A bullying experience - how my future was predicted

[Zain]

Growing up, from 11-15, I was extremely lonely. I'd get bullied by my classmates, verbally and physically. I didn't really know what I was doing wrong. It actually didn't fully compute that these people despised me so I'd initiate interactions with them as well, which would end up in me being abused. I grew up with an abusive family so I just thought that this was how life was meant to be. What brought me peace was my plan to commit suicide at 18 so I didn't take the situation or the devastating damage that this could do seriously.

My reprieve was obviously video games. I'd spend all my time outside of school on my computer, mainly playing Minecraft. Now, you usually heard about video games being for nerds and outcasts like myself, but that was a lie. It was the smart kids and the nerds that were the worst to deal with as they could bully me over the internet, making disparaging videos and memes of my looks and my life, but this is not the group I'm talking about below. Interestingly, the sporty kids would be indifferent to me most of the time and sometimes nice.

I met a group on a server. They were a core group already and added me to their Skype group chat. I was nice, so were they. For some reason, I'm always way too quiet in groups; I just don't know what to say about 80-90% of the time, but I was able to talk. But I talked meekly and timidly, like a scared kid, which I was since I was incredibly shy and unable to handle groups. They were able to feign interest and got me to share personal things about myself. After a few days, they started bullying me mercilessly. I joined the voice call one day, and, after about forty minutes, the main person said something racist suddenly directly to me. It was said with so much scorn and disdain that it petrified me; I immediately felt that lump form in my throat and my body begin to sweat as I was on the verge of crying. For a long while, he just went in on me as we were playing. Why? I don't know. He knew exactly what buttons to press to get to me. I was so desperate for connection that I stayed. I admired some character traits of his, and I suppose I respected him as he was the one with good parents, extraverted traits, many friends and success with girls. Eventually, his friends joined in with him. Over the next week or two, they'd write in text chat very abusive things and I'd sometimes join the voice chat when I was desperate to socialise.

Overall, they were completely accurate in what they said. The text chats they sent completely deconstructed me to the core. They predicted what I was like in real life at that time. My loneliness, my family disliking me, the fact I had no motivation for success, the fact I had no successes to impress others. They predicted what I am now. I'm still in the same unpainted, gloomy room, I've ruined my relationships with my family, I'm still an embarrassment to them and I still have no solid or true success in terms of my education, career or social life. I'm still KHHV.

This is the danger of true loneliness, low self-esteem and naivete.

I consider myself a very tame and in-control individual now. I can shrug nearly anything off. But if I ever met those people in real life, I'd definitely end up doing something very, very awful.

 

[Outdated]

Your story is very similar to many of us, except most of us don't get lonely. I met my first bully at age 4 and by age 5 I had worked out that it was best not to try and be friends with other kids. This was decades before people had computers and internet though.

After I left school I was in an entirely different world and people treated me well, I learnt how to socialise from the people I worked with. The people in my neighbourhood and my family never changed but the people I worked with were all foreigners and they treated me well. It was at work that I learned self respect and self control and once I started to develop an ego I decided I was never going to be a victim again.

I knew I'd still run in to bullies from time to time but never again was I going to allow them the satisfaction of seeing me submit. And a lot of bullies can see that in me and wisely decide that they'd best pick on someone else.

In the 90s when computers started becoming popular I was right in to them big time, especially the games, but the only time I tried playing online I quickly realised that the internet was populated with exactly the same sorts of wankers that I went to school with. Bugger that for a joke, I never played online again and when mobile phones came around and social media apps started popping up I couldn't understand why anyone would want such things.

I always hated phones anyway, I have hearing problems over the phone, and social apps are filled with cowardly bullies. Why would anyone submit themselves to that? In the real world there's very few people that would try to treat me that shamefully to my face, and those that try very quickly end up genuinely sorry, but over the internet they have no such fear. I don't understand why it's called "social" media when if anything it's always very antisocial.

