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Irakus34

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  • Now I know why I felt nothing when I saw I was admitted. It seems the academy is a very religious place (I'm agnostic) where I MUST follow their religious path to be able to study there. Place which doesn't accept any mental illness or learning difficulty. Obviously I'm going to decline it. My social anxiety can't handle that.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    That's so weird that they don't accept differences and claim they are religious. Where i live, it's the opposite, religious people are a lot more accepting of people with disabilities/mental illnesses
    I got into a very good academy for nursery and when I saw my name on the list, I felt nothing. What's more, I'm more worried about my friend who's missing in the list.
    These days I decided to dive into the South Korean group Hoppipolla and completely got obsessed. I spent hours watching their performances and learned all their trivia in just a day. But also, yesterday I started the survival show where they come from and I remained awake until 3 am, neglecting my sleep, my cats' routine and food just for watching it. And I guess that's how I will spend my weekend.
    AprilR
    AprilR
    This is me whenever i get obsessed with a band also. I don't know much about korean rock/indie bands but i am curious.
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    @AprilR I truly recommend Hoppipolla because their way of composing is truly astonishing. Not rock and indie either, not sure how to define their songs. More like ballads(?) Still superb.
    I'm obsessed with the following quote:: <History is only written by the victor>.
    Judge
    Judge
    Reichmarschall Hermann Göring would agree. Whereupon being indicted and prosecuted for war crimes, he stated:

    “The victor will always be the judge, the vanquished the accused.”
    Since the update, I can't watch (or maybe I don't know how) the comments in my blog posts. Can anyone help?
    I dreamed about hugging my best friend who I haven't talked/seen for months and I do miss her. I want her back in my life.
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    I sent her a message. I don't expect reply, but I wished her the best and with that I'm happy.
    Homulilly
    Homulilly
    Gotta be honest, this boyfriend sounds problematic…
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    @Homulilly for real. You have no idea how many serious problems she has faced since he's in her life.
    I am Top 1% in Cytus II world ranking and I guess it's the biggest achievement I've got in my whole life lol
    I'm proud of myself. Once again. I am proud of myself.
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    @Stuttermabolur I tried my best in all I could do and actually it worked and I got through it without any major burnout o/
    Stuttermabolur
    Stuttermabolur
    Great to hear! It sounded like you were under a lot of stress in your blog post, so it's good that things have gone well recently. You can be well proud of yourself as that work sounded really difficult.
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    @Stuttermabolur I was for real. Everything seemed as swallowing me at that time, but somehow I could manage all of it and things finally worked out. My work is pretty hard and tiring but seriously rewarding, so right now I'm deeply satisfied with being there though my autistic traits can be challenging sometimes. Thank you for your concern <3
    Hard work is usually rewarded, right? Then, someone helps me not to lose faith.
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    Literally this was written and I was asked how I was doing. Fate I guess.
    Stuttermabolur
    Stuttermabolur
    I guess it depends on what you are working on, and why. I don't believe in providence. I think people are rewarded when someone rewards them (or they find the act rewarding), but the act itself doesn't call for a reward even if it would be fair.
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    @Stuttermabolur It's just like a vague attempt to keep positive. Like when you work hard and get a job in the end. When my brain only wants to destroy any possibility of keeping up, I guess my trick is to think like that.
    First day of work and people are nice, users are nice, but my energy is completely drained. Heat wave isn't helping.
    I've watched Heartstopper in just an evening and my pride has bursted into joy and happiness.
    I feel so toxic sometimes I leant how to live by myself, in case, one day, my worst nightmare of being alone in this world will become true.
    In the last 6 months, I've composed 7 songs for piano and still I have no idea if any of them are worth it. The 8th is hell to finish.
    I live while showing a mask because I'm perfectly aware no one would ever love me without it. And that hurts.
    Am I the only one who prefers a shutdown before a meltdown? Less people notice I'm going under it and I don't suffer that much.
    Stuttermabolur
    Stuttermabolur
    Why do you think anyone prefers a meltdown over a shutdown?
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    @Gerontius yes, for me it's kinda "healthier" because I don't go under the pressure of bursting and manage all the anxiety and situations I vreate in the meantime.
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    @Stuttermabolur I don't think so, I wanted to ask and see if someone else in here relates to this way of thinking. I like to hear different opinions and experiences.
    I have one exposition and a 2hr activity tomorrow. Good luck to me and my masking.
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    The expo was quick, just 10 minutes talking thanksfully. But the activity became 1 hr and 40 minutes constantly talking and interacting with everyone, smiling, clapping. I had to control my desire to cover my ears so many times lol However, I'm proud with the result o/
    Gerontius
    Gerontius
    I'm happy for you & I am proud of you too.
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    Is or isn't it allowed to create a blog for posting poems I write and add my ko-fi to save enough money to pay for my psychiatrist?
    Irakus34
    Irakus34
    I've read the whole FAQ, rules and guidelines, but I haven't found anything related to adding a ko-fi or alike. Before doing something wrong, I rather ask first.
    My teacher hugged me right after meeting this morning and I swear it was the first time I didn't feel the guilt inside.
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