I fell asleep in the office yesterday. I am too exhausted
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I messaged my friend i had a fight with. She messaged me a few days ago, i was not expecting her to ever contact me again
I still miss my ex best friend and our silly anime talks sometimes. *sigh*
I am kind of sad i wasted my vacation with needless depression and anxiety thanks to the fight i had with my friend. Tomorrow i return to work and i don't feel relaxed at all.
Talking with my autistic friend is like a breath of fresh air.
In other news i might quit my job on Monday. I want to consult my therapist first but my appointment is two weeks later
An old friend has messaged me and we decided to meet. Maybe this is a sign for me to drop the mask and act more like myself with new people.
So after the fight with my friend i am healing day by day. I still don't know how to be honest with someone since people are scary but from now on i dont want to mask too much with people.
I woke up feeling better today. The nausea and heavy feeling in my chest went away.
Thinking again, i think part of my friendships all falling apart is bc i am always masking and making so much effort to not appear disabled or abnormal. Sooner or later everything falls apart
My friend and i had a fight on our vacation and we returned early. I am freaking out since she is my only friend but i dont want to be a doormat who cannot speak her mind either.
Anxiety nausea and shame. Story of my life
My friend keeps getting in car accidents. She just had an accident and now she is coming to pick me up for a 2 hours ride. I am scared to ride in her car
I am so tired and sad. Sometimes i feel like i have lived a thousand years but i still feel dumb. I feel so dumb near my friend. I am slow and dont know what to say in a lot of situations. It feels like she does not know me at all
Hard work does not mean anything. I don't want to waste my efforts for anyone or anything. I will never be validated and rewarded anyhow.
Wanting to cry but being unable to is such a bad feeling
I have come to a closure regarding my ex best friend. I noticed that i never shared myself fully with her and was always masking, and she did not understand me being unable to understand social cues.
Maybe i am not meant to have friends at all. I don't know anymore. I just want to be able to help someone
I finally applied for a new job. It's a big company. I can't believe i found the courage to do that.
Today i talked about my dream to get involved with/help local autism communities with my therapist. Since i am in the closet so to speak, it may be hard to hide it from my parents though
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