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  1. Knower of nothing

    Grasping for straws!

    Thanks for the concern but don't worry. I don't believe at all that if the motivation is growth that approaching this from such a robotic standpoint will work at all. This isn't the stage to even be discussing the righteousness of it. There's no room for that. It won't do anything but add...
  2. Knower of nothing

    Grasping for straws!

    They're a person, not a tenant. There's nothing reasonable to calculate. You do what you can if you want based on how much you prioritize. No, the problem exists first, built up way before the symptoms become a behavior, the "blackmail" is a survival strategy response to it. Not everyone would...
  3. Knower of nothing

    Post music you've made!

    winter song holding the recent new year feelings
  4. Knower of nothing

    Grasping for straws!

    I have been the son in this situation. I have had the extreme isolation and genuine suicide consideration. All that worked for me is for the family to relax, provide space and understanding, and wait. Pushing buttons has a chance for them to internally cut you off as someone they can trust. I...
  5. Knower of nothing

    I'm starting to view Special Interests as a Need

    Very interesting thread. This is one of those facets of autism I always hear lots about but personally don't experience. I understand the logic of it now. The closest I have identified as a special interest is kind of exactly this, I'm interested in why people do what they do. But I'm not...
  6. Knower of nothing

    After Christmas talk: What you gave and what you got

    I end up too busy dealing with the social part of christmas to do the giving part. Is alright though, there's no expectation. I'm also the type to give people things when the opportunity is there rather than on tradition basis. Don't like trying to figure out presents. Was given some more...
  7. Knower of nothing

    Post music you've made!

    still happy with this silly piano piece from 2 months ago, the ones since then haven't been as lively
  8. Knower of nothing

    goals or objectives for 2024?

    I think this year I'll try to really embody aimlessness. I've done the resolutions thing for a lot of years in a row. Got plants I'm taking care of now because of last year's one. I realized I've never truly spent a year without direction, trying something or other. Recently I've been thinking...
  9. Knower of nothing

    It's not pure evil, but it is a nature of disregard. If only because the only type of true...

    It's not pure evil, but it is a nature of disregard. If only because the only type of true consideration we can do for the unrelatable Other is done as a type of play. It pokes at the self in stimulating ways. It entertains and molds self-image. But because it is play, it only works for a little...
  10. Knower of nothing

    Gamelan as stim and thought-regulation.

    I have known about it for a long time but it only recently clicked after some helpful videos dissecting a few of the common patterns as well as reading up on the history. Knowing what you are hearing is really effective for "pinning" the sounds in place as it becomes less sound wall and more the...
  11. Knower of nothing

    What is your spirit animal?

    Quiz gave me snake. I can make that work. I'm not particularly fond of snakes, especially not their predatory qualities. But it feels right to me for a spirit animal not to be something you truly wish it was like an animal you personally admire. I mainly admire rats, crows, pillbugs, and the...
  12. Knower of nothing

    Gamelan as stim and thought-regulation.

    Title speaks for itself, I came across a very practical genre of traditional music for the purpose of audio stimming if you have a moderate to intense need. Specifically the Balinese kebyar for being more fast paced and dynamic but I have also spent some hours with the Javanese style and it's...
  13. Knower of nothing

    Natural Metamorphosis

    The only stillness we are granted is because of our immensely zoomed in perspective. If you change perspective a bit the near fluidity of constant change is highlighted more extremely. Timelapses are one of the effective ways to do so. According to the magic of ever increasing entropy in the...
  14. Knower of nothing

    What would your life have been if you weren't autistic?

    I'm in the don't know camp. I've learned most things from pain and most pain comes from ASD. So I guess I'd be more callous and less understanding? Without that greater priority of pain I suppose I'd be more swayed by the other fear factors in life as well like status. Being less intensely...
  15. Knower of nothing

    How can I improve my mental health?

    Distraction shovels away the stress for later, should only be applied sporadically to get you through tough bits where you can't afford breaks. Keeping busy is also long term important for that dopamine cycle but is not a good idea to commit to for critical moments or even most short term dips...
  16. Knower of nothing

    Everyone, Name an anime that you watched...

    Finally sat down for Chainsaw Man, it is indeed very good. I love the snappy dense pacing. Very concise characterization too. I love the dedication to drenching the more typical superhero squad template in bureaucracy and mundane infrastructure. I've seen it done before but not with this kind of...
  17. Knower of nothing

    Disassociation and reality

    I use dissociation frequently and deliberately to manage my anxiety-induced negative thinking so I have a pretty positive opinion of it. It can be scary and worrisome to others to find you "out of it" and not paying attention, so I do try to only do it when it's really necessary or I'm safe in...
  18. Knower of nothing

    Why do o feel like nobody likes me?

    This can be tricky to agree with, but the performative nature of social behavior doesn't make any of it fake. You need real intention or there is no fuel to move. Co-operation is an emergent property of a group of individual needs overlapping, it's almost arrogant to expect people to act in your...
  19. Knower of nothing

    Why do o feel like nobody likes me?

    Don't be fooled. This isn't self awareness but self focus. You look at people and your surroundings and have a strong tendency to draw lines from them back to yourself, specifically negative ones. In my understanding this is only done for one reason: To affirm your own thoughts. The best...
  20. Knower of nothing

    Did you like going to church as a kid?

    Churches are quiet and pretty. But uncomfortable and the presence of social dictatorship is even stronger there than at school or with family. You can't develop under those circumstances. I imagine its primary value is to disappear into conformity, which is frequently worth the price of the...
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