1. Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

A medication that works - finally

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Raggamuffin, Jul 31, 2021.

  1. Raggamuffin

    Raggamuffin Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,104
    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2020
    Karma:
    +2,525
    I'm on my second day of this ADHD med - Concerta XL. I'm noticing a big difference with focus. I'm not leaving things half done anymore. I'm happy to carry on doing stuff without giving up or falling victim to the usual distraction or procrastination.

    Same with my emotions - I went out yesterday and witnessed the usual trivial sights which would normally annoy or frustrate me in some way. Admittedly these annoyances weren't for any logical reason - other than what I like and dislike. But I used to latch onto these things, and they'd make my emotions swell, and overrun my logic. Constantly feeling overwhelmed with negative and positive reactions to every day things around me. No sense of balance.

    But now? I just looked, pondered and wasn't feeling any overwhelming negativity. Things which annoyed me, I tried to look deeper, and I was intrigued. I just let things be, without attaching to it excessively. Frustrations and emotional volatility feel reduced. Same goes for the manic hyperactivity I'd get multiple times a day, and the verbal tics that'd be stuck in a loop in my head all day long.

    Despite all of that, it doesn't feel like I'm "on" something. My experiences with anxiety and depression meds were vastly different. I felt wired and compromised and I didn't like it.

    But on these tablets? I feel calm and focused. It makes me wonder how things might've played out had I been on these in school, college and university. I have a feeling it would've been very different. Still, at least I'm here now - and I have a deeper appreciation for the change because of how long I've lived with symptoms that, up until a year ago, I just assumed was the norm for me.

    The only downside is a diminished appetite. But I know I was always snacking, often through boredom. It wasn't very healthy items either. So now I think will be a good time to address my diet once again. When I do eat, I don't feel nauseous or full - there just aren't hunger cravings as I'd normally have them. I can still eat 3 meals a day without issue.

    In other news...

    We're due to move out in a few weeks. Last bits of paperwork are done. When I'm at my folks, they buy the same grocery shop each week, and eat the same weekly meals. So I can work out my own routine, and help myself physically and mentally even further with my diet etc.

    I'm almost back down to my pre-drinking weight. Cleaning up the diet will get me there, without a doubt.

    Got a wedding reception today, and I'm doing my fire spinning. I'm a little bit nervous as this is my first official performance, and it's infront of 60 people.

    Still, I know my craft - I've been at it 15 years come August. I imagine I'll feel energised once I begin. I get that way when I catch people's eye in the park. I feel a real positive vibe when I see people staring, and commenting etc. It gives me a real rush, and also I'm seeing a lot of women smiling and staring in that way that would indicate attraction etc.

    I'll be interested to see how my confidence is I'm at a party with a lot of strangers. Because yesterday me and Kristy had the most open and in depth chat we've ever had in over 5 years of dating. We touched upon subjects that'd normally make me feel tense and avoid giving an honest answer. But now? An open book. Kristy said something yesterday which others have said - that I have a charisma that draws people in. It's mainly been my other issues that hold me back and have me mask around everyone until I'm comfortable around them - and then I begin to reveal who I am. Perhaps tonight will be a good place to test the water? I know that after I finish staffing, and start to mingle and socialise again - It'll attract a lot of interest from people.

    I'll be in my 3 piece suit this evening. I always feel good when I'm dressed well - confidence swells. I'm sure this evening will go smoothly. I'll also be able to catch up with friends I haven't seen in over 10 years. Thinking of getting a cigar too. The past few years I have a few per year on special occassions. It also looks pretty based:

    "Who's that tall, well dressed man who plays with fire and is smoking a big, brown phallic object?"

    That'll be me?

    “For enjoyment is a weapon. The man who is capable of joy is capable, to a large extent, of changing his world. Joy is not a weak spineless idiot either. Its backbone is stronger than bitterness.”



