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  1. pastelanxiety

    Identity crisis after loose diagnosis

    After suspecting I'm on the spectrum for most of my life, a few months ago I got "loosely" diagnosed with ASD and am working towards a full diagnosis with the support of my GP. My initial visit to the doctor, which led to this, was for what I now believe is autistic burnout (didn't even know...
  2. pastelanxiety

    Experiencing meltdowns

    This is an interesting way of looking at it - effectively, I'm not actually experiencing an increase in meltdowns, it's just that now I'm allowing myself to feel them it feels like more. In terms of exiting situations that are challenging, I am working really hard on acknowledging my limitations...
  3. pastelanxiety

    Experiencing meltdowns

    Oh wow, the "mini identity crisis" really resonates with me! That's a very accurate way of describing it, that's very much what I'm currently feeling. I think I'm experiencing a combination of all your points, especially the point about stress - I'm experiencing increased stress at the moment...
  4. pastelanxiety

    Experiencing meltdowns

    I'm hoping the more I learn about myself and my limits and tolerance levels in certain situations, I will be able to lessen how many or at least minimise the severity of them. I'm going through a particularly stressful time at the moment so that is definitely acting as a catalyst
  5. pastelanxiety

    Experiencing meltdowns

    This was very validating for me to read, thank you for your input. I think I may be similar to you in the sense of now knowing what's actually happening - it's not normal "every day" stress, but autism driven. Despite the fact I haven't had a full blown meltdown in front of anyone yet (which is...
  6. pastelanxiety

    Experiencing meltdowns

    Since getting diagnosed with autism as an adult a couple months ago and beginning the process of unmasking, I've noticed I'm experiencing more meltdowns than prior. I'm not sure if it's because I'm starting to learn how to unmask and I'm allowing myself to feel and express what have always been...
  7. pastelanxiety

    Growing apart from long-time friend

    I've always found myself feeling quite unsettled and unhappy, and knowing what I know now it's evident I've always masked and have never been overly happy doing so. I think people around around me are starting to see the mask slip, only a little, but it's enough to raise questions like "are...
  8. pastelanxiety

    Growing apart from long-time friend

    That sounds really tough, and I can relate to what you've said to some extent. I've always struggled with relationships and friendships and definitely avoid seeking out new connections out of fear of rejection and potential abandonment. I can empathize with your point of people not liking the...
  9. pastelanxiety

    Experiences with people pleasing

    That sounds really tough. I was recently diagnosed and I'm currently dealing with the "you're acting different" and "why are you suddenly acting more autistic?" from my mum which is difficult because I already don't know who I am whilst attempting to unmask
  10. pastelanxiety

    Growing apart from long-time friend

    I agree, it's quite bittersweet in a way. I share so many great memories with her, which we reminisce on often, however it also kind of saddens me slightly that almost all of those memories include a very masked version of myself so I feel somewhat removed from it all, if this makes sense
  11. pastelanxiety

    Experiences with people pleasing

    This resonates strongly with me; I only really know the masked version of myself, who others expect me to be, which is kind of scary
  12. pastelanxiety

    Growing apart from long-time friend

    Yeah sadly just a part of life, and because the dynamic has changed slowly I've had time to accept it for what it is which has made it easier. I think your mention of not feeling comfortable around her rings true, and the masking is incredibly draining.
  13. pastelanxiety

    Growing apart from long-time friend

    I recently realised that I've started drifting apart from one of my only friends (which can be common) and I'm not quite sure how to feel about it. I met this friend back when we were both 13y/o when I started at her school as a new student. We were fast friends and then went on to attend the...
  14. pastelanxiety

    Direct eye contact when interacting with NTs

    I definitely only hold eye contact because it's expected of me and I was scolded as a child if I didn't. I'd very happily converse with others without eye contact because I would be able to focus more and enjoy the interaction a little more. I work full time in a corporate office and have to...
  15. pastelanxiety

    Experiences with people pleasing

    I am a major people pleaser to the point I will almost ignore my own needs in order to keep people around me happy (which is draining and exhausting). I do it for many reasons but mainly fear, including fear of rejection, confrontation, and judgement. Realistically I know not everyone is going...
  16. pastelanxiety

    Crosswords and Puzzles

    I've never been able to focus on crosswords very well, however have always been obsessed with wordsearches and am currently working my way through a book of 270 of them
  17. pastelanxiety

    New here, hello from NZ

    Thank you for the warm welcome! Indeed, sometimes the pretending gets a little too real I almost fool myself!
  18. pastelanxiety

    New here, hello from NZ

    Thank you for the warm welcome and the book recommendations. I'm currently reading and have almost finished "Unmasking Autism" and have found it very eye opening as well as reassuring.
  19. pastelanxiety

    New here, hello from NZ

    Hi hello, I'm a 29 y/o woman from New Zealand and I was finally diagnosed with ASD at the beginning of this week. Ever since I was a young child, both myself and those around me had a feeling I wasn't NT, despite how hard I tried to be. Now that my suspicions have been confirmed by a doctor, I...
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