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19 legitimate reasons Christmas totally SUCKS

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by AGXStarseed, Nov 14, 2017.

  1. AGXStarseed

    AGXStarseed Well-Known Member

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    (Not written by me. This article is from 2014 but I thought some of these were ironically amusing when I came across it and so decided to share it to see what you guys thought - especially with Christmas just over a month away. I've removed/edited some of the rude language).


    1. You will be skint. For the whole of December.
    Nothing will absolutely rinse your bank account like a solid month of present shopping, Christmas parties and catch-ups with friends.
    But of course it's Christmas, so you have to smile through the agony of spending your hard-earned cash on enduring time with that annoying work colleague and the friend you have actually been debating deleting from Facebook.

    2. And pay day seriously f***s you over. Every year.
    At first, you're all, 'Hang on, I get paid EARLY in December? OMGGG I HAVE SO MUCH CASH! I am basically The Wolf of Wall Street. Come take a bath in all my dolla b***hezzzz.'
    But by the 1st of January you realise you have spent two months of pay in around 31 days and will be living on baked beans and dry husks of bread until the end of January.

    3. Christmas movies are the worst movies ever made.
    Okay, maybe it didn't feel like that the first time you watched it, but by this point in your life you have seen them so many times you could recite them by heart.
    Also, don't even get us started on the plot holes in Love Actually. And Home Alone? Kevin McCallister and his siblings would probably be taken away by social services.

    4. Being kissed WAY too close to the mouth by relatives you barely know...
    *shudder*

    5. Having the SAME conversation about your life 50 times.
    To save time, here's something you can print out and hand around:

    Merry Christmas relative!

    It's great to see you. My course and/or job is going well, thanks. Living in [………] is nice but I miss you all terribly.

    This has been lovely, let's do it again next Christmas x


    6. The TV schedule is like one long Groundhog Day.
    Back in the good old days, Christmas TV was an absolute delight. It featured films that had barely made it to video and hours of one-off Christmas specials.
    Now, 63% of Christmas TV is repeats of things like Dads Army. As The Mirror put it: "During the two week festive period from December 20 until January 2, 729 of the 1,154 programmes aired on the main four channels will be repeats."

    7. That thing where you go outside and it's so cold that when you go back inside, your fingers and toes burn...
    OW.

    8. Having to spend at LEAST one solid day with your family, possibly up to two weeks.
    There is a reason you stopped going on family holidays. It's because the first few hours are GREAT, but by day three you are already reaching your absolute limit and are seriously considering disowning every blood relative in the vicinity.
    Nothing makes people hate each other like forcing them to cram into one room and have 24-hours of solid, compulsory fun.

    9. Compulsory fun (it's the worst kind of fun).
    It's so bad, we've given it its own point. Super-competitive board games, wearing novelty hats, family pictures pulling stupid faces, party games with people from your office you have never actually spoken to. MAKE IT STOP.

    10. The smallest things will start to annoy you.
    You will unwittingly become absolutely fixated on the fact your parents have put the heating on too high, the fact the TV is too loud because your Gran is going deaf and how your usually cute cousin has turned into a screaming sugar-fuelled demon that cannot be tamed.

    11. Social media becomes the worst place on the planet.
    Your Facebook/Twitter/Instagram will be absolutely overloaded with attempts at 'arty' pictures of Christmas trees, Christmas dinner and discarded wrapping paper. Speaking of which...

    12. The use of #blessed...
    And #nom.

    13. You WILL get at least one crappy gift...
    And it will probably be something you are either supposed to wear or display in your house. Why doesn't anyone ever give you a rubbish gift that can be easily hidden away in a drawer and never spoken of again?
    This will make you feel terrible and like you are Rachel in Friends when she only likes to be given gifts from her specified list.

    14. You start hating children a little bit.
    Because you know they're having a WAY better time than you. Santa, exciting presents, eating ALL the sweets. Christmas was just so much more fun when you were a kid and now you're not and quite frankly, you're a bit jealous.