    Ed
     
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2021
    • Like x 7
    • Winner x 2
    • Friendly x 2
    • Useful x 1
    • Optimistic x 1
  2. Alexej

    Alexej Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,751
    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2019
    Karma:
    +1,459
    Glad for you Ed

    Enjoy the performance
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  3. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,593
    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2010
    Karma:
    +2,753
    sounds good Ed, have a great time.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  4. OkRad

    OkRad μῆνιν ἄειδε θεὰ Πηληϊάδεω Ἀχιλῆος οὐλομένην V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    3,003
    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2013
    Karma:
    +5,599
    Here is a question only as Aspie would ask, but I really would love to know what the trivial sights that you saw were?
     
    • Like Like x 2
    • Funny Funny x 1
  5. Suzette

    Suzette Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,043
    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2021
    Karma:
    +2,409
    Conratulations on such a positive experience with your meds and your girl friend.
    This new medicine seems life changing for you. Only time will tell of course buy you are off on a really positive start.

    I would love to see fire spinning! I have never seen such a thing. Will you have a video on social media? If so, will you please post a link so people from Autismforums can watch?
     
    • Like Like x 2
  6. Raggamuffin

    Raggamuffin Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,104
    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2020
    Karma:
    +2,525
    Here's one I made a while back:



    This was done quite some time later. The camera is closer, and it's during the day time so you can see the tricks easier. Also, this is a much smoother routine and shows my more advanced tricks. Although I need to make a newer video as things have been getting more technical and progressive in recent months with my staffing:



    Bad tattoos was the topic of the day when we went food shopping. Also people who were wearing things that didn't suit them at all. Normally it'd be instant anger and resentment, or confusion etc. Instead, I simply looked for longer and took it all in. I suppose I went with the typical perplexed reaction, but it wasn't fuelled by my usual impatient and frustrated emotions.

    Ed
     
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2021
    • Like Like x 4
  7. Suzette

    Suzette Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,043
    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2021
    Karma:
    +2,409
    Thank you for those videos! I bet it looks spectacular at night.

    I don't know wy, but I think these movements should be accompanied by a digereedoo. If you ever hear a really good player you might see why I think so.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  8. Raggamuffin

    Raggamuffin Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,104
    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2020
    Karma:
    +2,525
    Ach, a fly in the ointment. So, last night as I took my T-shirt off, the collar pushed up against the back of my left ear and I got a sudden, shocking pain. This ear has felt full for over a year. I assumed it was an ear wax build up as I've had them irrigated before.

    I read the leaflet for the Concerta XL and then anxiety took hold. I guess it had to didn't it? All the recent aches and pains and dizziness of the last 2 days since I took the pill made me assume the worst. Muscular aches and pains were supposedly a "see a Dr immediately" scenario. But, one thing I noticed was ear ache being a common (over 10%) side effect.

    Coincidence?

    So I drive to the minor injuries unit at the local hospital which is 15 mins drive from mine. The nurse sees me and says I've got a "nasty ear infection" and gave me 7 days worth of antibiotics but said I'll probably need more, and to speak with my GP.

    "Nasty"
    "Probably need more"

    I told him after I had bad health anxiety. What to look out for. The usual - high temp, but also swelling from behind the ear. He said he doesn't think this will happen as it's an inner ear infection.

    See, I don't deal well with possiblities and probabilities etc. as the uncertainty makes me anxious.

    I took the pill as soon as I got home and I'll set an 8 hour timer on my phone and have another. Make sure I do this properly.

    I'm scared though. Scared it'll escalate, scared of the symptoms he said would mean I'd have to go to A&E immediately.

    Didn't have ear ache before all this. Only when I knocked it last night. But now, guess who has ear ache and high anxiety?

    He also said that in his experience I might experience recurring ear infections for the next 6 months. I've had to go on long term courses of antibiotics in the past - coincidentally it lasted around 6 months. I was utterly wiped out.

    Ed
     
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2021
    • Like Like x 1
  9. Nairobi

    Nairobi Active Member

    Messages:
    242
    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2021
    Karma:
    +479
    I have wondered if I have developed ADHD, or whether I am just burned out plus my autoimmune condition plus hormonal issues. Been balking at seeing a professional about it, not knowing how I feel about trying out meds at all. But this is helpful to know that you have responded well to this medication. Of course, everyone is different - but it's encouraging to learn about your experience.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Rainbowcat

    Rainbowcat Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    123
    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2021
    Karma:
    +166
    I wathced the first video! You are great at it!