This forum is the only social media I use, the rest of it has no interest for me.

 

[NB79]

I was not bullied much, but i was anyway, i developed a defense, and i didn't bother to approach people to make friends anymore, always had bad experiences with 'friends', the ones who seemed good didn't stick around for much time.

 

[honeytoast]

"Overall, they were completely accurate in what they said. The text chats they sent completely deconstructed me to the core. They predicted what I was like in real life at that time. My loneliness, my family disliking me, the fact I had no motivation for success, the fact I had no successes to impress others. They predicted what I am now. I'm still in the same unpainted, gloomy room, I've ruined my relationships with my family, I'm still an embarrassment to them and I still have no solid or true success in terms of my education, career or social life. I'm still KHHV."

Do you want to change this?

I mean, I think you do, but it is/can be scary. I don't think your future is set in stone at such a young age. You are more than capable of making and keeping goals. It's easier said than done, but I want to try to come across as being encouraging.

I'm also not trying to say to suddenly be happy and sunshine towards family or people who treated you poorly. I mean, doing this for yourself, because you deserve to have good things in your life. You deserve to be happy.

 

[TBRS1]

Be careful about believing the things people tell you about yourself.

These people wanted to hurt you, so they found your weaknesses (we ALL have them), and they twisted them to present a warped image of yourself to you.

Them, after fooling you into believing that you are much, much worse than you actually are, they used that false "you" to justify a nasty prediction about your future. For the purpose of hurting you.

If you believe their false image of you, and their inappropriate "prediction," you may well become a victim of your own self-fulfilling prophesy:

In which one becomes the sloppy person they have been told they will be because they have been tricked into believing that that outcome is inevitable and therefore not worth wasting the effort that would be required to change it.

In short form - you aren't what they say you are unless you decide to be that.

 

[Zain]

"Overall, they were completely accurate in what they said. The text chats they sent completely deconstructed me to the core. They predicted what I was like in real life at that time. My loneliness, my family disliking me, the fact I had no motivation for success, the fact I had no successes to impress others. They predicted what I am now. I'm still in the same unpainted, gloomy room, I've ruined my relationships with my family, I'm still an embarrassment to them and I still have no solid or true success in terms of my education, career or social life. I'm still KHHV."

Do you want to change this?

I mean, I think you do, but it is/can be scary. I don't think your future is set in stone at such a young age. You are more than capable of making and keeping goals. It's easier said than done, but I want to try to come across as being encouraging.

I'm also not trying to say to suddenly be happy and sunshine towards family or people who treated you poorly. I mean, doing this for yourself, because you deserve to have good things in your life. You deserve to be happy.

Yes, but the rest of my life will likely be like this. I don't expect anything to change. In fact, it is likely to get worse. When you don't have much at all going for you, why would anyone give me an opportunity over someone who has a degree or a consistent work history? I've yet to really 'prove myself' in the eyes of others, and, at 22, I won't get the chance. And it makes sense. My social skills are woeful. My life proves it. 22 is not young.

Be careful about believing the things people tell you about yourself.

These people wanted to hurt you, so they found your weaknesses (we ALL have them), and they twisted them to present a warped image of yourself to you.

Them, after fooling you into believing that you are much, much worse than you actually are, they used that false "you" to justify a nasty prediction about your future. For the purpose of hurting you.

If you believe their false image of you, and their inappropriate "prediction," you may well become a victim of your own self-fulfilling prophesy:

In which one becomes the sloppy person they have been told they will be because they have been tricked into believing that that outcome is inevitable and therefore not worth wasting the effort that would be required to change it.

In short form - you aren't what they say you are unless you decide to be that.

They didn't make me believe anything. They presented claims, and I thought they were correct as they were consistent with reality. I knew before I even met them I was what they said. I just thought I was good at hiding it or that people didn't care.