    15. It's actually a SERIOUSLY depressing time of year.
    Don't believe us? Think about the lyrics and plots to some of your favourite festive films and songs and it's enough to tip you over the edge. No wonder everyone has to stuff their face at Christmas (Santa included) - we're all comfort eating through the misery.

    Just a few examples…

    Jona Lewie - Stop The Cavalry: "Wish I was at home for Christmas / Bang, that's another bomb on another town."

    Pogues - Fairytale Of New York: "You're an old slut on junk / Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed."

    Band Aid - Do They Know It's Christmas?: "It's a world of dread and fear / Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears."

    We've made our point.


    16. Having to see Bono EVERYWHERE because of aforementioned Band Aid.
    Go away, Bono.

    17. Christmas adverts actually WANT you to cry.
    John Lewis are the worst. First it was trying to make you consider the fact that every Christmas you are one year closer to death, then how your snowman melted and died and now that your child is probably sad and alone and talking to stuffed animals.
    Don't even get us started on Sainsbury's. Oh look, all the soldiers are making friends because Christmas unites everyone. That is until they had to go back to war and suffer atrocities that would be our worst nightmares.

    18. Having to eat truly disgusting leftovers.
    By 27th December, you are DONE with Christmas food. Yet you have to spend as many days as it takes to use up the remaining food, eating concoctions that resemble a Bushtucker Trial.

    19. In fact, Christmas is so sucky, we need New Year resolutions.
    Everyone feels so bloated, hungover and angry at the ones they love by the end of the festive period that we have created a custom that specifically requires us to resolve to be less greedy, drunk and snappy next year.


    Source: 19 legitimate reasons Christmas totally SUCKS
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2017
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  2. Rich Allen

    Rich Allen Well-Known Member

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    Bah Humbug much? :D
     
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  3. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    My favourite, competitive scrabble, where everyone questions every word you put down, and then won't abide by the loss of turn if they were wrong. They decide that they don't have to play by the rules, unless it benefits them. Another favourite is when a family member trades tiles back and forth with another player, 'here I'll trade a vowel for an R which I need'. Or they constantly complain about how terrible their tiles are. Or they misspell a word, and won't forfeit their turn. Even though we've all agreed on the rules beforehand, which dictionary to be used, and which spelling to use.
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2017
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  4. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    Swapping tiles!

    I would xrcythw them.

    Which is definitely a word.
     
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  5. Streetwise

    Streetwise Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I like the blessed bit what I don't like is spending time with people that I never spend time with at Christmas and Christmas in the latter half of the 20th century and first part of the 21st-century it's a celebration of what material possessions you receive and Hedonism .
     
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  6. AGXStarseed

    AGXStarseed Well-Known Member

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    To be honest, I came across this just by train of thought.

    Me and my mother were discussing about doing Christmas differently this year as previously, Christmas Day is a mix of going back-and-forth between houses, cooking all day, cleaning up and by the time we do sit down to relax the majority of the day is gone.

    After a long train of thought - intermixed with some internet surfing and viewing of both the TV schedule and certain YouTube videos - I went looking on Google to try and see why so many Christmas films nowadays just suck (which was on my mind more as True Entertainment's Christmas channel has reappeared on my TV's channel guide and Channel 5 has been doing several marathons of various Christmas films).

    While looking through Google, I came across this webpage and decided to check it out to see what it was like; only to find myself giggling at some of the the points made.
    As such, I decided to share it to see what you guys thought, and it seems I'm not the only one amused by some of it. :D
     
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  7. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    Our xmas day has turned into 'spag bol'

    Not sure if that means we're spagbolics
     
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  8. Streetwise

    Streetwise Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Being a Christian Zionist I try to celebrate Hanukkah as Jesus would not of been born on 25 December according to the Bible it would've been late September or early October,Hanukkah is at the same time as the Festival of Saturnalia or Yule which is what the 25 December would've been marked as by pagan peoples
    And the new Testament never tells us not to celebrate Hanukkah
     