    It is very amusing. :D
     
  11. Magna

    Magna Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,398
    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2019
    Karma:
    +2,002
    Bummer on your ear infection, Ed. Is the ADHD med a stimulant or non-stimulant variety?

    What do you mean by brown phallic? A cigar?
     
  12. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    38,070
    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2013
    Karma:
    +28,234
  13. Suzette

    Suzette Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,043
    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2021
    Karma:
    +2,409
    I am sorry to hear about your ear infection. I have had a lot of them. They are no fun.
     
  14. Raggamuffin

    Raggamuffin Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,104
    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2020
    Karma:
    +2,525
    Anxiety was building in the run up to leaving my house for the wedding reception. Dizziness and feeling off kilter were extremely intense as I drove to the store to get fuel, a wedding card, money out for a wedding gift and to buy a cigar (@Magna ). I had some food as I drove there, but it didn't settle my nerves much. Driving was quite scary, as my nerves were starting to affect my vision. But it wasn't spilling over into a full blown panic attack. I was keeping it on the level, even if at times my brain was trying to tell me to give up and drive home. I reminded myself that I've driven much more anxious than that - through panic attacks lasting hours, I still always got to where I needed to be.

    As I drew close to the village, I saw the most wonderful sunset, and stormy clouds on the horizon. It was a beautiful sight which helped steady my nerves somewhat. The walk to the farm brought back memories, and I began to feel a little more steady. When I got there, I couldn't see a way into the field through the bushes etc. My gut told me to go to the first gate, but I ignored that and I went the wrong way instead.

    First person I saw was a very beautiful woman, and this time I went with my gut. Normally I'd give a wide berth to such people and clam up. Instead, I approached her and asked how to get into the field. Initially she looked a little perplexed, but then she told me how to get in. As I was about to leave, I noticed her expression had changed, and she gave me "that look". It's the one that I can't mistake, because it's intense and I feel it in my gut - both flattered and frightened. Then again, my friend's wife, Em (who's wedding it was) gave me that look as soon as she saw me, and that made me feel awkward but also chuckling to myself inside too. It all brings me back to the time I got conned out of several hundred pounds by a well dressed guy claiming to have weed to sell. As we walked through town, he pointed out I walk staring at the floor, and yet the attention my presence draws is very striking - I'm starting to believe that more, now that I meet people's glances and gaze back at them.

    Within seeing a couple of people I realised I was overdressed in my 3 piece suit, but as people have told me before, being 6'4, slender, with an alternative look and wearing a slim fit 3 piece suit? It gets a lot of attention. But the mask is a default - I come across very shy and polite which I guess makes me look like the BFG (big friendly giant). When I got there and saw a marquee full of people, I felt quite unsettled. But the first person to talk to me I had met before. He'd helped the groom with felling a tree in our garden that the previous owner planted too close to the house. Within seconds of meeting I was cracking jokes - I noticed I was feeling less anxious socially, straight away.

    Not long into the chat, my friend (who's wedding it was) came over as soon as he saw me. We had a brief catch up at the front of the marquee and he got me a drink - a Diet Coke. In the bar was a very camp man. Normally that would be a little grating, as I'd probably find the energy of his personality a little overbearing. But on the medication? I absolutely loved his energy and it was an absolute pleasure to meet him. He loved the fact I was fire staffing in my suit. We had a chuckle and I again noticed I was starting a conversation feeling like I was out of my shell, rather than masking and being hesitant.

    Shortly after, the groom led me to where I'd be staffing. I met so many people's gazes and hearing murmurings about me. I saw a lot of smiles though and it seemed my reputation preceeded me, which felt quite charming.

