bonus for you.

With time, you may very well learn some coping methods that allow you to be a little more independent in challenging situations. But be patient with yourself as you go through this process.

It's OK to be sad, but please remind yourself that no one can see the future, and it might turn out better than you are imagining.

 

[Suzanne]

Do you feel that your psychiatrist wont listen to you the same as he/she listened to your husband? If I'm not mistaken, are you in a foreign land?

It is sadly not just a feeling. I thought at first, it was two men against one woman, but I have now seen two females who treat me exactly in the same manner and so, I think it is self assurance vs lack of confidence.

You are not mistaken. I live in France, but native of the uk. I should be fluient in French now, but the affliction I have is complete lack of motivation, when the going gets tough and French is hard work. However, if I was French, I would have the same trouble with the British language.

I don't know what to say actually... I hope you feel better after some rest.. The future may seem bleak in our eyes, but actually it maybe not..

The fact that you did not contradict me in any form ie oh it is just you being silly, etc is good enough for me.

 

[Suzanne]

Thank you for the information on connection of Venflaxine to low platelets.

No problem. My therapist laughed at me when I said about platelets and further demonstrated, refused to listen to the fact that I use common sense; logic and research to come to my final decision. I searched others who are on the same medicine and a number of people have said that their platelets go down, which means that the blood cannot form clots. One bleeds longer and bruises very easy. But to be blunt, Tom, there are no chemical meds that are safe.

For me personally, I do not want to deal with physical mishaps due to meds, as well as mental ones and my faith helps me. I know fully rely on my God, Jehovah!

 

[Suzanne]

Suzanne, how fortunate that you have a caring life partner who can advocate for you. My husband and I do this for each other. So very many people with autism do not have that, so this is a bonus for you.

My husband is truly pulling through now and as I knew would happen; has soon as I got my formal diagnosis, that would change things and he is a lot more accepting and also, because I do not use aspergers as an excuse to get away with wickedness, as he was sure would happen.

I wish I could help all ones who are alone!

 

[Pats]

I'm glad things have turned around for you as much as they have.
Makes me wish I had an advocate.

 

[Gracey]

Makes me wish I had an advocate
.

Me too sometimes.


Pleased to read you had support with you @Suzanne.
Makes all the difference sometimes.

 

[tducey]

Advocates are always good. I've been a good advocate for myself but it's good to have others speak up for you. It gets things done quicker sometimes.

 

[Autistamatic]

Oddly I find it far easier to advocate for others than to do so for myself.

@Tom before you decide to try Cymbalta (duloxetine), have a read up on the difficulty people have getting off it, if you haven't already. I know 2 people IRL, one being my wife, who have been on it for years because the withdrawal is so dreadful. It makes opioid addiction look like a walk in the park in comparison.
I'm not saying you shouldn't take it if it'll help you but I'd hate for you to end up reliant on it for life without knowing the risks, like those I know and have read the stories of in chronic pain & MH groups.

 

[Gracey]

Oddly I find it far easier to advocate for others than to do so for myself.
.

I don't find that odd, for me it's usual.
I go all 'A few Good Men' for others.
Not so much for myself.

 

[Suzanne]

I'm glad things have turned around for you as much as they have.
Makes me wish I had an advocate.

There are compensations for being in a country that has a different language lol

My husband would not be my advocate, if I could speak the language and actually, I had to prompt him.

I get confused so easily with: and how are you doing? Since my brain is so unravelled, how on earth can that be answered so quickly?

If I had not discussed it beforehand with my husband, he would not have been that support; it is his make up that causes this.

So, due to having discussed it beforehand and then, giving him a pleading look in the room, he took over and it also was the same when I wanted to raise the subject about autism.

Pat, I have been married for nearly 28 year's and this only now, I am feeling his support and the one very important aspect, is to make sure that I richly commend him for that support, which also acts as a domineo effect.

Having experienced what an advocate can do, I highly recommend anyone who has trouble getting across what they need, to get one, because, we do not have a voice, due to preconceived ideas.

 

[Suzanne]

Oddly I find it far easier to advocate for others than to do so for myself.

As has been stated, I do not find it odd either. It is so much easier to talk on behalf of others, because it is not connected to us.

I have been an advocate for one of my siblings in the past.

 

[Autistamatic]

I find it odd in myself. I can be extremely eloquent, and effective when advocating for others and have helped many people solve problems at work, at school, with benefits, local govt. etc
I can't apply the same logic and detachment to situations involving myself anywhere near so easily. The knowledge and the words are there, but my emotional involvement seems to block them. It frustrates me no end that the one time I need that control, it escapes me without major, draining effort.

 

[Nauti]

I think it's just how human culture works. When we are seen as having some kind of major deficit, our word has less value. When we advocate for other's, the dynamic is different, our status is automatically elevated. I don't think it's fair, but I have experienced plenty enough of this phenomena to think that, perhaps it is common.
Plus, perhaps our sense of self worth and self confidence is a factor?
I know, I feel more like I am complaining, when I self advocate and that I am appealing to the authority's sense of compassion and like of me, which I can have doubts about, but when I advocate for other's, I feel a fierce sense of protectiveness, entitlement and purpose. I can ask for other's, far more than I would for myself.

 

[Tom]

Oddly I find it far easier to advocate for others than to do so for myself.

@Tom before you decide to try Cymbalta (duloxetine), have a read up on the difficulty people have getting off it, if you haven't already. I know 2 people IRL, one being my wife, who have been on it for years because the withdrawal is so dreadful. It makes opioid addiction look like a walk in the park in comparison.
I'm not saying you shouldn't take it if it'll help you but I'd hate for you to end up reliant on it for life without knowing the risks, like those I know and have read the stories of in chronic pain & MH groups.

Thanks for info. I will research it. Venafaxine is also hard to come off. I have run out a few times and hello wacko time! I have been on it 10 years but have weened myself down over months to 1/3 the highest dose I was on however.