 

[Italianbratxoxo]

Growing up, from 11-15, I was extremely lonely. I'd get bullied by my classmates, verbally and physically. I didn't really know what I was doing wrong. It actually didn't fully compute that these people despised me so I'd initiate interactions with them as well, which would end up in me being abused. I grew up with an abusive family so I just thought that this was how life was meant to be. What brought me peace was my plan to commit suicide at 18 so I didn't take the situation or the devastating damage that this could do seriously.

My reprieve was obviously video games. I'd spend all my time outside of school on my computer, mainly playing Minecraft. Now, you usually heard about video games being for nerds and outcasts like myself, but that was a lie. It was the smart kids and the nerds that were the worst to deal with as they could bully me over the internet, making disparaging videos and memes of my looks and my life, but this is not the group I'm talking about below. Interestingly, the sporty kids would be indifferent to me most of the time and sometimes nice.

I met a group on a server. They were a core group already and added me to their Skype group chat. I was nice, so were they. For some reason, I'm always way too quiet in groups; I just don't know what to say about 80-90% of the time, but I was able to talk. But I talked meekly and timidly, like a scared kid, which I was since I was incredibly shy and unable to handle groups. They were able to feign interest and got me to share personal things about myself. After a few days, they started bullying me mercilessly. I joined the voice call one day, and, after about forty minutes, the main person said something racist suddenly directly to me. It was said with so much scorn and disdain that it petrified me; I immediately felt that lump form in my throat and my body begin to sweat as I was on the verge of crying. For a long while, he just went in on me as we were playing. Why? I don't know. He knew exactly what buttons to press to get to me. I was so desperate for connection that I stayed. I admired some character traits of his, and I suppose I respected him as he was the one with good parents, extraverted traits, many friends and success with girls. Eventually, his friends joined in with him. Over the next week or two, they'd write in text chat very abusive things and I'd sometimes join the voice chat when I was desperate to socialise.

Overall, they were completely accurate in what they said. The text chats they sent completely deconstructed me to the core. They predicted what I was like in real life at that time. My loneliness, my family disliking me, the fact I had no motivation for success, the fact I had no successes to impress others. They predicted what I am now. I'm still in the same unpainted, gloomy room, I've ruined my relationships with my family, I'm still an embarrassment to them and I still have no solid or true success in terms of my education, career or social life. I'm still KHHV.

This is the danger of true loneliness, low self-esteem and naivete.

I consider myself a very tame and in-control individual now. I can shrug nearly anything off. But if I ever met those people in real life, I'd definitely end up doing something very, very awful.

I am so so sorry. I’ve been through similar situations as you. I was bullied all my life and never had friends. I still feel like I don’t have friends.

I was cyber bullied badly by my classmates in high school. My dad’s family treats me like an outcast and I never told them I have autism. Even if I did I would still get bullied. Things are better with my sister and I. I just wanted to be loved and accepted by them. Family used to be so important to me growing up.

I hope you can find peace and happiness now. It’s best to stay from online multiplayer games. I play Minecraft solo. It gets lonely but it’s better than getting bullied. I do a lot of things solo like play dungeons and dragons solo.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

When I read these posts I can see the damage that bullying can do to some people. I too, dealt with bullies as a kid. I felt like crap for allowing it to happen. However, I think there are people who just take it and wallow in the misery affecting their lives forever, and then there are people like me that would say to themselves, "never again" and actually do something. For me, it was getting into strength training and athletics. By the time I was 14, I was the strongest kid in school, setting high school weightlifting records. Nobody bullied me. Nobody. The same in college and even at work. There is something primal there, I focused upon my intellectual talents at work, but when I approached people and I was carrying around an extra 100lbs of muscle, I can be the nicest person in the world and I will physically intimidate whether I want to or not. Go out in public, people got out of my way. Go to an auto dealership with high pressure salespeople, they let me alone and didn't give me any run-a-round with pricing.