    When we got around the back of the marquee I was met with a wonderful garden, full of assorted trees and pathways and such like. We got to the spot where I'd be staffing and chatted for about 5 minutes and it helped calm me down. Turns out that his wife's adopted son has ADHD, and when he first asked how I was, I picked up a deeply sincere tone, as he knows I struggle. Heck, he was the person in the room who witnessed my first ever panic attack. But you know what? We chatted back and forth, cracked jokes and I felt at ease - It was nice.

    When everyone gathered around the nerves weren't as bad as I thought. I mean, I'm always a bit jittery when I first light the staff - but thankfully the dizziness had calmed down once I was outside at the back of the marquee - surrounded by trees and nature.

    The performance went well, and I got several comments about me staffing in my 3 piece suit (minus the blazer). That, along with the staffing seemed to intrigue a lot of people. I spent an hour or so chatting with several older people. We spoke of my staffing, my art, ADHD, autism, depression and anxiety. I was an open book and I think they really appreciated that. One woman got up, came up to me, almost in tears and gave me a hug. She told me that she had bipolar and understood exactly how much of a struggle anxiety and depression can be, but she looked me in the eyes and said "you're doing really well" and that almost made me want to cry.

    One couple in the group I was speaking to knew several local artists and gave me some good advice and we all chatted the most I think. It was nice, because I quickly realised I didn't know anyone at that reception except the groom. But when I was admiring the outdoor wedding ceremony area - which was tiered logs either side of a gap in the trees, with lots of candles and Moroccan style lanterns and drapes with some fairy lights. The "pews" for the guests were hay bales. It was lovely though, it looked stunning as the evening drew in and was a beautifully designed location and theme to have on a farm. As I was looking around there smoking my cigar the older couple invited me over to chat. It was perfect timing, because it was just what I needed and was craving.

    Timing in general that evening was good. When I began to feel worn out with being around a big group of people (about 2 hours), I realised it was time to go to pick up Kristy. I put my stuff in the car, then headed back and said my goodbyes.

    All in all - once I'd staffed, and found the conversations were flowing with all sorts of people - I felt a lot more at ease. Much like on my first day of medication - I felt very open and more at ease when talking with people, even strangers it seems. I also got contact details for 3 people who said they'd love to keep in touch. So, whilst it was a nerve wracking start, by the end of the evening I felt a lot more at ease and satisfied.

    As for my ear, it doesn't hurt. It only flared up occasionally after I'd got home from visiting minor injures. It was psychsomatic I think, as I was stressing out and before I'd gone there, it hadn't been hurting unless I was pushing it.

    I've been taking the antibiotics, and began to rationalise and de-escalate the catastrophic thinking. I'll go back to minor injuries next Saturday to ask for a repeat prescription and get my ear checked out. That's all I need to do asides from taking my meds. Speaking of meds, I joked with Kristy last night about reading the leaflet for Concerta and how anxious it was making me. It's wonderful how I started the day with panic about side effects, and end the day literally laughing my arse off at the idea of Sudden Death being a "rare side effect". I jumped on voice chat last night with a friend of mine and had a great time on PSU, and we also joked about these crazy medication side effects. I also shifted perspective on the nurse's wording that freaked me out earlier. "Nasty" earache doesn't mean dangerous - like I assumed it would become. Much like the meds, you adjust and push onwards.

    Friend brought up an interesting thought the other day - that perhaps the high anxiety creates some sort of adrenaline addiction in the mind/body which may well be conjuring up anxieties, to get it's next fix. Certainly a fascinating idea, and one that gave me new beliefs to ponder and analyse.

    Ed
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2021
  15. Raggamuffin

    Raggamuffin Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,104
    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2020
    Karma:
    +2,525
    Here's me staffing at the wedding yesterday. I'm surprised I didn't mess up more, considering how nervous I was, and from my recent few days of dizziness.



    Ed
     
    • Like Like x 1
  16. Raggamuffin

    Raggamuffin Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,104
    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2020
    Karma:
    +2,525
    233140831_1267665043663632_4653929615110540830_n.png

    Ed
     
    • Like Like x 1
  17. Magna

    Magna Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,398
    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2019
    Karma:
    +2,002
    I would not be able to use a stimulant based ADHD med due to my past history with substance abuse.