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  9. Flinty

    Flinty Off Indefinite Hiatus, I Guess V.I.P Member

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    1. Our family no longer does the present thing, neither do my friends. There's a bit of expense with a Christmas party, but it doesn't kill my wallet.
    2. What pay day?
    3. Bad Santa? (not appropriate for children or a surprisingly large number of adults) A Christmas Story? Edward Scissorhands? Die Hard?
    4. All my relatives that would do that are deceased.
    5. Hooray for no social life!
    6. And yet no one would air Olive, the Other Reindeer last year. Sheesh. And it's better than the very large number of college football bowl games that exist strictly to give ESPN programming during the holidays.
    7. Brits know nothing when compared to Canada or much of the USA.
    8. We stopped doing that over a decade ago.
    9. We stopped doing that over a decade ago.
    10. See #9.
    11. What do you mean, "becomes"?
    12. It's only a bit worse than usual.
    13. See #1.
    14. Why wait until the holidays to start?
    15. OK, I'll concede this one.
    16. Hooray for being on the west side of the pond!
    17. This used to be true, but Canadian Tire stopped their "give like Santa, save like Scrooge" campaign a few years back. It made me cry because it ran for over 30 years.
    18. See #8.
    19. Only true if you celebrate New Year's.

    Holidays are what you make them. For me, that pretty much means nothing, and I feel better for it.
     
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  10. AGXStarseed

    AGXStarseed Well-Known Member

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  11. Shiznown

    Shiznown Well-Known Member

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    Yule>Christmas. Remember your roots.
     
  12. Shiznown

    Shiznown Well-Known Member

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    Santa is a cheap knock off of Odin, or more specifically the Germanic version of Odin, Woden.
     
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  13. Streetwise

    Streetwise Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I wonder if women especially knew the story of the real St Nicholas they would derive something positive from it as he didn't just try to protect children .
    I think it would help people for instance who get panic attacks from Air travel or sea sickness(it is recounted that he was travelling to Israel by boat and the sea was not calm !so he prayed and it became calm,so people who are having panic attacks could think about the sea being calm .
    Also he had heard that a father was so poor that he was considering selling his daughters into prostitution !so Nicholas travelled to the man's house and threw three bags of gold through the window.
    Find it hard to understand how a pawnbroker can seem so beneficial, it is said that's why three balls of gold are displayed outside a pawnbrokers place of business.
    And why do people have to pervert the story of Saint Nicolas into saying children would be punished if they weren't good .
    Why don't they celebrate the fact that he cared about most people not just children .
     
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  14. pjcnet

    pjcnet Well-Known Member

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    I used to enjoy Christmas as a child, but the only reasons were because I was off school (which I hated) so I could enjoy my special interest all day (on my computer) and secondly I liked receiving presents (mainly the one's related to my special interest). I did like seeing my Grandparents too, mainly because my grandfather actually made a really big effort to get involved with my computer activities even at his age, he surprisingly understood a lot and would even play computer games with me. He would tell me how amazing technology was today (even in the 1980s) and he once told me about a large calculating machine that he'd used during WWII to calculate the angle of projection for his anti-aircraft guns.

    As an adult I really don't look forward to Christmas in the slightest. I hate the change to the normal routine as well as the busy build up where everywhere is over busy along with extra drunks and the higher risk of trouble. My grandparents have long passed away and I'm usually alone during Christmas when even my best friend vanishes to be with his family. I actually like being alone, it only really annoys me when everyone else just before Christmas goes on saying that I really shouldn't be alone, I've even been badgered by neighbours I barely know asking me to spend Christmas with their family because like most people they're programmed that no-one should be alone and they feel sorry for me. I obviously wouldn't feel any less comfortable than pretending to enjoy a traditional Christmas with a family that I don't even know lol. The media also really annoys me, especially the TV as it constantly drums into you that you should be enjoying yourself with family and/or friends at this so called "special" time of year, when I'm alone and enjoying myself less than a normal day. Christmas is also now a lot more about marketing, but as an adult I don't even see the best part of this which is receiving presents apart from a few clothes and toiletries if I'm lucky (these were always my most disappointing presents as a child and now that's all I get, anyone want to buy me a nice new higher spec gaming PC, I'd look forward to Christmas then lol).

    Edit: Well I'm not totally alone, I have my cat that greatly helps me.
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2017 at 12:22 AM
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