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Markness

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  • My birthday is tomorrow but I don’t have a girlfriend or wife to spend it with.
    Markness
    Markness
    The former. I suppose I am just so depressed that I wish my hopes alone would change things. Even people who are severely depressed somehow manage to establish relationships but they have been denied to me.
    tree
    tree
    How does repeating the negative statements help you?
    Tony Ramirez
    Tony Ramirez
    I agree I am in the same boat. My birthday was without an wife or girlfriend just a couple and an single guy we hung out.
    The people at the clinic think I need a different job.
    Markness
    Markness
    They asked me what I really wanted to do and I couldn’t answer concretely. I don’t have any job skills besides what I know from the library, I don’t have a college degree, I am embarrassingly bad at math, I am also embarrassingly bad at interacting with people socially, and I am considered a loser for my life situation so it makes others feel entitled to bullying me. I really should just be put out of my misery.
    tree
    tree
    So you're saying that you don't have any ideas for other work, yourself, and the clinic people asked, but didn't suggest any other type of employment.
    Markness
    Markness
    One suggested I maybe find work with animals but I am daunted by the idea because I would probably get mauled by a large dog in either a shelter or veterinary setting since I am weak for a man. My body can’t build muscles and I don’t have a survival instinct that truly works.
    I don’t feel up to attending group therapy today.
    tree
    tree
    Isn't that what therapy is about? Learning to work through the pain, not trying to avoid it......
    Markness
    Markness
    It is but something is just so wrong with my brain that it resists treatment. I don’t like it at all. Living with this nightmarish condition I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
    tree
    tree
    Sounds like something worth talking about, with your therapist.
    I am not looking forward to my birthday this Thursday. :(
    watersprite
    watersprite
    Birthdays are stressful; I always feel better the next day.
    A happy day-after-birthday to you.
    Does the universe not want me to have a relationship and to just suffer until I die?
    tree
    tree
    How is that a helpful thought loop?
    Markness
    Markness
    It doesn’t help. Life, however, has always been harsh on me.
    I was asked if I was married again. I hate always having to answer no. :(
    tree
    tree
    Was a male, asking, I guess?
    Markness
    Markness
    It was an older woman. Last month when I was in exile, a man asked me the same question. It hurts no matter who asks. :(
    Just learned I won’t be joined (again) for a hike and the therapy group is shrinking due to some people going inpatient. *sweat drop emoji*
    tree
    tree
    From physical illness? Or emotional/psychological problems?
    Markness
    Markness
    The latter.
    I feel like I woke up from a nightmare after being away for so long. It’s over but my mind is struggling to find its footing.
    I hope no one forgot me when I was gone. I had an nightmarish last month that nearly destroyed me.
    I already feel death grabbing at my head. It feels like it’s being pulled apart.
    tree
    tree
    Sounds more like something related to life.
    I feel like it’s time for me to disappear. I am slowly but surely becoming excommunicated from the autism community.
    Crossbreed
    Crossbreed
    No one wants you to leave.
    No one wants you to keep spiraling downward under a futile paradigm, either.
    Crossbreed
    Crossbreed
    (That futile paradigm is that life owes you a girlfriend.)
    Keep seeing your therapist. After you lose some of that baggage, you will start to radiate a healthy level of security.
    (No one is 100% secure.)
    Others tell me I am mentally unstable. Try living with an emotionally and physically abusive family before you judge me.
    Crossbreed
    Crossbreed
    You're going to have to come up with a better pick-up line than that.
    How about,
    "You should be grateful that I haven't punched you, yet?"
    [Notice: the preceding was an exercise in hyperbole...]
    Crossbreed
    Crossbreed
    What I mean is you are saying,
    "I have an excuse to be contentious, so count on me to be contentious."
    GLWT
    Crossbreed
    Crossbreed
    Are you familiar with the phrase,
    "Shooting yourself in the foot?"

    You need to relax. That may not be an aggressive approach, but (on the plus side) it is less repulsive. (And it will take some time to undo the damage that you are currently doing. Or don't)
    If I had a girlfriend, I would be so much happier and my brain wouldn’t be malfunctioning from neural pathway blocks.
    Raggamuffin
    Raggamuffin
    I don't really see it as toxic. Self help is a necessity that falls by the wayside when you're depressed. The notion of a relationship curing his depression - as it sounds like is his assumption is nothing more than a salvation fantasy.
    Raggamuffin
    Raggamuffin
    Also, depression rubs off on those you're closest too. If you're down in the dumps all the time, it puts a real strain on a relationship and will possibly lead to your partner being depressed. I've had depression nearly 20 years and I can categorically say I tried dating for happiness numerous times, and it played out terribly.
    Raggamuffin
    Raggamuffin
    I know many people with depression, and there's a definite pattern to mental health issues complicating relationships. You have to be willing to work on your own happiness - not dump all your problems at someone else's door and think it'll fix you. It won't.
    It’s not that I don’t appreciate the dating advice I am getting. My executive function is really bad right now and then there’s my father.
    Oh no! I just learned my father is going to need heart surgery tonight!
    tree
    tree
    I see. Thanks. I cdn't tell whether you meant that, or whether it was a completely sudden emergency surgery.
    V
    VernalSole1355
    Sending prayers for him, nurses, surgeons, and doctors involved! Also sending prayers for the rest of your family!
    Yeshuasdaughter
    Yeshuasdaughter
    @Nitro just went through this with his papa, and everything turned out good. I'm praying for you so much right now.
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