Hello! I very recently realised that I shared a lot of traits with female aspies after hearing a Youtuber talk about their experience, then I ended up in a research hole (familiar, anyone?) where all my long-standing beliefs about ASD have been challenged. I have a psychology degree that touched on autism and I've even read an autistic woman's memoir before and I haven't seen myself at all in any of it. It coincided with me researching maladaptive daydreaming as that's something I've been struggling with during lockdown. I seem to not have noticed the amount of time that I spend trying not to be 'weird'. A brief as possible laundry list of my traits I think could potentially be autistic:
Maladaptive daydreaming, particularly before and after sleep
Lack of eye-contact (I thought) mostly masked
Struggling to make friends as an adult
Avoidant behaviour socially
Struggling to keep up in large groups with multiple conversations going on. I can often withdraw.
I don't mind socialising occasionally but I often go home early and I prefer to be alone.
An out-of-proportion anger response to intrusive noise
Travel anxiety (I plan meticulously ahead and still get stressed)
Lack of coordination in sports and dance - brain and body do not seem to talk to each other. I'm a bit clumsy and bump into things quite a lot.
I struggle to tell stories or anecdotes and I'm rubbish at creative writing. I did manage to write a fanfic once, so I'm fine with established characters and worlds.
I'm not great with being touched, I seem to be rather cat-like.
I bond better with animals than people.
Particularly as a child, I got obsessive with my hobbies and interests. I'm not as bad now, I seem to let go easier if I can't pursue something.
If there's a word that people most often use to describe me, it's 'direct'.
There's lots of traits common in aspies that don't ring true, such as a lack of empathy for example.
I haven't decided whether to go for a diagosis yet. It sounds like it would be quite revealing and painful. I've done two tests online, putting me in the 'a bit autistic' or 'higher autistic traits than the general population' but I'm aware these tests are more designed with men in mind. I don't need any support generally. I have a full time job and my mental health has been great as an adult (probably another essay needed for my childhood mental health issues!). I have come to realise that my parents are likely not neurotypical either and it's made me reframe a lot of my childhood (I haven't had a relationship with them for about a decade).
Anyway, there's still so much to learn about this, so I apologise if I use any language that's inappropriate in context!
Maladaptive daydreaming, particularly before and after sleep
Lack of eye-contact (I thought) mostly masked
Struggling to make friends as an adult
Avoidant behaviour socially
Struggling to keep up in large groups with multiple conversations going on. I can often withdraw.
I don't mind socialising occasionally but I often go home early and I prefer to be alone.
An out-of-proportion anger response to intrusive noise
Travel anxiety (I plan meticulously ahead and still get stressed)
Lack of coordination in sports and dance - brain and body do not seem to talk to each other. I'm a bit clumsy and bump into things quite a lot.
I struggle to tell stories or anecdotes and I'm rubbish at creative writing. I did manage to write a fanfic once, so I'm fine with established characters and worlds.
I'm not great with being touched, I seem to be rather cat-like.
I bond better with animals than people.
Particularly as a child, I got obsessive with my hobbies and interests. I'm not as bad now, I seem to let go easier if I can't pursue something.
If there's a word that people most often use to describe me, it's 'direct'.
There's lots of traits common in aspies that don't ring true, such as a lack of empathy for example.
I haven't decided whether to go for a diagosis yet. It sounds like it would be quite revealing and painful. I've done two tests online, putting me in the 'a bit autistic' or 'higher autistic traits than the general population' but I'm aware these tests are more designed with men in mind. I don't need any support generally. I have a full time job and my mental health has been great as an adult (probably another essay needed for my childhood mental health issues!). I have come to realise that my parents are likely not neurotypical either and it's made me reframe a lot of my childhood (I haven't had a relationship with them for about a decade).
Anyway, there's still so much to learn about this, so I apologise if I use any language that's inappropriate in context!