I see similar personalities to mine in the gym, the stereotypical skinny kid, glasses, the type of kid you would single out as a bit of a nerd. However, he's in the gym, working out, has his pen and log book, focusing on every pound and rep, and he's getting bigger and bigger, and more confident and more social. He's coming out of his shell. Some people don't understand and want to make fun of "stupid" bodybuilders, but some of these "stupid" bodybuilders were scared, bullied kids that said "never again". They start out shy, timid, and quiet, but as they build their physique, they also notice how others see them, how the bullying and abuse ends and people give them the respect they never had.

Something to think about.

 

[honeytoast]

Yes, but the rest of my life will likely be like this. I don't expect anything to change. In fact, it is likely to get worse. When you don't have much at all going for you, why would anyone give me an opportunity over someone who has a degree or a consistent work history? I've yet to really 'prove myself' in the eyes of others, and, at 22, I won't get the chance. And it makes sense. My social skills are woeful. My life proves it. 22 is not young.

22 is most certainly young lol.

When I was 22, I was in a similar situation. NEET lifestyle, didn't really do ****. No job, no degree. I sat on the floor in a room with my laptop on top of the storage bin because I couldn't even afford a desk and chair. Poor relationship with family. While I can never really fix my family issues, I was able to get my life stable. It didn't happen overnight - it took years. It's taking bits and pieces apart and figuring out what I can do. Doing something to prove over others isn't going to make you really happy in the long-run. Those kind of people are never going to be happy with whatever you decide to do.

I'm also not saying to run out and get your PhD so you can get a 10000K paying job in the year. That's impossible. You can at least look at community colleges around you that might have something, a trade school, or maybe just working. Even if you don't have "job experience" you can use the skills you know how to use. When I mean skills, I mean stuff like Microsoft Office, emails, and computer stuff. Honestly, I think you can probably get help from a temp agency for this too. That's what I did and I ended up working at a place for a year.

What do you find that hinders you, other than social skills? You can at least get to the stupid small talk NTs do about the weather or whatever current thing is and you can scrape by. Is it motivation to try? Perfectionism? The fear that you'll get bullied again?

I'm not trying to come across as harsh (I probably am), but I find it frustrating that you already decided that it's over when it's not. It's really not fair to yourself to make this your fate when you have options there. It's scary, it's unpredictable, and it may not pan out how you want it to. Isn't it better to have at least tried to see rather than just make up an answer and never know?

 

[blue_bird]

The best advice I can give is not to take it personally. I'm not saying this to be harsh but you're not the first and you won't be last human being to receive such treatment. Once you realize that countless people are treated poorly by such jerks then you realize that it's not you who's the problem, but them.

Even if they said something which may be true, don't give up because of their harshness. I've been there myself and I know that it's difficult but if you're going to feel sorry for yourself and feel like a special victim of this special nasty behavior meant especially for you, then you're gonna struggle like I did.

22 is most certainly young. You just have to find the courage to break out of this negative loop of thinking. It's difficult but it can be done. Good luck.

 

[Zain]

22 is most certainly young lol.

When I was 22, I was in a similar situation. NEET lifestyle, didn't really do ****. No job, no degree. I sat on the floor in a room with my laptop on top of the storage bin because I couldn't even afford a desk and chair. Poor relationship with family. While I can never really fix my family issues, I was able to get my life stable. It didn't happen overnight - it took years. It's taking bits and pieces apart and figuring out what I can do. Doing something to prove over others isn't going to make you really happy in the long-run. Those kind of people are never going to be happy with whatever you decide to do.

I'm also not saying to run out and get your PhD so you can get a 10000K paying job in the year. That's impossible. You can at least look at community colleges around you that might have something, a trade school, or maybe just working. Even if you don't have "job experience" you can use the skills you know how to use. When I mean skills, I mean stuff like Microsoft Office, emails, and computer stuff. Honestly, I think you can probably get help from a temp agency for this too. That's what I did and I ended up working at a place for a year.

