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AprilR

AprilR

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  • AprilR
    I tried to be friendly to my coworker today. Except it was so awkward. She is so different from me i couldnt find anything to talk about.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Well at least she is civil enough to not bully me bc i am different.
    AprilR
    I Got asked "why are you not married?" today. Yet again. Why are these people so obsessed with marriage? It almost feels like an accusation
    View previous comments…
    Gerald Wilgus
    Gerald Wilgus
    Exactly. The social messages from parents, other adults, siblings, and peers, merely highlighted my social dysfunction, and seeing no way to accomplish what I was being told, I took it out on myself (not knowing I was autistic). Nobody wants to talk about the harm messaging does to others who see life differently or who may be fearful of others.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Yes. It took a long time for me to accept myself as well since my parents also had problems with me not having any friends and calling me "cold" I am glad that we can both accept ourselves as we are now
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    The truth, statistics show less younger people are getting married. And 50% of marriages end up in divorce. So jeeze people, quit bugging @AprilR . She knows what she is doing.
    AprilR
    As expected my therapist, she said not to quit and wait for them to fire me. But i still think it's a mistake and even my therapist thinks i am a normal person who can work. How can i communicate that i think i am not fit for the work place?
    View previous comments…
    Streetwise
    Streetwise
    if you resign no benefits if you're fired benefits
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I know that but the process is wearing me out too much.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    @AprilR Maybe kick out the shame game. Stop feeling shame. That's like laying a guilt trip on yourself for what possible outcome? Just move forward and feel better about yourself. It won't hurt to try.
    AprilR
    Therapy appointment tomorrow. Still hoping vainly for my therapist to recommend quitting my job
    AprilR
    Because i can't work fast and missed a dead line,my coworkers got told off too. They probably hate me now. I can't deal with this torture any longer, i will probably quit the next time something like this happens.
    O
    Owliet
    Why did your colleague get told off too?
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I am not sure, maybe he was just being considerate thinking it was a one time thing. Except it was not. To them, this work load is normal. To me it is very heavy. So it comes down to me being autistic.
    AprilR
    Fell asleep on the way to work, considered calling in sick since my stomach is in knots
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Predictably my mom Said, why is this necessary? Umm maybe bc i feel like vomiting?
    AprilR
    I have succesfully distracted myself from the horrors that await me on Monday. Yay me!
    View previous comments…
    L
    Luca
    I don't know if I can really afford a Netflix subscription just to watch a couple of specific shows, unfortunately :/ I do have a Fire stick though. I use that instead of watching TV, because when I do really want to watch a show or a movie it's such a rare occurrence and I didn't think it was worth it to pay for TV.
    Forest Cat
    Forest Cat
    @Luca, did you see that dancing scene in Wednesday? It's so good! :) Best thing I have seen in a while.
    L
    Luca
    I saw a clip of it on YouTube, yes, it was awesome!
    AprilR
    I forgot about a meeting today, my coworkers had to cover for me. I feel so ashamed
    View previous comments…
    AprilR
    AprilR
    My employer Said he wants to talk to me Monday. At least i have my therapist appointment next week too if i have an anxiety attack
    Forest Cat
    Forest Cat
    Don't be hard on yourself, forgetting a meeting can happen to anyone. And it happens to lots of people. I almost burned down the place where I worked once because I forgot a candle. That's much worse. :fearscream:
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Thanks. I will do that. I get very stressed and it seems like what i do isn't enough sometimes
    AprilR
    I have to come to terms with the fact that i am Just unlikable. But without depending on anyone else i have to like myself. Bc i am all that i have and i will live this life alone. Without liking myself i cant survive
    View previous comments…
    Forest Cat
    Forest Cat
    Remember that people are ususally their own worst critic. And other people usually don't see you the same way as you see yourself. Maybe you're very loveable and likeable and you just think you are unlikeable. :)
    Atrapa Almas
    Atrapa Almas
    If you like yourself, you are likeable by definition. :)
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Thanks. Liking myself when others don't is hard and i always thought to be a good person i have to be liked by others and have lots of friends. I know now that lots of good people are shunned by society and are hermits.
