A Square Peg in a Round Hole

[wanderer03]

As the subject reads, I feel like the square peg in the round hole being forced to conform to what society deems normal. At the end of the week, I'm left exhausted, angry, sad, and frustrated. On Fridays, after delivering a week's worth of customer service, it's as if I have no energy left whatsoever. It's an entire range of emotions and I know that rationally they don't make sense yet I feel them strongly. I guess what I am trying to say is I'm sick of having to "fake it to make it."

I've made many mistakes in my life and I am sure that I will continue to make many but I'm sick of being doubly punished: for both being autistic and human. Yesterday, I nearly rear ended a vehicle in front of me while trying to avoid another vehicle that turned right into me from the opposite lane. I was carrying passengers at the time. The fact that I avoided two accidents and kept my passengers safe should have been a good thing. But, no, they had to call my boss and complain. So when I get back to the yard, my boss wants to see me. I explain to her what happened and how I had to avoid the situation. At least the drive cam picked up the oncoming vehicle so I ended up looking every bit the professional driver. Despite being clearly in the right and avoiding an accident and potential injuries, I still got lectured about moving my eyes around and being aware of what is going on around me.

What could I say except that I am sorry and I will be sure and move my eyes around more? I avoided a serious situation. I would've expected an attaboy, not a 'you screwed up.'

 

[Rayner]

As the subject reads, I feel like the square peg in the round hole being forced to conform to what society deems normal. At the end of the week, I'm left exhausted, angry, sad, and frustrated. On Fridays, after delivering a week's worth of customer service, it's as if I have no energy left whatsoever. It's an entire range of emotions and I know that rationally they don't make sense yet I feel them strongly. I guess what I am trying to say is I'm sick of having to "fake it to make it."

I've made many mistakes in my life and I am sure that I will continue to make many but I'm sick of being doubly punished: for both being autistic and human. Yesterday, I nearly rear ended a vehicle in front of me while trying to avoid another vehicle that turned right into me from the opposite lane. I was carrying passengers at the time. The fact that I avoided two accidents and kept my passengers safe should have been a good thing. But, no, they had to call my boss and complain. So when I get back to the yard, my boss wants to see me. I explain to her what happened and how I had to avoid the situation. At least the drive cam picked up the oncoming vehicle so I ended up looking every bit the professional driver. Despite being clearly in the right and avoiding an accident and potential injuries, I still got lectured about moving my eyes around and being aware of what is going on around me.

What could I say except that I am sorry and I will be sure and move my eyes around more? I avoided a serious situation. I would've expected an attaboy, not a 'you screwed up.'

I understand it's quite difficult to be something your not meant to be. I'm like you in that by Friday I'm exhausted with no energy left. At least in my job I don't have to deal with customers.

 

[Judge]

Given my own perceived autism, I totally understand your frustration with such an incident and on multiple levels. However there is one dynamic of all this I think you need to understand. The concept of common carrier liability. And just how routinely vulnerable your employer is to potential litigation. Whether you actually did something wrong or not. Whether you are on the spectrum or not. It's rough out there, where fairness isn't always a consideration let alone guaranteed.

In essence you're working in an environment where there's little room for that "attaboy"...versus "OMG they're filing a class action lawsuit." Legally you did the right thing. You avoided both injuries and property damage. But you can't avoid the ire of potential litigants. Sadly in your type of job you're essentially "naked to the wind" regarding such an exposure given the inherent hazards of any common carrier transporting other human beings.

Pay particular attention to what constitutes "a breach of the carrier's duty to the plaintiff". Being more aware of such things may help you to both understand the stakes involved, and to use it as a tool of sorts to keep you above the fray in as much as you can. Of course any of us on the road are exposed to wrongdoing not of our own making. That's an exposure that goes with any drivers license as well as any common carrier.

I spent nearly two decades involved in this sort of thing as a both a personal and commercial property and casualty insurance underwriter.

http://injury.findlaw.com/torts-and-personal-injuries/what-is-a-common-carrier.html

 

[wanderer03]

Excellent point, Judge. I forgot about the common carrier liability. Hell, that insurance has to be a fortune.

 

[Judge]

Excellent point, Judge. I forgot about the common carrier liability. Hell, that insurance has to be a fortune.

Yep. Your profession is only a notch below strict liability....where you are responsible no matter what the circumstances may be.

Makes for pretty high stakes all the way around.

It's a weird thing though. I find some people can carry such weight every day on the job while others wouldn't even think of it. I was responsible for millions of dollars of the corporation's assets as well. No "attaboys" for me either. Only a boot out the door if I screwed up.

But geez, I also personally knew two close friends of the family. Both were airline pilots. Y'all have a lot on your plate every day...whether it's routine or not.

 

[midlife aspie]

I would strongly advise, if something were to happen, that you do your utmost to keep your being on the spectrum under wraps. I can see the headline now; "AUTISTIC BUS DRIVER INVOLVED IN DEADLY ACCIDENT".

 

[Judge]

I would strongly advise, if something were to happen, that you do your utmost to keep your being on the spectrum under wraps. I can see the headline now; "AUTISTIC BUS DRIVER INVOLVED IN DEADLY ACCIDENT".

Truth is that due diligence of a plaintiff's opposing counsel would expose it anyways if it's professionally documented by doctors apart from human resources. Just another facet of being associated with common carrier liability. Of course in some instances unions may be able to better protect operators in such circumstances.