What do you find that hinders you, other than social skills? You can at least get to the stupid small talk NTs do about the weather or whatever current thing is and you can scrape by. Is it motivation to try? Perfectionism? The fear that you'll get bullied again?

I'm not trying to come across as harsh (I probably am), but I find it frustrating that you already decided that it's over when it's not. It's really not fair to yourself to make this your fate when you have options there. It's scary, it's unpredictable, and it may not pan out how you want it to. Isn't it better to have at least tried to see rather than just make up an answer and never know?

Nothing is holding me back right now. I've been applying for a while now for anything. I just want to earn money so I can keep living how I currently am.
I'd say my worst trait is informal communication or face-to-face communication.
You come across as nice, not harsh.

The best advice I can give is not to take it personally. I'm not saying this to be harsh but you're not the first and you won't be last human being to receive such treatment. Once you realize that countless people are treated poorly by such jerks then you realize that it's not you who's the problem, but them.

Even if they said something which may be true, don't give up because of their harshness. I've been there myself and I know that it's difficult but if you're going to feel sorry for yourself and feel like a special victim of this special nasty behavior meant especially for you, then you're gonna struggle like I did.

22 is most certainly young. You just have to find the courage to break out of this negative loop of thinking. It's difficult but it can be done. Good luck.

I've adapted. I was only bothered by this yesterday because I read something similar. I just wanted to share my experience and to see what would come of it.

 

[RemyZee]

When I read these posts I can see the damage that bullying can do to some people. I too, dealt with bullies as a kid. I felt like crap for allowing it to happen. However, I think there are people who just take it and wallow in the misery affecting their lives forever, and then there are people like me that would say to themselves, "never again" and actually do something. For me, it was getting into strength training and athletics. By the time I was 14, I was the strongest kid in school, setting high school weightlifting records. Nobody bullied me. Nobody. The same in college and even at work. There is something primal there, I focused upon my intellectual talents at work, but when I approached people and I was carrying around an extra 100lbs of muscle, I can be the nicest person in the world and I will physically intimidate whether I want to or not. Go out in public, people got out of my way. Go to an auto dealership with high pressure salespeople, they let me alone and didn't give me any run-a-round with pricing.

I see similar personalities to mine in the gym, the stereotypical skinny kid, glasses, the type of kid you would single out as a bit of a nerd. However, he's in the gym, working out, has his pen and log book, focusing on every pound and rep, and he's getting bigger and bigger, and more confident and more social. He's coming out of his shell. Some people don't understand and want to make fun of "stupid" bodybuilders, but some of these "stupid" bodybuilders were scared, bullied kids that said "never again". They start out shy, timid, and quiet, but as they build their physique, they also notice how others see them, how the bullying and abuse ends and people give them the respect they never had.

Something to think about.

I agree that getting into some kind of physical activity can be so helpful. I was bullied online for awhile and wound up going to boxing seclasses to feel stronger...and it was so liberating. Going to the gym every other day and boxing or wrestling gave me a sense of my boundaries and how to project them. I actually punched things, including the instructor and classmates. It was empowering because I have always felt a bit meek and alot of it was about learning to protect myself, or learning how to FEEL like I can protect myself.

 

[Zain]

I am so so sorry. I’ve been through similar situations as you. I was bullied all my life and never had friends. I still feel like I don’t have friends.

I was cyber bullied badly by my classmates in high school. My dad’s family treats me like an outcast and I never told them I have autism. Even if I did I would still get bullied. Things are better with my sister and I. I just wanted to be loved and accepted by them. Family used to be so important to me growing up.

I hope you can find peace and happiness now. It’s best to stay from online multiplayer games. I play Minecraft solo. It gets lonely but it’s better than getting bullied. I do a lot of things solo like play dungeons and dragons solo.

I've learnt now that anything online is overrated. I don't know why I thought my communication troubles wouldn't follow me here. I must have been brainwashed at some point growing up by the idea that the internet was for nerds and losers. I think when AOL or MSN messenger became popular this became completely untrue.