    But old habits die hard. I still sometimes think i am a bad person bc i dont have friends.
    AprilR
    The amount of instinctive illogical behavior i see daily makes me so tired. I can't understand it and i dont want to blame myself for it
    View previous comments…
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    I am sending a virtual crown to you. You are a trouper. Good you aren't "going there." Work places can be extremely dysfunctional. Worse than our families.
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    I had a boss who would go off on tirades then bring makeup box of donuts the next morning. I think she was on meds. I left, it wasn't worth the money. I think she was bipolar.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Thank you so much, i am happy that at least there are friendly and kind people here!
    AprilR
    I had such an exhausting day. My stomach is in knots and my brain is about to explode from overload.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I recently started using a New medication, idk if this is a side effect or not. I feel like vomit ing but i have to eat.
    AprilR
    I dont feel alive most of the time. But its still better than anxiety.
    View previous comments…
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Ty very much. I don't think i have the courage to immigrate, but it is still nice to know this.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    At the very least i am grateful for the existence of this forum and İnternet in general. I can connect with people i have something in common with.
    Shaddock
    Shaddock
    yeah I totally agree with you. it´s the same for me.
    AprilR
    I met with a disabled employee today via work. (not our employee) I think i really have heightened empathy for people who are different, and i think he could sense that as well. I think most of my friends through out my life had had a learning disorder/mental illness/disability.
    View previous comments…
    Raggamuffin
    Raggamuffin
    Bur if you hang out with someone who feels like an energy vampire, and you feel bad inside when in their company. I think that's a clear indicator for me.
    O
    Owliet
    I think it means a lot to have someone else who is kind to you especially if you are different. =)
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I don't think you are a bad friend if you distance yourself from people who make you feel bad. I also did a similar thing to a friend though, and i understand how it feels. I felt alone in her company Somehow even if we got along good. I think she was also depressed like me
    AprilR
    I will be starting a New medicine for concentration issues
    Aspychata
    Aspychata
    That sounds like a great thing. Just make sure you read the complications because this is important. But if this helps, your confidence will skyrocket and in general, that's good for you. I have had to really work on my confidence myself. It's tough.
    AprilR
    Why do ignorant people think they know everything?
    View previous comments…
    tree
    tree
    They don't know enough to realize there's more to know.
    MildredHubble
    MildredHubble
    When you know very little, the world is an incredibly simple place. When you know a lot, you see just how incredibly complex it is and realise that you will probably never understand more than a very small part of it.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    They must live in an incredibly small world i guess
    AprilR
    *leaves my comfort zone to check out local autism forums*
    *sees the horribly sexist and toxic people there*
    *IMMEDIATELY escapes to my comfort zone.
    No thanks world!
    View previous comments…
    AprilR
    AprilR
    No problem. Yeah i hate gender stereotyping and it is very common where i live Sadly.
    TheName
    TheName
    I just tried to understand. I'm a 36 male and heard about gender stereotypes but... It's all outdated info. I knew lot of woman who would over do me in my male traits and other way round. :)
    It's common all over the globe. Not only where You live. Wherever You actually live
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Exactly. Not even scientifically, even in normal daily life these stereotypes just don't fit with real people
    AprilR
    I posted on a local forum.. About my autism.. May have opened Pandora's box haha..
    Shaddock
    Shaddock
    what do you mean with "local forum?" local = of your country?
    AprilR
    AprilR
    Yes, that's what i meant. I am kinda paranoiac that i will get "found out"
    O
    Owliet
    I hope that it isn’t too bad.
    AprilR
    Couldn't get through my therapy appointment since i couldn't talk much due to coughing. My therapist Said i should get my lungs tested
    AprilR
    AprilR
    I am scared and sad. I don't even know what to think anymore. I hope it is nothing serious, i dont want my parents to worry
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