I often don't know what i am supposed to do or say. I just act according to what people are expecting. Since if i show my real self i would be shunned. But doing this makes me seem more normal and people expect more from me than what i can do.
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Had a busy but productive day, bought supplies to start punch needling, a book and yes some cosmetics.
Almost forgot about a formal meeting yet again. My coworkers reminded me. I don't know how i am not fired yet. Feel so guilty
My employer is thinking of cutting down our salary since he doesn't want to fire anyone atm. I feel so bad for my coworkers who are struggling financally. Can't help but thinking that i don't really need this job. Feel like quitting
I tried to be friendly to my coworker today. Except it was so awkward. She is so different from me i couldnt find anything to talk about.
I Got asked "why are you not married?" today. Yet again. Why are these people so obsessed with marriage? It almost feels like an accusation
Is it weird that i feel disgusted with parents kissing their children or couples kissing in public? It just feels icky
As expected my therapist, she said not to quit and wait for them to fire me. But i still think it's a mistake and even my therapist thinks i am a normal person who can work. How can i communicate that i think i am not fit for the work place?
Therapy appointment tomorrow. Still hoping vainly for my therapist to recommend quitting my job
Because i can't work fast and missed a dead line,my coworkers got told off too. They probably hate me now. I can't deal with this torture any longer, i will probably quit the next time something like this happens.
Fell asleep on the way to work, considered calling in sick since my stomach is in knots
After cooking some and watching Wednesday i feel a bit better and less stressed.
I have succesfully distracted myself from the horrors that await me on Monday. Yay me!
I forgot about a meeting today, my coworkers had to cover for me. I feel so ashamed
I have to come to terms with the fact that i am Just unlikable. But without depending on anyone else i have to like myself. Bc i am all that i have and i will live this life alone. Without liking myself i cant survive
The amount of instinctive illogical behavior i see daily makes me so tired. I can't understand it and i dont want to blame myself for it
I had such an exhausting day. My stomach is in knots and my brain is about to explode from overload.
I dont feel alive most of the time. But its still better than anxiety.
I met with a disabled employee today via work. (not our employee) I think i really have heightened empathy for people who are different, and i think he could sense that as well. I think most of my friends through out my life had had a learning disorder/mental illness/disability.
I will be starting a New medicine for concentration issues
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