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mangodude

Member
hello!
i'll try to be short.

around 4 years ago i met a girl whom i first became friends(!!!)with but later on i developed a romantic feelings towards.
i am rather bad at hiding my feelings, but i managed to "stay friends with her for the following 3 years".

there were times when she wouldn't talk to me for a half a year or longer because of something i said (not being emotional enough haha), but then we would get back together anyways.

around a year ago i told her i love her. i also told her that i have an aspergers- i assume she didn't believe me (that i love her and that i have an aspergers)
short after that she started to... well, bully me.

she became rather mean and would mock me for various things, but then she would ALL OF SUDDEN be nice to me, suggesting we should go see movie together.
but then out of no where!! she would be mean and evil again!

right now she doesn't talk to me...

the problem is, i still love her. i know it's completely irrational!! i know!! but i have a deep emotional connection to her...
she was the only one i talked to, the one i shared my secrets with.
but it seems she never gave a damn

now i want to definitely "break up" with her. i feel exhausted.

should i write her and tell her what i think? or just forget about her?
 
Just forget about her.
Telling her what you think is just inviting more bullying and abusive behavior.
 
Let her go.

Though you could write the letter and then destroy it afterwards, if you think it would be therapeutic. I definitely wouldn't send it. Don't engage with this person.
 
Love can be an amazingly wonderful feeling. To receive and give love can be extreamly fulfilling. Along with love is respect. For love to be complete several components have to be seen and known. One component is respect for each other. Relationships are two perspectives and I have only seen your perspective but based on your perspective I don’t see respect as an active component in my opinion. You deserve to experience complete love. Move away from this person. In your head complete your thoughts on how you understand this. Be confident in what you understand. I have to talk myself thru these things.
 
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...should i write her and tell her what i think? or just forget about her?

I think it depends on which of those two courses of action would provide you with the most effective solution.

If you write her a letter, it provides at least some substance of your thought process or viewpoint for her to push back against, either in a genuine attempt to change your mind (after all, she probably views the relationship a lot more positively than you do) or as a malicious opportunity to undermine you and keep you off balance.

Alternatively, if you just walk away and she has no idea what happened, it might encourage her to come after you to find out what's wrong or what happened. If she sounds like she might do this, then the question would be how easy would it be for her to find you and reappear in your life - not least because doing that would be far more on her terms than yours.

If it were me, I think on balance I would just walk away, but a letter would give you the opportunity to make a point about the way you'd been treated. She would hardly be likely to let that go as the last word on the subject though!
 
Yeah, if the relationship is abusive I'd suggest you step away from it. No need to be in an abusive relationship. Noone deserves that.
 
In my experience, wanting to "resolve" things or get closure for a toxic relationship often really means looking for a way to dive back in. Be careful of this.
 
She obviously is emotionally immature, because she has demonstrated even before you told her what is going on with you, a sense of immaturity of blanking you out.

Our hearts are treacherous, as they will insist on being attracted to someone who is unworthy of that attraction!

It will hurt for a time, but you will get over her, as you must quit fast, otherwise, your own welbeing will be compromised.
 
Love can be an amazingly wonderful feeling. To receive and give love can be extreamly fulfilling. Along with love is respect. For love to be complete several components have to be seen and known. One component is respect for each other. Relationships are two perspectives and I have only seen your perspective but based on your perspective I don’t see respect as an active component in my opinion. You deserve to experience complete love. Move away from this person. In your head complete your thoughts on how you understand this. Be confident in what you understand. I have to talk myself thru these things.
 

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