My cousin's husband once worked as both an Amtrak engineer and an employee advocate in the event of train accidents and deaths. Messy business legally.

 

[wanderer03]

I would strongly advise, if something were to happen, that you do your utmost to keep your being on the spectrum under wraps. I can see the headline now; "AUTISTIC BUS DRIVER INVOLVED IN DEADLY ACCIDENT".

This is advice you need not give, LOL! I'm not going to divulge it. I'm actually a very good driver and the driving instructors at the bus company are impressed with my skill and care. We periodically get evaluated on a ride along, once a month at random times. I got good marks.

 

[wanderer03]

Truth is that due diligence of a plaintiff's opposing counsel would expose it anyways if it's professionally documented by doctors apart from human resources. Just another facet of being associated with common carrier liability. Of course in some instances unions may be able to better protect operators in such circumstances.

My cousin's husband once worked as both an Amtrak engineer and an employee advocate in the event of train accidents and deaths. Messy business legally.

Yes, it is documented and would get discovered. But I have an excellent record of safety and I don't engage in risky behavior, especially when carrying passengers. The fact is, and the safety officer said, that every single one of our 500 drivers have had an accident at one time or another.

 

[Judge]

Yes, it is documented and would get discovered. But I have an excellent record of safety and I don't engage in risky behavior, especially when carrying passengers. The fact is, and the safety officer said, that every single one of our 500 drivers have had an accident at one time or another.

Yep. You're working under professional circumstances with a higher standard of accountability. It's standard fare for a any common carrier to be highly transparent over a driver's health and accident record. Incredibly risky business to hide much of anything, although from time to time it happens...at least those high profile cases we hear on occasion in the media.

 

[wanderer03]

The FMCSA does not specifically consider Autism to be a disqualifying criteria for commercial driving. In fact, the only disqualifying criteria related to mental disorders is epilepsy, narcolepsy, or blackout disorders. I made certain to have a medical doctor professionally document her opinion that I am safe to operate a commercial motor vehicle, if it comes to it.

 

[midlife aspie]

I get the impression that most people would openly support equal opportunity for disabled people, until they find themselves being served by one! Then they are not so supportive......

 

[wanderer03]

I get the impression that most people would openly support equal opportunity for disabled people, until they find themselves being served by one! Then they are not so supportive......

I don't doubt it for a minute. There is a pervasive fear of people with mental/developmental disabilities that is largely unwarranted. I suspect that my passengers suspect that I march to a different drum beat. I wonder if a driving career tends to attract people that are different anyhow and I strongly suspect that one or two of my fellow drivers are on the spectrum themselves.

 

[Judge]

I wonder if a driving career tends to attract people that are different anyhow and I strongly suspect that one or two of my fellow drivers are on the spectrum themselves.

Stands to reason given that you don't have a constant or routine requirement to interact with others. An exposure I haven't been able to evade until going self-employed.

 

[laurag9g9g9]

As the subject reads, I feel like the square peg in the round hole being forced to conform to what society deems normal. At the end of the week, I'm left exhausted, angry, sad, and frustrated. On Fridays, after delivering a week's worth of customer service, it's as if I have no energy left whatsoever. It's an entire range of emotions and I know that rationally they don't make sense yet I feel them strongly. I guess what I am trying to say is I'm sick of having to "fake it to make it."

I've made many mistakes in my life and I am sure that I will continue to make many but I'm sick of being doubly punished: for both being autistic and human. Yesterday, I nearly rear ended a vehicle in front of me while trying to avoid another vehicle that turned right into me from the opposite lane. I was carrying passengers at the time. The fact that I avoided two accidents and kept my passengers safe should have been a good thing. But, no, they had to call my boss and complain. So when I get back to the yard, my boss wants to see me. I explain to her what happened and how I had to avoid the situation. At least the drive cam picked up the oncoming vehicle so I ended up looking every bit the professional driver. Despite being clearly in the right and avoiding an accident and potential injuries, I still got lectured about moving my eyes around and being aware of what is going on around me.

What could I say except that I am sorry and I will be sure and move my eyes around more? I avoided a serious situation. I would've expected an attaboy, not a 'you screwed up.'

1. Management are often into power. They look for an opportunity to lecture. 2. For insurance purposes, they probably have to say something. 3. After reading your posts, you seem honest and aware of your good and bad traits. That's unusual and the best anyone can be. You're awesome. Take a bubble bath n treat yourself like the king you are![emoji92]

 

[wanderer03]

1. Management are often into power. They look for an opportunity to lecture. 2. For insurance purposes, they probably have to say something. 3. After reading your posts, you seem honest and aware of your good and bad traits. That's unusual and the best anyone can be. You're awesome. Take a bubble bath n treat yourself like the king you are![emoji92]

Thanks. I'm feeling at least rested now

 

[Judge]

You're on top of that as much as I think any driver can be...regardless of their neurological profile. Can't ask for much more.

Good deal.

 

[paloftoon]

ambient, electronic, and rock - Square Peg Round Hole "Bats!"
-a Philly band to ease your mind into!!

You can get their new album and their first album on Amazon!

 

[sonnesun]

It makes me wonder who has the less empathy, us or them?

Maybe some who isn't on the ASD should try walking a hundred miles in someone else's shoes. Problem is with me though I only seem to be just a hundred miles away, and with their shoes.