I'm on my second day of this ADHD med - Concerta XL. I'm noticing a big difference with focus. I'm not leaving things half done anymore. I'm happy to carry on doing stuff without giving up or falling victim to the usual distraction or procrastination.
Same with my emotions - I went out yesterday and witnessed the usual trivial sights which would normally annoy or frustrate me in some way. Admittedly these annoyances weren't for any logical reason - other than what I like and dislike. But I used to latch onto these things, and they'd make my emotions swell, and overrun my logic. Constantly feeling overwhelmed with negative and positive reactions to every day things around me. No sense of balance.
But now? I just looked, pondered and wasn't feeling any overwhelming negativity. Things which annoyed me, I tried to look deeper, and I was intrigued. I just let things be, without attaching to it excessively. Frustrations and emotional volatility feel reduced. Same goes for the manic hyperactivity I'd get multiple times a day, and the verbal tics that'd be stuck in a loop in my head all day long.
Despite all of that, it doesn't feel like I'm "on" something. My experiences with anxiety and depression meds were vastly different. I felt wired and compromised and I didn't like it.
But on these tablets? I feel calm and focused. It makes me wonder how things might've played out had I been on these in school, college and university. I have a feeling it would've been very different. Still, at least I'm here now - and I have a deeper appreciation for the change because of how long I've lived with symptoms that, up until a year ago, I just assumed was the norm for me.
The only downside is a diminished appetite. But I know I was always snacking, often through boredom. It wasn't very healthy items either. So now I think will be a good time to address my diet once again. When I do eat, I don't feel nauseous or full - there just aren't hunger cravings as I'd normally have them. I can still eat 3 meals a day without issue.
In other news...
We're due to move out in a few weeks. Last bits of paperwork are done. When I'm at my folks, they buy the same grocery shop each week, and eat the same weekly meals. So I can work out my own routine, and help myself physically and mentally even further with my diet etc.
I'm almost back down to my pre-drinking weight. Cleaning up the diet will get me there, without a doubt.
Got a wedding reception today, and I'm doing my fire spinning. I'm a little bit nervous as this is my first official performance, and it's infront of 60 people.
Still, I know my craft - I've been at it 15 years come August. I imagine I'll feel energised once I begin. I get that way when I catch people's eye in the park. I feel a real positive vibe when I see people staring, and commenting etc. It gives me a real rush, and also I'm seeing a lot of women smiling and staring in that way that would indicate attraction etc.
I'll be interested to see how my confidence is I'm at a party with a lot of strangers. Because yesterday me and Kristy had the most open and in depth chat we've ever had in over 5 years of dating. We touched upon subjects that'd normally make me feel tense and avoid giving an honest answer. But now? An open book. Kristy said something yesterday which others have said - that I have a charisma that draws people in. It's mainly been my other issues that hold me back and have me mask around everyone until I'm comfortable around them - and then I begin to reveal who I am. Perhaps tonight will be a good place to test the water? I know that after I finish staffing, and start to mingle and socialise again - It'll attract a lot of interest from people.
I'll be in my 3 piece suit this evening. I always feel good when I'm dressed well - confidence swells. I'm sure this evening will go smoothly. I'll also be able to catch up with friends I haven't seen in over 10 years. Thinking of getting a cigar too. The past few years I have a few per year on special occassions. It also looks pretty based:
"Who's that tall, well dressed man who plays with fire and is smoking a big, brown phallic object?"
That'll be me?
“For enjoyment is a weapon. The man who is capable of joy is capable, to a large extent, of changing his world. Joy is not a weak spineless idiot either. Its backbone is stronger than bitterness.”
Ed
Same with my emotions - I went out yesterday and witnessed the usual trivial sights which would normally annoy or frustrate me in some way. Admittedly these annoyances weren't for any logical reason - other than what I like and dislike. But I used to latch onto these things, and they'd make my emotions swell, and overrun my logic. Constantly feeling overwhelmed with negative and positive reactions to every day things around me. No sense of balance.
But now? I just looked, pondered and wasn't feeling any overwhelming negativity. Things which annoyed me, I tried to look deeper, and I was intrigued. I just let things be, without attaching to it excessively. Frustrations and emotional volatility feel reduced. Same goes for the manic hyperactivity I'd get multiple times a day, and the verbal tics that'd be stuck in a loop in my head all day long.
Despite all of that, it doesn't feel like I'm "on" something. My experiences with anxiety and depression meds were vastly different. I felt wired and compromised and I didn't like it.
But on these tablets? I feel calm and focused. It makes me wonder how things might've played out had I been on these in school, college and university. I have a feeling it would've been very different. Still, at least I'm here now - and I have a deeper appreciation for the change because of how long I've lived with symptoms that, up until a year ago, I just assumed was the norm for me.
The only downside is a diminished appetite. But I know I was always snacking, often through boredom. It wasn't very healthy items either. So now I think will be a good time to address my diet once again. When I do eat, I don't feel nauseous or full - there just aren't hunger cravings as I'd normally have them. I can still eat 3 meals a day without issue.
In other news...
We're due to move out in a few weeks. Last bits of paperwork are done. When I'm at my folks, they buy the same grocery shop each week, and eat the same weekly meals. So I can work out my own routine, and help myself physically and mentally even further with my diet etc.
I'm almost back down to my pre-drinking weight. Cleaning up the diet will get me there, without a doubt.
Got a wedding reception today, and I'm doing my fire spinning. I'm a little bit nervous as this is my first official performance, and it's infront of 60 people.
Still, I know my craft - I've been at it 15 years come August. I imagine I'll feel energised once I begin. I get that way when I catch people's eye in the park. I feel a real positive vibe when I see people staring, and commenting etc. It gives me a real rush, and also I'm seeing a lot of women smiling and staring in that way that would indicate attraction etc.
I'll be interested to see how my confidence is I'm at a party with a lot of strangers. Because yesterday me and Kristy had the most open and in depth chat we've ever had in over 5 years of dating. We touched upon subjects that'd normally make me feel tense and avoid giving an honest answer. But now? An open book. Kristy said something yesterday which others have said - that I have a charisma that draws people in. It's mainly been my other issues that hold me back and have me mask around everyone until I'm comfortable around them - and then I begin to reveal who I am. Perhaps tonight will be a good place to test the water? I know that after I finish staffing, and start to mingle and socialise again - It'll attract a lot of interest from people.
I'll be in my 3 piece suit this evening. I always feel good when I'm dressed well - confidence swells. I'm sure this evening will go smoothly. I'll also be able to catch up with friends I haven't seen in over 10 years. Thinking of getting a cigar too. The past few years I have a few per year on special occassions. It also looks pretty based:
"Who's that tall, well dressed man who plays with fire and is smoking a big, brown phallic object?"
That'll be me?
“For enjoyment is a weapon. The man who is capable of joy is capable, to a large extent, of changing his world. Joy is not a weak spineless idiot either. Its backbone is stronger than bitterness.”
Ed
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